The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Kay, I can imagine how hurtful that must be. sounds like you need to sit down, have a heart to heart and educate her.
I was proud of myself this week, am finally learning to be direct with people who say dumb things... Another client of mine this week (im a hairstylist) kept talkin about how her boyfriends grandmother died of bc. I finally just came out and told her... "fyi, its not really good to talk about someone dying of cancer to someone who is fighting it. Also there have been great medical advances in bc in the past 10 years" Haha, she was speechless, but did apologize.... where is that bus??!!
All in all though, my clients have been wonderfully supportive and I willing to be patient with me through treatment. I am lucky to have a job I love!
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I nearly pushed my best friend under the bus the other night. A mutual friend has just died of mets and she commented it was strange as she had BC ten years ago and didn't think it could happen so long afterwards. And she doesn't really understand why I won't travel two hours to the funeral, its just too close.
For some reason it really got to me.
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Alyson,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.
((((((((((Many, many hugs. We understand .))))))))))
Janice
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sorry about your friend, sheila... 3jays 0 -
and here is the bus you wanted, Juliebell.... hahaha 0 -
Juliebell- good for you for being direct...that was probably the bes thing you could have done. How empowering for you and for her too that you were so honest.
Alyson...so sorry to hear about your friend...I can totally understand why the two hour drive would not be on your top ten....so hard...
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Alyson so sorry about the loss of your friend!!! hugs
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Alyson sorry about your friend. xo
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Alyson, so sorry to hear about your loss. I dont blame you for not wanting to go. As far as your friend making that comment, people are really so uneducated about this disease. I know I certainly was before it happened to ME. Amazing the things you can educate yourself on in only a month! I have told my friends and family to understand.... I am a fighter, and will beat this, but that they need to understand..... its something that will haunt me the rest of my life, as there is no guarantee it will never come back.
jays mom... thanks for the bus!! haha!
Latest stupid. (FROM MY EX, SO TO BE EXPECTED) So, I got my first of 3 big haircuts before the inevitable. He was in town for the weekend visting our daughter. tells me... he doesnt like it, I look like my mom. ASSHOLE!! I responded with..." I dont really care what you think, guess what, Im going to be bald in 6 weeks" Forget the bus, I wish i had a baseball bat!! I took it as a backhanded compliment as i think my mother is beautiful! Funny thing is... he really came to town to have a broken tooth fixed, and is telling me this with a front tooth missing!!!
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take a good swing, Juliebell!!! 3jays 0 -
Juliebell22, I laughed at the last line of your story. So funny that he would have the nerve to say something to you with his front tooth missing. Did he lisp his comment out?
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The thing about most men is - they think they're hunks no matter what. You know, 250 lbs with a beer belly, didn't shower or shave, wearing jeans and an undershirt and they see Marlon Brando in Streetcar Named Desire.
Leah
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3jaysmom - you totally crack me up with your ability to find the right picture for the situation!!
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haha! Thanks again jays mom! love it! You girls make my day! @ slinky, lmao, yes he DID have a lisp! hahahaha!
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sorry, this just came to mind thinking about your ex; Juliebell. im off now, night... 3jays 0 -
LOVE IT!!! giggling my butt off!
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You women are wonderful!!!
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Just saw a show the other night called How did you get so rich? and those dog teeth reminded me! The "Billy Bob" teeth they are wearing made the inventer a millionaire!!! No kidding!! Who'da thunk it?
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I laughed so hard reviewing this thread, 3jays and all of you are just precious to me.
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Having a tough time of it today. I finished up my radiation treatments about 3 weeks ago and my hair is starting to grow back from the chemo ( it's probably about 1/2 inch long now and unfortunately gray ). I met some family members for lunch today and wore my 'fight like a girl' hat. Still can't wear my makeup since my eyelashes are so short. My uncle's wife hasn't seen me for a while and she said ' wow, you look like a little boy '. I normally have more strength ( or maybe I just use both ears more often ), but I can't seem to shake it off today. I knew you guys would understand. Hope you're all doing well today ! Sue
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catlover--no matter how strong we are, there are times when a comment is made that hurts. Maybe it's the way it's said, or it was said at a moment when the estrogen is in the negative numbers, or when we are just a tiny bit too tired, or for no identifiable reason at all. Sometimes one of those stupid comments just gets caught in our brain and won't let go. We do understand.
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Absolutley we all have had those moments, and sometimes people really dont think before they talk. I had a instance where my fil wife went on and on at dinner at why reconstuction is an unnecessry procedure...really???? do you see me sitting here... i cried right there at dinner... you have every right to be upset!.. hugs to you though for a better tomorrow!!!
Tink
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Hi NativeMainer & Tink ! Thank you both for your kind words! For some reason the past couple of days, I have felt less confident in my looks than usual. It didn't bother me as much while I was going through treatment - probably because I was so distracted by trying to put as much energy into that as possible. I should feel better by tomorrow - if not, I will crank up some good tunes and it'll all be good ( drives my hubby and the cats a little nuts, but usually works ) Thank you again for listening !!
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Sue - I don't know why that part after chemo and radiation is so difficult, but it most certainly is. For me, it might have been that I was anxious for things to get back to "normal". Surely if my hair started growing back, my energy would too. It's some time later now (a year and a half or so) and gradually, things get better. Give yourself time - and some loud tunes.
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CaTLOVER..Music is always a mood turner for me too! I just think this whole journey is such a rollercoaster that we spend so much time doing all the things we need to do to fight it and recover.. we forget all the emotional stuff that goes with it. We are allowed to be emotional this is an emotional thing!
wishing all a good night and a happy day tomorrow!!!!
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I was called SIR twice today. It sucked.
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it's not like WE DON'T ALREADY FEEL LIKE WE LOOK LIKE A BOY SOMETIMES!!
sheesh! people sometimes have diarrhea of the mouth don't they?
i saw some co-workers today, (going back to work in a couple weeks). they asked me how i was doing. i said "good! i just get tired in the afternoons after radiation."
AGAIN THE REPSONSE WAS:
"oh well I GET TIRED TOO FROM WORKING!!"
really? want to switch???? i had this exact thing happen last week too.....
some people's children..... lol....
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People will say stupid things. I ran into an old friend recently I actually saw during treatment while wearing a headscarf. Her first words were, "Oh, you cut your hair!" Then she covered her face in shame.
I like to think that people don't like to put us in that "sick person" box, so they refuse to see us that way. Then they can be wildly inappropriate without ever intending it.
Of course, the opposite is true too. I'll take you all back a few decades. My sister in law had breast cancer. I was in touch, sent her some nice things to help her through. She got well. Some years later, I was shopping for a Christmas gift and chose a nightgown. My then-husband said I should take it back as it wouldn't look right since she was missing a breast. I kid you not. It would have looked fine, but that wasn't what appalled me. It was her brother seeing her as deformed when she was well and healthy.
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its' always a good answer. helps me... 3jays 0 -
Catlover--the after active treatment is done time is a hard time for many of us. I think you are right in that the appointments, side effects, etc are a distraction, and when that is all over there is time to feel and experience what our minds and emotions are going through. Add to that the changes in our bodies and psychies that the treatments cause, and it's probably more surprising if we don't have a bout of depression or crankiness!
hdangelbaby-- I hope you said that out loud. I know your co-worker probably was just making conversation, but really! It's comments like that that highlight how different we are now from what we were, and that reminder is often an unhappy one.
Yellowdoglady--it is sad when someone sees only the deformity or the scar and not the effect of the treatment. Very sad sometimes. Makes you wonder what their priorities in life really are.
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