The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I have a friend that is a phlebotomist, when I had my first DCIS diagnosis she laughed and said it was great news, she believed stage 0 meant no treatment, she was shocked to discover that I had to have a lumpectomy to remove it, snb because it was high grade aggressive, followed up with radiation. I think that phlebotomists learn a lot of medical terminology, but not much else that goes beyond their job of drawing blood. I haven't even mentioned to her that I have it again and that bmx with reconstruction is going to happen this time.
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Here's another one that screams for medical training/education of medical staff. I went for my last DEXA scan. The woman asks me when my last period was. I said I had an oopherectomy in December. She says "alright, I'll type that in, but when was your last period?" I repeat that I had my ooph. in December, so my last was before that. I then tell her that an ooph. is having my ovaries removed. Her "so you've had a hysterectomy?" I repeat, no I had an ooph. I still have my uterus. She says "well, I have no box to check for that, so I am just going to have to check that you had a hysterectomy". Exasperated, I tell her NO she won't just check that, that she will make sure my records are right and state CLEARLY that I had an ooph, not a hysterectomy. She then proceeded to question why I was having a DEXA at such a young age, as it is for women who are post menopausal. Ugh. Can't cure stupid.
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I've had a bad back since before my bc diagnosis and a doctor sent me for an MRI of my back. While waiting for the appointment I noticed it said "brain" too. I figured he was having me checked for MS as well. When I went in to get ready the tech asked me if I had checked off brain!!! Uh, no... Well, she says, I'm just going to check the original!! She marches off to reception and finds out the one that was faxed through DID say brain as well. She came back and said she wasn't prepared to do my brain so it wasn't going to get done! (and it didn't!!)
Amazing the kind of crap we accept from those that hold the needles, eh??
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I hope someone figures out there's a difference between a brain and a back.Be assured, barbe, that I think your brain is A-OK.
In fact, I wish a lot more people had brains like you.0 -
When I went for preop before my mx, the intern taking my med hx asked for previous surgeries. I said, amongst others, "hysteeOSCOPY". Dr. Bright-and-shining-star wrote "hysterECTOMY". Which was pretty funny since 2 of my kids were born after that surgery! It still took time to have that corrected.
Do you know what they call the guy who graduates last in his class in med school?
Doctor.
Leah
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I've had a brain MRI since and was totally offended when the report was "Unremarkable"...sigh.....hehehehehe.
Yep, doctor last. Doctor first. No diff. Amazing, eh?
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And, as I pointed out to the junior medical students when I had them on my unit and for skills-nurses can be your best friend or your worst enemy. They will NEVER let you harm a patient. The best advise you will ever receive is to listen to the nurse when she calls. Do NOT belittle or berate. She/he can save your ass. Or not. The good docs know that.
I have a phlebotomy certificate program in my building. Will look @ the outcomes for graduation tomorrow. They are darn good with needles-have let them practice on me-but will look @ the didactic content.
Barbe-my brain MRI was unremarkable also. When I got the report I marched my unhappy self to my MO and RO and pointed out my brain was certainly remarkable and to change the report immediately! The RO burst into laughter. Because-a week prior when i appeared for RADS one of the techs did the usual--go in and take off everything from the waist up and put on a gown. I replied-Just once I would like to be met with one of you and a bottle of good scotch in one hand and flowers in the other. After the look of shock-the entire unit burst into laughter. Well-really. Would be nice.
When I was signing something for chemo-don't remember which drug-I signed I would not drink alcohol nor donate sperm. Yes indeed. No sperm for that go around. My nurses offered to give me the other form-not to donate eggs. But I just left it. My eggs were not going anyplace either.
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This is soo soo very what I need to see right now. I am sick of the many thoughtless comments I get. My mother is dead and my father luckily lives 3 thousand miles away. He has always been a bullying a##hole to put it mildly. When I talked with him after my diag he said "If your breasts are a problem then cut them off" He also said something else terrible once to hurt me when he was loosing an argument, "" Well maybe your girls will get cancer, I don't know, we'll just have to wait and see" I was speechless. He sounded so pleased and happy with himself, he was positively gleeful to have wounded me. I took a day to get really worked up about this and then I called up and made him realize he was in so many words a bullying ahole. He has been this way forever, but everyone thinks he is just a great guy, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth as the saying goes. When I do talk to him, which is very rare, he never asks about me. He only goes onthis long rant about men and prostate cancer, which he never had. Sometimes my husband is nearly as bad. He has said to me I should be grateful, for what I'd like to know? I am a miserable, butchered mess. I have had 8 surgeries since this hideous disaster started. I have 2 more recon surgeries to do and I am sick of this. When I get upset sometimes my husband is good, but about a third of the time he says something thoughtless and stupid. Like once he saw me with my shirt off and he oh so helpfully pointed out that I was lopsided. Well geez, how lucky for me he pointed that out!!! Goodness I hadn't really noticed when they chopped off my breast!!!! He is always saying"You are living in the past" if I am sad or complain. According to him I'm not even really entitled to be tired, even though it is only 9 months since I finished chemo and radiation. In the here and now I have so many problems. I am a Nurse Practitioner and I am just starting a new per diem job and it is so hard because my brain is damaged. I am 48, but it is now as if I am really nearly 60 in how I feel. My hip hurts every day from the tamox. I have radiation fibrosis and my chest hurts and is too tight all the time. My vision is way worse,I am nearly night blind from the chemo, and I am nearly deaf in one ear now too. So it is not in the past, God, I wish it was
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Women are like energizer bunnies - we seem to have high thresholds for what we can and are willing to put up with. In similar situations, men would just crumble. Many of us women are in positions where if we don't do something it doesn't get done - or it doesn't get done right. And I think people have lost their ability to emphathize/sympathize - everyone is pretty self absorbed and thinks they have it bad - and they've certainly lost their tact. We joke that my BIL would complain to an amputee about a splinter. Not to sound morbid, but most people need a healthy dose of reality - that its not IF something like this will happen to you but WHEN and how they handle it says the most about who they are.
