The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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wickwack- Sorry....was not trying to offend you ...was trying to say that I do not generally think that we are given diseases to teach us lessons...like you, I have no BC in my family, take good care of myself etc. Have not really asked 'why me?' because I think it is random...then again, part of me thinks 'all things for a reason....maybe I am supposed to do something as a result of this diagnosis?'...Depends on the day which way I swing...maybe there is a divine plan and breast cancer and heart attacks are a part of this....maybe all your husband suffered was a part of the plan but I am not sure how all that works...I just think there are other ways to send us messages....Glad your husband is well and that you are coping so well. You sound incredibly strong.
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Oh Sandeeonherown I didn't mean to sound offended and I'm sorry it came off that way - I actually feel very much like you - we're given things to deal with for a reason, what reasons, well.... sometimes we never know. Right now, I'm telling everyone I'm going to be one of those people sporting "pink" and spouting the importance of yearly mammograms.... who knows what I'll feel like after my surgery? I have always considered myself a strong person (I didn't have the greatest childhood but I think that contributed to my strength..) but after dealing with my husband's illness, I KNEW I was strong. However, as I said, it did take a toll. Once he was stable, my anxiety caught up with me. High BP, anxiety attacks led me to Lexapro which has made me brand new! My PCP said my body probably finally had a let down after having to be OK for so long.
I only hope I can provide support & inspiration to others here just as I am receiving it back. There are some women here who are MUCH stronger than I and I bow to them.
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Rhea- Thanks for this...always so afraid to offend accidentally. As for being strong....you clearly are strong...I suspect like the rest of us, you don't feel strong..but you are...taking care of your husband and going through this experience as well...definitely strong.
I jump between thinking this is random, believing there is a reason I got cancer and believing my heart break (ie. me and my mind!) caused it so I understand....underneath it all, I really have no idea, I just know it happened and I managed to get through it somehow...I don't ask why me, but I certainly do ask 'what next? and how can I pay it forward?'...and is this over for now?
I was not about anything pink initially but just joined a local breast cancer rowing group and spoke on behalf of my choir at our concert in May about women and heart health(and how my cancer as related to it)....so went from not talking about it to standing up in front of 400 people and talking about it....all within a few months. Guess it all depends on the day.
When is your surgery?
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Wow - How is the cancer related to heart problem? Brave you! Standing up in front of a crowd, but can't think of better reason to than helping someone avoid this stuff. I just went to Dana-Farber in Boston on Tuesday. I was told pretty much that once I had a mastectomy, I wouldn't need chemo or radiation. I then met with a PS who will begin the reconstruction process immediately. Since the BS & PS need to work together they will call me with a date but did say it would be sometime in June. So I am also lurking in the June 2011 Mastectomy forum too!
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Gosh...it seems to move SOOOO fast in the US...I thought 8 weeks from start to surgery was fast but am finding out it wasn't fast...wow...the heart attack occurred 3-4 months after I had started tamoxifen...no high bp (112/72 normally), regular cholesterol level, gym/dance 3-5x per week, don't eat a lot of junk, no salt except what is in a cracker or canned tomatoes....the cardiologist wrote ' hereditary factors' and ' breast cancer' as the reasons for the heart attack....tamoxifen can cause blood clots....I was extremely fatigued and kept thinking 'ok...THiS is what they mean by radiation fatigue"....couldn't really understand why it was hitting me after radiation but everyone is different so...was going to ask my radiologist what was up when I saw him on the 22nd of March...heart attack that morning delayed my meeting....anyhow...9 weeks later, I am back at the gym, walking to work (was back at work 2 weeks after the attack) and my energy level is almost bazck to normal....so...just waiting on Tuesdays's mammogram and then back to routine check ups....cardiologist has given the go ahead to Not see her again for a year....weird stuff,.
Sound slike things are moving quickly for you and that you are asking the right questions...good for you! No chemo or radiation sounds good. The masectomy sounds hard and you are indeed brave but life is precious ...glad appointments are being organized so quickly for you!
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I got my double mast 6 days after diagnosis! I'm Canadian. THAT'S fast!!! But, I didn't have to coordinate with a PS as I didn't get recon....
