The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
I post on five forums. This is the only breast cancer forum, though. All forums have the same pattern. Not all posts receive a response. Most of the time there is an original topic and responses to the topic. It is only when people disagree or wish to specifically agree that a post receives a response. Sometimes when someone comes along with a post that sums up a thread or demolishes the original poster, the thread comes to a sudden and complete halt. I have halted a few threads in my time.
The point I would like to make is not to take a non-response as necessarily being unfriendly. Sometimes people have nothing to say.
0 -
Erica-I thought I recognized your screen name. The sudden menopause thing is not fun--mine was chemically induced (lupron) rather than surgical, but I remember crying if someone looked at me, crying if someone didn't look at me, crying if I thought someone was going to look at me, and crying if I thought someone wasn't going to look at me! I still cry easily, especially when stressed. And we all vent from time to time, all vents are welcome and understood here! I've posted some pretty long rants and raves myself, and felt much better after, which is the point of these boards, after all!
I agree that a lack of response often means nothing more than no one has anything to say, but I can see where a newbie or someone in a "crisis" could interpret a lack of response as a cold shoulder. One of the problems of a totally written communication, I suppose. In a face-to-face setting one can see acceptance and support in facial expressions, or feel it in a quick hug or a hand on an arm.
0 -
Psalm--I can't take aspirin, as my onc recommended when I started Tamox; I take fish oil capsules, which my internist recommended.
Bobcat & Erika--Thanks for the welcome!
Regarding the menopause/hormonal therapy/crying issue: I went into chemopause with my first chemo in '95 at age 38, and I had some moodiness, crying spells, etc, but these decreased over time. When I took Arimidex in '06/'07, I often felt either angry or in despair; I just couldn't shake it (and I think of myself as having very good coping skills). Since starting Tamoxifen last August, I have noticed that I have become more easily tearful, and I honestly don't mind. I am so relieved that I don't have the emotional responses that I did with the Arimidex!
I totally support using these boards for "rants," which can be so therapeutic. And it feels so great when others "get it" and help you to feel a little less crazy. With regard to non-responses, sometimes I just don't know what to say or have no energy to type; however, I think I have experienced the "cold shoulder"--although rarely. One time I questioned some really heavy-handed, insensitive comments from a dominant poster and encouraged a different perspective be taken; she never responded directly to me again (which wasn't that bad) and would occasionally, indirectly make negative comments about my postings. Thankfully, I've matured over the years, so I am more likely to just vent and move on.
0 -
Ladies - my head is crazy tonight. Thanks for all the concern. The leg ultrasound was negative and the source of pain and numbness is from the surgery position. I think if we knew what positions they put us in for surgery we would be apalled!!!! Have any of you researched this??Thank God for anesthesia. My MRI showed no bone mets. Waiting for ovarian pathology next week. I am just glad to be home with my cats and heading to bed. SO will crawl in when he gets home.
Native - you worded it perfectly. Sometimes people just don't know what to say and sometimes "I" and "we" take it personally. I know I have and have stopped following some boards because I feel left out and not "in the inner circle". No matter. I have found other boards that take me as I am and also crack me up - like this one ;o) Have a good night all - I was told to take a percocet and go to bed. Just did....
0 -
Good night, bobcat, and congrats on the good news!
0 -
Bobcat, great news, and hoping it continues next week! I found out a bit about surgery positions, don't need to know any more! Happy cuddling with the kitties!
0 -
Bobcat,
Wonderful news....feel better and I'll be praying for more good news next week!
0 -
A " friend" I have not kept up with for a long time called last night. We were talking about recent events. I had to have a NEW large tumor evaluated, and was much relieved that it was a lipoma. ALso, both my parents have been seriously ill with end of life issues, one with end stage Alzheimer's. I remarked that once the drama was over I probably would implode for a while. Her reply: " Until you invent another drama..."
HMMM: when does the death of your parents, and tumours become an invented phenomenon???
