The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Welcome Fighter69, I'm glad you found us but not why or how you got here! Our closest loved ones have the capacity to hurt us the most! Because how could someone so close do & say some thing so heartless! At least you have a place to vent & vent we do! With those who understand the most! Take one day one step at a time....as there is so much mentally, emotionally, & physically to deal with! Ask away as some where some how some one has been through, over, or under IT in some way shape or form! For those that believe....God is there to SEE/HELP us through it....not punish us!
CAM....Yes we have as a Family! My whole life has been one BIG worry! But how can I not. I have learned to let go some with my out of the house older boys....but I will always be a MOM! It's what we do! The Co-Pays are swallowing things up! But Ironic in what your said about my hands....(I'm looking at the humor).....They are small and so am I, 4 foot 9 & dwindling as the years go by!
Chabba....it seems life deals many different hands to many people. Rarely life is easy for anyone. We get up brush ourselves off & go on as much as we can. Never it being easy. But I guess it's all in how we look at it! You too with your family has been through much. As for the Insurance I am sure I have spent more than I have put in for sure. So I try to look at it that way but still not easy when the bills keep rolling in!
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So true CAM!
Annie Welcome....One thing you will find in Cancer Land is that YOU will find out who your friends are! One girl at work her Husband died of brain cancer. We got along really well. Until I was diagnosed in May with this beast. It's not that we had a fight it's just she got really quiet. Has not really asked anything about anything since I had my surgery. I'm sure with her husband & other cancer in her family my DX just hit too close to home. You will find allies/friends in the most unlikely places. People you NEVER expected to be there for you! Those that you thought would stand by you may not. It happens, not to all, but it can! One thing else many don't really understand BC. Even me I am in Health Care as a CNA. There was much I have learned & am still learning. Some it's just way over them no matter what they are told or try to learn. They will not get it or choose not to! You will find that one person or persons that will beyond here!
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Fighter69, I got the same thing. Everytime I went back to the doctor since being diagnosed in June they ask how Im feeling. They have even come out straight and asked why I havent fallen apart. Did anyone not "fallapart" with their diagnosis?
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Well I have to say I didn't but one of my great friends and still is and is always with me (in spirit) and I love her said to me---Don't worry u'r to stupid to fall apart. Now someone else would take offense but if u really know me I laughed so hard.And she's right. So I followed instructions and thst's all I did.
I think people must think thst will fall on the floor and thro a fit. If I did that I'd never get up so u just carry on.
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Fighter 69 - I panicked after my first chemo infusion last year. I was so disoriented, I could not find my car in a small-town hosp. parking lot. It turned out that I was looking for a car I used to have. I called the Onc office and told them I was quitting chemo - they talked me into coming in again - I'm glad I did - I think... - As I guess the first infusion was just a shock to my body. I was not as disoriented as treatment continued. My PNP decided I needed counseling, so she referred me to a hospital counselor - the service was free through a grant, so I figured what the heck. All the psych. did was quote other psychs, right out of the book on her lap. When she was done reading to me, she asked a few questions. When I arrived for my 2nd and last session with her, she told me I was repressing and needed to be angry. I told her I came to her to not be angry!!!!
Chemo this time around is much less toxic and so far I'm doing well - just had my first infusion Fri. - I'm scared, concerned, sad - but I'm not angry and none of my med team is going to convince me that I should be.
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Annie I did when I finally got the DX after 7 weeks of biopsies & tests. I had to call off work. I just could not go in to work & keep it together the night I found out. My Husband & I both broke down & cried deep sobs! I still find my self very teary eyed/cry at times & I'm all done with treatments! I had the early easier kind....as they say. It's all part of it! We need the release! The first few months after DX are hard until you know what to expect & have a plan in place. Then comes no where land where your all done with Chemo & RADS....although you may take anti-hormonal's for years after the initial treatments. It's still no where land. I think we all go through these stages to some degree some more than others. We just learn to cope in some way, even though we wish we didn't have to.
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Reality I'm laughing about u'r counselling--Geeze i could have done that. hahaha
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Cam I love your inner peace....it's making me hungry so I may just have to go find me some!
Reality we all deal or find a way to deal in our own way! I am sorry you had such a "BOOBY PSYCH"! They should go back to school or get out of the profession! SHEESH!
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When my MO called me at 8:30 p.m. one night a couple of weeks ago, I knew it was most likely not a good sign. He started with, "Do you want to hear this on the phone?" Well, of course I did. What was I going to do - wait two days to get an appt? After that opening remark, I had to tell him to continue. When he told me about the lung mets, I told him I knew I had mets, but just did not know where. When I told him I needed to know the stats about life expectancy, he asked if I was sure. When he told me most likely one to two years, I accepted it quietly and thanked him. He then asked if I was ok - to my surprise, I actually was and am ok - scared for my family as I am very close to my adult children and grandchildren, but not for me. (Besides all that - stats are not always right!)
