The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
BIG HUGS to you Sas...we need to vent or we will simply explode. This is the place to do it. These ladies have literally saved what stands for my sanity these days....
0 -
QCA, I don't know if this helps, but I went through the tears at anything and time after my daughter was diagnosed. Doc put me on 40mg prozac and after a month I was able to control things again and get on with helping her.
IF we didn't break down with this diagnosis or with seeing a loved one go through this, we wouldn't be normal. So be good to yourself. If it is interfering with life, ask about a antidepressive med - there are certain ones that you can use with the cancer meds. Best to you.
0 -
SAS, just pouring it out here and dividing the pain among us to share for you must have felt better! We are here to help you stumble through this journey because WE GET IT. Stick around sweetie.
About saying "no", maybe it's because I'm in sales. People ask for more discounting all the time and I've learned to smile and say, "Thank you for asking....but no." They usually laugh and move on.
0 -
SAS ... I am so sorry for all that you have been through. It is sage advice that you give. Treasure those people who were there for you.
I eat blueberries all the time - I got breast cancer. In fact, I eat a lot of the foods that are supposed too prevent diabetes and cancer - got 'em both.
Happy birthday Hadley!
0 -
Oh, meant to add, I always wear either a large necklace or earrings to draw the eye away from my flat chest. I always wear make up too, except to Walmart!
0 -
"No one in the family has breast cancer" 80% of all bc happen win women with NO family history, strike that one down
"I eat blueberries (or whatever)" the American Cancer Society's own research shows that a high fruit/veggie diet doesn't prevent/decrease recurrence, so diet is very unlikely to be a determinant in who gets it in the first place. Strike that one down.
Waiting until health insurance kicks in--There are so many programs out there for uninsured or underinsured women that one is almost better off not having insurance! If the diagnosis is made after the insurance kicks in, it cannot be termed a pre-existing condition. Strike that one down.
QCA--It's not unusual for someone who is as busy as you have been to not really grieve at the time of a death. But, the grief is there, and when circumstances change and the person has more time the grief surfaces, sometimes at the least or seemingly most unrelated trigger. And after so many lossses and stresses, it's no wonder that we cry more easily and grieve more quicky and intensely. It'll be 4 years since my diagnosis next month, and I still cry at the drop of a hat. Never used to cry in public. Now I don't care. The meds we are on don't help. Being forced into menopause artificially doens't help. Accepting it as something you need emotionally does help.
saz {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}
Not the dumbest thing said to me, but one of the most helpful, came from my PCP when I was crying at an appontment because I had a huge long list of things I was worried about, including being afraid I was turning into a major hypochondriac. She said that if I wasn't a basket case while in her exam room, if I wasn't worried about just about every twinge and ache, THEN she'd worry about ME! Thank God for my PCP. I can call with any and every concern and she will listen, schedule an appointment if she thinks it would help, and talk me through everything. She has a standing rule, if I don't feel better about whatever in 2 weeks after seeing her, call her back and she will follow up with referrals, tests, or whatever seems appropriate. I wish everyone in our position someone like I have!
Happy B-day, Hadley!
0 -
barbe---thanks ---have been around for awhile , but felt a need to go away. Particulary during the high point of grieving, but then realized here is where people understand. I'm usually on the Catholic thread, but I like to check in here to see what stupid people do to hurt other people. Words are what separate us from all other species. They can enjoin, elavate, and can hurt. Those that hurt should be given no ________(What ever floats your boat). Lack of reasonable manners should be countered with a resoned manner that totally makes the ill mannered person understand that they have made a serious breach. If they in their ill mannered approach, comes out of the experience feeling bad--good--it will hopefully make them think of what they have said, and then reconsider their future statements. I.E. "I have called to cancel this account because my husband has died----Closing statement by X "Have a great day". Duh were they thinking. Sorry if things come across as a rant , not meant too.
0 -
Another thing that's stupid is when you go out of your way to apologize for something (that you didn't think too bad, but by the other persons' opinion it was) and then they say "No problem!" NO PROBLEM???? Then what was all that sulking for????
