The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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dltnhm - I should've clarified earlier that his mother is not a regular employee of the firm. She only steps in when we need reception duties when someone is out on vacation. I was out for my surgery for about 5 weeks and she filled in some of my job duties at the time and when someone asked why she was there, she spilled the beans. She should have respected my right to privacy.
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Shelly dltnhm is right! No One has privy to this info! I am a CNA I can't even tell my sister if my brother was in my facility! Let alone what would be wrong with him! I would be fined $50,000 & loose my certification! You have to give written permission about WHO can hear your personal info.!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoRMHA4SVME I haven't actually watched the Inside Amy Schumer Show - but this clip was about how some friends/acquaintances use other people's diagnoses to get attention for themselves - it is quite hysterical - also how the Tig gets her revenge -is great. Enjoy!!!
Julie E
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Julz- you are right. She obviously was NOT thinking and it never occurred to me that she may have been trying to get sympathy for herself. She has some depression, probably other issues as well but that didn't give her the right to say something without my consent.
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It wasn't something someone said to me but it was still hurtful...I just had my surgery last week, and things aren't great with my husband right now (haven't been for a while). Normally I have things 'contained' if you will, but while I was still in the recovery room, with the anesthesia combined with some sappy song on the overhead radio in the hospital, I started to cry. I really felt alone and lost. I must have cried for 5 or 10 minutes while the nurses who were only 15 feet away yip-yapped about some other nurse and their weekend plans. They couldn't have missed me. *Finally* one comes over and asks me if I'm alright (?) and then she says 'oh, just thinking about things are you dear?' in this really patronizing tone. If I hadn't been still half drugged I would have slugged her! And actually, no, I wasn't thinking about the future and my health (though I had every right to be) but rather the lack of support at home. Thankfully my surgeon showed up 2 minutes later and showed more than an ounce of compassion, in a medically professional way. I was lucky to get a kleenex from that nurse!
5/10/2005 - IDC, 1.9cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+. Lumpectory + ACT chemo + racds+ Herceptin.
6/5/2013 - DCIS, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-. Lumpectomy 1 (May 23) + Lumpectomy 2 (July 12) + (? not done yet...)0 -
Just a reminder for us that DO have supportive partners - that we are very lucky
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I'm fortunate to not have gotten too many stupid comments, but now when I do, I think, ooh gotta post that one! I was talking with a lady in our company payroll department, and she asked how I was feeling since going through breast cancer. I told her I was blessed to be doing very well. So she goes on to tell me how she is sure it is so hard to go through, and people going through it just have to remember "there is life after cancer!" I so badly wanted to say, sure there is life after cancer IF it does not kill you!!! DUH!!! People do not realize how many hard decisions we have to make based on the statistical likelihood of survival, and then we can only hope that we are part of the group that actually does survive.
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Twice in the last week, people have included me in a super hush-hush private mass message effort on Facebook to support "awareness" by posting a coded birthdate regarding travel.
Ugh. Really? This stuff again? And it always starts with "hey pretty ladies" and ends with "keep the guys guessing!"
So tired of that crap and being a person people automatically think will do this because of my experience with BC.
Most of the time I think they do it because they think its being supportive, but I just don't get how super secret elusive posts about bra color or birthday have anything to do with BC other than some of us don't do bras anymore and hope we have more birthdays.
Sorry, had to vent and I know it's understood here. Coming up on a birthday and a checkup in the same month, just the anger resurfacing with a touch of scanxiety on the side.
In other news, saw a lady in a do-rag last week. Approached her, she confirmed she was doing treatment and i wished her well. She may have thought it weird, maybe not. i remember it made me know I wasn't alone when people did that for me in my do-rag days. Take care. -m0 -
No apology necessary. I feel the same way.
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Hezzer Sending the great big HUG you so needed! I am a CNA & cringe at these kind of nurses!
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" she is sure it is so hard to go through, and people going through it just have to remember "there is life after cancer!"
Christina what a STUPID thing to say ... your answer was pretty good...Heres a couple that wouldn't go amiss: The 1st one is my venerable favourite thats appropriate for many occasions.
"How would you like to trade places?"
OR
"I didn't know you were qualified to say that" When she gives you a blank stare then you say... "no I thought not"UGH some people.
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Howdy y'all! I'm new to this board, but just wanted to post a "dumb" comment.
When I told my aunt -- she's in her 70s -- that I was having a double mastectomy, she said, "Oh, well, they (breasts) get in the way anyway."
