The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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[Oh, I am so sorry. I deleted my post a few minutes after submitting it. I am finding myself still grousing about things a family member said to me 2 years ago. Time to move on. I'm not sure I'm ready to "forgive", but at least I can forget, yes?]
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Otter I dont seem to be able to ever forget I usually get to forgive eventually I usually think of some moment in my life that I needed forgivness and it was given. the hardest is when the person you need to forgive doesnt think they need forgivness then you just have to do it for you.
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Otter, I read it and hope you purged some. I didn't think it was a nasty post, and your feelings were quite valid. My sister told me on the phone one day (she lives in Oregon) that her friend had "the bad kind" of breast cancer. I said ALL breast cancer is bad. She said, "No, my friend has to have chemo and rads!" I said that I am ER/PR+ and don't qualify for chemo and as my tumor was over my heart on my chest wall, I didn't have rads! Did her friend get a double mast?" My sister is MAD at me!! She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months!!! Duh!!!
There! Repost your sister's comments. They made me not feel so bad about what my sister has felt all this time (that I didn't have a "bad" cancer!!) I actually felt guilty telling my family about my cancer as my Mom and Dad have both died and I didn't want to "burden" them!!! I surely won't tell them anything else, that's for sure!!!
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Ksthleen- i am told anger is healthy. more power to you if you feel it and can express it! You have EVERY right to feel angry about the loss of your breasts..they were a part of you for a long time Cry away!
Otter- I think that forgiveness is connected to forgetting...hard to forget when you have a burden weighting you down...I am learning that it is ok to be angry with people....it is healthy.and this is a safe place to express i fr sure.
Barbe- Sooo hard! Siblings don't aways think...we assume they are the ones who understand us the best but honestly...??? not so.....sounds like your sister is like my sister....scared. hope the lines of communication reopen. hugs to you
Sandee
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Barbe -- I was just going to say the same as kmccraw423 - you look fantastic in your new avatar.0
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Thanks! I was at my BFF place today as her mother is turning 80. 3 other girls from highschool were there and I was STUNNED at how old they look!!!! Seriously!! And my GF had a facelift about 5 years ago and she looks older than me! She is going to send a pic from today and I'll post it just to show you. Seriously. We are all in the 53 yo range so it's apples to apples on this one. Seriously!! It actually depressed me!
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barbe- I was at my 36th high school eunion this past August and I gotta say...I was shocked...I have such a whacked out view of my own looks and was very nervous walking in thinking great, I am gonna be everyone's old mother ...I was stunned- I did not recognize the majority-I kept eyeballing the badges which had our senior pictures on it with the name. It was odd. The gaggle of "mean girls" all looked like "old girls" which was strange to say the least. The biggest letdown was the heartthrob...everybody had a crush on him...we tried to be a couple once and decided we were better friends...he walked up and hugged me and I blinked...I had zero recognition. He said HA you don't know who I am...I caught his name on his badge...then I started crying cuz I felt bad. I am a mess:) He said it was allright even if I did hurt his feelings. GEEZ- I ran outside the hotel and called my hubby (he stayed home with the kiddo so I could go-he went to HS with me and said I already landed up with my high school sweetheart-gotta love him) I said HOW OLD DO I LOOK DAMMIT? He thought I was insane of course. One beer and I am off to the races so I am sobbing on the phone saying oh god this is too weird...i must be older and uglier than I thought I was...he just laughed and said have some coffee before you leave:) I am so damn odd. I got a lot of compliments but I decided everyone was just being nice. Like I said, I have issues when it comes to my looks. I was about 26 and really looked up to this one woman, a mentor of sorts. We were on our way to a formal business dinner and she turned to me in the car and said- you look ok, it is not like you could ever be called pretty by any stretch of imagination but you did ok with what you have. When she saw the look of shock on my face she told me to get over it. I was utterly crushed by her casual cruelty. Yeah, now I know she was a spiteful bitch who liked to hurt people because she was miserable, I just didn't know it then.
I hear that still at times in my head and no amount of convincing has erased it 28 years later. I stopped talking about it since I didn't/don't want to appear to be fishing for compliments. I think that is part of what made me feel so bad at the reunion- I did not want to make anyone feel bad, as I know what the hell kind of impact some words or a reaction can do. You just never know.
