The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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out on a linb here - did Sarah say that to you? She has a way of phrasing things....
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I can think of two cases where the people were just really dumb!
1. My co-worker approached me to notify me that the American Cancer Society cleans house if you are taking chemo. I said" thanks, but I really don't need that info because Im done with chemo." She smiled and said,"Well, just in case it comes back!" @#$#@#@%$
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Just wait until they ask you if your pubic hair grows back!! I had that experience 6 years ago after my ooph and treatment.
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When I returned to work following my lumpectomy ( I had been out a grand total of two days) the first words out of my assistant's mouth were- "... your hair still looks good."- and -"...it doesn't look like its falling out yet"- as if the mere diagnosis of BC causes all forms of hair to immediately drop from your body. I decided to pretend like I did not hear it. A week or so later she gave me another update on my hair "its not falling out yet" she exclaimed- Fortunately for her I had not started my AI, I sat her down and gave her a mini seminar on BC.
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That I was so selfish and had no right to have a second baby after my breast cancer as I was going to die anyways and that was unfair to the baby, Well I would of loved her e_mail addy as I just surpassed my 20 years clean from breast cancer last month, that baby is17 now and I would not of missed the experience for anything. My kids gave me a reason to fight this disease.
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rock on badbabe56
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this is for bobcat, I can now see Russia from my back door without my boobs getting in the way...
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I don't know if this is dumb....or more just annoying and my lack of patience......I was in Victoria's Secret to use a coupon for a free pair of panties....The clerk says its also good for $10 off a bra and I shouldn't waste it and did I want to look at bras.....I told her that I didn't need any bras....this young thing starts going, are you sure, we have some really nice new ones and....I cut her off and said that I don't need any bras as I had a mastectomy!!! Then I went on to say, when a customer says that they don't need any bras, that I would appreciate if she would not keep asking them. I think she was dumbfounded!!!! My almost 12 year old DD was with me....and to be honest, she was not surprised by my comment to the clerk. I told DD that one day, I would be in a really bad mood and ask the clerk if she would like me to lift my top and show her why I don't need a bra!!!!!! IF this was any other article of clothing I probably would not have gotten so annoyed, but I guess that this is a sore subject for me....just like when someone who is small chested says that they don't have any boobs!!!! come on...unless you've had a masatectomy, you have boobs!!!!
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Bobcat and AK! thank you, love starting off my day with a huge laugh!!
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I'll repeat this here, it happened just over a year ago...
I was in a department store buying some post-double-mast tops and as the sales clerk rang in my purchase, she mentioned that they were having free bra fittings in the lingerie department. I politely declined. She urged me to go as it was FREE! I said NO thanks, I've had a double mastectomy. She said OH, they can fit anyone! I told her I didn't HAVE breasts anymore for anyone to measure! I grabbed my bag and left her with her mouth hanging open. Idiot! Do they even LISTEN???
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Never underestimate the limited vocabulary of the average person. I imagine that most people on the street could not define the word mastectomy. They would probably think it related to sailboats.
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Maybe the sales clerk didn't know you could have breasts removed and thought you were a mutant born without breasts. Or maybe had an incomplete gender change. Maybe it was a sails clerk. You never know. As you know, some of us have as much sensitivity as a brick. Never know who unleashed her on to the general public. Who knows what gets into people.
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Sails clerk - leaf, you crack me up!
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mastectomy~pulling down the sail and using the fuel powered motor.
Whoopsi, wrong thread.
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Mastectomy~ the removal of a mast of a sailing ship as in "There's a crack in the mast, Captain. We need to do a mastectomy."
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If anyone feels compelled to post on this thread saying "people just don't know what to say, they're just trying to be nice" please don't. We know that. This thread is for the entertainment value only. 0
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People just don't know what to say, but that doesn't stop them from opening their mouths anyway.
Leah
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My Aunt gave me a good comeback...
I was telling her that I find it funny when people say "you look so good" to which I usually reply "yes makeup and hairspray are wonderful things."
To which she replied "Well, what should I look like...It's not face cancer!!!! LOL
Melanie
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Melanie- Good one! Want to remember that one should the need arise.
Thanks,
Pat
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Sandy Aust:
I think you have taken the "mum (or whoever)" completely wrong. What was meant here was - person says "mum" - or other person they knew of - be it, friend, aunt, grandma, neighbour, coworker - the "whoever" meant whoever the person is that was being referred to. It was not in any way downplaying the role of a mother.
