The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Good point Elizabeth....I don't get it either!! That really sums it up. I "understand" it, but don't get it.
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I want my life back to how it was before cancer. I want to cancel all of my doctor appointments (radiation, chemo and endocrinologist, breast surgeon) and never see them again. Just stay with my primary doctor. I don't want to step foot in the cancer center or that hospital. I want to move on without any more reminders. UGH!!!!
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Veggy- I 'get it'..drove past the hospital last Friday and almost started to cry...didn't when I was going because I thought...well,.,,,,that will just make it impossible, won't it? But wow...don't want to go back in there for my appointment on the 22nd...think I will bakc cookies the night before and take them in with me...did that on my last day as a thank you...and it also made me feel better....as for the itching skin..all I can say is ALOE VERA is your friend...You can do this...it is horrible, it is scary but you ar ehalf way through....more than half way through and you ARE doing it..you ARE getting through...
Bring some music with you when you step into the cancer centre...zone out for a bit and make it doable..play a 'book' ....
Barbe....think I am the opposite..I 'get it" but I don't understand ... trying to be ok with that, you know?
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I think I read and researched enough to get it. But I don't understand why some of us and not others.
That's my spin. Knowledge is power....
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Ditto tha!! knowledge is power. ...having the info on what was going to happen before the dr.s told me was comforting...reading the same information in 20 different books was comforting as well...but why some and not others....that I cannot answer...cell phone towers near by? no clue
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I am going with what my BS told me...bad luck. It sucks, but I think that is the best answer there is for me. It was like when the idiots finally agreed with me that something was wrong with my boy after me bitching about it for a year and said oh yeah autism. I went nuts trying to find out why (and to behonest, still ask myself that sometimes today_ but finally had to stop looking back and start looking into what I could do about it. Does me good to remember that when dealing with the BC. I certainly do not want anyone else to have it instead of me, but crap, never thought I would have it. Human nature I guess. I mean we all have had our own share of horribleness ( i am not sure that is a word but it should be:) some more than others to be sure- and you think maybe we would catch a break since we had all this other bad crap happen...nope...not fair, but how does fair even begin to apply to life? And it really gets kind of ginchy (another word that should be) when you see perfect *ssholes sailing through life unoutched by anything...again, I don't want them to have *anything* but I don't get it sometimes. I actually have cried (screamed) to my husband that I should have just been the world's biggest selfcentered beeyatch and I probably would have had a life of ease....not saying I have been anything close to a saint, but maybe you know what I mean. I am not into martyrdom and hate it when I feel like I got a raw deal...I try to shake it when it gets really bad..dust myself off and get back in the saddle again so to speak. I realized today I had not been giving my boy the attention he is used to from me-it has been a rough couple of weeks and I have been basically nuts...anyway...I bathed him in attention today...it helped me I think more than him...all I have been saying is I need a break, I am tired, I am scared, I hurt...wah wah wah (although all true to a point indeed) and I realized this 24 year old young man is the only other human on the planet that really needs me in a way no one else possibly could expect to...and to get him ready to be able to survive for when we are not here...I HATE thinking about that, which utlimately means I have to think about that...so, time to "restart" again..and well, at risk of sounding like a total whackadoodle....watching him work one his wooden 24 piece puzzles and remembering when he couldn't even begin to know what they were for or what in the hell he was supposed to do with it...it took us a long time but he can do them and he is so proud to be able to do that...and then the joy of sitting outside in the hot tub in the sunshine singing to him "his" version of "Sunrise, Sunset" where I add in his name and all of the good stuff I can think about his journey thus far...well it was magic for both of us...there is feeling when he looks at me and I look at him and it is all right *there* everything...that is worth a million bucks to me...now don't get me wrong...I will go bonkers in the next day or two when he decides to dump ten bottles of water out on the floor for no reason other than he can...or messes up in the bathroom (you don't need the details, trust me on this one)...but moments like today with him let me know it is all worth it. As long as we can give love and get love, it is not such a bad life. oh geez...sorry for going off like this again... nervous about the exchange on wednesday and having morbid thoughts I will croak in the OR...or my boobs will land up on my back.:)
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Annette....you won't croak and your boobs will remain on the front...of this I am certain. You are allowed to be frightened but you are right...life goes on whether we are experiencing a life threatening disease or not and there are people around us who need or want out attention....so good for you and your son that you were able to be there today and enjoy it. Yes, you will have other days where you want to hurl said ten bottles at the wall or onto the floor yourself..but you will be ok....
