The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Rock on rockstar22!! Loved your post!
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Rockstar - Preaching to choir here, but good for you!!!
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No problems, barbe! I laugh at it now, too. And that's the perfect description, 'screwing up my grand exit'. But, hey, they got to see me walk out twice! LOL.
rockstar, the thing that ticks me off about this whole "Just think positive!" crap is that it's just another way of telling me it's my own damn fault for getting cancer. If thinking positive will cure it, then a positive attitude should have prevented it, no? I see it as blaming the victim, but a little more subtle than Jackie's priest was. Then again, a 2 x 4 would have been more subtle than that priest!
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have to tell you all that this link has saved me more than once! When I am angry over some stupid comment some insensitive idiot has said or I just need a good laugh this is where I come! I have one to share..this is actually not from when I got diagnosed with breast cancer in dec 2011 but when my husband was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma in july 2010 (yes we are both fighting cancer now..my husband is my hero and I have learned a lot from him about how to deal with other peoplls reactions..appropriate and inappropriate). My husband had just had his first major surgery.. A lobectomy of his left lung. We were still in shock over his diagnosis (we had no idea nonsmokers could get lung cancer) and Husband was hooked up to all
Ll sorts of tubes and IVs. One of his best friends came to the hospital to see him and brought his wife. I should have nixed having any visitors..My husband was in a lot of pain and still groggy from anasthesiologist. But I knew his friend was very concerned and would only stay a few minutes. Well the friend was no problem. He smiled, told my husband he was glad to see him and wished him a speedy recovery. But the wife! She took one look at the tubes, drains, IV, urine bag and got a look of horror on her face and said "oh my God" and ran out of the room. I was livid. What the hell did she expect to see in a hospital room? Later I heard she said in the hall "I didn't realize he was dying!" well he wasn't dying you twit..he just had major surgery . People who can't handle hospitals should just stay away. Well it upset my husband... He thought he looked worse than he actually was. I made sure that woman has not had any further access to my husband since then..he gets together with his friend for lunch but no contact with wife..I think her husband is embarrassed by her behavior. And when it came time for my BMX I made sure that the hospital knew NoVisitors except for my spouse, sister and cousin. we should all feel free to shield ourselves from people who can't handle the Big C , hospitals, wounds or whatever.0 -
So sorry to hear both you and hubby are fighting this battle. Sounds like you are there for each other though. Yep this thread does provide a good laugh and sometimes puts stuff in perspective.
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Yep, I came here for a "moodlift"--better than a facelift, in my opinion--after having an absolutely exasperating morning dealing with a doctor's office, a genetic testing lab, my insurance company--I think I'll just stop there. Rockstar, loved your post. I have many frankly unbelievable things said by clueless others still wafting around in my memory. Your post made me remember the time that someone told me that I let others down when I was going through surgery/chemo/etc. because I did not specifically ask people for cards, calls, flowers, meals, you-name-it; allegedly, my "I appreciate your caring support and any way in which you wish to show it" was too general and left "others" hanging, without a clue of what to do! Gee, I should have been more helpful!
Okay, just one more: A friend and colleague told me that, unless I wanted to face another cancer episode, I needed to face my inner conflicts about being feminine and the consequences of choosing to be childfree--which obviously were the cause of cancer adventure #1. YIKES!
Pelicangirl, My heart goes out to you and your husband for having to face this challenge in your life together. I agree that we need to surround ourselves with lovingkindness and caring others and to avoid those whose impact feels so toxic. Thanks for sharing!
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My SM (step ma) was adamant that disease and such was caused by our sins and transgressions. Especially my breast cancer. (I was doomed from birth because of my birth mothers sins ...). UGH! Growing up in that household was like sucking lemons.
Anyway, SHE got BC, and guess what? It was a test and reinforcement of her grace in god's arms. (couldn't have been sin caused, she was sunless). He (god) gave her this to help her understand his total love for her. OMG! I am still dizzy from the twists and turns of those explanations.
