The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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Paula, I understand that as well.
We all know you didn't mean to offend someone. We all ask questions or say something that may offend, but you just have to blow it off. We are all here for each other and that's the way it should be.0 -
Paula, there is a thread in the Stage IV forum for those of us who aren't stage iv to ask all the questions we want and stage iv gals will answer when and if they want. They get offended if we post on their threads and ask, what to them, is stupid questions as THEY already have mets. I've had my wrists slapped when I first started posting too. You have a lot of posts so they probably figured you knew the "rules". So, you're not alone, sweetie!
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OMG. I'm stage iv. . . they need to get over themselves already! Post away!
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Rakulynda God Bless You!!!
Blessings
Paula0 -
I don't even post on those threads I understand their thinkin but it's to much for me.
Paula don't give it a 2nd thought.
Happy Thanksivin everyone.
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I have to share my story also about the stage 1V thread.....I met a lady who told me
her husband was dx with lung cancer roughly thirty years ago and is alive, strong and
enjoying his life. I thought I would share that with the ladies on the stage 1V thread.
One lady sent me a PM saying basically I didn't know what I was talking about that lung cancer and lung cancer from BC are two entirely different things and I should know everyone on that thread is going to die someday from their cancer!!!!! I, being stage 1
would probably never face such a thing!!!!!
I told her whether I am 1 or 1V I still live daily with the fear of mets etc. We are all in this together and I was just trying to give hope to all of us, as I also posted my story elsewhere. I too have learned my lesson.0 -
Living in fear of getting mets, and actually having mets are not even close to the same, and that is what a lot of the stage IV ladies get so upset about. Not to downplay your fear, but it's just not comparable.
But I do agree there is much unnecessary..umm, whats the word..rudeness and lack of compassion often when someone not IV posts on some threads.
Its hard not to snap when someone basically says "What did you do wrong to get mets? Tell me so I don't make your mistakes and end up like you!"
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So many choices... here are three of the worst things people have said to me:
From my uncle: "You have too many degrees to have cancer."
From my father: "I have diabetes. We all have probems we have to deal with."
From a family friend: "Your marriage stock has hit rock bottom now."
.....
Sarah
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Stormy~I agree with everything you said. The deal is, being newly diagnosed, we don't yet know if I'm stage IV. I had scans yesterday to determine that. The tumor was rather large with 13 of 16 nodes positive. I wasn't afraid of developing mets, but being realistic that they might be there from the get go.
I was just shocked at the attitude of someone who is stage IV acting like that. Absolutely no empathy for someone else. Like its a private club. No stage III allowed, regardless.
But, I'm over it now. I just won't ever make that mistake again.0 -
Stormy, I get everything you said and I agree fearing mets and having them are not comparable, but I still maintain we are all in this together and my sole intention was to give some hope to all of us. Rudeness, we don't need.
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I agree, the rudeness needs to take a hike. Even if you don't like what someone said or where they said it, your opinion can be voiced without being rude and/or hurtful.
I think it's easy to forget there is a real live person behind every post, and that most of the real live people here are scared and in need of help and support. I forget this myself at times. I'm gonna have to work on that.
Happy turkey day everyone!
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Stormy.....loved what you said about real people being behind every post .....I personally
don't know of anyone I correspond with here who would even consider in their wildest dreams being insensitive to a stage 1V individual, perhaps there is some unintentional
ignorance on our part and we need a "little education" ...perhaps a new thread along these lines might be in order.....your thoughts?0 -
Scottiee I think there is a thread that says anyone can ask questions about Stage 4--I don't really write on stage 4 anymore myself so I think they feel like Stormy said and it's very personal to them, now i'm not condoning any rudeness cus that's uncalled for for any reason---but it's just something that they want for themselves cuz they know no one else understands how they feel. And yes everyone is scared--How do u measure fear from one person to another-u can't/
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Camilegal....thank you for your response. I agree, how DO you measure fear. Personally my fear was so great this summer that Imlost a huge amount of weight from vomiting,
nausea and lack of appetite.....now on meds and things are much better for me.
I do get about having a separate thread.....still don't get the rudeness.....still strongly
believe we are all in it together here no matter the stage....being educated will go a long way for the hopefully few that will progress eventually to stage 1V.
Thank you also......did find the thread you were talking about.0 -
Paula,
I had someone back when I made the decision to do Herceptin without the harder chemo drugs, tell me in a private message, that I was wrong in my decision, that I would probably die, and that i had a bad doctor for allowing the treatment to continue.