Granted, she has a twisted sense of humor that usually cracks me up, but I was speechless! I wanted to say, "Hey, I'm still in my 40s and I WANT them in the way." LOL.
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I'm having an MRI tomorrow for low back pain. It hasn't improved with NSAIDS and is pretty bad. I told one of my friends. She thought a minute then said,"Oh! remember I told you about that woman at work who has breast cancer?" "You're going to tell me she has bone mets in her back now, aren't you?" I said. "Why yes! We just found out! We're all in shock" "That's not a good thing to say to someone with a history of breast cancer who is going for a back MRI" I said. "Oh! but she had the BAD kind of breast cancer" She said."It says on my MRI request, rule out fracture/metastatic disease" I said. " Oh! but she had the BAD kind of breast cancer!" she repeated. "You wouldn't believe what people' say to me", I said," they say things like,' I knew someone with breast cancer...but she's dead now'. I always feel like saying,' thank you for sharing that with me' Silence. I think it was beginning to sink in, but I waited a bit just to make sure. Anyway, my garden is coming in, and changed the subject. What was I supposed to say, "that's really interesting?" "Wow, that could be me?" " How exciting for you?" This is a woman who is a social worker, obviously, my MRI and hx of BC triggered the thought. Stupid.
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I'm having an MRI tomorrow for low back pain. It hasn't improved with NSAIDS and is pretty bad. I told one of my friends. She thought a minute then said,"Oh! remember I told you about that woman at work who has breast cancer?" "You're going to tell me she has bone mets now, aren't you?" I said. "Why yes! We just found out! We're all in shock" "That's not a good thing to say to someone with a history of breast cancer who is going for a back MRI" I said. "Oh! but she had the BAD kind of breast cancer" She said."It says on my MRI request, rule out fracture/metastatic disease" I said. " Oh! but she had the BAD kind of breast cancer!" she repeated. "You wouldn't believe what people' say to me", I said," they say things like,' I knew someone with breast cancer...but she's dead now'. I always feel like saying,' thank you for sharing that with me' Silence. I think it was beginning to sink in, but I waited a bit just to make sure. Anyway, my garden is coming in, and changed the subject. What was I supposed to say, "that's really interesting?" "Wow, that could be me?" " How exciting for youThis is a woman who is a social worker, obviously, my MRI and hx of BC triggered the thought. Stupid.
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A good friend said to me, "It's what's inside that really matters!" Saying that to someone who has been slashed, poisoned, burned and gone to great lengths to reconstruct the semblance of new breasts just didn't work for me. Of course, she meant well, I fully recognize that. She'll never get it.
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Hi Ladies. I'm new to this thread. I shared this one another thread this morning but thought it was appropriate for this thread as well.
I need to vent for a moment. I had a biopsy in June that resulted in a local recurrence of TNBC via a skin met on my breast. I had the final boost of my 33 radiation treatments on 8/26 and I will start chemo again on Monday but before that, I’ll have surgery tomorrow morning for another port (I had mine removed after my first chemo in 2012). I’ve researched my options for hours, met with my MO multiple times and had a MO consult in Atlanta to arrive at the decision of doing chemo. Now that you’re up to speed on my situation….I must complain about my crazy next door neighbor. I was outside yesterday and she stumbled over (quite intoxicated) and asked how I was. Here is our conversation:
Crazy: How are you?
Me: Good
Crazy: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, just a little tired. I’m starting chemo on Monday.
Crazy: Why?
Me: Because I have cancer?!
Crazy: Well, I know a guy that went that extra step with treatment and died.
Me: Thank you but I really don’t want to talk about this.
Crazy: Well, why are you doing chemo? It might kill you. Don’t do it.
Me: I’m doing chemo to save my life and I’m not going to stand here and talk about this. This is not what I need a week before I start treatment. I’m sorry that guy died but that’s a negative subject and I will not discuss this with you.
Needless to say, I stormed into the house and slammed the door. How DARE her?!?!? She knows NOTHING about my cancer. She knows NOTHING about what I’ve done to ensure I receive the best treatment possible. I’m so DISCUSTED by her. Who says something like that? I know I shouldn’t let her ignorance bother me but I’m still fuming 24 hours later. Maybe I’m directing my anger at her instead of letting myself be scared. I don’t know. I knew you all would understand my anger, as I’m sure each of you have been presented with ignorant statements at one time or another. Thank you all for providing a safe place to vent. There are some things others just can’t understand.