Furthermore, I agree with Desdemena's above comment. Whilst I extend to you every sympathy, the point being made here is that no woman that has had breast cancer finds it in any way helpful to have "I knew someone who had BC and they died"said to them. It plays on your biggest fears. I am sure it must be horrible for you, however, I think you are missing the point here by being offended by a comment which simply states the truth. We all understand here, we've all been through it.
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Melanie, that was so well said. Made me laugh.
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I' m at work, but had to sneak in here to mention a dumb thing a person just said to me.
I was sitting in my office and one of our patient's came into my room to check out. The entire time I was making her next appointment, this person kept telling me her entire family has heart disease but she'll probably be the one to get cancer and die a slow horrible death. I remained silent and checked her out. She proceeded to inform me again that at least she didn't have cancer. How horrible that would be. She was lucky enough not to get cancer. She said this to me about 4 times as I was working. I know she didn't have a clue about my cancer, but it hit a raw nerve. I hid it from her and finished checking her out, but than sat at my desk for a few minutes trying not to cry. I'm usually not sensative like that, but something just hit me cause she kept repeating it over and over. I work in a dentist office, not a medical office, so I don't know why she kept telling me this. I wear two pink bands on my wrist that are visible and have a sign in my office counting the months I've been cancer free. I dont' get it. People don't pay attention to whats around them.
I had to share, but I've got to get back to work, Just typing this down helps.
Thanks.
Deb
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It's not that big a deal I guess but in the couple months after my diagnosis AT LEAST 10 people (who knew nothing about it) said, well, at least you caught it early. Why would you say this??? I mean, it could've been worse, but early? No. I didn't. I nearly didn't catch it at all- it was a fluke a doctor happened to. And they didn't know anything- it could've been at the point of coming through the skin and already metastisized for all they knew! Every time I would want to cry thinking, I should've caught it earlier.
Plus, yes, all the charming people who died stories.
Also, this doesn't really bother me but it's weird- now all these people I know ask me, is this safe? or this? Does this give you cancer? Yeah, I guess I've done a lot of research but wouldn't I be the last person you'd want to turn to to find out how not to get cancer??
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A very close friend asked how radiation was going. So I told her that I was tender, swolen, itchy and tired. She then said, "well at least they caught it early and it's not like you're going to lose your hair". The other..."well DCIS isn't really cancer, is it?". ...yes, please share that w/ my insurance co that is about to raise my rates through the roof and the life ins company that won't increase my coverage and my fried skin. It's not really cancer. The way I see it, It's kinda like calling my dog ugly. I can say it but you can't. 0
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I swear, one of the most irritating things people said was exactly what many of you have mentioned: "Well, at least they caught it early." And, as you've said, that comment was made by people who had no idea what type or stage of BC I had. Many of them had just learned about my dx half a minute earlier.
The only appropriate thing I've imagined myself saying in response to "At least they caught it early," was "What makes you think they did?".
I'd planned to say that and then stand there quietly, waiting to see what would happen next. But, I never had the nerve to actually say "What makes you think they did?". Instead, I usually replied, "Well, I hope they caught it early...", or, "Well, we'll see..."
otter
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otter--I really, really hate the "caught it early" line, too. Like you I generally don't say anything at the time, but I usually get the same people who make that comment later when they ask me "are you cured?" Then I just look at them somberly and say "breast cancer is never considered cured. I won't know until I get diagnosed with a met or die without a mets if I'll have to go through all this again." Then I sit back and watch them flounder.
I guess we both have a little tiny bit of a mean streak in us. . .
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What's with all the experts we know who just LOOK at us and KNOw it was caught early? When I get the "at least it was caught early" I say, "Not really" and then they of course proceed to "but you're cured, right?" and then I tell them there's no way to know.
The ones who are really concerned don't make the "caught early" or "it's cured" stupid comments so I don't feel bad about it. If they really cared they wouldn't ask those questions. They ask in order to make THEMSELVES feel better.
Leah
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"They ask in order to make THEMSELVES feel better."
True. People are afraid of disease and mortality. They want reassurance. They should use the internet instead of asking us.
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Wow, I thought I had something to add until I read how Joanne's friend responded by saying her "mum died from that."
I'm speechless.
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*whew*
I was just in a situation that I promised my father that he won't see me on CNN later....
'oh, you poor thing....my aunt died from the disease..'
'sorry about your aunt'
'I bet you are fighting the good fight...'
'well I am, and the doc told me that I need exercise, so do you want to tangle now or in the street?'
(surprise look, then a nervouse chuckle)
'I just mean..'
'look lady, be thankful of what you got right now, cuz my kid is picking me up and he's gonna be a tad bit annoyed about having to stop the car and drag me off you....'
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