The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Sand & Sas,
This relative believes it is her life calling to keep people grounded in "reality." She is incredibly self-centered and belabors and bemoans that quality in other people. When I was diagnosed I could see her mentally checking me off "the living" category. As far as she's concerned, I'm dead, my breathing just hasn't stopped yet. And if I believe anything else, I'm lying to myself. So she will be johnny on the spot if I forget I have one foot in the grave. Pfft.
Barb,
I don't think any woman with BC wants attention because of it, but damn....that had to hurt.
Anne,
That would have been a great comeback, but this relative is all drama all the time. It's better to ignore her than start a 30 year war...lol. As an insight, anytime she is inconvenienced in ANY way, including say a red light...it is an automatic ASSAULT on her person. How DARE the light turn red and make her wait!
Ugh.
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It would probably be a good idea to avoid these negative monsters until we are back to our old selves. Lets just hang out with the happy, positive folks. I certainly don't need any cancer info. from the idiot down the street.
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off topic happy (kind of) experience
gas prices are going up and there was a line at the BJ's Warehouse pumps - I couldn't easily find my credit card so I used my debit card - and got out of there as fast as I could - pulled into a parking space and looked for the credit card - not there, assumed it was left at home. Went into the store and hear my name called - like how did they even know I was in the store??? did I win something? was I the like one millionth shopper? groceries for a year? a cruise? well it was my credit card, it must have fallen out of my wallet when I got out of the car and someone had already turned it in at the store. So not only did I get my credit card back before I had the chance to freak-out- but I got a reminder that there are alot of nice people out there.
Julie E
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And isn't it nice when we cross paths with the good people?
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this one is for all of us who need it tonite 3jays 0 -
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don't let the turkeys getcha down hahaha 3jays
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3jays--one time on the way home from a funeral of a dear friend who had a heart attack fighting a fire in south ohio. Taking the back roads we went past a turkey farm.I said please we had to go back and look.The farmer gave us a tour. It's true they have to keep them under sheds. Not bright at all. So, your picture is on mark.
Why people can be so hurtful and stupid. (**&$#$#*^%.
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Just got two to put down here.
As some of you know, I just had a revision on my reconstruction. Important enough to require general anesthesia.
I am "friends" with my sister on facebook. She is still in Romania. I did not get any "get well" messages from her, but as I had talked to my Mom after the surgery, I didn't think much of it as I thought she had talked to Mom. Then last evening (two days after surgery and a week before my birthday) I get a message from my sister asking me if I can buy for her a fake eyelashes set. Huh?
Ok, wait, that is only one. The second comes now. I call my Mom to tell her what happened, and she says "you need to be understanding, you two are sisters and you should get along". Do what now?!?
Needless to say, I told Mom my phone was dying and I was going to call her sometimes later, and I replied to my sister in terms like "my dear sister, I thank you so much for your concern. The surgery went fairly uneventful, I am still in a bit of pain but it's pretty well controlled by the pain-killers. Thank you again so much for your love and concern."
I have strong doubts I will be calling either of them soon.
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Day--it's so hard when family isn't supportive or even acknowleging of what is going on with us. Your response to your sister was right on the mark! Good for you.
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Some people are so lost in their own little narcissistic worlds that they don't even notice, let alone care that there is anything else or anyone else in the world besides them. Under the bus with all of them.
3jays I was wondering how you got a closeup of my neck when I realized it was a flock of turkeys!!! LOL Darla
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Hugs Day.
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Dear Day,
My sister asked if my diagnosis was worse than I had told her because I seemed "so worried" about having cancer. I know what you mean about sisters and family. Try not to think about it because they really just don't get it.
Also- back to the Dr./Staff comments, my GP walked into my appointment after my sugery and radiation treatment with a big smile on her face and said "Well aren't you the luckiest girl in the world" (I assume because I had a small tumor and low onco score) I just said "Gee, that's funny, I don't feel so lucky, having cancer and all." I think I'm going to find a new primary care Dr. - I just can't take the optimism anymore. LOL
Barbe, you make me laugh, and I have gotten the same feeling when I'm out with the girls. It seems like they feel that if they went through a cancer diagnosis with anyone remotely related that they know what it's all about. It is really aggravating. Keep up your sense of humor- you make me chuckle.
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fun nie mcbird!! hahaha .. day.. its' so hard with family. my mom and i had a joke between us, but it took her a long time to figure it out.. i used to feel myself getting upset, believe me, it was easy with her, and my sister.. and i'd tell her, "ive gotta call you back, someones' at the door.." it was a few ears, before she got wise, and said, "no , don't hang up.. let me speak to them!!" lol
in reality, though, it hurts to know they're not even thinking about us, as we travel this very difficult road.. we are your sisters here, DAY.. and we ARE listening!! 3jays
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Hadley--call the dental office and speak directly with the office manager or the dentist and tell them what happened. Ask why the receptionist would have access to your medical information outside of the dental stuff needed to bill insurance. Ask if any other patients there have had this happen. Make sure they know how you feel about what happened, make as big a stink as you can, otherwise it will keep happening.
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I had a hysterectomy and the radiation nurse who was doing my intake kept quizzing me when my last pap smear was!
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Day....can't pick your family, hmm? Sorry some people are sooo inconsiderate
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Kate - that is beyond pathetic, it starts becomign hilarious. I know I would have probablybusted out laughing at that.
Sandee... yes, you can't pick them, but you do have the choice of getting on the "bus". Why would they get special treatment?
