The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Stormynyte, your Grandma's attitude must be really frustrating. I don't suppose there is any point trying to educate her? Too late to change I sadly suppose. It reminds me of my husband's reaction to some extent. He told his family I had breast cancer and that it had spread to my liver, but that was just a minor thing....we are about to sign divorce papers...
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a client said "oh you are so young I hope you are going to be okay, you have children you need to raise" REALLY!!!! haven't thought of that.
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Anko, you should have told that nurse if she thinks it's traumatic working in the cancer ward, try being a patient in there! Maybe she would have realized then that she'd stuck her foot in her mouth!0
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Some corkers in there...
My mother told me a head of Irish cabbage prevents cancer!
Mind you, this coming from the woman who believes she's married to Dracula!
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Sommer43 - um, what?
And is that a head of Irish cabbage per day? Once in a lifetime? All at once? And what exactly IS Irish Cabbage?
Curious purrs,
Jenn0 -
I was at an after work networking event that was hosted by my company. I saw a girl there whose husband had passed away from colon cancer years previous - left her with 4 little kids - and she has been instrumental in arranging our local Relay for Life and other cancer fund raisers...She came over to me and asked how I was doing - I told her pretty good these days - (I'm almost 1 year out from the 2nd BC) She said if BC had happened to her that she'd "cut them both off" and then went on to tell me about her mother in law that had had BC 17 years previous and now it was back with a vengence and she should have never gone ahead with a lumpectomy because look it was back and if she had just had a BMX then she wouldn't be going thru this...And this girl should KNOW BETTER than to say this to a fricking survivor! I just smiled and nodded because I really, really wanted to punch her...
What is wrong with people???0 -
I just cracked up reading some of these posts and it helped because I was "managing fears" tonight. Thank you Sistas.
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Exactly what do you do with the cabbage?
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Maybe..................like years ago, in a maternity hospital, you tear off one leaf at a time and cover your boob with it.......when they're engorged after giving birth. The cabbage draws the BC out...........you think?
Sheila.
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One that I can't seem to forget: "Did they catch it in time?"
How is one supposed to respond to that... In time for what? In time to stop me from dying?Hopefully,,, Obviously not in time enough to stop me from having to do 8 cycles of chemo.
My husband's family was prone to talking about the brother who died of neck cancer. They knew everything about chemo and everything else because of him. Yes, but he died, so I don't like relating to the experiences of a dead person. My sister and my mom just got all weepy whenever I talked to them. I felt like they were already grieving and I was at my own wake. I put a moratium on talking about cancer or asking anything about my treatment.
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I didn't have much fuss from family about my bc. Actually, they pretty much forgot about it after the bilateral mastectomy! And even though I have not had reconstruction, one member said "oh yeah, I forgot you had breast cancer."
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jenlee, my answer to that question is, "Sure hope so!" and then change the subject. Eventually, they quit asking. What I want to say is, "I guess I'll find out if I die of something else first!" But I'm going to save that for the ones that just keep asking and asking...
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I'm not sure if it's good or bad, and I'm trying not to react to it, but today a man on a committee I meet with every month or so looked at me in my nice professional business suit, which hugs nicely to my almost completely filled tissue expander chest, and says "whoa, you didn't have that chest last month! Niiiccceee..." WTF!!
I really didn't know how to react. Yes, he knows I have/had breast cancer, and he knows I had bilateral mastectomy last November. He saw me Dec, Jan, twice in Feb and yes I had three fills in the three weeks since he saw me last, so yes, my chest is now a small C where it was undetectable last time he saw me. But, WTF!! Oh, and I'm 47, he's about 24-25!!!
Wait until he sees me next month after 3-4 more fills!
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SheChirple, if he pulls something like that again, just look at him with a straight face and ask, "Don't you know that's a very rude remark?"
How unprofessional can you get?????????????
Leah
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"And the size of my chest affects our work how, exactly?"
That comment was rude and I believe could be considered sexual harrassment. It's probably a comment that could get the guy into some troube with HR if anyone else heard it and reported it.
And, no I probably wouldn't report him if it happened to me, but I would sure enjoy THINKING about the dressing down he'd get from his boss if I did!
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it is interesting as to what people do say, and it all depends where I am emotionally how I will take it. I realize most people just don't know what to say and mean well. My DH told his DB that I was going to be shaving my hair this weekend and his response was I shouldn't do it because my hair might not fall out. This really put a fire under my ars, what does he know that I or my MO doesn't. I asked my hubby to not leave my side AT ALL at church this weekend because I am no longer in the mood to hear what others minght have to say whether about my tx or how they know this person who did this or tried that & so on, my fuse is a bit short these days
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So, it's one year ago today that My world caved in a second time. Dealing with people regarding my time off for recon and if it's an approved procedure. Yeah, cause everybody WANTS plastic surgery for tissue expanders, drains and all that goes with that vacation right?!
Ugh.
"... we have to have the doctor's documentation it was medically necessary to be off because your papers were signed by a plastic surgeon."
Um, it was because of cancer and mastectomy.
"oh, I understand, it's just because he's a plastic surgeon that we have to have medical necessity documented and as soon as we get that you'll hear from us with a decision..."
Ugh, so much for relaxing and healing stress free huh?0 -
24 hour rule ladies....i think we should expand that to....if you still feel like saying something to the person 24 hours after the even, have at 'er!
