The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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The thought has crossed my mind that all those male
BS, gynecos, techos, etc. who get to see under the
gowns and probe and fuddle and duddle must all
be thinking they have the best job in the world and
brag about their days and compare notes around
a few bottles. Not all women they screen have bc0 -
Luan- hmmm...did not even think about that....think he was just showing off for his student...who did not know the answers to any of his questions (however, I did!! and he seemed so shocked....)...what an idiot!
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Reminds me of that line from "Kindergarten Cop."
When Arnold Schwarzenegger, the teacher, asked the class what their fathers did, one little boy said, My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long."
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I think it is appropriate to simply say "I'm offended" period. .... walk away . To get into a pissing match while your emotions are dictating your responses is always a lose, lose situation.
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OK, so I managed to be really rude (well, mean, really) without the person knowing it. Takes a certain talent, you know. So here's what happened:
I'm sitting at the bus stop after an appt with the LE PT with my arm bandaged when this woman who I didn't know asked me what was wrong with my arm, why was it bandaged? I tried to avoid answering but she persisted so I told her it was swollen & the bandages control that. What caused the swelling? asked Ms. Nosy. No injury, I said, it just started to swell.
Didn't say anything about bc or LE, just let her think it could happen to her, too, for NO REASON. I was thorough enough to tell her that it was chronic.
I don't mind people I know asking - that's not nosiness, it's concern. Strangers have no business asking about my business. That's just rude.
Leah
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Leah -----agree-----------i went through effectively 2 years of people asking why my DH and I got Cancer ---------giving a response ----------------then finaly reallizing it was none of their busi ness.
Cluck'em
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So I was was recently diagnosed, and my treatments are about to start here within the next two weeks. MX, with lymph removal, followed by 5 months of chemo (first treatments every 2 weeks, then to once a week, then rads) so the lateset stupidity.................
I am a hairstlist. i have a client who is a nurse administrative... She has been a client for maybe 4 years. She is always at least 20 minutes late, or has to cancel at the last minute constantly. Well after her last scheduled appt she couldnt make, I told her about the bc dx, so we had better schedule her soon. 1 week later she NO SHOWS me! After calling and apolizing profusly I was very polite and made her another appt.
When she come in,(yes she showed up, 15 min late) She asks me with sad eyes "how are you doing?" I replied that I was doing ok, just ready to get this show on the road. Told her I have been so busy with work, testing, dr visits etc, i havent had much time to get some personal things done that I would like before treatment. Her response? " well....its not like you are going to be totally incapacited" I was so pissed instantly. I said to her, well... gina, I have to go get a will, power of attorney and all that jazz done beforehand so no one invalidates any wishes ( god forbid) I may have due to chemo brain. Furthermore... they may do the mx first.... so in that case.... YES I will be incapitated for a few weeks! that shut her up, but then the rest of the appt was so akward, i just wanted her out of my chair. To top it off, she kept trying to make small talk by asking about fun plans. I kept having to remind her, uh.... no fun plans until i know what treatment options are! Omg, ya twit! I wanted to flick her in the head, with my scissors! (joking)
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and sorry for all of the misspelled words, its late, and I get a little dyslexic when im tired!
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Dear Juliebell,
I hope you're still on because I totally understand that it's hard to believe how people can say these things. I've gotten way better at fielding these horrible comments but I have the luxury of walking away. You were stuck with her in the chair. Just know that as time passes I think we get better at dealing with these idiots. In your line of work where your stuck listening to the person I think I might tell a white lie and say shoulder surgery or something - so you don't have to listen to your clients for the whole cut. She knew she screwed up thats why she forced the fun talk. Lots of hugs to you and good luck with everything!
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Juliebell,
One should never be rude to someone who is cutting their hair! You showed amazing restraint and I don't just mean in what you said to her.
Wishing you strength to cope with the coming months.
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OMGosh VaGal YOU DID NOT SAY THAT!!! LOL or did you ......
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Juliebell...might also be ime to pass this client along to someone else....she sounds like she is not worth the time or effort...