As for the a-holes...nohing to be done about them really. 1/7 women get breast cancer...why not us, hmm? We don't know what the a-holes will eventually end up with but you can bet they will have to deal with it alone because the have been jerks....or maybe someone will take pity on them when their time comes....no use wondering why these idiots did not get breast cancer...wasted energy my dear- save it for singing in the hot tub:)
hugs
Sandee
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Thanks Sandee....every once in awhile I figure we must have done something right along the way-because right after I posted here our older son showed up unexpectedly saying he was going to take his bro to his apartment for the night so they could hang out and we could just kick back...which delighted his brother (and me to be truthful:) -he idolizes his big bro- the minute he was asked if he wanted to go, he was running out the door wavin and saying bye bye byebye with a big old smile on his face. Turned out to be a banner day for him....I am feeling pretty grateful right now for having two really cool sons who have really good hearts;)...
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I had a few dumb things said to me - mostly from my husband & his family. When I was going thru chemo my sister-in-law was getting married & my mother-in-law told me that they didn't want another invited guest to come to the wedding since she had cancer. I didn't know what to say so I just stood there speechless. Didn't she notice my bald head!!!! Speaking of which, my husband was upset with me one night and told me to "grow some hair" . He has since decided to divorce me becuase the BC changed me & I was not there for him.
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karenmbd-
Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish.
you will be better off without ALL OF THEM.
Welcome
Julie E
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Life happens while you're making other plans.
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Annettek-don't apologize for rambling, this is the place to do it, we ALL understand! Funny the kind of fears we get during this. I was afraid the wonder new breasts I had reconstructed would fall off when the armpit drains were removed, how silly was that? But I dreamed about it happening even after the first arm drain came out (uneventfully) until the second came out. I even took that one out myself at home! But you are not being self-centered, not in a bad way, we all need that kind of reassurance once in a while. And kudos to you for all the work you've done with your son-I'm amazed and impressed at the power of a mother's love.
Karenmdb-I know it's a trite thing to say, but I'm thinking you are better off without the jerk. I've never married, but I heard enough sermons about marriage to know that it isn't a one way street, wife serving husband. Sounds like your ex wants a servant, not a partner. Let him go find one. BTW-isn't "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, or has that been taken out? Sounds like he broke the promise made at the wedding.
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Karen-although I am sorry to have to welcome you to our group-WELCOME and it is HIS loss, my friend. When the chips are down, that is where the true colors show. It sounds like he truly is a product of his environment...too bad for him, maybe as you are growing you hair he can grow some b*lls, as he does not appear to have any.
You will have laughter and light again. This forum helps us get there by letting it out, letting it really out without fear. Big hugs...
Native- I am only doing with him what my mama has taught me...here is a picture of the two of them from last summer---they are the best of buds and she has been there every step of his journey-he knows and the love he has for that 84 year old doesn't need a lot of language- i am a lucky woman
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Karen...you weren't there for him? some very odd logic there on his part...and not sure what having someone with cancer at the wedding has to do with numbers...so sorry you are going through this cr*p....not what you need at this point....might be liberating though whether you want it to be or not. keep us posted
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Annette...oh my god! Great picture. Glad to hear you had a night off and that the universe heard your plea...hope you used the night to do whatever you wanted and needed to do:). I am quite certain your 'boys' had a good evening...wonder if they also got a pillow fight in? Hope today is sunny and bright
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One of my co-workers, upon hearing I had BC, said "oh, these days having breast cancer is just like having a head-ache." Really? So I could have just taken 2 aspirin instead of losing 2 breasts??? He then continued with "the only thing you'll need to worry about is being uneven." No, actually, I won't. Luckily, one of my other co-workers told him to shut up as he was directing these comments to me loudly, across the office.
