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The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

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Comments

  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 487
    edited May 2011
    I have a long history with this person.  I miss what we used to be.  I miss parts of our relationship.  How's that for a contradictory answer...Wink
  • mebmarj
    mebmarj Member Posts: 143
    edited May 2011

    Yeah, I agree we become "updated" versions of the people we were before BC.

    Kinda like the apps that can be updated to fix bugs in the previous version, only ours also include disease state and relationships, among other things.

    Totally can identify with LtotheK on that. You miss what you lost, but also grieve because it wasn't your own choice and don't quite understand why it happened. Other people's fears maybe, or they think you're too busy, sick, whatever. My Dad says excuses are like a$$#o/&$, everybody's got one. Sometimes the excuses are understandable, forgiveable when they have their own issues they're dealing with. OK. Still leaves you baffled and lonely.



    How about this: "call me if you need anything, I mean it..."

    Hmmm, a million dollars, a carribean cruise, Disney vacation, trip to Vegas, all my bills paid off... No? oh... Well, you offered!?!

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited May 2011

    my answer to anyone who 's done that; and there's been many.. i just say " good to hear from you, after tx went so badly.. i can't think of a thing for you to do for me now, but could;ve used the support then.. maybe that sounds harsh, but its' the truth!    3jays

  • Cyborg
    Cyborg Member Posts: 192
    edited May 2011

    I think the truth - like 3jays says- is the best way u can care for yourself. Sone friends just wuss out. They can't handle it. Maybe they are already so overloaded they are already to burned out to be there for us. Maybe no one showed them how tone there for others or for themselves. Still, it totally sucks. In my life, I just move toward people who can and are there for me and stop trying with others who are not or can't be there for me. I have been pleasantly surprised when people have shown up for me and I didn't have it in them.

  • mspradley
    mspradley Member Posts: 11
    edited May 2011

    One of the sororities at my college alma mater (and where my son currently attends) sent me a sympathy card right after my first mastectomy, but before I started chemo.  The card had a sweet handwritten message inside that explained that their sorority community service project was to promote BC awareness and that I was now on their prayer list.  It was really, really sweet, but the front of the card stated, "In sympathy, we are sorry for your loss".  I could only laugh out loud and tell my DH and sons that, "my missing boob received a card today".  (I did discreetly tell the sorority advisor - who is a friend of mine - that she might want to explain to the girls on the project committee the inference in a sympathy card for those that might not see the humor).

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited May 2011

    MSP That was priceless-My missing boob received a sympathy card today. Thankfully, you know the advisor and perhaps, she can make a group meeting on the impact of words and how they might be received by the recepient.

    lotohek---Molly 52 had the most insightful statement----do you miss this person--------you answer was mixed. Yes you do ,but your feelings are mixed...... I see 2 options. 1. she abandonded you in your time of need---do you need a friend like that?    2. you could attempt a reconnect and based on what you hear from her make a decision either to continue or disconnect.  The first option you just walk away. 2nd option you give her a chance-----maybe she was stupid during the time and now has grown /evolved. It comes down to a choice. Ist option since you say you are flumoxed----you're really saying I have a question in my mind as to why she did this. So, If you cut her out and say ---gone no 2nd option--fine. Option 2 allows you to find out what her excuse was, then you can decide to continue or cut. 

  • riley702
    riley702 Member Posts: 575
    edited May 2011
    I started back to work in March after being off a year for tx, and one coworker who is often tapped to be unofficial supervisor for the shift has been obviously exasperated with me for not being able to just swing back into the harness like the last year never happened. As I work in a hospital, I've also been going through a period of 'getting used to' the various bugs in the workplace again, and was off a week with bronchitis. Today, she came in, was friendly until she heard my still somewhat hoarse voice. She then exclaimed (loudly), "What are you sick with now?" I confined myself to glaring at her, and was pleased when several coworkers jumped in to defend me. This woman has a tin ear - I truly don't think she has a clue how she's coming across. Several people have asked me what I did to get on her bad side.
  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited May 2011

    Riley --------call HR and report her-----or whatever the protocol is. Someone either here or another thread suggested the person that was the EEOC and Disability person----forget exact words,

    I had a boss scream at me that I never had polio , her husband had polio and I never did. In front of three witnesses. Why I let her get away with it I will never know. It's documented in all my records and we have a newspaper report about the occurence. I never made  a complaint-------dumb  on my part----really dumb.

  • jeanette41
    jeanette41 Member Posts: 2
    edited May 2011

    Here's one for you.....

    I attended a banquet last weekend. I saw a lady who I used to work with, whom I hadn't seen in years. I will admit, my face is puffier, and my tummy is a bit bigger ( lovely SE of BC treatment, huh?) But anyway, this lady asked me if I was pregnant. I was taken off guard at first, but then replied that I wasn't....I have been under treatment for breast cancer. She replied with, "Oh...I heard about all that. But you look like your having a baby. Are you pregnant??"

    Geesh....

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited May 2011

    so, we know where she goes, don't we, ladies???hahaha

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited May 2011
    hahaha another one down!!!
  • ma111
    ma111 Member Posts: 167
    edited May 2011

    Some not listed:

    But you'll be fine, we prayed for you. hey idiot, I'm stage IV. Don't ask how I am doing if you cannot handle the response.

