The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Thanks for bringing a smile to my face, 3jaysmom. Merry Christmas to all.
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Keeping in mind That in the last 24days I have been diagnosed, had surgery and am now waiting for chemo to start, my mother was chatting away the other day and this is what came out of her mouth:
"blah, blah and "if" you live to be as old as me blah blah..."
She's never been the caring type so I guess I should have expected it :-/
regards Jenn0 -
Oh Jenn, that comment is really stupid!
I just came here to say: I also hate the bus comment. I hear it very often...Yes, I understand what people want to tell me, I understand that no one knows, if tomorrow will come BUT living with cancer and living with this fear is just not that easy. And it won´t get easier because of the possibility that a bus can hit me tomorrow or next week! I´m just 28 years old, the most people/women at that age worry about pregnancy ,their jobs or whatever...and I have to worry about cancer and dying young.
Our lives have changed from one minute to another and will never be the same again...this is the point, the most people don´t understand!
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Moonflower ... gentle hugs. 28 should be a time to worry about everything other than cancer. I Am so sorrye.
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I'm tempted to say,
"If you got hit by a bus and spent a year in and out of a rehab facility would it make you feel better to hear that you shouldn't be skittish in traffic because you're just as likely to die from breast cancer as get hit again?"
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Lulu22...good one!
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I am finding people are very inconsiderate now. My surgeon said are you a loner? how come you didnt bring anyone to your appt with you? Oh really just cuz I got cancer that makes me incompetent!! Maybe he never considered I didnt wanna ruin their xmas by announcing I am sick. I left a msg on my so called friends voicemail on the 19th and she still has not called me back!!At least my fiance is callg everyday, I told him thx but dont need help til after the surgery which will not be til after first of yr. I am trying to get in to see some women surgeons and get their take on this. I did like the PS tho and my radiologist. They had a nurse at the Ultrasound that if theres a heaven she must be an angel ...if I were a millionaire i would hire her cuz she was so compassionate during all the pain and fear of the biopsy. Sure wish I could return this xmas "gift". finding out I have this during the holidays...invasive ductal carcinoma but they didnt tell me much more than that and they think its grade 1 and well differentiated whch I guess is as good as its gonna get.
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Actually it is a good thing to have someone with you when you go see the doctors. I consider myself VERY competent, but I dragged my boyfriend with me everywhere (he didn't need dragging btw, he volunteered) just to have a second set of eyes and ears, and someone who could remember or even write down things.
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moonflower....this is the time when people should be showering you with strength and love...so consider a storm on its way to rain love and support down on you!
Jenn....such thoughtlessness...I am so sorry that was said to you..and by someone you should be able to expect love and gentleness from...and understanding...
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layla- so sorry you are going through this over the holidays..no time is a good time....but this time is especially hard. I went to all my radiation appointments and everything except the first appointment with the first surgeon, on my own...because the first surgeon was such an A** and thought it was ok to comment that he thought it odd my ex was with me....totally threw me...and my ex was freaked out and therefore terse that I decided I would simply deal with it on my own....not trying to be stoic..just couldn't deal with anyone else's anger or pain around it...if you go alone once chemo and or rads start, you may want to bring an ipod and a wrap for your shoulders so you feel comforted...helped me immensely.
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I'm surely has probably been said already...
My mother has cosmetic implants and a "lift". Anytime I talk to her about my surgery, she ALWAYS compares it to what she had done. It is so annoying. Like Cancer Surgery and Reconstruction are on the same par as Cosmetic Augmentation.
The other thing that gets me is when people find out that I have cancer and they say, "but they caught it early, right?" Why? Because I"m still standing? Ummmmm, No.... and is there really an early? it is cancer, early or not.
I know they mean well, and are just trying to empathize, but sheesh!0 -
Geegster...my sister did the same thing - compared her breast augmentation to my bilateral mastectomy! Breast augmentation vs bilateral mastectomy - yeah, they are close! One you add breast and the other you remove breast.
Layla ... my doctor told me after the failure of my tissue expanders that afterall, at my age I wasn't looking for a husband!
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Barbe1958said:
I had a supervisor tell me that I looked healthy too! I WANTED to say "I have cancer in my breast, not my face."
Best. Comeback. Ever.
I hope my chemofog brain remembers this one.
I'm still laughing!!!!!0 -
Merry Christmas everyone!
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my secret santa present was a packet of 'grow your own boobs'. You know those novelty silicone things you put in water and they expand - this one is a pair of breasts. Theyve got nipples and everything. Umm, I dont anymore. Hi-bloomin-larious. The girl who gave it to me even said 'ive got you something else as well as that one might be a bit offensive'...
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MIGHT??? MIGHT???? MIGHT be a BIT offensive??? Are you KIDDING me??? SERIOUSLY???? Wow, not so SECRET....so now you know who the ASSHOLE is?
What was her other gift? Preparation H?????
