The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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When I told my friend yesterday (when I just found out) she said, "My mom had a colonoscopy at age 50 and found out she has colon cancer. Now she poops in a bag." Uh. Yikes?
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Oh g-d, that's aweful and for someone to say such a thing about their own mother. Some things are just better left unsaid.
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I've been so fortunate to have had very few comments that really raised my hackles. Three were all from the same co-worker. In least to most offensive (to me) order:
(This was most recent). Have you trimmed your hair up? (Nope). Huh. It's actually looking almost cute.
(Upon hearing of my diagnosis) - So, do you feel guilty that you weren't current on your mammograms and now you have breast cancer?
(Back before my lumpectomy) - So, do you have any idea how mutiliated your breast is going to be after?
She's a joy to work with.
Jenn
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Jenn, your co-worker needs to learn some tact before she gets attacked!
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Jenn, it's a wonder that your work mate has lived this long without being clocked by a recipient of her tactless remarks.
Sheila.
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Jen, you just can't fix stupid
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"Did they catch it in time?" For cryin' out loud! That one ticks me off the most because like Dougieswife, "They" didn't catch mine. I did and had to stay on them to take me seriously. The surgeon (general surgeon in our small town) kept saying it didn't present like IBC so it couldn't be cancer. I kept saying that I agreed with him on that but I had a big honkin' lump so what was it?! He was so surprised when the stupid biopsy came back TNBC. GRRRRR. Can you tell I'm still angry, upset, PO'd, etc?
So...What I say to "Did they catch it in time?" Is "Not really, I caught it and fought for it." Then give them a big smile.
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cyborg - I love your answer to the catch it in time question. I may borrow it for the right occasion.
Phyllis
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phgraham - I can relate to your post. I actually caught it and fought for it too. My mass was not felt, not seen on mammo or ultrasound, only on MRI. 1st BS told me after excissional biopsy that it was flat epithial atypia cells and to monitor every 6 months. I was very diligent on those screens. Then 18 months later another MRI and lo and behold, same size mass still there, thought it was all removed during biopsy since she took 8cm x 6 cm of tissue out, how could she miss. Ask to have it taken out, told no. 2nd BS did new biospy and told it was cancer. So my persistance paid off to "catch it in time".
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Catch it in time???????
NO! It became cancer before I caught it!!! <idiot!>
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I hate the "caught in time" too. I got annual mammos and they were "clear". My lymph nodes were swollen and I was tired. Luckily, my GYN recommended a diagnostic mammo and ultrasound. The ultrasound saw my ginormous lymph nodes and a tiny, tiny spot. All biopsied...all cancer. Yeah.
Not until my UNI NSM did they see all of the Lobular Cancer. Yeah.
Oh...and the liver mets cuz who knows how long it had been having a field day in my body before my lymph nodes decided to act up.
So....I just answer, "No" and leave it at that. Most people don't know what to say to that.0 -
((((((((((((((geegster)))))))))))))))
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Never thought to put someone on the spot like that.......sure would leave them dumbfounded though.....
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Anyone out there?..........thread has gone cold. Glad no dumb things are being said. Wish I had one to post although I did tell my rads therapists today, that although I mean this in a good way, I hope to never have to see them again. Just finished my 6 weeks of radiation today.
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Yay for you kingjr66! Being done with rads means less travel and onto other, more fun things.
I was asked by someone yesterday that "if you have had breast cancer that means you shouldn't ever get any other kind of cancer?"
Ummm, not exactly. Would be nice though huh?
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This thread has gone cold. You mean you CAN get cancer after breast cancer? People act like they have no common sense!
I taked with the hospital and I am having my hip replaced on April 4th. Yea! I haven't said much but I have been complaining to doctors about "groin pain" for several years with no one saying, gee, groin pain can be a symption of hip problems, maybe we should get an x-ray of your hip. No, I had to ask for an x-ray. When I consulted with an orhopedic surgeon he said groin pain is a typical symptom of the need for hip replacement. I think it is some doctors that are dumb! Geez!
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I'd say about a third of the people to whom I mention my diagnosis solemnly declare to me that "yes, men get breast cancer, too," said in a tone as if this is new information to me.
Hey thanks, but I kinda already knew that.0 -
OMG kmccraw, I have been having groin pain for about a year now and have had ultrasound tests to to rule out obgyn problems (ovarian cysts) and hernia. Just so happens at time I went to doctor I was suffering from a 2 cm ovarian cyst (have had these all my life) and told that was the problem. However 4 weeks later had follow up US and told cyst was gone but my pain was still there. I know what the pain form these cysts feel like and it was not that pain. Then told that it is referred pain from my back problems, UM, WTH. Told not hip because they picked up my leg and twisted it this way and that and tell me, no not arthritis......again WTH???? Sometimes I can twist a certain way in my chair at work and it feels like my like hip has come out of socket it hurts so bad. Can someone please send me for a hip xray.
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Charles, I can't imagine how many dumb things a man with BC must hear. Please feel welcome to come here and vent by sharing like we do any time you wish.
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Chabba,
I do hear a lot of really dumb stuff, but I have to admit that most people have responded with grace and compassion. Generally, I have no complaints.
Frankly, the dumbest thing I've ever heard about being said to male breast cancer patients is "oh, it's rare. It's probably a cyst. Don't worry about it." Fortunately, none of my doctors ever said anything that stupid.
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Charles, I think a lot of us heard that comment too! Probably a cyst.....
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Ok. This is STOOPID and you all have probably heard it before. I was told today that "God has a plan.." so I said "really ??? To give me breast cancer??? That is God's plan???" some people...
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Cyborg:
Amen.
I've heard more than my share of similar comments. It's an odd perspective.0 -
I was told that once from my MIL when my brother was killed in a car accident.....really, that was the plan for him. I can't even tell you the extent of his injuries. I just would not listen to her about "his reasons" and cursed "him" and told her to not waste her time preaching to me. 5 days later her brother died and then 6 months later she died. I was lost for words and just too dumbfounded. I have always been wondering if I have been cursed since then because of my harsh words. I have had some pretty bad luck when it has come to my health throughout the years and now I have cancer. It has been a test but I have always passed. It's like the powers that be are saying, "ok I don't have a plan for you yet but I do want to play with you for a while."
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I think that the dumbest thing I heard - and more than once! - was, "... omg, you have breast cancer? Wow! You can get new boobs! ..."
Seriously?
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SelenaWolf: Okay, now THAT's one no one's ever said to me.0
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charles - LOL.....but in a good hearted way.
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king, I get that!!!! I "just want to play with you a while"...before I kill you!!
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Barbe: good comeback. I'm going to say that to the next Breast Cancer foundation caller on the phone. I have "paid" the ultimate price already and if they were using the millions of dollars in the right direction, we may have better treatment and heck, maybe a cure for BC by now.
I do have a few I know that like to tell me that "so and so" just died from breast cancer that went to the brain, etc. Nice - NOT.
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