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Thought I would drop by. This is nothing compared to what I have been reading here but on my weekly visit to my mother-in-law she took one look at me and said: "You look like you have been dragged through a bush backwards."
Yes - I know she is old. She is also rude.
macb - sending you extra hugs - you sound like you need some. So sorry you are going through all this.
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GREAT rant macb!!!
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So aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? macb, you are indeed fortunate that your DF is 3000 miles away. Otherwise, you might be tempted to invite him over for dinner and you know, "Bates Motel". lol (Monday nights A&E) I know! How about doing a reality TV show? We could call it A-hole Dynasty. It would certainly pay for all our medical bills.
The upside to having to deal with all of these goof balls is knowing that they will have to give an answer in the end. When they die, they will have to stand before their maker and explain why they were such jerks. Scary. I hate that any of us have to go through this. Macb, it does get better in terns of the physical side effects. How many treatments left for you?
Hang in there ladies. Resort to fantasy strangling when it gets really bad.
Sue
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FYI: my therapist likes the 'direct approach'. I'll have in my quiver, "I feel offended by your question." (or angry) (Particularly for those who may have trouble 'getting it'.) To me, the 'What happened to your face?' feels like 'Why are you so ugly?' Just posting because this may be an option for people who get comments about other parts of their body, or sleeves/gloves.
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I have a question, what do you all think about these no make-up selfies for breast cancer awareness?
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It makes sense that you usually have to offer something to people in order for them to donate. Like the bowling or marathons or spaghetti dinners or casino bus trips...But I don't understand the point of posting a selfie (which is so common now anyway) to make a donation. And I read somewhere that a the point of a no-make up selfie is to show it takes less time to do a BSE than apply make up. So while its a worthwhile cause and message, I think the selfie thing is weird. Who's looking at them and who cares about complete strangers with no make up?
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I agree KellyGreen: it makes sense that you usually have to offer something for them to donate. But, like many people here, I don't think we need any more 'breast cancer awareness'.
In a Breastcancer.org survey of 2,500 girls ages 8-18, nearly 30% believed they might currently have breast cancer. http://www.breastcancer.org/about_us/press_room/prevention
Like many people here, I think we need more 'breast cancer research': especially a) better treatments esp. for later stage breast cancer and b) Better screening/diagnosis tools.
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Leaf - ditto your comment on the points A & B !! Have been saying that for what seems like centuries to me. But what's most discouraging is how the oncs say that finding a recurrence "early" makes no difference in final outcome. Depressing ! That tells us they really don't currently have an effective battle plan.
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macb -- I am speechless. Sending you hugs.
Susan -- may I borrow some sperm?
You made me laugh out loud!leaf -- the only problem with 'I feel offended by your question,' in my experience, is that then the person goes on and on for twenty minutes about what a nice person she is. XXX
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Sophia: Thanks for the advice about not giving up on contact lenses. I don't care too much for glasses, even though my DH says I look great in them. Today the lenses are actually not that bad;just have to limit the amount of time I wear them during the day....
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bobogirl:
leaf -- the only problem with 'I feel offended by your question,' in my
experience, is that then the person goes on and on for twenty minutes
about what a nice person she is. XXXGreat point, bobogirl. Then the nurse would think of me, "Not only is this woman ugly, she's an ugly liar." But, until she got totally defensive, it must have occurred to her, at least unconsciously, for a moment, "Did I do something wrong?" With indirect methods, she won't even get that far.
I know, you can't change anybody unless they want to change. Thank you for all your perspectives I wouldn't have thought of myself !!!! XXX
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leaf - what about a simple "What happened to your social filter!!!!" and make THEM figure out what was so stupid!!
My own daughter posted a pic on Facebook of her at about 4 in my arms and said "Here's a pic of me without makeup". I had NO idea what it was about....now I know....sigh. My own flesh and blood!!! ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHH
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Macb. Your post does not say where you live. But, come live with me. Mid levels in NM stand alond. No need for physician supervision. I am not doing that now-am in university admin-but plenty of positions. Your husband obviously does not deserve you. I am in the midst of property settlement and want out of the house I am in. Seriously. Move. I will be your person.