Did quit trying to understand the retoric many years ago ...0 -
Brendatrue~unbelievable the person who commented about 'choosing to be childfree'. Some people who don't have children didn't CHOOSE it. Whether it was a choice or not an option, that person may be a colleague but certainly isn't a friend.
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Pelicangirl, sounds like you and hubby are both heroes xxx
Today, I had someone tell me the standard "well you get new boobs out of it". I actually had a reply ready and said, "if you think its worth having a tit lopped off to have a boob job, you are quite wrong". And guess what? This person is sooo thick skinned, she thought I was joking and didnt notice the other girls looking at her oddly while she carried on making her point "Yeah you can't wait can you, you'll have boobs under your chin". And even then when I said, "I'd rather have actual nipples and have them living where they should be", she STILL carried on. Maybe I missed the newsletter telling us all about her labotomy...
I'm pleased to say though, that it didnt bother me at all, so I take it I'm feeling better :-)0 -
Oblivious. love the missed newsletter comment. She jealous? Really. Stupid people.
Edited to delete cattiness...
I'm still waiting to try this new one out.
"I'm sorry, what? I don't understand."
Should work in many situations.0 -
A "well meaning" friend told my daughter that breast cancer 'is not a real cancer, that it is just like a 'practice cancer'????" She actually said this and went on to say that "because breast cancer is so 'common' its just not an issue any more and that your Mum (me) will be back to normal in no time. mmmmmm
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scuttlers, nice typo. Your stepma does indeed sound "sunless". LOL
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Gotta love the auto correct on iPad. Sometimes it words thoughts better than my wounded chemo brain can come up with!
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My little Nextbook (android) always puts in "Android" quite proudly when I'm trying to type "and"!!! Pain in the butt in my book!!
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Probably "Get well soon". I'm Stage IV ;(.
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barbe, conceited little gadget isn't it?
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Anko66 - so sad the well wishers are extremely clueless to what you are going through. Clueless and uninspired.
Katopet - sometimes people want to sweep the reality away, and sometimes they are careless in what they say. My daughter and I have been pretty honest with my six-year-old granddaughter. One night we were out at dinner and the BC discussion came up with the waitress (place was next to empty) and she popped off with that her grandmother died from BC. A minute after the waitress left us, coloring with granddaughter, I said, 'You don't miss a trick, do you?' She said no, and asked what she was worried about. She said, 'Her grandma died.' I told her, yes, that's sad, isn't it, she's sad.... and told her that I was taking really good stuff so I could feel wonderful all the time and I wanted to stay with her a long long time. What can you say though? I hope she doees worry, I really do, but children hear about the cancer word everyday one way or another. I just wish people would be careful and let our own children hear it from us instead.
I got tired of going to a fav coffee shop we had attended for 5 years. The owner knew I had cancer and never one did she realllly ask how I was. She always was the same, happy go-lucky, bright, cheerful, clueless - "HI ESSA! How are you doing?!!" Happy happy joy joy. Swollen like a football under my arm, fluid running into bandages for weeks, pain like a bee stinging me in the boob and nipple every 20 minutes ..... I'm so great, I cannot believe how well this is going, I thought. We have a new fav coffee shop where I have meaningful discussions with the waitstaff and am quite content.
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I think you all have the right idea ... avoidance of all those that are congenitally stupid! Frankly, well before I got breast cancer I avoided toxic people whenever possible.
And, if cancer is caused by sin ... I know an awful lot of people who "lucked out" based on their actions (sins) and lack of cancer in their lives!
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This weekend on the way home from a tournament with my daughter and two other moms and their daughters we stopped for lunch on the way home. One of the moms said to me "Lisa, whip off your wig so we will get our food faster." Really???? I was totally stunned and I said something like "Yea, my bald head will scare the diners and clear the room." The table got silent. Ugh. After we dropped off everyone my daughter said to me right away about how inappropriate it was for Ms. M to say that at the table. I told her I know but you also have to know that family doesn't have a filter on anything they say. She agreed but still said it was soooooooooo wrong and she's sorry if Ms. M hurt my feelings. My daughter has my back! She said "Mom, you can make jokes about your wig and chemo brain but no one else has the right!" I do love her so much!
