The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Hi Barbe - I kid you not!!! In my PS's defence I did things a little differently than everyone else. 99% of people tend to have chemo first and then a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Long story, but I had the mastectomy and reconstruction first. They were never planning chemo, as they thought it was DCIS. As mammograms cannot read my dense breast tissue, we opted for a mastectomy as opposed to a lumpectomy. They found 5 other tumours and 2 were IDC. I figure the skin had just had enough- milk duct removal,mastectomy and chemo 4 weeks later. It took me a while to figure it out, but just told the Breast Clinic sister via a friend that I had realised it was the chemo that caused it. I don't know if she ever passed along the message. I am sorry the right job has not come along yet, holding thumbs for you.
pattij - say what!!! It's painful enough stretching the skin for small boobs, without going for the Dolly Parton look!
genny5775 - how comforting to know that. Seems we don't have to worry then!!! Actually I give people a lot of lea way with these inane comments. I think they are just trying to be comforting, and are not sure what to say.
tangrandchris - you poor thing!! I had the opposite. I had a horrific allergic reaction 7 days post chemo. I had the usual thing 2 days later, but the 7 day thing was a doozie. I really thought I was going to die, and whilst I was wide awake. The oncologist said it was very unusual to have a reaction so severe 7 days later, and maybe it was acid indigestion!!! I assured her it was not, and morphine every 2 hours for 12 hours barely touched it. By the time the second chemo rolled around, my body recognised the Taxotere straight away, and 2 minutes into the infusion I had an allergic reaction. Thereafter I had an antihistamine before each one, and that worked fine.
Sleep well ladies
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Maddie: I can relate to the skin peeling issue. The first taxol I had put me into the hospital with a mysterious "infection"-- and while I was there on antibiotics 24/7 my skin on my upper thighs was shiny, thin and peeling off in sheets. Sorry you had such a bad reaction seven days after the chemo. Literally it was only 4 days after the first DD of taxol that my white count zipped up to 30,000, then remained quite high even in the hospital.
Shelly
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As a long time health care person I HOPE stupid did not exit my mouth on very many occasions. Am sure it did-but home not too stupid.
Here is one not related to BC-but really really dumb. A long time ago (this child is 32) I got pregnant with an IUD (was also breast feeding a 5 month old-who had no other food AND it was hunting season in West Texas). The IUD broke in half on removal. The half remaining imbedded in my upper uterus. My pregnancies were not fun-see above-but hyperemesis gravaderium for official terms-or vomiting your guts up every day. My OB was in constant contact with the company who developed the IUD. I received correspondence that referred to my "alleged pregnancy". I offered to send "alleged vomit" for proof.
Had a student "fail" a drug screen today because-in her words she was around her brother who smoked pot. Yeah right. Done, out of program. Finished. And reporting to health dept due to her pregnancy and receiving funds. Her dumb words for the day.....
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Susan: Hilarious about the student ! How did you keep from giggling?
Shelly
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OMG
"I offered to send "alleged vomit"for proof."
Hilarious!!
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Shelly. You would not believe the lines of bull I have heard over the years to "explain" the failed drug screens. From the old I ate a poppy seed muffin, to being around someone smoking pot, to someone must have forced me to use meth, to really-drugs-in my pee-how did that happen, to did you switch my pee with someone elses. And so on and so on. With the advent of medical pot have lots claim they have legal reasons but cannot ever verify with a RX. Generally tears, occasionally a threat of a lawyer, often stomping out. Always an administrative withdrawal from the division of health with often a total university withdrawal. I periodically carry drug screen kits with me just to see who flinches.
The nursing faculty had photos yesterday for the 2014 graduates. I was included as I still teach nursing classes. I requested photoshop for cleavage-as my fake ones do not provide, thinner-due to tamox and femara weight gain, more hair-still hardly growing, remove glasses-cannot wear contacts due to dryness of eyes with darn blocking drugs which seems to dry up eveything. Shows how shallow I am.
Love to all.