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Macb. And my daughter is starting law school in Boulder in the fall. We can take her to school. And stop for a "medical supply" if needed on the way back. I am older than god and have never smoked pot. It is on my bucket list. I was too afraid in nursing school. then a nerd.
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Susan. You totally rock.
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leaf- I am so sorry your colleague was so thoughtless. I am 100% sure you are not ugly!!! To put a different slant on the comment. Is this woman usually a complete b*****. Maybe she was just worried about you, and if she knew you had a skin complaint would be mortified to know she had hurt you so much. By not asking, if she thought you were sick she would be showing a complete lack of compassion. I will give you an example. About 5 years ago one of the ladies at my work got really sick. After several tests they discovered she was riddled with secondaries of an unknown cancer. Because of patient confidentiality we could not tell anyone why she was off work, and because our Department is so big it is not unusual not to see friends for a week or so. 2 weeks later when she came in for more tests her friends asked how she was, and where she had been!! She was really hurt no one had phoned to commiserate or ask how she was doing. I hope that was the case with your colleague.
Macb - I am so sorry you are starting a new job with chemo brain. It is the absolute pits!! Mine was so bad even my husband had noticed. He didn't mention it because he did not want to worry me. When I told my oncologist, she sent me for a brain scan. Seems they found a brain - was worried they wouldn't- and there were no mets to explain the short term memory loss. I'm hoping it will get better with time, and it does seem to have improved a bit. 9 months is very early days according to my oncologist. My husband calls my reconstructed breast a "bra filler" only. I know he is not trying to be cruel, it is his way of saying he accepts me for how I look now, so I don't take offense. You must tell your hubbie 9 months is still very early days, and he must cut you some slack, if he makes you do too much. BIG hugs!!
Re your Dad - his comments are not really forgivable. He sounds like a real peach!! Do you want us to punch his lights out?!!!
I am the one who usually makes the jokes about the breast cancer, otherwise people are walking on eggs. I passed one of those weird modern statues. It was a mermaid with only one breast. I laughed and said to my husband- that artist could have used me for a model! He was mortified, but had to laugh when I said I thought it was funny, and what has happened "is what it is".
I haven't even bothered to look up the "selfie without makeup scenario". Seems ridiculous to me. Barbe - my daughter-in-law also posted a picture of herself as a toddler.
Keep well ladies.
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Maddie - you are so sweet! I live by what my (female) general surgeon says: Beauty is internal. I am not a spring chicken. I make assumptions about beautiful people. Most of us make some decisions on first impressions.
I can see how the conversation might be a caring one if I knew this nurse very well, but in this instance I don't think so. Although I almost (not quite) recognized her face and voice, I certainly didn't know her name. I probably have had at most a handful of conversations with her, each maybe 30-60 seconds long, over maybe 5 years. If she really cared, she would have stopped after I said I was born on Mars.
I stopped sharing all my medical information with the department after the night before my excision, a co-worker told me (in the middle of work) that the Xray tech (a male) 'recommended I have bilateral mastectomies because he knew a woman who had LCIS and that's what she did.' I really didn't need essentially a male stranger tell me I should have bilateral mastectomies. This nurse is not in my department, and I had no intention of telling her my medical issues.
I think, like someone else posted sometime, that when you're first diagnosed, its really hard to say the right thing. Some people want to totally avoid the subject; some want sympathy; others want something else.
I asked my middle manager about suggesting sensitivity training for the nurse, and she advised I ask a person who is a 'go-between' my department and HR. If he says report, I'll report. If not, I'll work on not being an elephant and letting it go. (I'm good at being an elephant. It would be good for me to get more practice letting it go.)
Thank you so much, once more, Maddie, barbe, everyone, for your caring, viewpoints, aspects and generosity. I really appreciate it! There is *nothing* so good like being understood.
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Okay, I had one todayI went in to have a seroma drained, US guided blah,blah....The tech asked, "so how was chemo"?? Like in this cheery way as if she was asking how my weekend was. I said oh, it was chemo. haha, I know she was trying to be nice, but seriously...think about what and how you are saying things to patients!
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Hi, this may not be the dumbest thing someone said to me, but close to it. My dental hygenest, who is a sweetheart by the way, asked me what my cancer stage was and when I said stage 1, she said. "That's awesome, it will be a while then before you are stage 4 since you will need to go to stage 2 and stage 3 first." I just nodded and thought, WOW!!
MsP
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MsPharoah, Wow, people have no clue, do they
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chemo and stage "talk" from someone who didn't get it is just nosiness!!!
My dental tech told me her mother had had breast cancer but was now "cured". I VERY quickly updated her on the fact that NO ONE is cured of breast cancer until they die of something else! My best argument is the "run for the CURE" races held all over the world. I told the tech that I was sorry if I was telling her something she hadn't realized, but her mother surely must be aware! I can't stand blindness and ignorance in one's own health.
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