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Sherry Hold on to that thought! Easy for me to say though! I got the feeling YOU knew...suspected. I read between the lines in your words on here. I think deep down some of us really just know. If we are wrong then we will take it! Not that my DX didn't come out of left field. But when I had the symptoms that sent me to the Dr.s 5 months before my yearly mammo. Some how I just knew it was cancer....not that I hoped my gut was wrong. When I saw my Mammo I knew where the cancer was on the film & knew where to look before he showed it to me. As it was a place I had always thought looked funky to me....a cross roads of blood vessels! Well that is where it was. I don't know why or how but just always suspected that is where it would show up at! I am sure especially as we get older & now with our DX's it is something we have thought of & ALL that it entails! Thinking of you my friend!
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Sherry---keep the feeling that stats are wrong. Thy are not really reliable anyway. I'm sorry u have all this on u'r shoulders--it all sucks.
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Annie, I didn't lose is or get angry at inappropriate times. I just figured it was my "turn" at cancer. Just like I have other health issues. I took one for the team!
Sherry, your doc has surprisingly low stats!! I've been on these boards for 4 years and have befriended many stage iv gals that have had lung mets years and years ago!!! Gemzar seems to be a magic bullet. I guess it's how your body responds to the chemo that will be telling. Remember, it's not the cancer that kills us, it's the treatment!! Give him shit, from me to him!!
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Sherry, the stats are not only outdated, they are guesswork. There is no way - no way at all - to tell how your particular cancer will react to a treatment, nor is there any way to tell how long a particular treatment would work for you.
I particularly like my onc's statement about it. He said, "I'm a great doctor but I'm a terrible prophet".
Leah
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Thanks so much for your support - I really like your onc's statement Leah. Yes, Barbe - I will give it to him! In fact, I think the best thing I can do is to prove him wrong. Cam and Julz - Thanks so much for your encouragement. I am looking forward to a wonderful fall day in the Adirondacks with my grandchildren. I just looked up a choc. chip cookie recipe I plan to use today. The children love to smell something baking when they come home from school. I hope each of you has a great day.
Sherry
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At work yesterday, one of my co-workers moms was volunteering. She asked how I was, and I said I was a little stressed - I'd seen my oncologist the day before, and he wants me to have a full spinal MRI asap (I've been having mind boggling back/spine/rib/neck pain for a couple of months). She said Why? And I said, well, because the concern is the cancer has spread to the bones. And she said - oh, you're FINE! I responded, well, I hope so! And she came back with - Oh, I can tell - you Look Great! And I snarked back with - well, I looked great when I was diagnosed with breast cancer!
She really bugs me.
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WHY, oh WHY do people THINK we are okay just because we LOOK okay????? It boggles my mind!!!!!! I had cancer in my breast, asshole!! NOT in my face!!!
And HOW do they KNOW that we are OKAY???????? My DOCTOR didn't have an opinion on that, so why should YOU??????????
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Totally DITTO Barbe----I know people are trying to be nice but I wish they'd say nothing after I always say fine. Let it drop there. First I know I don't look good. I'm overweight, my skin has totally changed color even with makeup, dark circles I try to cover, hardley any eyelashes left--that's why I said just let it alone with u look good. LOL
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I have said before if we look good bald, no brows or lashes... what on earth did we look like before???
So, a classic for you: Yesterday I went to visit some work mates and whilst there met up with a Manager who I havent seen since dx. She's always been a very touchy feely type. The asked how I was... tilted head, lowered voice and tears in her eyes, asked if she could hug me. Sure I said. Well it was a bear hug, wasnt sure if my foobie would ever regain its shape. Then after a bit more small talk, she put her hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eye and asked if I was dying?? All I could think of saying was 'not today'. Maybe I am a bit warped, but I had to chuckle about it afterwards.
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Tazzy good for u.
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I had four biopsies on Wednesday. Three were from the skin and only one was really deep. As the team was cleaning me up, one of the nurses cattily said that most docs would charge me for the removal of these sites! I didn't get it at first until my surgeon said that due to my history of cancer, ANY growths are taken out or off. I then realized the nurse thought I was doing this for COSMETIC reasons!! Right!! I have a 21" scar across my chest and I'm having some lumps removed for COSMETIC reasons!! Doi!!!
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So, I've been lurking for a while, and have been in the hospital since Monday with a serious infection in my face near my eye... I am supposed to be given pain meds for chronic pain round the clock. My eye has been infected, and I've had a lot of pain in my face and neck from inflammation. I'm having a 5- level laminaplasty next month, all documented. I asked my nurse for my pain meds-- after my doctor team told me NOT to let it go past a 6, and she told me to take an imitrex. I told her I wasn't having a migraine. Took it anyway. An hour later, me crying, she had to give me my prescribed morphine pill, begrudgingly. My pain spiked to an 8-9 because of waiting, so it didn't work. I asked for my rescue IV meds LIKE THE DOCTOR TOLD ME TO DO. Nurse said, "are you exceeding your pain meds at home? Because I don't see any somnelence when I give you morphine." Somnelence, I ask? "sleepiness. It doesn't make you sleepy. You MUST be taking more than you should." I remind her I am taking steroids that make me amped up... She first told me I wasn't taking steroids... Wrong! Then she said, no, you don't need it... Luckily, she was off a couple hours later and I got some relief from the next nurse. But I did complain to the charge nurse who told me I should have been given the meds as I asked. Some nurses don't understand the pain response.