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Susan, now that makes me think about "my" dry eyes when you mentioned yours. I have worn contacts since the wheel was invented, and just in the last 2-3 years have the "dry eye" syndrome, and my idiot eye doctor never mentioned it. So instead we went round & round with new contacts, exams, etc. He suggested tear duct plugs and I said no way. So it is likely the tamox is causing this condition -- do you think?0 -
Shelly. I agree with you-tamox. And if you had other chemo-those also. I had Adriamycin, cytoxan, taxol, and taxotere. I was out of my contacts about the third DD treatment I think. Or about then. My eyes were so dry I could hardly stand the pressure of my contacts-and I wore hard lenses. Cannot imagine what soft ones felt like. Must have felt like crumbled tissue paper in eyes. My MO and eye doc both said-allergies, aging, needing increased eye moisture drops, etc. I tried a new type of contacts. Gave up and wear only my glasses now. Pointed out since my skin resembles a dehydrating reptile and it is a darn good thing I am not in an intimate relationship because the dryness there--well cannot even describe---why is the eye dryness not a SE of the chemo drugs? This was not the only time I recommended everyone involved in oncology have at least one dose of everything perscribed so they would understand the SEs. It would not kill them.
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Susan - oh yes had the usual ACT cocktail chemo - one-size-fits-all. I still don't get why they think they have everyone's DNA targeted for the most-effective treatments. I read 4 books prior to chemo, one I found most interesting was about how patients with different blood types compare when the dx is BC. But I never hear anything about blood type response from any oncs. And for the eyes, I am going to see if alternating between one month contacts or even one week, then glasses one month or week will do any good. tks
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Genny, you were very nice. I think I would've ripped her head off.
Shelly, after being on tamox for maybe a month, my contacts were awful! So dry and uncomfortable - I used drops constantly and was so afraid I'd have to give them up. But then it went away. Strange - but don't give up!
A friend told me that an acquaintance said to her (referring to me) - "her skin looks so nice - maybe I should have radiation!" Hmmmmm. Yeah, maybe she should - bet she wouldn't say that again!
Another friend kept telling me that she was so glad that they got it all. I guess I never really understood the full impact of a bc dx before either. I didn't bother to get into it, but I was thinking about how nice it would be if we could be reassured that they did indeed get it "all"!
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This isn't a comment about breast cancer, but I just got one last night. I work in a hospital. Over the last 5-10 years, I've gotten red blotches over my face, so it looks like someone splashed some orange/red/purple paint on my face. Yes, its from a condition I have. Otherwise, I look fairly normal for my age; I'm no more asymmetrical than average.
So this nurse comes to my department and this is the conversation:
Her: "What happened to your face?"
Me: "I guess I must have been born on Mars."
Her: "No, really, what happened to your face?"
Me: "Ummm."
Her: "How come you seem to be so upset when I ask you? You used to be such a nice person."
Me: "Well, how would you feel if someone asked what happened to your face?"
Her: "I just wanted to find out what happened to you. I wasn't trying to be hurtful."
Me: "Could you please sign here for what you've received?".....
Yes, I've put my foot in my mouth before I started to have health problems. But I thought the 'Mars' comment would give others a clue.
I told another nurse about the incident, and she was understood, which felt great. She said, "What would she do if a patient of hers came in with a missing arm? Ask him where he left it that morning?"
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leaf, you are not wrong in this incident...she was out of line!!!! I can validate your sanity...
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Leaf, she is an idiot. And there was malice in it. Here is my test: would she have said that to her boss?
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Leah - "You can't cure stupid!" That has become one of my new favorite phrases. So sad I run into so many stupid people and comments that it has become part of my everyday conversations!
Can't believe this came out of the mouth of a nurse! 0 -
I have been reading (and laughing!) and shaking my head at the things people say, and remembered something today that I saw somewhere--"Don't try to win over the haters--you're not the jackass whisperer." I'm not so much about the hater part of it, but I love the not being the jackass whisperer part. I remind myself of this often--as when someone at work said after my BMX, "Did you also have a hysterectomy?" (I said no.) "Well, that's good--if you did, I guess we'd have to call you Paul!"