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I'm soooooo hoping that others will not now be afraid to post about their experiences and how they reacted...good or bad...because of their fear some other poster will judge them. I don't think that is the purpose of this thread? I think this is supposed to be a place where we share the "dumb" upsetting things we have been exposed to? Isn't this a place to vent and receive support for what we as cancer patients are going through? Just wondering....
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Juliebell, what a great opportunity to really jack up her hair! I have a friend who used t work for the airlines and if someone was rude or nasty - Guess what? Their bags didn't always manage to make it to the plane!
That has always stuck with me so I am exta nice at the airport, hairdresser, restaurants.............., E 0 -
I don't get the Pil comment? Are people getting me and Alpal mixed up?
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BMac right after surgery I went to my General Practitioner and she walked into the room and said "Well aren't you the luckiest girl in the world." I said "Funny, I don't feel that lucky." I know she was refering to a low onco score but it just didn't sit right. Take care of yourself, and good comeback to the insensitive lady.
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my best friend tells me last night that i have "been distant" the last couple weeks.
I'm getting ready to start rads monday and start femara after that. rads are another treatment roller coaster and I have been just a little nervous!!!
it's not that i took offense, but she grilled me for a long time about why i feel stressed and this and that and blah blah.... leave me alone, i'm done with chemo but the hell isn't over yet!
why do people expect you to just hit some imaginary reset button after chemo is done?
chemo and cancer left me hairless, rotten back teeth, fatigue, almost addicted to pain pills, and an insomniac, to just name a few things this lovely disease and it's poison cure has left. i'm in menopause at age 29, sex hurts, and i'm on anti depressants.
YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN DISTANT???? If anything I thought I was getting a little better mentally. my husband even said that. now i'm paranoid that i'm not "happy enough" for everyone.
jesus people, give me a f*****g break!
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((((hdandelbaby))))) I'd listen to your DH's opinion over your friend...or is it ex-friend? Really if she had truly been there for you she would have had a better understanding of what you have gone through...you are gearing up for the next battle and really that's all you need to focus on.
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no she isn't an ex friend. and yeah i definitely listen to my DH's opinion. i just thought it was a little insensiive is all.
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I can understand your being hurt, I have had so many 'friends' fade into the wood work over the last two year who are now wanting to reconnect...I try to understand where they are coming from but I am still hurt by their disappearing act so I probably projected a little of my hurt in my response to your post. Just wanted to let you know I get it...
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emily in Ont.. yes, girl, you're absolutely right, thats' why this thread is here. for us to vent...
it seems like a new crop of insensitive jerks have been busy!!! so, we have a bus for that.. go ahead, and pitch them in ladies... esp you, angel baby, and Julie bell.. i have a few ive been saving for this bus... 3jays
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here ya go!!! 3jays 0 -
Angelbaby- this might be a weird analogy but it is like when someone goes overeseas and works or lives away from home and then returns..the people you return home to want the 'old you' back..that is the person they know and missed for that period of time...their lives have not changed..they have continued on with the status quo ....they have not been through part of the journey and have missed a few things along the way ...sounds to my like you might have been doing a very good job of keeping it together during chemo as it sounds to me like your friend missed how very hard and scary it was and how scared you still are...I hope she figures it out and is there for you during radiation. Hugs
sandee
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GGGRRREAT discreption,sandee. exactly whats' happenned to me.. people have really said to me they "want " the old me back.. my answer, i DO TOO!!!! 3jays
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I am not brave or strong - it was necessity. I am me but I am forever changed. I miss the old me too but I know she's in there somewhere.
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well worded, Ronike!
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This IS the old me...only different.
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Honestly, I'm tired of people who see me saying with that empathetic look.............................................So How are you Feeling............I know they mean well, but for got sake, take that look off your face..................
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My current favorite is "nice haircut". Sure, people, the dry, chemo curl is real cute.
I'm wondering what you guys think about this: back in November, a "close friend" wrote and said, "I trust radiation is going well". When I wrote back that I was actually dealing with cording and 2nd degree burns, she never wrote back. That's 7 months ago. Now, she's slowly starting to post on my FB page.
I honestly am tongue tied. What do you say to someone who wants to casually reenter after abandoning during treatment? I'm asking sincerely, not rhetorically. I'm flummoxed.
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LtotheK - do you miss this person?
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