The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Chainsawz - I just happened to go back and read some old posts and the one about half way to being a man, made me almost p my pants....OMFG!!!!
For a really GOOD laugh going back and reading this thread just cracks me up! Thanks, Ladies!
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Thank you ladies, I would be honored. LOL Darla
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I was at church this weekend sporting my bald head and pink cap, and a lady asked me "are you battling breast cancer?" Um, yeah.
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What is it that gives some people the freedom to be completely rude and insensitive? Its like touching a pregnant woman's belly. Here's a clue - NOT acceptable.
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you should have looked at her in a mystified way and then in a very puzzled tone, cock your head and asked her "Why, what would make you say that?" I am betting she would not have had anything to say....and maybe, just maybe, think before she says something so utterly insensitive.
And, since I am feeling a little obnoxious...you could have asked her "Do you have to take an anti-pyschotic everyday?" ..."Do you have any friends?" ..."Do you get upset when people talk about you behind your back?" ...
oh.,man I could go on with this list!
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Sometimes people ask simply to break the ice.........because they too have had breast cancer.
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I am sensitive on this issue and might have agreed at one time (because I really try to look at th ebest in people) with that except long before BC I would have people ask me in front if my son who has autism- What is wrong with him? Is he (fill in the blank...) People really need to think before they speak.
I recently saw a young man in the grocery store with some autism "isms" flaring and his poor mom was about to break as he zoomed up and down the aisles...i caught up with him and made some faces to engage him....he stopped and looked at me and we just smiled...when his mom caught up she started to both scold him and apologize to me- I said it is ok...I have a son that zooms...she sort of smiled and then walked away. Having sent the same cues out myself in the past, I got it. No bonding. The point is there are ways to acknowledge and open the door for conversation about very personal things-no matter what they are. Who knows, maybe her kid was just hyper, I don't think so but...zooms covers a lot....without being presumptious.
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Zoom is a good word. Probably a more politically correct word than a lot of them!
I like the magazine Zoomer. It's for us baby boomers that have grown up. Both my DH and I LOVE it!
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I work in a very busy neurology doctors office. While I was recovering from chemo and wearing my hats a had a lot of strange looks, but only a few comments..... are you cold??? Is it cold in here?? You are wearing a hat, are you cold?? Those were just "shots" as far as I'm concerned. If they wanted to break the ice I'm sure they could have thought of something more intelligent. They were also men... my response to "are you cold," was "no, I have a hat on". There will always be stupid and when working with people, you know the serious ones and the sensitive ones.
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Kelben,
I have probably already told this, but shortly after I began wearing scrub caps at work, one of the nurses on the med-surg. floor had a problem with me asking why her patient was not ready to come to x-ray. She lit into me about how busy she was and then asked IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT, why I was waering a scrub cap when I was not a surgery tech. We then took this conversation back to the nursing desk, and I ripped that sucker off. She about lost her teeth. Then she had to back off and apologize in front of the other nurses! That was the best part.
Beccad
PS I have not had a problem out of that nurse again. And, yes there will always be stupid. I work with a lot of it.
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Beccad, that was the best thing... just take the cap off. I just don't get it! We get in bad moods now and again, but really??
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my son zooms I like his speed
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Awhile back I spoke of a girl where I work who was telling me about someone who had the "real cancer" because she died....(of course my cancer wasn't real, I went through surgery, chemo, radiation, weight gain, baldness just to get a little time off of work, although I worked through most of it!!! but, I didn't die, so it wasn't the real deal)...anyway, that being said this same co-worker told me that my new hair growth looked like pubic hair!!! What an unkind bitch! She thought she was being funny, I just looked at her and said "after being bald, I'm ok with that, just happy to have hair at all, and happy to be alive"....I wish I would have had a better comeback, but I was so stunned that anyone would have the audacity to say anything like that at all.
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3jays .... where's the bus.
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I wanted to post something my plastic surgeon said to me today that was nice and sincere, for a change of pace.
And because so often it seems I get generic concern from people about BC.
So my plastic surgeon was replacing the stitches in my MX (been an open wound since Sept when I popped some stitches). It's healing but slowly since I'm on chemo.
Him: "You know I've treated a lot of cancer patients. Not just breast cancer."
Me (on table watching him sew): "Yeah."
Him: "Of all my patients on chemo, you've faired the best."
Me: (laughs) "Thanks. But why do you say that?"
Him: (sewing) "You've stayed fit and your aura just kinda glows. You don't look like you're on chemo at all."
Me: "Thanks, but my bald head would disagree."
He laughed.
Me: "Thank god for hat hair!"
(Still those few words made my morning. Not because in his opinion I've done better than others, but because when most people say "you look great!' the sub-text is...WOW. You're not dead yet?)
And there must be some truth to his comment because a woman almost threw down with me afterward in Kohls when we both went for the last pair of spiral sterling silver earrings on markdown. buwhahahahaha
She called me a "bitch" and walked away. And you know what? It felt so nice to be treated like my old self!
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I like that, "your aura just kinda glows". Thanks for sharing that one TonLee.