I was hurt that someone going through BC, albeit all of us differntly, would say such an ugly thing. I was so upset I stopped posting and almost got rid of this all together. However, I have realized that there are just people out there that think they know more, need to have negativity in their lives and like to spread it. So I stayed, I am one year into my second bout with BC, and I am having my mediport removed this coming up Thursday! I made a choice that worked for me! No one, not even family has ever questioned my decision. Whatever happens now, happens!Now that I am at the end, I do worry that I did enough, however, my oncologist is sure that we did and he is the one with the knowledge for me to trust. If you have fears, and only you know your body, then ask the doctor!
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I've said from the beginning - we are ALL just one scan away from being stage IV. It may not be this scan, but it may come. Having that sword hanging over our heads is hell to live with.
Here's a weird spin - I have horrid back issues with active, growing bone over my spine which is crippling me. I begged the surgeon on Monday to radiate it! He said why??? I said because if it was mets, that's what they would do and it would relieve my pain AND stop the bone growth! He said he couldn't do that as he is not an oncologist and they are "pretty sure" it's not mets, but just aggressive arthritis doing the damage. He said "Good news - no surgery!" I said that's bad news because that means you can't fix me. So in some way I wish I WAS stage IV so I could get some pain relief. All I get now is Morphine Sulphate (almost pure morphine) at 160 mgs a day, each and every day. You get 50 mgs when you have a baby, just to give you an idea of the strength of what I'm taking. So right now I just take the harsh drugs and wait until I become totally crippled. That's my life.
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barbe--please have your med onc refer you to a radiation onc to evaluate the bone spur. You deserve better pain management than you are getting, and if you have to go in the back door, do it. Or get a second (or third or fourth or whatever) referral to another surgeon. Keep screaming until you get what you need. Squeaky wheel, etc.
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Barb~that has to be incredibly painful! I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that on top of BC. I have degenerative joint & disc disease. Several years ago the back pain was so bad in the mornings that I would take 2 ultrams ( tramadol) and sit on a heated cushion for a couple hours before I could move. The ultram worked great, but I can't take them anymore. They're too rough on my stomach.
I wish that before I so carelessly posted on that stage IV thread, I had noticed it was for stage IV only. I know there are many of them. It was just a brand new question that was almost identical to what I was experiencing, so I jumped in. Most of the ladies on this forum are so gracious and helpful. I was expecting at the very least compassion, even if I was an idiot!
Scans were done on Wednsday. I'll know the results when I see the onc on Monday. I hope to start chemo on the 29th.
Blessings
Paula0 -
Soteria, please don't think another thing about posting in th wrong thread-it happens.
Kerr I think that was so hard on u for that comment -so uncalled for--I think some people just don't think what they are say because whether we make a mistake or not every Dr. is different every one of us is different. I can't ever give advice about cancer cuz I don't know anything and I admit it--I chose not to and for me it works very well. I can give advice about organizations for cancer thst will clean u'r house, or getting rides for u for any Dr. app't and rads--people who volunteer their time (which to me is wonderful) but that's it.
Barbd u'r pain sounds terrible, just awful---u have to find a dr. that will help u-bein in that kind of pain--I don't understand why they can't do more for u to lessen the misery u'r in.
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conversation between my husband and I on Wednesday night. Excuse the language but i was pissed.
me: I need a serious vacation
hubs: You've had more vacations this year than anyone I know
me: well if you think having your tits cut off and having drain tubs and medication and all these damn dr appts is a vacation you are seriously fucking wrong!
hubs: I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, I really should think before I speak.
me: You think so asshole.
hubs: I love you
me: yeah, I love you too.
Yeah sometimes even our husbands say the wrong things and don't mean it. That's why they should think BEFORE they speak.
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Chrisrene, too funny! But I had that happen at work, too! The guys were amazed that I was still going to take my booked vacation time after being off for a double mastectomy!! Is it just MEN that don't get it?????
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Thanks for the feedback ladies. I see my onc again in February. She knows I am very concerned about my back being mets and she is seeing me in 6 months rather than a year. I will demand action at that point. Surely it doesn't have to be cancer to have rads work!! Let ME be the first guinea pig!!! I read that rads will kill any FAST growing organism (bone, tumour, etc) so why not arthritic bone growth?? It's my bones trying to heal by growing new bones that is doing the damage. So, it's new bone growth. Same diff. Or no diff at all!!!!