    Just because your tumor markers spiked doesn't mean anything?????????????? Again, please don't ask, because I can talk about the grim side.

    How about the people who wonder why the remodeling work isn't finished yet. Is it because I was bald and on chemo, no I'm just lazy.

    I'll drive you to your treatments. Picked up in the drivway and dropped off and see you in 3 weeks. Your grass is high. If you need anything let me know. The rest of the family is wondering how you are doing. I told them I haven't seen you, well........................... "My groceries stay in the car for a few days too."

    You shouldn't have told your daughter you have cancer. Don't unnecassaily worry her. She was 16, do you think I would have been able to hide baldness? I didn't tell her untill I progressed that I was a IV.

    I can understand that some peole mean well, but give me a break or leave me alone.

  • ma111
    ma111 Member Posts: 167
    edited May 2011

    I love the bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited May 2011

    msp thats' a riot!!! acard in sympathy for your boob.. would i've gotten two.. oh well, that really was sent in the right  attitude, but funny..ILMAO

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646
    edited May 2011

    How about this one..............a friend (no more) said to me........"what did you have done".....I said a lumpectomy..............she said "well that won't take care of the problem"............I said ............really, so why did you have "botox" instead of a facelife", cause the botox didn't take care of your problem either.........................did I say I don't hear from her anymore.......Guess she caught me on a bad day ....................Paybacks are a bitch...........

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited May 2011

    Ooooooh, ducky's on a roll!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep 'em coming sister! hehehehehehe

  • jteach
    jteach Member Posts: 36
    edited May 2011

    duckie1,  You are the bomb!!!!!!!Laughing

    Janice 

  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 487
    edited May 2011

    That is hilarious, Duckie!!

    I wanted to check back in and thank everyone for their careful feedback on my "friend" issue.  I thought about it a lot after I read the responses, and decided that if she does actually reach out and contact me, I am going to keep it cordial, but superficial.  If she doesn't understand what she's done, then I really don't need the stress of having to do the confrontation.  If she's not up to dealing with it, then the relationship will peter out, because you can't go on superficially forever.  I don't want to be in the position of having to do the confrontation.  It's too much.  I'm trying to eradicate whatever stress I can from my life.

    I think at this point,the question as to why she did this is more interesting than the remaining friendship.

  • Sandeeonherown
    Sandeeonherown Member Posts: 1,781
    edited May 2011

    LtotheK- I tossed her under the bus here....my be version of your friend...and I wrote her a letter ./email saying thank you for the past times you have been in my life but we came together in crisis, helped teach other through and I just have no more to give...so I wish you well and hope everything works out well for you "...Ididn't say anything about being there for her BC Scan and calming her in the middle of the night while waiting for my radiation to start.and U i understood when I was going not not be her priority when I got to th radiation stage... I just did not want to do it anymore....I did not want to share anymore...it was toxic and painful and not worth the knot in my stomach

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646
    edited May 2011

    One thing I can't handle is people with athlete's foot of the mouth from sticking their foot in it so much....................I figure if you have the gaul to say it................then that gives me the right to say something back...........I'm  not happy about this cancer............so don't be cute with me, cancer isn't cute...............

  • annettek
    annettek Member Posts: 1,160
    edited May 2011

    Hadley- I will put it up again but the goat was in demand:)

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 757
    edited May 2011

    annettek, I love the goat.  Cheers me up, every time I see it.

    otter

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited May 2011

    welcome back to the goat.. but we DO love the vixen, as well!!!3jays

  • NHsmiles
    NHsmiles Member Posts: 7
    edited May 2011

    This was said to me yesterday and made me cry:

    "I wish I could take your cancer from you so I don't have to live forever." 

     HeatherCry 

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited May 2011

    here i sit, speechless... 3jays

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited May 2011

    Heather, who the heck thinks THEY are going to live forever???

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited May 2011

    Annette, I LOVE the little lamb (not a goat in my world) leaping! Reminds me of a saying:

    Leap, and the net will appear.

    I, too, smile everytime I see it. I just hope it's not being thrown off a cliff or something....

  • NHsmiles
    NHsmiles Member Posts: 7
    edited May 2011

    Barb.....

    I took it that the a$$hole meant that I would die sooner because of my breast cancer dx.  This was said by my supposed significant other who I apparently need to dump! 

    Heather 

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 757
    edited May 2011

    Re:  "Leap, and the net will appear."

    I hope every now and then we can sneak a "nicest thing" into this thread.  Barbe, that one is a winner.  I'll bet that pic is a baby mountain goat, though.  It's a good idea to pop a couple of extra blood pressure pills if you ever see one scampering along the edge of a mountainside.

    otter

  • mebmarj
    mebmarj Member Posts: 143
    edited May 2011

    I've got a positive experience for you ladies.

    The hubby and kids let me sleep in for mom's day. The husband went to pick me up a coffee, a very considerate gesture. The person in front of him paid in advance for his order and said to say "Happy Mother's Day."

    Sweet! Hey guess where it was from.... Yep, Starbutts, I mean Starbucks :)

    Thanks to the generous souls out there who spread cheer!