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Goodie--so great of your daughter!!!! Friends and family can joke a bit about such things, but they know when not to, and how far to go. Others should sometimes just put pie in the cake hole and chew!
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Goodie,your daughter nailed it when she said,"Mom, you can make jokes about your wig and chemo brain but no one else has the right!" What a smart young lady. She must take after her Mom.
Mrs. M needs to develop a wee bit of tact.
((((Goodie))))
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A friend of mine Facebooked me yesterday to apologize for being a horrible friend. She felt bad that she hasn't been over to help me out at all because she has been "so busy" and that she hoped that if anything ever happened to her that she would have better friends than she has been to me. What was I supposed to say to that?? Yeah, you suck as a friend. I don't want to know how "busy" you have been leading your "normal" life while I have been "busy" under going chemo treatments, dr appointments, trying to raise my 6 year old....WHATEVER!!!! You MAKE time for those things/people that are important to you.
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Hey DougiesWife (Lori): Our avatars look eerily similar!
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Lori, Perhaps you could ask her if she WANTS to continue being a horrible friend or if she INTENDS to do something different, like a better friend would. I guess you also have to decide how much her friendship means to you and whether you're up to navigating some new terrain with her. Could be interesting...
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dougieswife
While most of my friends and family have been pretty good asking if I need anything, the "how are you feelings". I got a bit of surprise on email from one gal tonight. I should preface that I had my first chemo treatment 6 days ago so I've been at home not socializing of course. Just the basics, might run to the store, cook, tidy up, rest. You girls get the drill. She says " so what exactly have you been doing all with all your time, you know you really have to get out". Um ok, I explain while yeah she's right. I am taking it easy this week because A) I don't want to expose myself uneccesarily to germs and land in the ER and
This is likely the first week in many that I haven't had to run out for blood work, heart scans, bone scans, oncology meetings, port placements. Never mind the usual stuff you do to run a house oh yes and a small business. Like I don't deserve to have a down week or something. Whatever.0 -
Lol..geegster....why do we have to "hold our head"?...that is funny!!!
I am not too worried about it...she is my "toxic" friend anyway...you know, everyone has that one friend that has zero filters. I used to always wear my hair short and she would tell me how much she didn't care for it so when I cut it short again before chemo, I blasted her first by telling her she was not allowed to make comments about it.
People really do say the dumbest things. This older lady at church, who has been through BC as well, asked me if I was having them both "lopped off"? WHAT?? I had just found out like the week before.
I know I read somewhere above, but, yes...me and my close friends and family can make jokes but others can't!!!0 -
Lopped off... ugh! Had she?!
Its funny how yes, its quite apparent at times and/or people have been told about us, people who feel they can relate ask something that would otherwise be so personal.
Ok at my job I'm required to ask certain questions and get into people's personal space. But it wouldn't fly coming from someone else in another place.
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There's this one woman at work who is a really nice person but I have found since my diagnosis that she is very good at inappropriate conversation with me. I'm pretty sure that she probably walks away from our conversations kicking herself. I actually find it quite amusing now and go out of my way to have conversations with her if I see her ;-) So far this is what I've got...
After seeing me back at work right after my breast surgery: "I'm so sorry. I heard your sad news!" (made me wonder if I'd died... I replied that it was definitely shocking but I'm still alive so not time for sadness yet!)
Seeing me yesterday while we were both waiting for the lift to head home: "I'm so jealous of your hair!" (it's a wig... I just replied that it is certainly different having perfect hair everyday but I'd prefer to have my own hair, any of my own hair... :-))
Just can't wait to bump into her again - she's very amusing.
Jenn0 -
Haha Jenny!
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there is this internet meme (whatever that means) "sh*t people say" , knew someone would make one for us and here it is:
http://boingboing.net/2012/02/24/shit-girls-say-to-girls-with-b.html
many of the idiotic things people say to us! from Jenny Saldana via Xeni Jardin
Julie E
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