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Barbe- very impressive!!!! I thought only having 2 weeks between appointments was fast here in Halifax...got on this board and discovered - nope..not fast at all. A pal of mine was moved through within a day too when hers was initially discovered....mammogram, mri, biopsy all within 12 hours. that impressed me too...but 6 days...wow!
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I had a repeat mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy all in one morning. Then surgery was quite quickly after that, about 10 days later, delayed because it was March Break and the operating rooms were closed. I remember the receptionist saying something like "too bad about the hernia" and asked - "what, I have a hernia too?!" Nope. She meant the guy who was having a hernia repaired got his appointment moved for my surgery. Yup. Too bad about the hernia.
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Sandeeonherown - I see you are from Halifax. This time last year DH and I were getting ready for a 2 week trip to Nova Scotia and Cape Breton. We were going to my DH's Nieces wedding in Indian Harbor. I had the best hair cut at Thumpers in downtown Halifax. It was a bit pricy, but every time I need a haircut now I say I want to go back to Halifax. Know this is not on topic but just reminiscing where I was this time last year before 3 more reconstruction surgeries and some fat removal from under each arm.
Was so sorry to hear of your heart attack complications. Glad that you are getting back to routine. They thought I had a heart attack from so much anesthesia, but fortunately ECHO was negative for one. Take care.0 -
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/753120?page=73#idx_2184
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) sheila0 -
Sandee - sounds like you've had quite a ride! Glad to hear you're up & about - keep it up!
I had my yearly routine mammo on 04/20, called me back for repeat mammo & US on 05/03 at which point they told me I needed 2 biopsies (after reading the path reports I see at that point it was a BIRAD 5 so they knew what it would be but didn't tell me) which were 05/11 & 05/16. After the second biopsy, they told me the results of the first which was LCIS. I immediately called my PCP and then Dana-Farber who set me up with an appt even though I didn't have the 2nd results yet. Thankfully, they actually told me to EXPECT the 2nd results would be invasive because that's just what they were. The word "invasive" was actually scarier than the word "cancer" but since she told me ahead of time it was better. My appt at Dana-Farber was 05/31 and surgery in June once the BS & PS get together. If I wasn't having recon it would have been even faster.
What I do know is you have to be your own advocate - be a "pest" and call, call, call back if you want quicker times. No guarantees, but YOU are the one thinking about your health 100% percent of the time, as good as any doctor/hospital is, they are not thinking about you 100% so you have to remind them.
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And when I say be a "pest" I mean that in the nicest way - I always believe you catch more flies with honey than vinegar....
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I don't know quite what to make of this. This is the third man that has asked me about my cancer (I just wear a baseball hat so it's obvious I'm in the middle of chemo).
I was at work today and a guy I didn't know who works for a different company stopped me and asked if he could ask me a question. I said sure. He told me his first wife had went through cancer and asked if I was going through it. I told him I was. He proceeded to tell me about his first wife going to the obstetrician for a six week checkup and finding out she had breast cancer, a rare and very aggressive type. He said luekemia breast cancer, but I don't think there is such a thing. He said she fought very hard, chemo was really hard on her, and she died 18 months later and let him with an 18 month old son and a 4 year old daughter. He is remarried now. The wife died in 1995. Now seriously, was that something to tell someone in my condition. I've had two other men stop me and ask me about cancer and tell me how their wives fought a good battle, but lost. Is this crazy? How can people who don't even know me stop me and tell me these things. Sheesh.
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kay - Men!.... Unbelievably insensitive but sounds like they just need to share their story with someone and my guess is their guy friends don't want to hear it but a woman is another thing. I like what Ann Landers advised whenever someone asks a personal question you don't want to answer: "That's such a personal question, why would you ever ask someone that?"
Sometimes you just have to shake your head...
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kay - you obviously seem like someone safe o speak to and they clearly need someone to speak to. perhaps carry some cards for th elocal breast cancer group in your pocket and hand them out to these fellas
deliahbear- if you ever get up hear again my dear, let me know! I'll show you my favourite spots!
wickwack...working on it...rowed with bosom buddies again tonight and two days of cardiac gym...planning to watlk tomorrow if the weather is good...could even go and get my cholesterol done!
wickwack- wuite the ordeal....how you holding up??