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Annette- I went to my high school reunion 4 years ago and was shcked more by the men than then women. The gals I hung out with all looked the same pretty much..right down to the style ( 20-25 year fashion cycles, hmm?) but the men????!!! Dear god!! I too had someone come up and hug me..a guy I went out with...no idea who the heck he was. All the guys had gone from being skinny 18year olds with lots of hiar, since it was the 80's...to big tall men with beer bellies and no hair (opting to shave it rather than have the ever expanding hairline)...the few women I didn't recognize were due to size..they ahd gone from being very skinny girls to being larger women and I had no idea who they were. I decided wine was in order (it was held in a bar) and me and my pals went outside o sit away from the noise. Every time I went in to use the bathroom, I would be grabbed and embraced by some unknown individual....finally, all I would ask was 'Are you happy? Are you making the most out of your life?' and then would carry on. I stopped trying to figure out who they were....but I too recognized the mean girls with the sharp tongues..they were still sharp-tongued. Funny how some things don't change.
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I haven't gone to a high school reunion since my 10th, or was it my 20th....it was sooo boring....no interest in spending the money to go back for any....I still look like I did in high school except older, so people recognize me.....but I don't recognize people!!!!
Anette.....I can't believe how cruel that women was....sure hope she has gotten her due since then.....such a shallow person.....
it seems that we never forget the hurt that mean comments do to us.....
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I agree most of the women at my 20th still looked like themselves some a bit bigger some had work done lol but it was definetly the men that time had not been so kind to. I didnt really talk to much to find out if the mean girls were still mean. Guess that is the great thing when you move away from a small town you kind of develop the attitude and I quote from the ladies in another thread DILLIGAF. lol . What it did do is make me appreciate my life.
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i dunno about high school reunions. hated high school, dated college guys, never fit in, so why would i go to the reunion?? now, ive aged so much from chemo, and the whole "almost lost my life" s/es' and hosp. i won't look at anyone from that time span!! its' hard enough with ple who knew me a few years ago!!!!whats' DILLIGAF?? Barbe.. i think your'e the 1st person whos' said hers was on the chest wall, like mine was. thats' the part that TERRIFIED me!!! 3jays
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DILLIGAF = do I look like I give a f#ck?
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LOLOLOL. I must write that one down.
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Annette, when I was still in highschool, my sister (a year ahead) told me that one of her "friends" said that I was "the ugliest thing that walked the earth since the dinosaurs!" I remember hating that girl for a long time until I realized I should hate that my sister even told me!!! I wonder what that "girl" looks like now......
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WHERE IS THE BUS????? I moved around too much, my dad was an Ont. Prov. Policeman and was transferred a lot. I went to 4 highschools before I decided I would quit and work until I was ready to go back and finish my education. Reunions to me are mostly depressing. No one ever is as nice, cute, smart as you pictured them , except the one you blew off 'cause he was too nice!! What a stupid thought that was!! I have a negative picture of myself too, and because of that I don't relate as well to the world. Going to a reunion to me would be pure hell.
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I've got my 40th coming up this year. Can't wait. Three years ago in the midst of chemo 3 classmates came over to take me out for lunch and we've continuted the lunches to this day. We always have the same conversation i.e. we think we look pretty good for our age (58/59) but wonder "Are we just kidding ourselves?". I agree that the women seem to age much better; we seem to take care of ourselves whereas the guys seem to let themselves go and don't age as well. The crushes don't usually look so good!
Well, last week I had a colonoscopy and the doctor and 2 nurses all expressed shock that I was 58; said I looked 10 years younger. They made my day! That and the fact that I had no polyps. I was so worried that with my track record they'd find something! Thank goodness.
I've written on here about my estrangement from my two sisters which occurred when they abandoned me during chemo. I know others have had the same experience. The woman I go to for MLD is a very holistic person and I enjoy our sessions as we talk about many things during the treatment. She says it's important to forgive my sisters and then "let them go". She says I'm holding on to the negativity around the situation and I have to agree with her, but how do you forgive that? I can let them go; in fact, I haven't spoken to either of them in three years and I don't miss them or their toxicity one bit, but forgive? I just don't know how to do it or express it and actually mean it.