I was in shock but afterwards I could only laugh at what a ridiculous comment he made and felt sorry for his wife because he obviously is not the greatest communicator!
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Carly! You got me laughing out loud...let me know if you find out what drug store sells those magic aspirins!
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Carly...wonder if he would feel the same way if his testicles were removed for testicular cancer...would he be saying aspirin would solve he problem? doubtful... Good for you for keeping your sense of humour!
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Sounds like we could all write a book. I always liked it when people heard you had cancer and immediately started telling you about their best friends aunt who died of cancer. Or the supposed friend who never called you through all of your treatments & then when she sees you says "Have you been avoiding me" I guess she felt embarassed. But I don't need fair weather friends, I need all weather friends. Some people said maybe she couldn't deal with it. I am sure it is hard for some people, I know it has been hard for me when a good friend has a problem. You want to say the right thing & offer some kind of comfort. But you do the right thing. Those people ar not my friends.
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They certainly sound like people who do not know you ....death, health 'issues'...all hard to deal with unless you have had your own situation and know what it is like...I had a friend try to pop back into my life after a 4 month hiatus...decided my 4 months without contact with her was easier on my head than letting her back in...I was there for her this fall when she had breast pain and went in for a mammogram....but narry a word during radiation....not interested in that kind of friend...
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Annette, now that I'm home I can see the picture. What a handsome lad!!! And go grandma, go! Look at that suit....!
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she is something else indeed....that is my hot patootie mama- born in Lethbridge,Alberta...thus sealing my love for all things Canadaian:)
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nice picture annette go Mama!! you guys amaze me.. we do take a lickin and keep on tickin, don't we??
recently, i "let" one of the disappearing in again..yep you guessed it. i asked her for help last week.. and boom diappeared again.. anyone know where the magicians people end up? id like to hunt her down, and shoot her. gotta get the laptop, and get a bus here ... lol 3jays
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My ex bff havent spoken to her since SEpt....when I called to tell her that I had bc she said to me..:oh no something else I have to deal with today, its just been one thing after another today ya know?"... really???? that YOU have to deal with, uummm sorry to ruin your evening... yikes...
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we definitely need a bus tonite, ladies...3jays 0 -
this might call for a semi...
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day, i meant to tell you.. i like the new oicture in your avatar.. 3jays
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Annette, my Dad was born in Lethbridge too.....hmmmmm? What is your Mom's last name?? There couldn't have been THAT many people in Lethbridge that long ago, could there??
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wow- i bet they knew each other- it was the Miklos family. I spent a number of summers there as I grew up..there and Waterton Lakes. Mom is the only one of nine kids that moved out the province. My grandma's maiden name was Babrocky, so I am sure a few of them are floating around:) Funny thing, every year at the Bio conference I head for the Canadian pavilion to check in with the Alberta and Manitoba reps...invariably I find someone from Lethbridge or Winnipeg (where my Dad's family landed up-there are lots of Babaians still floating around there.:) It was how we measured the drives from Michigan.. I knew once we left Winnipeg it was gonna be really flat for a really long time then around about Medicine Hat (I just love that name for a city-as a little kid it blew me away) I would be bouncing around the car knowing we were not so far away...man, such cool memories....first trip I actually remember was when my mom and I took the train across the country from Windsor when I was four years old, when my granpop died (mean bast*rd that he was according to all records and every picture that there is of me with him crying my eyes out) I remember every little thing...zooming around that train and the porters treating me like a little princess...going up in the "sky" car and looking out at the prairie-that was also the year I firmly announced I had been an indian in another life...and the funny thing is...fifty years later I believe it still.....sheesh...here I go blab blab blabbing...really musing a lot...nerves I guess about tomorrow's exchange...naw...nereves are true but I always blablab:)
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thank you, 3jays!
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