The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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Sorry gritgirl you have such a nasty 1/2 sister... yes life is too short. Still, we still post and comment about these nasty people and rightfully so.
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Musical. Go for it. She is all yours to b*tch slap. :-)
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LOL My arm wont reach across the ocean. Any closer volunteers?
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Here's one that I cannot believe I have heard from MANY people. Even if they thought it, as I have myself, how could they say it out loud to me!! "Oh, I hope you don't regret having a lumpectomy. What if the cancer comes back? I would have had a mx.", or similar insensitive statements like, "Oh, I would not mess around with a lumpectomy - I will have both of them chopped off if I get cancer".
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Reality that comment really gets to me.
I have also had "it is good you got a lumpectomy because if it comes back it has got somewhere to go"....
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kyliet - that is one I have not heard! WTH are people thinking - oh yeah, they are not! If someone says that to me, I plan to tell them that I have no worries as to "where it can go", as it is already setting up shop in several parts of my body and there are plenty of other spots it has its eye on!
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My standard response to medical folks who ask or make comments about why I didn't "save" the breast with a lumpectomy is "You obviously haven't read my medical records." Then I sit there and look at them in silence. Not nice, but really, the fact that I HAD a lumpectomy, and the mastectomy was BECAUSE OF radiation damage is clearly in my record. Basic info. Really, folks, READ the records!
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Shrek. That is a fabulous response. :-)
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I recently had an over-achiever bone scan tech. He was nice, but he asked me too many questions throughout the scan. I like to just fade off into my own world during bone scans. The room is lit with soft lighting and it is quiet, except for the tech's occassionaly computer work. The one I recently had decided to ask me about every suspicious area on the scan. I did not want to hear this from him as I know that protocol is to not ask tech questions. Plus, he's not the NP or doctor! He had me so apprehensive about my bone scan. I kept bugging my NP for the results as soon as the report was done (it takes my radiologist at least three days before he reads a scan and dictates report - he is one of only two in my hospital.) My NP requested a preliminary reading so she could address my concerns. There were reasonable explanations for all the areas the over zealous tech questioned - ie. two falls this winter, arthritis, old injuries....I complained to my NP and asked that she address this with the radiology dept. Ultrasound techs have also done the same thing to me! My xray techs give me what I want - directions on what they want me to do so I can get things over with and go. I actually asked my last tech to not give me any hint of what she saw. She gave the perfect response, "I just take the pictures - that's all I do". That is all I want any of them to do. My apologies to anyone who is a tech. I know that those who bug me are just interested in their areas of study, but I just cant handle the extra stress of worrying about what is guessed, or maybe seen...
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Gritgirl - I hope we are all around for the next zillion years and reading what you are writing! I am definitely going to check out your blog! Sorry to hear about your unlovely sister ... Best to forget about her - it is definitely no loss! Glad to hear you are not ready to go to that retreat!!!
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Reality:
I've learned the hard way not to ask questions of the tech about the results (I used to bug them constantly). But I've never had one go all "let me tell you" on me. I have my CT and bone scan coming up next Friday and I am nervous. I get scanned every 6 months at this point, and I see those 6 months of "I can pretend it's not there". I'm hoping I get another 6 months of "let's pretend it's not there." I am unbelievably lucky in that I have been stable since I stopped chemo last June. I am knocking on wood for at least a little more time at stable.
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Gritgirl! Just wanted to say that I just read your blog - well, part of it as I am on my way out ... I LOVE it!
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Thanks, SoLinda. Started it really to tell family and friends what was going on, and then just kept going. Because my family knows it's there, can't write some of the things I want. I have had some really interesting family experiences. Although, I did write about little miss bitch half sister. Shortly after that went down, her mother attacked me on facebook. Really. I took that opportunity to politely tell her not to attack me in public and in fact, to not ever contact me again. One gift of cancer is finally getting the gumption to tell some toxic people to go away. Now. :-)
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Gritgirl: i would also same something to the organization that stupid beeotch is in, without giving out your name. Actually, I would give out my name because maybe someone will step up and put her in her place. Your half-sister sounds like a 'half-wit' you know what I mean? I have an older sister who just a while back thoughtlessly said "I think you have way more wrinkles than me". Geesh you mean you don't get how much chemo wrecks your organs, let alone skin??? !! Should've slapped her but instead let it simmer a day, then unleashed a verbal assault. Of course, she felt stupid & apologized, but I am NOT forgetting. Another older sister tells me once in a while how badly a friend of hers is doing with BC, refused chemo and now in hospice. Geesh AGAIN !