I think she has just been ousted from my life bus. I had her siting over the wheels for a few years, but now I am going to ask her to get off at the next stop!
Moogie
0 -
Moogie - throw her under the bus - what a thing to say!! Drama. I should be in bed - you gals are keeping me amused.
0 -
Hey i hope you dont mind me joining in, i just wanted to add my bit. A woman i work with said to my friend "what are they all talking to her for, how much attention does she need, lots of other people has it and dosent get any attention".(Personnaly I think she needs some attention with my fist)
0 -
Moogie, I love your analogy of your life bus and I agree with bobcat, she needs to go under the bus. Bobcat, you are always such a delight on these boards and I'm glad all is well with you. I had my exchange surgery and an oopherectomy done on the same day in late November. I had amazing bruises on me. I was told the docs sit you up when they put in the implants to see what they look like. OMG. I am so glad I never have to know what that looked like with my extra fat hanging out.
I found some boards were pretty closed to new people. I did take it personally for awhile, but kept looking for boards where I fit in better. Those have been meaningful to me.
My 35 year old niece will have a bi lat mast on Monday night here. DCIS. Guess what, bobcat, she is married to Tony, but I'm praying it will be a different Tony. Rest well.
0 -
Ok, I've gotten used to the clumsiness and sometimes rudeness of mere acquaintances, but my teenage daughter just accused me of "playing the cancer card" because I asked her to clean up the kitchen (after herself). Well, I DID have surgery yesterday. She thinks she wants to be a nurse... when she grows up.
0 -
He Bobcat, something happened to my shoulder in my first surgery - and I have been wondering if I was put in an awkward position. I would love to know.
Moogie, with friends like that - you don't need enemies. She is nasty, nasty.
Fionn, happy belated St. Patrick's Day and welcome. Another nasty lady. Where do they all come from. I like your fist solution.
0 -
Bobcat -Great news andI look forward to hear more great news next week.
Moogie - Also voting Yes for under bus solution for such a B!
Fion - Sorry about your mean coworker! She seems to be in need of attention badly
I was just talking to my DH last night about how the doctors/nurses probably handle bodies under anesthesia! Since I came back from the hospital last week I have horrific pain in the abdomen in one spot towards the upper left side (far away from pelvic/surgery area). I roll in pain every time I cough or sneeze. I called the doctor and he said there's nothing wrong with the surgery (thankfully!) and I should keep on taking pain killer because it may be a strained/pulled muscle or gas. I have felt the same pain since immediately after surgery and, at that time, I was still all drugged up with narcotics....I can't help to think that they must toss and turn and roll our bodies like naked dolls!...It makes me remember when I was little I dressed up my dolls but also tossed/roll and pulled their legs and arms out to make it easier to dress them into the tiny clothes...I think they do almost the same to us!
Good night ladies!
0 -
I have lots to say - to much percocet tonight - I will comment tomorrow. Hugs and love, Bobbi
0 -
I mean "too" much. Mary - your niece - prayers to her, so young. Erika and Molly - you've got it!! Butt in the air, legs splayed, limbs tied down, anesthesia, breathing tube ...for goodness sakes!!! and now bedtime...
0 -
You guys brighten my day every time I read this thread.
Erika09, Just wanted to let you know that if your surgery had anything laproscopic involved that pain is almost definately gas. They pump you full of air to see better. It hurts so bad! It also can move from your abdomen to your shoulder. I was told that the best thing you can do is walk around to help it break up. Ouch! Sorry!
I have another dysfunctional family one. My younger sister called me all pleased with herself that she found herself an oncologist, has him almost talked into sending her for a breast MRI (I had one after I was diagnosed) and wants me to gene test before doing anything else. Seriously.
She doesn't have cancer, she never had cancer and doesn't have large dense breasts. When I pointed those things out and questioned why someone who doesn't have cancer has an oncolgist she got angry and said that not everything is about me. So enough about me.... What do you think of me? (Which is why she is on the East coast and I am on the West.)