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Has anyone ever had someone tell you "Aren't you GLAD you have the popular cancer"??? I have gotten that several times. I want to tell them I'm not 'glad' about having any cancer at all.....
The only time I thought it was funny was when my daughter said it, as she is a Thyroid cancer survivor of almost 5 years now....only because she couldn't find which ribbon was for her
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I told my family when I was first diagnosed that breast cancer was "the good cancer". I played it down. I didn't want them to worry about me. My sister was pregnant with her first child and I wanted everyone to be happy for her. I didn't want to take away from her spotlight. I was with her at her baby shower, bald and exhausted. I smiled through it. After the baby came I let myself be tired and miserable. No one understood how sick I was and thought I was being nasty. I was recently yelled at for not being friendly at a get together a year ago. I am still hurt and offended even though I explained. My family just doesn't get it.
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I downplayed my diagnosis too, because my Dad had died a few years earlier from lung cancer and I FELT GUILTY for getting cancer!! Go figure. I did such a good job about playing it down that no one emails or calls!!! It's been over 2 years now....I don't know if emotionally I'm still waiting, or if that part of me has given up too....
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I really believe downplaying it was a big mistake. My parents came to the hospital during a chemo session. They got to see me turning gray in color and saw the pull the needle out of the port. I thought my father was going to get sick. I would not let my pregnant sister come. I just started showing other family members my cancer pictures (scars, open wounds, etc...). I see them divert their eyes away. Its tough.
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Yep...I downplayed it too...sent everyone an email saying I would be out for the week I had originally planed for vacation but that I was going in for surgery...not to worry....it is the 'best case scenario'....then , when I lost it during radiation my boss had the nerve to yell" We are very very worried about you "...yeah? really? Where was the concern the day before my surgery? My roomie wat the time was furious about my diagnosis...raging, crying, "why you??" stuff and I couldn't understand it....maybe I should be asking WTF was wrong with me that I 3wasn't (am am not) angry? ...
Was told today by a young gal who works with me that her brother went through brain cancer treatment in the fall and that he just had his 6 months 'all clear'...I had absolutely no idea....27....40 super zaps of radiation over 21 days,....I came home and cried tonight....felt sad that I was so in my own little 'get through this' bubble that I was oblivious to her own life drama going on...maybe I should put my denial under the bus?
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"Aren't you GLAD you have the popular cancer"??? WTF? "Yes, very glad. When are you going to join me?" Idiot.
I felt guilty when I was diagnosed, too. I played it down to my family as my father died of cancer and an aunt had recently died of cancer. I told my mom to take her dream trip to Alaska, and told my brother it was no big deal. It turned out to be a bad move. The next year, dealing with side effects of rads with multiple hospitalizations, hyperbaric treatments, months of IV antibiotics sent me into a total emotional meltdown. That was even harder for my family that if I owned up to how scared I was and how hard the rads treatment was. Live and learn, I suppose.
I also think that we all need a certain amount of total self absorption during treatment. Even if this is the "good" cancer and the chemo, surgery and radiation are "easy" treatments, they are good and easy only in comparison to even worse dignoses and treatments. It's devastating and takes a lot of energy simply to survive, and as women we often waste a lot of our energy protecting every around us
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That's what we do... we try to protect everyone around us. But then we only screw ourselves in the end. When my husband and boys were sleeping, I would be up for hours crying, worried out of my mind. Now my arguement is, "Why didn't you show me your feelings?" I forget that they never saw my true feelings. This chapter of my life, cancer, has really messed me up. I told my husband last night, "its not fun being me."
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Last week some of were talking at work, and a "friend" who had breast cancer (lumpectomy, no chemo, no rads, no tamoxifan) said "At least I didn't have to do chemo or anything like that. That would have sucked." Mind you, I'm still bald from chemo.
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eeeh....my ex-partner (and my sister)said 'when are you going to start taking care of yourself?" ..very accusatory and I thought ....I am....I am going to the gym...I have a healthy perspective....I cry when I need to...I laugh A LOt and loudly....I am eating properly...I am just sad...happens rarely in my life but it is what I am feeling..trying to be honest and be what I am ....but honestly....they have no idea how scary this is and when I try to tell them, they can't hear me....or maybe they hear me but can't give me what I need or want so....I have to giv eit to myself ....so I have the 'best case scenario' ....still have cancer and fear every morning I wake up....not sure how that is the best.
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sandee- at least we all have each other...this is tuly the one thing only anothe who has had BC can possibly understand...i will see a the sun sparkling and a hawk fly overhead and burstinto tears and another day see the same thing and be filled with hope and joy...natue of the beast:)
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I didn't have to downplay my bc - everyone else did it for me! I know I have a toxic family and I would have liked some caring or even acknowledgement but evidently that was not in the cards.
Annette ... you are so right - we do have each other. Thank you Lord for giving us BCO.
Love to all and big, gentle hugs.
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Veggie.
I think you have summed it up perfectly. Right now, it's not fun being me. I look like a man with an uneven crew cut. I'm day 24/33 of rads. I can't wear a bra any longer. My chest is bright red, it itches and the scars really hurt because the skin is on the verge of breaking down. And that's the area that is supposed to have a burst the last 5 days. I dreamed last night that I had metastases. I worry constantly that my life is coming to an end. BREAST CANCER SUCKS.
I'm sorry people don't get it. I didn't get it either until it happened to me.
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