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Aunt P -- Oh my f0ck. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. I want to beat that person to death with a stick! Give me his name immediately
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I know, right?! I was dumbfounded, and she said, "I'm just trying to bring a little light in!" all cheerful and chirpy, and I think I continued to stare with my jaw hanging open. I hope what that conveyed was "what a moronic thing to say!" LOL
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While in the waiting room of my oncologist's office, a woman asked me if I had breast cancer. I told her yes, then she said "just so you know, it always comes back". I was stunned, especially because I have a very good prognosis from my dr! She went on to tell me that this is her 2nd recurrence. She asked the dr. what would happen if she didn't do chemo (again for the 3rd time), and he told her she would have maybe 6-8 months of life. She chose the chemo. I find myself praying for her all the time. I don't know if I met her that day because she needed to talk or if I needed to listen.
On a lighter note, I teach 2nd grade. I'm currently on medical leave (due to the germy environment), but I stopped in for a quick visit a couple of days ago. One of my students asked me if it was evil that he wanted to see my bald head. I told him I would be evil to show it to him!
This experience has been an emotional roller coaster. I laugh and cry multiple times a day some days. All I pray for is that if I have to go through this, it changes me for the better!
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Oh my gosh leaf-and from a nurse. As a long time nurse educator-we spend hours and hours trying to teach therapeutic communication. And fail often. Wednesday evening after psychiatric nursing class I "invited" a soon to be graduate (she hopes) to my office to discuss her lack of filter. In her mouth. This has been an ongoing issue. I first discussed this as her psych faculty person. Then as the dean. She hit a new low recently due to her lack of filter and may be invited to leave the program due to the inability to complete clinical rotations. I amd the school of nursing where i am take this very seriously. But we do not always educate.
I use the can't cure stupid a lot. But am adding jackass whisperer. Love it. As example. I was at work and looking @ my arm earlier. Someone asked why. I said the hair was falling out again and each time that has happened my head hair has followed. This has happened 3 times. Person said. Well it is getting warmer. It will be easier in the summer. Ok. First-I have been bald during all 4 seasons as my hair has fallen out 3 times thank you very much. Second in the summer that bald light bulb burns like you would not believe as I am a pale face red headed (when I have hair) freckled pale skinned person who burns, blisters, throws up, peels and more. I do not do wigs. Hot and itchy. Scarves and hats-hot. So I did caps in the summer. Nice look. So right! Yeah bald! Know Femara causes thinning of the hair and in the rare person the real hair loss. I will probably be that person.
I am reading trash. Chelsea Handler's newest. A laugh out loud-pee first or you will regret it. Not as boldly funny as her first two-but mindless funny trash at its best. This is between chapters of The Whole Soy Story. Excellent for those with estrogen + and anyone who wants info on soy and what it does to us. Finished The Wives of Las Alamos. Was good. And the Fault is Under The Stars. A young adult book for young adults and their moms. About 2 teens with cancer. Wish I had said the things they said to others. You will figure out the ending before the middle-but is good. Will be a movie early June. And Us Magazine for info on the Duck Dynasty wives. And a lot of crap for work-medical stuff that I have to read so need mindless trash and more to get through it. Anyone have other suggestions?
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So disappointed with my new implant after the TE removal--it is much smaller than TE and much smaller and higher than left boob--giving me one foob up and one big boob down. On my first office visit back to my PS looks at my chest and said, "They'll look okay in a bra." Duh! Your job was to match them--not make me look like I got a Frankenstein boob job and just cause I am 61 doesn't mean I don't want to hit the sack with a man--without a bra. On my next visit--even he didn't like them and said before I could--we need to do a revision. Okay--one more operation in May--hopefully on you!
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Thank you all for your support. Maybe, in hindsight, this might be a more Miss Manners reply (to the question "What happened to your face?")
"I'm so very sorry my appearance has caused you distress! You must be petrified that I look different than you do, because we all know the color of one's skin is critical to one's work relationships and performance. " (I am Caucasian, and the black nurse had a smooth, even complexion. She is not a new nurse grad.) or, a less Miss Manners reply,
"Its contagious, so you'd better be careful." (of course its not contagious.)