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Been lurking here awhile reading your comments on the dumb things people say. Why do people think they need to diagnose us? - "you look good, you'll be fine" is probably my most irksome remark. How in the world would any layperson know I'll be fine because I look good? I must've really been a horrific sight when in tx!!! Fortunately I haven't been the target of any really dumb remarks lately but now, thanks to you ladies, I've got an arsenal of really great comebacks!
The one I seem to get the most is, "how are you DOING?" That emphasis on "doing" seems to imply to me, "Omg, you're still here!". I just answer, I'm ok, some days are better than others". That seems to shut them up but maybe I need a better reply for those who ask me that knowing they could really care less.0 -
Sherry have a wonderful weekend!
Camil....YOU CRACK ME UP!!! It may be Friday but it's my weekend to work! As for the looking good. If you can't say anything nice don't say that. Let's face it we know when we look like SHIT! (excuse my french) So don't even try & sugar coat it!
((((BARBE))))) First off keep us posted on the biopsy's!!! What a nurse....as if 4 biopsy's will fix that scar! SHEESH....as I have said before Bed Side Manner 101 school is needed for this one!
This one is for the response on the Looking OK!Mpeaches First off Welcome! Second I am sorry your having such pain not to mention worry about what all that could mean! I hope that all the scans are negative for the beast & they can relieve the pain. As for that woman we all have encountered to one degree or another someone like that. I have learned to avoid contact or just not discussing what's going on with me. I changed the subject when I meet up with some like this as best I can! Please let us know how things are going with your back!
Tazzy....the darn bear hug thing!!! My DH has had 5 back surgeries one of his Dr's gave him that Big Manly slap on the back thing a few years ago. It about sent him through the roof in pain! Knock, Knock, Knock is anything upstairs with these people! I hope your poor foob made it back into shape ok! I like your response to that one! What do they want you to say!?! Especially in public! SHEESH!
Eema.....THIS is my biggest pet peeve as a nursing assistant!!!! If pain meds are ordered a certain way there is a darn good reason why! Yes I understand that a nurse may ? as there could be a mistake on the Dr's part or in transcribing the orders from the Dr's. But then when all is checked out with someone else to make sure all is right. The NURSE should give it ASAP!!! Not every pain pill taking person is a druggy! Yes we know there are some that abuse it. But all this should be in the notes on the patient (YOU)! Nothing makes me madder than cancer patients or fresh surgery patients being in pain & not getting relief! I am so sorry you had to go through this! IT IS NOT RIGHT!!!! SHE DID NOT READ HER CHARTS!!!! Eye pain hurts bad! I hope your feeling better soon! I would write a formal complaint to the hospital! You could also tell your Dr. what happened as they carry a lot of clout! I had to do this & fast it happens when a Dr. is told!
Rakulynda so true! As if we would be standing in front of them talking to them if we were on our death bed! I have used that line with a few also. They don't know what to say as I think they expect a bright cheery everything is going good response!
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Eema, sorry you had to deal with that, what a witch. After my mast I had a nurse who was the opposite. She tried to force me to take pain meds and argued with me when I said no. She even tried to push the button on the thing herself to give me a dose. I had to yank it out of her hand.
I could understand if I was in pain, but I had an On-Q ball and everything was numb.
Makes me wonder what kind of training they get in pain management. There is no reason anyone should have to suffer in pain, especially while they are sitting in a damn hospital.
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I talked to the docs and the charge nurse already. I want these nurses to be educated, not necessarily fired. There are a lot of old thoughts on pain-- I get yelled at for not taking enough and getting myself in a bad situation.
Yeah, my eyes wouldn't move past midline, my cheeks looked like someone hit me in the face (and the nurse asked if someone was hitting me), my WBC elevated, but I'm exhibiting "drug-seeking behavior.". Hell yes I'm exhibiting drug-seeking behavior, my doctor told me to!0 -
Camillegal: u'r my type of people! Luv ya.
Reality: sherry, I can smell those cookies! U have your priorities in the right order. For me anyway, it is quality of time not quantity in life! My thinking is that I have enough time to love completely (even myself, or someone else, or an idea even) -- in an instant (it's a state of heart I think). One moment of pure love -- which is all I really want in life -- is enough to make it all worthwhile. Sorry I am going all philosophical. My more light-hearted idea: now with your back exposed more to your medical people, you can more easily make silly facial expressions unnoticed!!!
Eema: sending fairy dust to you for magical spells!
To everyone: i am shedding tears for my dear cat who died today of kidney failure after 17 wonderful years. Her purity and sweet nature will always remain with us. Thankfully no one has yet said to me, "she was only a cat." Of course I DO know she was only a cat, and I do not equate her with a human. But I am grieving nonetheless.0