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My sister, upon learning of my bc diagnosis a few months ago, said to me with a smirk: "Remember what I said to you when you told me you were getting divorced: that what happens if you get sick?, you won't have anyone to take care of you". If she hadn't said it in a public place (a restaurant), I think I probably would have smacked her
! I guess I should have stayed with my philandering husband just in case I got sick!!A few weeks (and a few chemo treatments) later, she told me that my stressful life probably caused my cancer! Wow, I guess that all the billions spent on research into what causes breast cancer have been a total waste of money---if all of us had just managed to avoid any stress in our lives, we'd all be fine.
kathy9572 dx 1/17/11 triple positive stage IIb
She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I do believe that she is just plain mean!
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Kathy----take that sister to the BONFIRES of the GODDesses thread and throw her in-------Are you sure your related?
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Kathy- I am appalled!!!
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i say throw those guys under the bus!!.....3jays 0 -
Yay for the bus! Thanks, 3 jays!
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Sometimes I wonder if we are related. Every time she comes to visit, she makes some kind of insensitive or cruel remark. I'm thinking of just telling her "No more visits"! I know I shouldn't be so bothered by her comments., but the fact that she is my sister makes it twice as hurtful!
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That's because she knows what buttons to push!\
My sister said I had the easy cancer. Her friend had to do chemo and rads!! I asked if her friend had a double mast. No. But she had the 'bad' cancer....sigh.
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Kathy, the next time she says something like that, you can say, "Remember when we were little and you told me that when I was born Mom took the wrong baby home from the hospital because they made a mistake there? Well, you were right and I'm SO GLAD." If you're gonna answer, you're gonna ANSWER.
Leah
P.S. My sisters and I were nasty to each other when we were little girls but we grew out of it. I guess your sister didn't.
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Thanks everyone for your comments and support. I haven't told anyone else about what my sister has said to me. This forum provides a great outlet for the anger and frustration we all feel at times!
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Sisters don't always know wha to say to their sisters either....my sister and I are soooooo different. She tried to be supportive last year and was going to come down when I was diagnosed but instead I felt like I was going to be the cause of her not fulfilling her life dream..not what she wanted me to feel for sure....and when she did coe and visi a few days after the surgery, she was soooooo angry with me and kept saying "I don't understand why you waon't take care of yourself!!" huh????WTH does that mean??? I was taking care of myself...I was just not being paranoid about everything..
My Ex said "You are going to make yourself sick again"....huh? so did I make myself sick the first time? doesn't cancer start in your body a number of years before it shows up? Am I missing something???? seriously....I did not cause this...repeat after me ladies!!! I did not cause my cancer!....
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Yep, pretty crazy.
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Just read the " twisted" sisters thread and can add my 2 cents to the mix:
Some people never get over sibling rivalry and even a life event like cancer becomes a proving ground. My sister told me when I found out that I would need mastectomies, in a long and detailed letter, how she felt my parents were too concerned about me and that because she was not getting the attention she needed she did not want to hear from me or about my prognosis. Interesting since I never told her about the surgery and hardly ever spoke to her anyway. The letter went on about all the things she needed from me going forward as if I was going on vacation! I took it to my first counselling session and was told by the therapist: you should not have anything to do with this person, and she is doing you a favor!
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moogie, Your therapist was absolutely right. Some people are toxic and your sister sounds worse than mine! We all want to get along with family members.... we always seem to think that most siblings are close, and therefore we should be close with our siblings. I'm 61 and my sister is 70. My sister thinks that because of her age, she can get away with saying anything, regardless of how hurtful it is.
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Kathy if she was a venonmous friend or acquaintness you wouldn't hesitate to put her out of your life. Your sister should be out of yours if she can't starighten up. Tell her so then do it. Give her time limits etc. If she doesn't follow them then out with her.
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kathy9572,
With a sister like yours, now I'm glad I didn't have any! Since you are obviously more polite and caring than your sister, and don't want to her her feelings by saying something to her about her comments in regard to your BC, how about the next time you see her whipping out a set of workman's ear protectors and putting them on. You could even paint them pink!!! She will, of course, ask you what you are doing and why. Your answer: your words are hurting my ears and then smile. My heaven, if she is 70yo she is lucky somebody hasn't slugged her or run her over with that bus! You are an angel....
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