0 -
Perky - I think your sister is scared and she's thinking she has cancer and her fear is making her take some drastic approach! Just tell her -Whatever rocks your world dear sis!
I had laparascopic surgery and I ended up with a LOT of gas but I could/can distinctively tell the pain difference. Now, 10 days later the gas is pretty much gone, but the strained/pulled muscle remains. Ibuprofen is my best friend now.
0 -
Post surgery pain - SELF INDUCED. one time I was very concerned about my feet getting cold so I wore thick french terry? socks - (perhaps I hadn't used fabric softener?) and what happened was, although it was abdominal surgery - it was my feet that ended up hurting the most - my heels to be precise, I could feel each little terry cloth loop as if there were hundreds of nails being driven in each heel - for days.
0 -
When I woke from my bilateral mx and diep, my big toes hurt so bad. The next day, a blister appeared all along the top of one, and a callous formed on the other. The blister turned into a bruise that stayed for weeks. Finally the whole 'chunk' of toe that was discolored fell off. Fortunately it was only about the size of a dime and not very deep. My PS said they did nothing to my toes, but assumes they must have been pressed up against a poll or rail or something. I expected pain in my chest and in my abdominal area after surgery - but not my toes
0 -
fionn--I think you have that woman at work pegged. She sounds like one of those people who needs to be the center of attention 24/7 and reacts badly to anyone else getting any of "her" attenttion! Attention from your fist would be amusing to watch. . .
moogie--throw her under the bus! Good place for someone like that! Invented drama, really. How idiotic!
mbtlcsw01 -- I'm sorry you weren't welcomed on some of the threads here, and glad you found some where you are welcomed. You are certainly welcome here! You must have been quite a site after exchange + ooph surgery. I can't imagine what it felt like during recovery, but I hope you have recovered.
Astorm--it's one thing to be accused of playing the cancer card, and quite another to deliberately do so! I have played that card a (very) few times. I figure since I didn't get any choice about all the pain, horror and misery that I've earned the right to play the card once or twice a year if it will make something easier for me! As a Nursing Instructor I can tell her that she really does need to grow up a bit before starting on the road to a profession as demanding and other-centered as nursing! But, she's still a teenager, and teenagers are aliens, IMHO.
Erika--having seen a few surgeries in my day I can pretty confidently say that our bodies aren't tossed and rolled about during sugery (much), but the OR staff do often lean on the bodies, equipment can be dropped on us during surgery and muscles can be pulled or strained when we are being moved off the OR table onto the stretcher to go to recovery. ON the other hand, the surgeon ususally isn't very gentle when handling our insides! It's a wonder we don't hurt more than we do after surgery!
perky--Your sister sounds like she needs another specialist--one that specializes in restraints and accommodations with padded rooms! She may be scared, but really, her reaction seems just a little overboard to me. And why do YOU need to be gene tested? Why doesn't SHE get gene tested? Sounds like it's a good thing that you are separated by a few (thousand) miles.
neversurrender--the OR staff is supposed to make sure that there is no pressure against any part of the body, but especially against the most vulnerable, which includes the heels, toes, elbows, hips, shoulder blades, butt, and wrists. Somebody either dropped the ball, or someone was leaning on your feet! Surgery is hard enough to deal with without added pain due to carelessness.
Sometimes I wonder which is worse, when people totally avoid the subject of breast cancer around me or when they say something totally stupid. I keep telling myself that my family's comments come out of ignorance and not malice, but if I have to explain to a certain aunt that bc is NEVER considered CURED one more time. . . .
0 -
There is a woman on these boards who woke up from surgery with little red pin pricks all over her torso. Turns out they STAPLED the drapes on her so they wouldn't move!!!! Can you friggin' imagine?????
If you watch TV when they show surgeries for breast augmentation/reduction, they DO sit the women up to make all as level as possible. These people wouldn't be afraid if they saw a zombie like the rest of us would!