OR, I apologized to my sister when something I said upset her. She had a picture of her grandaughter on Facebook and asked me what I thought. Without thinking, I said "I've seen her looking better" (I am quick to post positive feedback!) She got upset and told me, so I said "I'm sorry I upset you." Well, that wasn't good enough! On and on the long distance phone call went with me saying "I'm sorry what I said upset you" and all sorts of variances. What she wanted me to say was "What I said was inappropriate." Nope. You're the one that got upset, let me say I'm sorry my way. Doi!!!!
0 -
Barbe1958 WOW what a beautiful woman you are. Made more beautiful by your strength and humor and compassion.
Sas, sometimes you have to scream and sometimes you have to cry and sometimes you have to sit in peace. I never know what it will be until it gets here. I am so sorry for your pain.
0 -
I scream in my car when I am alone.
0 -
I was told today at as a co worker came in brushing snow out her hair well at least you wont have to worry about getting your hair wet anymore when it starts rainling......REALLY..lol
0 -
No, worrying about hypothermia from a bare wet head is SO much better than having wet hair!
0 -
When I get to deal with people who can't take "no" for an answer, I either ask them "what part of no you didn't understand?" or "do you understand English?" (I like the most this last one, as you can imagine that coming from someone who speaks English with an accent is really funny).
Hadley, happy birthday!
And Kymn - I would have asked her "do you want to trade places"?
0 -
So I had treatment this morning, and as my husband and I are coming out of the cancer center, a guy is standing right by the door smoking his cigarette. I'm thinking to myself "DUDE - are you freaking serious???!!!" Even in ths midst of it, some people just don't get it!!
SAS - I can empathize with you. In an 18-month period, my mom died from breast cancer, my uncle (with whom we were very close) died, his aunt died, my fiance died in a car crash, and I moved to another state to start a new job. When I was diagnosed, a "friend" who knows my background said this was going to be a "real test" for me. Umm, like everything else wasn't??
Another friend asked how I managed through all of that. I told him there's no choice - you either curl up in a ball and withdraw, or you hold your head up and carry on. Sounds to me like you're the kind of person who's going to carry on. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sandy
0 -
sig--apparently everything else was practice tests. Duh.
0 -
Kathy - grief is a funny thing..looks different every time...I cried initially when my mom died (I was 21) and then I got busy..hit me 12 months later and I cried of an on for months..with my dad, it was different....just cried and felt sad for 13 months...even smoked off an on(I am a non-smoker) bu knew I was angry..funeral scenes in movies or on tv always make my ball, I cry when the ads come on for workers' compensation and cry when i read or watch tv...I think of it as release....you cannot always predict it....you have been through a helluva a lot Kathy....better out than in I say!
0 -
Sas- let 'er rip! People are strange....I had a galpal call me out of the blue last week to invite me to a concert...(hence he just say NO comments here) ...and I felt guilty because here she was asking me to do something (after having disappeared while I was going through radiation etc) and I didn't want to go....we need eople...we need toknow that when the chips are downm those we love and who love us will step up ...and if they don't there are new people in your life who will step in. That is what I have learned...people will step in if you let them....so sorry people have disappointed you. I hope the next bit is gentler with you!
0 -
I learned something I thought I had learned as a child - if you want to be taken care of you had better do it yourself. I guess people care in their own way but as to stepping up - forget it. I have been so angry for so long I am just going to try to forget everything - of course, with my memory problems that won't be very hard!
Hugs to all.
0 -
I was astonished at the acquaintances who have stepped up to the plate when friends disappeared. I decided the friends who disappeared were off my life's bus, and the acquaintances were going to be the friends who replaced them. I came out ahead!
As for crying, I still haven't really cried for me yet. My Dad died in '03 and I was numb for months. I had people tell me later they were amazed at how well I dealt with it, and then they were amazed when I told them I hadn't yet. And then my cat needed surgery, did fine initially, then had a stroke and died. And I cried for days straight - for everything, my Dad, the cat. Fast forward to 2010 and being dx'd with BC - I haven't cried since my diagnosis. I remember telling the lady on the phone, "I knew it." and just hanging up. I guess I'm waiting for the trigger that will set me off crying for me.