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Chrisrene that is hysterical--hahaha For one second he went to far that's all.
Barbe I'm thinking about what u said about rads--well u know I never knew (now too) about much, but this makes sense in a way. I've never heard of rads for this reason, but it might work--except would that radiation possible make it worse cuz rads are not gentle on u'r body. U probably had them so u know the consequences and u do u'r homework on these things. But I understand how u'r thinking how it could help.Hmmm interesting. It's awful to be in that pain I know but I don't think I'd want rads anymore in my body. Have they done tests on this or is it being used yet anywhere? Wow there's always something going on once u've been dealing with cancer--it's either physical or mental (fear) It doesn't alway end.
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I just googled OA (osteoarthritis) and rads. Strangely enough, they will radiate Rheumatoid arthritis but not yet OA??!?!?! Caught a blog like bco that complained that OA is the ignored sister of RA.
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barbe~Are you absolutely sure it isn't RA? It just sounds so aggressive to be OA.
Of course, you're having lived with it, I'm sure you know.
I know, that RA is an autoimmune disease, but abnormal bone growth & pain regardless!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I'll be praying that you find the help you need.
Blessings
Paula0 -
As far as stupid comments go, I think I have a rather nice one to share, and I've only been diagnosed less than a month ago.
I've had a rough couple days when I found out, but at 34 years old I consider myself a pretty strong person and decided to be positive about everything, but still I consider that we all have our right to feel sad, or mad, or angry, or everything we want to be. There's good and bad days, that's normal. But someone insisted I visited a highly recommended (!) psychiatrist so that he would prescribe me anti-depressive medication. I went, don't ask me why. So he heard me, "cancer at 34, single, no kids, no boyfriend, all work and no play" (a little glimpse of my life in 3 min.), prescribed the medication and finally came out with this precious words of wisdom (I'm translating from another language, the best I can):
"You know... women nowadays seem to have abandoned their biological path, and opted to dedicate themselves to work, and postponing child birth, breastfeeding, etc. causes these deseases. Also, by not having a boyfriend or husband, and all your dedication to work, it seems to me you don't have much of a sex life (he spotted me there). You know that breast cancer was once called the nuns desease, don't you? Sex is important to keep deseases away. For example, FEMALE DOG owners are advised to make them have at least one litter to prevent breast cancer. Also MALE DOGS who don't have a girlfriend in their life will die sooner from prostate cancer."
To this, I answered:
"I'm not offended that you are comparing me to dogs because I absolutely love them. But I think that your vet is just as bad at giving advice as you are, because that's not true. I have animals, cats and dogs, and that is all false. I will never know WHY I have breast cancer, but I know that I will never let any ass**le, even one with a doctor's degree, make me feel like it's my fault. Keep your medication to yourself, you need it more than I do." And I left.
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Oooh, good one!!!
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Sophia~perfect reaction to the moron!
I have a 24 year old son who's been a Type I diabetic since age 6. He takes 4 insulin injections daily. When he was first diagnosed, we were neighbors to a lady who claimed to be a retired nurse.
As you probably know, Type I Diabetes is an autoimmune disease. He had a 24 hour virus. The kind where you're spewing from both ends. Actually we both had it. His body while fighting the virus attacked his good cells as well as the bad ones. Killed off the beta cells that produce insulin.
Anyway, this so-called nurse said, " I always knew you would give him diabetes cause you let him eat candy."
Wouldn't you think if she were really a nurse, she'd have known better?
They're out there! And they're all among us!!!
Blessings
Paula0 -
Soteria205, what an awfull thing to say to you! And she was a nurse???
My grandmother passed away from BC when I was a baby and now my mom is feeling guilty. She feels guilty because she thinks she passed it on to me and she thinks it should be her having BC and not me. I don't have kids, but I understand my mum. I told her that she has absolutely no guilt whatsoever, she is my best friend and I need her everyday because she will help me get through this. I told her: "if you have had BC, would you've blamed YOUR mother for giving it to you?" She said no, of course. "Well, there's your answer, I will never blame you, or my grandmother or ME, no one is to blame for having cancer. We should be proud of being fighters".
Best wishes to you and your son
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Sophia YOU ROCK!!!! I think that Psych needs a Psych! Sheesh! As for your Mom or like me being a Mom....it's hard knowing we could of passed something onto our kids. But your response was spot on! I'm glad you still have your Mom cherish it! Mine has been gone since I was 26.....I'm now 46. Nothing to do with BC though. There are many things we can't control.
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