Janny99, I think that your response was perfect. Sometimes we have to take the high road and stay classy around all the crap that gets thrown at us.
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Not about BC but still,
so I was at the cash register in the grocery store this morning. The cashier asks me if I am "on the bus" unfortunately I knew immediately what she was referring to. A bus takes some of the senior citizens from apts in the area on weekly shopping trips and the bus was right outside and probably getting ready to leave. she didn't want me to miss the bus? or maybe she would pack my groceries a certain way so they wouldn't slide around in the baggage bins??? I don't know, but I totally freaked out. I was like aahaaahaaah!!!!
Julie E
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3jays has connection problems again so that's why she hasn't been around. Hope they get fixed soon!
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No sure that this fits the dumb category but...is anyone else getting comments about how wonderful their skin looks??? I have never had bad skin but suddenly everyone is commenting...people I work with, two old friends I had not seen in years, somene at the gym...WTH? I have not been offended...have not thought 'hmm..is that he only positive thing they can say?'...just think it is odddddddddd!
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Sandee - I'm also getting comments about how wonderful my skin looks. My BS, oncologist and nurses have all mentioned that my skin looks fabulous - they've said a lot of time the skin gets very dry from the drugs, but that doesn't account for the people outside of the hospital saying the same thing. Maybe it's just because our hair was hiding our skin previuosly??? (ha ha)
Seriously, though, I live in a dry environment, and I've been using Fruit of the Earth Vitamin E cream (found at WalMart). It's been great (apparently)!
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I found that during chemo my skin was very smooth. Of course, the grey skin tone wasn't exactly what I wanted...
Leah
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I guess when they start complimenting you on your shoes, you know you've got problems!!!
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barbe1958..thanks for the laugh. Your shoe comment really made laugh.
Have just been reading back on some of the experiences you have all had. Some are so funny, others not so funny. Loved the animated " bus'..and the feisty spirits in all of you. These days I bite my tongue alot when people say dumb things. And they sure do...
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During chemo I received lots of "you look wonderful comments". One day I replied "it's great I look wonderful when I feel like cr.p". That was the day I literally had to pick myself up off the floor before going to work. Lately it is all teh comments about my hair that get me. Yes, I'm very grateful to have hair. But it is not the hair I had before (very curly) and I'm not that fussed on it. Why do nurses think it is ok to say "has your hair come back darker?". Even all the "You look great" comments still bug me.
With people I know well I tell them to stand well back out of the danger zone when they say things like that. I do it with a smile and they know I'm teasing. With people I don't know so well, like nurses, I just totally ignore the comments. Can someone train these people to have some inoffensive introductory remarks. Talking about the weather would be fine by me. From what I have seen on this site many of us are sensitive about looking good, feeling awful and different images following treatment.
Sorry that is my little rant for the day.
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Ok, my rant now. I probably should not have come to work today, but.........
I am here, puffy eyes, just look at me wrong and I start crying. one person comes up behind me and gives a big tight hug, Right over my port, then acts offended when I try stepping away telling her that she is hurting me. Another nurse here, leading a new nurse around on a "tour" of the facility, has the nerve to ask if I came to work without my makeup today. I just said yeah, but it's been a kinda rough day. I need that tiger bus today, or the one with all of the football team, thier equipment and the band trailer.
Is it just here or is STUPID running rampant today?
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Hope tomorrow is a better day beccad. I know I can usually hold it togehter until someone gives a hug or asks the dreaded "Are you okay?" when I look sniffly. People need to smile and wait for you to come to them unless they are particularly close friends and even then, wait until you are in a private space where you can let go & cry without all those public eyes.
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Beccad....oy!!! I had to tell a few people that hugs were not ok for me or to only hug me around hte shoulders as my breast hurt....so, got the hugs but not the usual bear hugs and that was ok too....sometimes though...just do Not want to be touched. it is ok to tell them. sorry you had such a rough day
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I have two.. The first is sitting with an IV in my arm waiting to go for a PET/CT scan, and the only magazine was People with Elisabeth Edwards on the cover. NOTHING against EE, but dying of this disease was not what I wanted to be reminded of as went for scans to see if it had spread.
The second was at my daughter's school. I have been trying to keep this private, but of course 9 year old girls talk. At any rate, one of the PTA moms came up to me, grabbed my arm and said "is it BREAST cancer?" When I said I thought no one knew as I wanted to keep it private she said "Oh, EVERYONE knows. It's the elephant in the room!". Had I been a bit quicker on my feet I woud have said, hmmm for all the fun gossip moments I have provided, you could at least have sent me flowers!
(eyes roll)
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About hugs....
My uncle hugged me a month or so after MX...he's almost 80 but still fit and strong. It was the first time he saw me since diagnosis, he was worried, and when I appeared "normal" he was so relieved he gave me a serious bone crushing hug.
It hurt like hell.
And after three or four seconds, when I realized he wasn't going to let me go....I said, "Damn Uncle H, I think you popped my implant!"
He jerked away like I was on fire. And you shoulda seen his face.
hahahhaha
Priceless.
I couldn't stop laughing.
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TonLee....GOOD ONE!!!
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