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I haven't spoken to my mom in a while because I told her that her being emotional all the time was too much for me and I needed some space and would let people know if there were any medical developments. I had emphasized several times that I didn't want to talk about cancer and needed to life to be as normal as possible. So I finally decided to call her today, we needed some family tree info for daughter's project, and was felling like being nice anyway. So as we're talking about my mom's family, she tells me that she had an Aunt Margaret who had breast cancer, and died of it. Me: "and that's supposed to make me feel good?" Mom: "well that was a long time ago." Ok, fine, you're old, so I'll give you a pass on that one. But later in the conversation, actually after I said several times that I really needed to get off the phone and make dinner, she somehow, as usual, tires to extend the conversation. This time, she brings up her aunt AGAIN. This time she says she always remembers how "Aunt Margaret was upstairs in her big four poster bed in her big house, sick from cancer for so long." Why do people INSIST on telling stories about people who have died of cancer???
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Jen, was that the first time you heard of a family member with breast cancer? That is info you needed to know! I guess your Mom brought it up again because she got a rise out of you.
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Hadley - reminds me of my 2 college age girls coming home and then having to take them out to buy tampons. Just assumed that mom would have a stash. How surprising - they were not magically there. Had 1 period 2 weeks after starting and not since, about 2 months.
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I was recently visiting my sister in Florida. We were out at a bar one night and she pointed to a woman nearby and said "that's Cancer Nancy. We call her that because she has cancer and there are several Nancys". I said "you actually call her that?". She says "well not to her face!".
This is the same sister who felt the need to give me advice after my MX and had TEs. She thought she could relate because she had breast implants put in. Poor thing doesn't have a clue!0 -
OMG, Cancer Nancy? LOL!
Where I live we have alot of Bills. Uncle Bill, Cousin Bill, Reedy, Billy Bat LOL. But no Bills named for an illness. Family! Can't pick em.
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Hi, everyone!
I've read many, many pages of this thread and I'm so sorry to see the ignorant and hurtful comments that many of you have had to endure. I was 34 when diagnosed last year, so I always get the "you're so young" comment. I can see why it bothers others, but for me, it's just been more of a sobering statement as I notice that the other person is realizing the circumstance I'm in. I do, however, get very offended by the "I know someone who had breast cancer and she died" story or the "at least it's not (fill in the blank type) cancer."
I have to tell you some of mine.
1. I was between my 2nd and 3rd rounds of Taxotere/Cytoxan last summer and made the rare trip to the grocery store. I could tell that the cashier at Publix was staring at me. It was July and my port was visible and I had a scarf on my head. As she handed me my receipt, she said, "Thank you for shopping with us...and...uh...good luck with whatever it is you have going on." This was also accompanied by a swirling hand motion. I graciously accepted her well wishes and informed her that the "whatever" I have is breast cancer. She replied, "Ohhhhhhh. I had that. I'm a survivor." I had tears running down my face as I walked through the parking lot.
2. A friend of a friend who was newly diagnosed as Stage III late last year messaged me on Facebook. When I saw that I had a message from her, I was happy because I was going to reach out to her. When I opened the message, she had written: "I'm so glad to hear that you're Triple Negative. Mine is so much worse than that." I was stung, but overlooked it because I chalked it up to her not knowing how serious TNBC is. Ignorance is no excuse, but I still didn't get upset with her. I calmy explained to her that TNBC is known to be very aggressive because I knew she was--like us all--being plunged into the world of breast cancer and was getting a crash course. I didn't want her to offend anyone else that she may come across.
3. This same person is now Stage IV and her tumor slides have been retested and she is being reclassified as Triple Negative. She sends me a message and tells me how serious TNBC is and how upset she is. Of course, I comfort her and tell her that she is perfectly in the right to feel down. It's part of the unfortunate process that we all go through. To which she messages me back and tells me that she has a "great attitude" and asks me why I'm depressed and then tells me "You need to get over that if you want to survive. Just sayin'..." I was--and still am--speechless.
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I actually have a good story. Im 49 with zero history in my family. With that being said I do have two acquantances that had had been through this whole drill so I was gratefull for the info they were able to give me. The biggest help to to me was a gal that was 33 when DX that I used to babysit. She actually just had her 3rd year anniversay or is it cancerveraray the same day of my DX if you can beleive it. The moment she heard she called me. She guided me like no other and also brought me here. She is my hero. She went on to have a 2nd baby, runs her own business and got married in the middle of everything.
I have run into my share of "idiots" including family through this ordeal so far believe me. Just thought I would share.
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Jentlee, Beepop, Lintroller, cluckem all . None of them have a clue. There isn't a day that IT doesn't affect us. In thought , spirit, or being. Any hurtful statements bring here. We will lamblasted them, as well as listen.. One thread you may want to add to your favorites lists is. I will post this now and go and get the hyperlink
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/765586?page=1
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/7/topic/763848?page=1
read a few pages at a time-it will bring lots of laughter. Hope and love Sheila
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UUGGGHHHHH.....I finally had the first "Did they catch it in time" comment!!!! I never realized how much that would hurt!!!!!! I know it totally wasn't meant the way it was said, but still...catch it in time for what?? I don't know....but yeah....it stung.
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I never know what to say when they say, "Did they catch it in time?" -- or --- "you're alright now... Right?"
No. I am damaged by a bastard invader. But, hey. All is cool.0 -
Yeah, and "THEY" did not catch it...I did...I was the one with the dry, cracked nipple and no lump that I could definitely feel. Okay....I guess the steroids are making me grumpy tonight! Not cool...but #5 of 6 chemo treatments is tomorrow!!!! Woo Hoo!!!
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Dougie-------had this long missive--------about stupid people, hit a wrong key and it all went away.
Can't reproduce what I said. Stay on the boards, it will help. Many people are here to help.
See and go to above hyperlink for some humor.
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