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Crazy: Why?
LOL at that point depending on circumstances, I would say something like
"cuz y's a crooked letter and zeds no better"
"Crazy: Well, why are you doing chemo? It might kill you. Don’t do it."
If for some reason the conversation got this far :
a/ (for a coherent person) Id be saying (very calm but firmly):
"gee I never knew you were qualified!...so where did you do your medical training?"
silence......
after a good while, turn on your heel and walk away.
b/ why are you boozing? It might kill you. Dont do it.
For sure these people will not only NEVER get it unless they've been there they'll probably still not get it if they do get to experience it. There are actually some people like that. :-(.0 -
Great responses!
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Musical - LMAO!!!! I wish I would have been that sharp at the time. She did come over tonight to apologize but I didn't want to hear it so my husband didn't let her in the house. He said she was very apologetic and was crying. At least she realized she's a dumbass, for today anyway. She'll forget tomorrow. SHe caused me so much anger and stress that I couldn't care less if she apologized.
Good night ladies!0 -
Oh my gosh beach. I think I would have been looking for a baseball bat to rearrange her mouth. Next time you see her you might want to add to musical's suggestions that her hoof and mouth disease is likely going to kill her (if you don't do it first, ha ha). I also had a grade school teacher years ago that suggested that some of the more unruly students had "diarrhea of the mouth/constipation of the mind". I'll bet you could work that into a conversation or two with her.
Maybe if your husband sees her in the future, he can tell her that it only took 4-days for you to stop crying, lol. Oh to dream.
Have a good night ladies.
Sue
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"for today anyway...."
There's only one apology worth listening to. A genuine one. Sounds like your neighbour aint in that category because of her short memory issues and it sounds like kiddy tears to me.
LOL perhaps you could explain there are 2 types of cry, a false one and a real one... would you like me to make yours into a real one? LOL thats what I'd say to a whiny kid that made plenty of noise with the protruding bottom lip etc.0 -
People are so clueless!! I had a lady tell me Mom that she had done research on chemo and only 3% of the people who got chemo lived! Where on earth would she get that ridiculous statistic. I mean is that 3% of 95 year olds with stage 4 cancer or what, there is just no way there can be a blanket statistic like that and to say it to my Mother who is a worry wart as it is. People do a little research on the ever faithful internet and think they know everything. It is a shame my Onco wasted all those years in Med school. And last time I checked the death rate is pretty much 100% for everyone!
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Milehigh & Musical - I'm with you both. I'm so over her. I don't care how she feels. I don't like her and therefore, don't care if she's sorry or not. This is me washing my hands clean of her!
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puppymama....I think I would have been snarky and said something to the extent of "well, its been proven that 100% of people who are born eventually die so it sounds like the chemo gives me a 3% chance over everyone else". People are just CLUELESS!
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beach, in the next week or two, if she approaches you tell her you HAD to have chemo because you have the rare type of breast cancer that is contagious!! But she shouldn't worry because she hasn't been in your house....has she? Or touched your front door???
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barbe - LMAO!!!!! OMG that is awesome!!!! I really needed that laugh. Thank you! I haven't seen her yet. Luckily she's a loud mouth and I can usually hear her drunken rants from inside my house. I say luckily becuase that tells me NOT to go outside when I hear her. It's sad I feel like I have to protect myself but it's reality. I have no desire to converse with her. I don't see how anything positive could come from it. Now if I could just win the lottery, I could move away from Crazy!
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Be careful what you wish for beach, you could move to CRAZIER!!
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....and make sure you touch her arm when you talk to her, eh? She will avoid you like the plague after that!!!!
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barbe - That is very true but a girl can dream!!!
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Hi ladies,
I'm new to this thread but wish I had read it a week ago. I would have used some of your responses. I was just diagnosed and my mother (Yes, my mother...she is not known for her tact...or smarts....) had the following to say all in the same phone call..
"i had breast cancer and wasnt even sick, you'll be ok" (she had type 1, small area removed,no lump.no radiation, I will have a DMX, chemo and rad)
"my neighbour had chemo and didnt loose her hair, so I dont know why you will"
"You know, you'll want to get out and enjoy the good whether when you have chemo"
But I have to say, my all time favorate was from a 'friend' who said who after I had lost a lot of weight and knew I was sick "wow, do you ever look healthy". Seriously?? Some have no barriers between stupid thoughts and thier voice box.0
