The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Nativemainer....thank you. You are right. I have been trying to have the conversation in my head and have tried to track where it will go and how I will respond when I say no and she says....etc. You are right...no elaboration is needed. Thanks for the support and advice. True enough!
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You can always make an appointment with your self to read a book at the time of the concert, then you can say you have a prior committment. I've used that one a few times.
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Yep I agree this gives me a perfect opportunity to rid myself of toxic people in my life. I just simply say I dont have the energy thanks though eventually they give up because they just need someone to drain from and if your not giving it to them they move on. most dissapointing is the ones you thought would be there for you but what can you do hey just appreciate those that are.
Kymn
PS looking forward to seeing you at the lounge JB I am heading there right now
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JBinOK- yep. keeping the ick out is not always possible but it is always preferable for sure....sometimes it is a hard lesson to learn. I am indeed a big girl, just don't always feel like the patern has changed, you know?...just had a total meltdown wih my ex....mindreading is not my forte and the sadness/fear/feeling of what the hell is the point that has been trickling out all weekend finally erupted....doing my level best not to be offended by "you're a big girl" remark...think the "thanks for the invite but I won't be going" is suffice
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barbe...i am one of those oddballs that never really liked drinking...i am definitely a 1 2 she's out kinda gal...hahahaha....I must admit there have been times since this whole BC crap that I wish I like drinking more so I could get smashed. Instead, I will wait til the mood hits me and have a big mug of some weird beer. I will burp, then I will giggle and promptly fall asleep:)
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JBinOK-my fault...read the comment the wrong way...was trying to say that I know I am overly sensitve tonight and not taking things the right way or expressing them the right way...a one hour meltdown on the phone with a girlfriend post 5 minute discussion with my ex has clearly shown me that....felt the meltdown coming all weekend but it surfaced once I got home safe and sound...sorry.
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I had a good melt down tonight while I was getting DH to messure my head for a beau beau
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Eeeeeh.....So sorry Kim....nothing like swollen eyes, a broken heart and fear to make us melt down.....choose ones you like and be gentle with yourself. I know that beating yourself up emotionally is not an effective way to sleep or heal.
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That's why BCO is so precious ... I would have gone crazy without you sisters. When your world is spinning out of control and everything appears to be upside down, it is so great to have folks you can go to who will validate that you are not the crazy one!
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JBinOK- Lovely way to think of it...my morning started with a call from my ex-...think it was meant to be calming but he ended up angry with me...and I wasn't even awake yet! I have decided to start my day fresh with laundry, a long walk and a strong cup of coffe...going to start my day over. Thanks for understanding. Can't even blame this feeling on PMS anymore....ARGH!
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oh.....and I called the person with the invie and 'thanked her but said not doing it"....and I felt fine doing so. Could breathe bette...always an indicator. Thanks JB and Nativemainer.
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I have learned how to say "no" to people, friends and doctors without feeling guilty about it. Saying "no" is the hardest two letter word to say. I have limits and still tire easily.
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yep....I generally say 'no' and then spend ten minutes explaining why not....and often talk myself back into yes because of guilt....NO is going to be my new yes...
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Lets all practice girls NO NO NO NO NO if it were only that easy hey
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NO!
Now don't think back and no regrets!
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I read in Dear Abby years ago that just saying "no" is totally acceptable and no one has the right to ask you "why not"? It really surprises people...
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Barbe - that's a new avatar for you - you look marvelous!
Now, how do you say no to people who won't take no for an answer?
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It's difficult Kathleen. But it comes easier with practice. When you say no, the less you say after that the better.
Hugs.
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Happy Double Birthday!
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Great picture, Barbe! You do look great there!
For those who won't take no for an answer, just become a broken record to them. If all else fails, under the bus they go!
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Happy Birthday Hadley!
Barbe - you are one beautiful ladycakes:)
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Barbe, love the avatar. When my sons were in rehab, I vividly remember things being said in the family group. This one really stuck with me, "No is a complete sentence."