0 -
I cried harder for two cats that died within a week of each other December 2009 than I did for my Mom or Dad when they died. I'm pretty sure I was crying for a whole bunch of crap. It just kept welling up...and over.
0 -
My grandmother died when I was first diagnosised and I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry for her and I couldn't cry for myself. Now after 21 months I still haven't cried for either of us. One of these days perhaps I might have a good cry.
0 -
Grief is an odd thing...it can hang around for years....it can be over in a week....it can come in dribs and drabs....it can be loud, silent or turn into depression and it can be loud and raucous....guess it depends on what else is going on, who is in our world at the time to let it out with and all sorts of other things. ...Veggy...maybe you don't need a good cry....maybe you need a good laugh or maybe you have already released your frieg in other ways..crying is really only one way - just the way we expect, you know?
I cried after every bit of information I was given along this journey...don't think it was grief but hell, it could have been...first call after the mammogram, second call, biopsy, meeting with surgeon #1 and # 2 etc....I would get home...weep for an hour while emailing or markng tests and then be done....I think it was fear....then I cried through most of my radiation...more fear and frustration.... but I also laugh as much as I cry so here is a balance..
Guess my thoughts are when you are ready, if you are ready, you will cry. Not something to be forced...
0 -
Thanks Sandeeonherown...
I stopped waiting for the tears to come. I was dealing with some anger issues. Could that have been the tears that never surfaced? Probably. I cried the most during the chemo from fear. Now with the help of a therapist, I want to learn how to go on. I want to be able to close this cancer book and leave it be. When I am with friends I laugh and carry on like an idiot. I love to have fun.
0 -
We all have to go through the stages of grief. Anger is one of them. Denial. Deal making. etc.....
0 -
yepp/..we just don't all stay in the stages for the same amount of time and they can look so different on different people. Crying is not the only way to express sorrow but good to hear you got some release when you were in chemo Veggy:)
0 -
Sig,
Last summer my aunt (on chemo for lung cancer for 5 years, non-smoker) was getting worse. The cancer spread to her liver. So we had a big family event at her house, outside. She wanted all her friends and family to come. They did. And a big group of them sat outside on the deck BESIDE HER, and in her space SMOKING!!!!!
When her son ran them off the deck into the yard to smoke, they left her sitting there by HERSELF for almost an hour while they stood in her manicured pristine yard and smoked and threw butts down. When I came outside with the food from the kitchen I was LIVID!
They shoulda just stayed home.
Some people are truly so self-involved they can't see the world beyond the tip of their cigarette.
Chaps my ass.
0 -
The only thing I have cried for since my dx was when my birds left for Colo and I cried like a baby for weeks. That is still the only thing I tear up over. I know it's denial but don't know how to get around it.
0 -
Denial is sooo hard....I know I am living in denial on some level too...but I figure this...I know I have cancer.... I also know that positive thought is a powerful thing and that it is better to live with rose coloured glasses on then black shades where you can't see any light ....mcbird....good you cried for the birds....they left you...it is sad to be left....and it was your release...not necessarily denial....are you coping? are you taking care of yourself? are you keeping an eye on your health? if the answer is yes....what else can you really do at this point? You are on this site..you are talking about breast cancer....does not really sound like denial to me...I figure this - I cannot live my life crying every day. I have to pay the bills, have a life and take care of my heart and soul....I can't do this if I am upset all the time....so I choose not to be....Is this denial? If it is..it is working for me....dito if it isn't:)
0 -
I got an email today from someone I used to work with....I haven't heard from her in 2 1/2 years since I left my last position....she said she was thinking about me today and hoped I was doing good....where was she when I was hurting so bad from leaving that toxic work situation...and why all of a sudden after 2 years is she sending me an email....and how did she get my work email!!! Haven't decided if I'll respond or how I'll respond.....part of me feels like copying what I just wrote...part says don't respond and part says respond with thanks for asking.....
So why the interest in me all of a sudden!!!
0 -
She wants you to be a reference for her search for a new job?
(one of my former friends contacted me for the first time since she disappeared to ask ME for a favor...)
0