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Glad you brought up the "response" part, leaf, I'm sure others are waiting to jump in: What happened to your face?
"What happened to your manners?"
"As a medical professional you are required to know the answer to that question!"
"It's a result of looking at YOUR face"
...and so on...and so forth.....
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I have vitiligo which is a loss of pigment (same thing Michael Jackson had), started as a small spot when I was 11 and now covers70% of my body. I'm light complected but even the smallest amount of sun makes me look calico. I've heard it all, bothered me when I was young but not anymore. It is amazing what people will say. I had one customer tell me I missed some ares with my spray tan….this was from one of those women who at the time was well into her 50's with the long waist length hair extensions, way too much make-up and way too young clothes, … talk about biting my tongue, now she's almost 70 and still dresses the same. People are so clueless.
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I like it's contagious. Answer with a perfect straight face and walk away. Then report to HR for sensitivity training. It is required in all medical facilities.
Genny-can you do the same? Or just give "The Look". Except rude does not even get The Look. Rude is just Rude.
I love my dogs. They adore me no matter how crappy I look or feel or act.
Dwill-so hope your PS repairs Frakenboob @ his expense.
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Thank you barbe, genny, and Susan! It feels so good to be heard and understood. Susan - I didn't know sensitivity training is required in all medical facilities. I didn't know we could report to HR. (I have almost zero patient contact.) I really appreciate your ideas and support - now I have another 'card in my pocket'. Thank you all so much for your great ideas!!!
Another, kinder potential reply: "I'm so sorry my appearance upsets you. What are your secrets to stay so beautiful so I can learn for next time?" My picture of that coming from a women with unilateral or bilateral mastectomies makes me smile. (I do not have unilateral or bilateral mastectomies.)
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leaf, I wouldn't use the "beautiful" part unless I said "what secrets can WE find...?" People like that are SO dumb they'd take the beauty comment to heart and find it all a compliment. Shallow people don't "get" deep thoughts.....(I just made that up!!!).
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Leaf. Sensitivity is part of HIPAA, sexual harrassament, cultural sensitivity. HR needs AND wants to know when staff screws up-helps prevent law suits. The good part for you is if you were made to feel uncomfortable-that is all HR needs to know and an action step must be made. If not-you can take further action. As in going up the food chain. Don't let it pass. The person was unkind. And should have known better. Of course you could also offer to fill her next Rx.
With all the dumb, rude, unkind, heartless, and just plain off kilter things said to us-we need to fill our coffers with rebuttal statements. And looks. And sarcasm. And humor.
One of the times I was totally hairless someone asked me if I still had cancer. My answer. I do not know. But I have come to enjoy the total absence of hair look. Her-you do not have hair anyplace? Me. No. No place. Not even my toes. Her. NO place. Me, Nope, Not even there. Her. Wow. I did not know cancer made all your hair fall out. So no waxing? Me. No. But I did not wax. Not into pain. Her. That is a good side of cancer. No waxing. Yep. This was a full grown haired over (except for the waxed areas that remain unseen by me) adult female who is fairly well educated. I had no eyebrows, eyelashes, head hair, hair on my arms, nose hair. She could not see other parts.
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Thanks again, barbe and susan. Will tell HR. I would hate for a vulnerable patient to have someone say that to him/her.
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I decided to have the BRCA testing done when I was diagnosed with DCIS just to help me with my treatment options and so that I would have information to pass on to my daughters and my parents. When the phlebotomist finished packing up my sample, she wished me a nice afternoon and said "and good luck with THAT test...!" In her defense its not like she knew where I was with everything but would she have said something similar to someone having an HIV test?! The next phlebotomist at my pre surgery visit asked "so what are you having done?" like I was electively having something pleasant. Once I said "uh...bilateral mastectomies" I could tell she was taken aback but then she asked "does that mean both sides?" Sigh. I'm all for education and awareness but these were cases of being nosy and poor customer service!
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Oh gosh. I think lots of medical people (including me) need sensitivity training. If these people knew what its like to be on the other side.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, KellyGreen.
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