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BMac- ok..first thing- from where I amsiting , you do not look 58 (just saying)...second thing...forgiveness....I find forgiveness much easier than letting go....no idea what the hell that means....How does one simply let go....feels more like giving up to me...though I know it is not. "Let go and let GOD", I have heard people say...but what if you do not really believe in God? I believe in the power of positive energy, love and kindness. Is that God? Anyhow, not the discussion board for this question but forgiveness to me means to acknowledge that someone else is human, erred and that you understand they messed up at that time....forgiveness can still mean not letting them back into your life ...or it can mean letting go enough to have them there but in the distance....guess it depends on whether or not not having them in your life is doing you more harm than good, hmm? so complicated! -Just my thoughts for a tormy Monday evening.
Chrissy- thanks for the explanation! I too need to remember that one!.
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you're welcome
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Sandee, yes that is God! You've found Him, now get to know Him!!
BMac, I don't forgive my sister, I don't have to - I can't. But I can let go of NEEDING to forgive her. If you can tell that difference, it is a release of sorts. You can't un-ring a bell. She did what she did! Forgiving is up to God to do as far as I'm concerned. I wish I could just forget, then I wouldn't worry about forgiving. So...forgive and/or forget? I just 'cut' the electrical impulses that allow her to push my buttons. Her loss, not mine.
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Thanks Barbe...if that is God then I know him/her well. Just my definition I guess.
Hadley - great news re. the ladybug!!Good luck tomorrow!!
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My neighbor came over when I was out in the yard today. There was a lady bug on her shirt that I gently lifted off. Here's the surprise: it was black with red spots. A reverse lady bug! Wish I had a picture to share.
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Ladybugs show up in my bathroom every winter...I just don't know where they are coming from but they make they think of spring!
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Sandee, thank you. So the whole forgiveness thing. What this lady said was you forgive and let go of the person. Often when you do that you will hear from the person; they know you have let go of them. Doesn't mean you have to let them back into your life, just that they sensed something. I am very happy with my decision to not have my two sisters in my life. They were very toxic and I tried everything to make the relationships work; hard to do when only one person is invested.
I think I need to acknowledge that yes, they are human and have erred and if that is forgiveness then I may be able to forgive. Do I understand their behaviour? No, because I didn't behave that way when one of my sisters had BC. I was there for her. I guess it all still has a hold on me. Sigh.
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Barbara, you are welcome....interesting about the person sensing you have let them go and returning. I had that happen last week...had decided that the toxic person in my life needed to stay gone....made an appointment with another massage therapist and chiropractor and thought 'there..done'...and the phone rang from a number I did not recognize...there she was asking me if I wanted to go hear live music Sunday night and telling me what a hard three months she had and that she had hibernated and was back.....the timing was so interesting. I hemmed and hawed...posted a question here and then went to sleep with the thought and woke up in the morning saying 'hell no!'...in this case..there is nothing to forgive....I simply do not want her widging and whining in my life.....it sucks my life energy and brings out the negative in me.
As for sisters....yes...they are human...you do not have to like them...do not have to have them in your world....but not forgiving them plays havoc on your heart, not theirs....and you have enough on your plate, hmm? So hard to have a one-sided relationship....regardless of who that one is.
Hope it helps...
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Thanks, Hadley! Good timing - it's in 15 minutes!
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there ya go.. 3jays 0 -
FINALLY someone who understands the tears!!!!! I cry on a daily basis, trying to sort out this disease.There are so many emotions that are involved,crying does help.
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Oh mslorih we all really understand the tears and every other emotion that decides to visit us on a regular basis. You are in the right place for understanding and support.
Love n hugs. Chrissyb
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mslorih- tears? they water the earth..they are emotion ...better out than in I always tell folks ...much easier than trying to stuff 'em down and have it come out in anger or frustratio nor something? Cry on I say!
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Hadley, it was just an introductory piece for what I think is going to be a multiple day report. This went through how people get the news, what questions they should ask or the info the news-breaker should give you. That you should have already made arrangements as to how/when you will be told the results of your biopsy (I told them to just call me), so no one gets a devastating, unexpected phone call at work or something. And that first call/meeting should include definite steps as to what you'll be doing next, so you're not flailing around in a panic. More than you already are, that is.
Yes, the sirens kept me up, too! I woke up, looked at the clock, "2:30 in the morning? WTF? That's not the usual time for tornado sirens!", got up and turned the TV on to see what it was. I tried to lay back down, but the sirens would start up again every few minutes, so I basically laid there awake, listening to the rain, hail, and wind. I was fearing for my windchimes, there, for a while, but none broke. Yay!
I start back to work March 14th!! I'm excited.
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