Reality: I have a friend who said the exact same thing about lumpectomy v. mastectomy when and if she gets BC. I don't know if that was supposed to be supportive or what. I had BMX, mostly because of family history and also size of the cancer.
shelly
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shelly, i try to give the well-meaning the benefit of the doubt. i've had a few friends say a couple things they just didn't know was going to come out bad. the big thing was they apologized once i told them. sounds like your sister just said something dumb and apologized, which is good. some folks i've let go, but i don't want to lose everyone, so i try and give folks a little space for just messing up. :-)
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I don't hear to much about getting a mx, but I do here a lot of opinions about recon. "But you are to young to go through life with only one!" "Wouldn't you feel better with two?" blah blah. I've tried to explain that I don't want the stress and possible issues that go along with recon, but that usually just gets me "but it will be worth it to have two!" I've given up explaining my reasons. Now I just say "Well, when it's your body, do whatever you want." and walk away.
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stormynyte, you and shrek are vying for best responses.
i did do reconstruction and wish i hadn't. everyone has a different experience, but mine ended up with me in a huge amount of pain because my muscles went into constant spasm. i wish i'd gone flat.
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Gritgirl: I was on the smaller bra size before all this BC business. I knew I had to do rads after surgery, so the surgeon did not go through with the expander on the bad side, only on the one side. I did the diep reconstruction, which is a HUGE and i mean HUGE surgery, not without some issues during and after. I have a lot of scar tissue in my tummy that will cramp up and cause pain, for no reason really. Your muscle spasms sound similar. I'm still glad not to have to stuff my bra but it is an awful lot to think about. I actually had a meltdown 10 minutes before rolling on down to surgery; thank heavens my hubby was so supportive !
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Shelly, the more I hear, the more glad I went with the simple option, which, frankly, is the only option they gave me. 700 cc's off fake boobage under my pectoral muscle has caused lots of trouble. I was very lucky that I found a physical therapist who does deept tissue and myofascial release work, and she just pushed and stretched my muscles until they started to loosen up. The muscle relaxant I took for a bit helped with that. At one point I was thinking of just popping those babies out myself. Yeah, I got nice looking boobs, but who cares. They were hurting me. I've heard other stories of pain, but do get the feeling mine was a bit worse than others. Who would have thought.
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Gritgirl - I hope your scans continue to be good. I have scans every three months. I dread them more each time.
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Reality. I really appreciate that. I'm so sorry your scans are every three months. No fun at all.
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Thanks, gritgirl - just as a side note, I spent my childhood and teen years in suburban MD - Silver Spring and Rockville. I actually worked near Dupont Circles. Are all those darn cirlces as crazy in the a.m. and at rush hour as they once were. I was so embarrased when I first started driving in DC. Ran a bunch of red lights as the light posts were on the curb! Also circle around and around various circles until I had the courage to select a path out of them!
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...the Adirondacks are beautiful and crime rate is low, but I often miss DC - especially the cherry blossoms around the tidal basin and walking by the reflecting pool on an early summer evening. I actually took all the wonder of DC for granted - and dreaded all the tours I had to give visiting friends and relatives when I lived there.
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One of the men that I work for was saying that he told me about some instructions on a client, he kept badgering me then said "I really want for you to rack your brain, some of the brain cells you thought were dead may not be" What? I was in shock. Come to find out he was the one that was brain dead and forgot the important details!
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tux, you wanna say if brain were cells you wouldn't have enough to build the jail you should put yourself in. What an arrogant dickhead.
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Reality, it still is crazy here in DC.
Tuxtails, was that comment about himself or you. Rude if he aimed it at you.
I actually said something stupid to a guy in the elevator the other day. He had pressed the button for the third floor but then when we got there he asked if we were at the 3rd floor. I made a joke about him asking, and it turned out that he was asking because he had memory problems. I felt like a total jerk. So I guess I'm as guilty as the rest of them.0 -
He apologized later on, The whole time I was thinking blah, blah, blah. I think the other owner forced him into it actually. I just document everything and get my ducks in a row.....new job=new life
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Gritgirl, it was aimed at me. Strange because he was supportive when I went through surgery and radiation.
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Maybe we should all start carrying around picture of botched lumpectomies and botched recons to show people who think we "MUST" have 2 breasts after bc treatment! I love telling such people that i had to have a mastectomy and recon BECAUSE of the radiation that was supposed to "save" my breast.
Hmmm.
"You're probably right, it would be better to go through life with 2 breasts and constant pain."
"I'm too young to risk dying during recon surgery."
"Having 2 breasts isn't worth 19 hours of surgery and a year of my life in recovery." (I had a bilateral DIEP, it was 19 hours and 45 minutes of surgery time.)
"I didn't know you'd been through this before, what stage are you?"
"If I'd known you were an expert I'd have consulted with you before making my decisions! Where did you get your education? "
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More good responses, nativemainer.
I actually just had a good experience telling someone about my breast cancer. Was at dentist and mentioned. Two women working at the office talked to me about it. One was newly diagnosed and the other's sister was newly diagnosed. Gave them recommendations for local doctors and told the newly-diagnosed about my experience. So that cancels out the idiot responses I've gotten. Makes me feel good to help.0
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