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Well said barbe! She needs the Preparation H to sooth her brain cause you know that is where she must keep it! Can we all haul her to the Bonfire of the Goddess and throw her in?
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Lol! Thanks guys, I knew you would understand! It was in front of a room full of people too, so I had to laugh along like it was really funny. Whilst having a little cry on the inside. I know she didn't do it to be nasty but still, if you have to caveat a gift, why would you give it? Ho hum. Anyway, hope everyone is having a lovely day today x
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omg!!i have no other words.. i'd have broke down, right there, or ounched her.. im imporessed you could stay compiosed!..(hugz) 3jays
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Good Heavens! IzandLysMum - You get the gold medal for good humor and forbearance. She should get her own boobie prize back. I would be tempted to hydrate them and give them back to her in a prominent place....like her forehead. Is that too harsh?...nah.
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Kathleen, thank you. I know, cancer is a bad thing at every age, but I was so shocked. I´m the first in our family, diagnosed one week after my birthday and everyone said, this lump is no cancer (99%). I´m thankful, that the gyn send me to the hospital and that the doctor made a biopsy, although it looked like a cyst.
sandee: I get al lot of love and support from my family, my boyfriend and his family.
My boyfriend and I were a couple for just 6 month, when I was diagnosed and he stayed with me. He ist nearly 5 years younger, a lot of other men would have left, I think. He was there, when I got the biopsy results, when I got my wig, came to the hospital everyday after my surgery. And he was the one, who found the lump...
But that´s out of topic.
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geester - I also hear it so often, "They caught it early, right?" I used to try to say something to make the person who said it feel good - but now I just say, "I don't know - time will tell". That response, of course, makes people very uncomfortable and they quickly change the subject or say a quick goodbye.
I hope everyone had a dumb comment free day yesterday - I did as I stayed at home and had a quiet dinner with my daughter! I was invited to several gatherings, but just could not bear to discuss the whole discovery, treatment, prognosis, etc. with people I have not seen in awhile.
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Moonflower - I am so glad your boyfriend is supportive. My ex was not. We were together for 14 years, so I knew he could be selfish and insensitive - I did not, however, know how much so until I was diagnosed. I believe one of the most unbelievable things he ever said to me was, "Yeah, I felt that lump a few months ago". I was speechless and just added it to the list of reasons why I should dump him. I should have let him have it right then, but did not have the energy to deal with his defensive reactions. Why the hell would he not tell me that he felt it? Was he afraid it would disrupt HIS life if it was discovered. OMG, as I write this, I realize that I am going to have to write a letter to him someday to explain how awful it was for him to not tell me, and then to tell me after diagnosis!! I had an "aggressive, fast-growing tumor" - I would have liked to have discovered it before it became 3.5 cms!
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While I'm on a roll.....another dumb, insensitive thing my ex did was to look-up breast surgery on-line after I told him that the incision for my lumpectomy was made around my aereola instead ot across the tumor site. The next time I saw him, he told me he looked it up to see what the scar would look like. He was so happy that I would, according to his misinformation, look "normal" because of the incision location. He said it would look just like the surgery that is done for "boob jobs".
I informed him that although I would have a fairly hidden incision scar, I would look far from normal because the lumpectomy left a big dent in my very small breast. In fact, after the swelling, there is a ridge that even my rad team at first thought was the incision site! So, no - a lumpectomy is not like a "boob job".
I understand what he was saying, and may have taken it better if I knew it was because he was happy for me - but I know him well - He was happy for himself! He should have just said nothing about how I would look, or that he would love me no matter how I looked. Oh well, the key word here is EX!
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Ananadagram, I think I've congratulated you before on your ex being your ex! You go, girlfriend!!
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You sure have, barbe and I sincerely appreciate your support. I guess I am still justifying dumping him. I know I should not feel an ounce of guilt!
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.....I definitely do not regret dumping him. This is the first Christmas in 14 years that I have not had to deal with his juvenille stress tantrums on Christmas! Yea.
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It's always hard to end a relationship that was once healthy and full of love! Of course you would feel bittersweet, but I'm glad you are seeing the difference. Each 'new' milestone you pass without him will make it easier. Stay strong, sweetie!!
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3jays and phgraham - i was too busy being too damn British and didnt want to embarrass a guest in my house - go figure. So I just came up with all the other things i should have said at midnight when i went to bed :-).
Moonflower - big hugs lovely xxx
Anandagram - good on you!
My other favourite thing someone has said to me - 'everyone has told me i should have come round and cooked you a meal or had the kids for you. But I dont know how to cope with this.". Must be really hard having no surgery, no illness, not being made redundant from your job and not trying to get better while keeping everything normal for your two small girls, husband and family. And that was from MY SISTER! You have to laugh really girls.
Still, at least I now know who my real friends (and family) are :-). And thank goodness for you guys who just get it x0 -
Thanks so much, Barbee - Also, I just love seeing your photo - you always make me smile. (hugs)
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