0 -
Moogie: LOVE the life bus! How perfectly it describes our emotional journey with bc. I've already banned three relatives from my bus. I have posted a "No Morons" sign (similar to the No Smoking signs) near my driver's seat and any suspicious characters will not be picked up. LOL And I agree, your alleged friend should be under the bus (or at least in the cargo bin).
After one of my surgeries, I had some bad shoulder pain, too, but I think they told me it was because of the position they have to put you in to get to the sentinel nodes. Ouch.
0 -
NativeMainer, My PS said the same thing when I told him about my toes...someone is supposed to be watching that and checking it frequently. He was unhappy that it had happended to me - in his surgery. Thankfully, it wasn't serious and the whole toe didn't drop off
They STAPLED her drains on --- OMG! My mouth fell open at that statement ! WHAT !?!?!?!?!
0 -
AStorm,
I think I had your daughter's "older sister" as one of my nurses after my modified radical mastectomy. Because I was losing such a large breast, the surgeon had me admitted as an inpatient. I did well and was up walking around the afternoon of my surgery. My one problem was an horrible burning pain in my back. I didn't know at that time and, obviously the nursing staff didn't know, that back burning pain was a result of the chest nerve being irritated from surgery.
Two days into my hospital stay, a young snippy nurse was my day nurse. She started off our day by informing me that,"I have nine patients assigned to me today, several of them really are really sick and need me. I hope you aren't going to bother me."
I let that one roll off me. I did do frequent walks around the floor which the other staff encouraged. Unfortunately, when it came time for my afternoon pain meds, young snippy thing was apparently too busy to bring me the pills. After an hour past my due pain meds.the burning pain returned in full intensity and had me crying from the pain. I slowly walked out to the nurse's station curved to one side trying to relieve that back pain, and tearfully begged the head nurse to please give my meds. She sent me back to the room as she paged my nurse to immediately bring my pain meds to my room. Young snippy thing came flying into the room, basically threw the pain meds at me and said, "If you stayed in bed where you belonged and didn't walk around, you wouldn't hurt and have to bother me."
As soon as the pain med kicked in, I walked back out to the nurse's station, found the head nurse, and gave her an earful about young snippy thing from her morning greeting to me to her last comment about staying in bed. I also tattled and told the nurse that during my walks around the floor, young snippy thing seemed to be on frequent breaks during the day in an isolated back empty room where she read a magazine and talked on her cell phone. The head nurse was not happy, apologized and told me to keep the walking up. She also asked me to show her the hidey hole where young snippy thing happen to be back reading the magazine. I keep walking as the head nurse charged into the room.
I was later informed by an evening nurse that young snippy thing was dismissed from the floor immediately and was facing review by the hospital.
0 -
No, they stapled the DRAPES! The green cloths that they use in surgery. You see them on TV all the time...even worse!
0 -
Sassa--GOOD FOR YOU for speaking up. That nurse's behavior is unexcusable, and she got what she should have gotten. Hopefully no other hospital will hire her, either.
Barbe--I knew drapes were stapled to each other, but to the patient's skin?????? How much of an infection risk is THAT practice????? Not too mention the pain. Good Lord Above WHAT where they thinking????
0 -
Sassa - Young snippy certainly deserved what she got! Good for you, and I'm impressed that you had that much energy to stand up for yourself after such surgery!
Ouch for cloth & staples, It gives me the chills! I'm now determined that they must have handled my body in a NOT SO GENTLE way and it explains about my upper abdomen pain! I'm going to just mention to my doctor when I see him next week -I wonder how my body was handled during surgery!
0 -
Sassa ~ good for you for ratting out Young Snippy Thing! What a jerk she is.0
-
There is a woman on these boards who woke up from surgery with little red pin pricks all over her torso. Turns out they STAPLED the drapes on her so they wouldn't move!!!! Can you friggin' imagine?????
OMG - Does she have to be thankful they didn't staple the drapes to her jugular vein????
Moogie- under the bus sounds good to me.
Sassa- Gold star to you for helping someone out of the helping profession.
0