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The dumbest thing people have said to me is when two different ladies heard that I have breast cancer they said that they would never get it themselves. The first lady said that there was no cancer in her family so she had never bothered having a mammogram..and she is in her 60s, and the second lady said she would never get it because she eats blueberries everyday. Obviously these ladies are scared and trying to convince themselves that they are safe. I was most annoyed with the second lady who seemed to be saying that if I had a healthier diet I wouldn't have gotten it. What does she know about my diet? ...which by the way has always been very healthy and filled with fruits and veges. Oh well...what can you do?!
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No to the lady with the blueberries!..bet half of us didn't have anyone in our family with breast cancer..it has to start with someone,right??....I have a friend who refuses to go to have a mammogram done too ...says she is waiting for her health care to kick in and she needs to have 3 months before she has any tests done just in case....WTH??? I understand the logic on some level ....but I told her my diagnosis in July....sounds like fear too...
Love the line "No is a full sentence" Mary!
Barb- great pic!
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Barbe, im on it too, with all of ya! HELL NO! hows that! i love yer new avatar, Barbe, fancy smancy what was the occasion?
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Happy birthday Hadley! I love the way you described it, so much that now I think I just had the 2nd anniversary of my 30th! I've never posted on this thread before but do read it just about every day.
Got a question about crying and want to see if anybody's like me. I had to take charge of the care for both my dad and my aunt (POA for both and both were in nursing homes) and they've both passed away now, Dad in 1/10 and aunt in 12/10. In between their deaths I was diagnosed, had surgery, radiation, and am now on arimidex. I cried very little for my dad, a little more for my aunt, but now I've been to 2 more funerals and was an absolute wreck at both of them. One was my stepmother's last week, and she'd also been in a nursing home and hadn't known she was in the world for 8 years, and the other was a lady at church who I knew but was not at all close to. And the tears just flowed and flowed.
If I get frustrated over something now, too, I just cry, not sobbing, just tears pouring down, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. A wrong word from my DH? More tears, and I would've been angry or P.O.'d before. I'm even tearing up as I write this, and that's just from thinking about crying! Has anybody else had anything like this happen to them? Honestly, I have cried many times about my BC but this automatic tear response is something new to me. Has anybody else had this happen to them?
Kathy
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Hi Kathy,
Arimidex is probably the culprit causing all your tears. There are Arimidex threads where you will be able to learn an absolute ton of information about the SEs and lots of solutions.
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Hi Ladies,
I can't get on line as much as I'd lke to but I had to comment on Poodleluvbug's healthy/blueberry lady incident. I'd like to ask her if she thinks Martina Navratilova is a pretty healthy person? LOL She's one of us! What an uninformed idiot. Isn't it nice to hear about how well everyone else is doing without BC? If they ever read what some of the courageous women on this board have to go through they would bless themselves.
Happy B day Hadley-lots of Aquarians here! I was Feb 2, then wasn't it Lago's and someone else? I can't keep up. My best to all! Can you tell I'm not sleeping at night it's 2AM.
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Happy Birthday Hadley. Darla
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QCA--neg mammo aug 08, I was dx'd in dec of 08 by MRI---couldn't get bx till jan 23rd 09. 20 minutes before leaving the house for bx, I got the call that I had a brain tumor by my doc's nurse. All I could say is "when the shit hits the fan". BMX feb 23rd 09, husband dx'd with lymphoma april 17 09. I had 4 surgeries and 1 chemo that almost killed me. Finaly cried the night my best friend of 31 years came on aug1st 09. Husband had one chemo completed with complications. She left to go back to Ohio without saying goodbye the next morning. Husband had 10 admissions in 2010. Died in August 2010. Never heard from that "friend again". Her visit was convenient to her schedule. But apparently a lifetime of friendship didn't allow for my crying even though I told her his dx was terminal. fuck her. If someone wants to report this well reread it again. Yeah , how I held it in that long I don't know. But after he died they flowed all the time , every where--church,grocery, car, bed, anywhere. It's been six months and they flow less, but there are moments that it just begins flowing. I have read many times through different threads that----"you will be surprised at friends that will make stupid comments, friends that will leave you, and that there will be people that you never expected come forward to give you help and solace". That is exactly what I have found to be true. When times become better do not forget those people that came forward in your time of need. Include them in your life forever. And don't forget them in their time of need.0
