The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Barbe, you said it so well. I too breastfed three sons. I was always very discreet. Hoped doing so would curb my chance of getting bc, but no. I love whoever responded about the vasectomy. Slinky quote was posted long ago on this threat, but it still is really funny. I've made some comebacks over time, and others, just walk away. I've said it before, most people say things only to make themselves feel better, but think they are making us feel better.
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FaithandFifty:
You are such a dear, sweet lady, and although I have never "spoken" to you, I have read your posts. Your love and devotion to your friend Saint, was and is touching and inspiring. Your friendship was truly Blessed by God, such a bond is a treasure. Your Faith in God is Beautiful to "see" in your posts and I have wanted to tell you this for some time. Thank you for all you do for us and it just breaks my heart that someone could be so rude to such a beautiful lady.
So.....remember The Cosby Show? Didn't little Rudy say "How ruuuuuuude!" with just a certain amount of sassiness?! And no need to say anything more....just a nice little piercing glare.
Blessings to you all....may we be strong and firm when we look them in the eye and say "You're an idiot" or "Are your parents siblings" I LOVED those comebacks!!!
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Regarding the woman who grabbed Faith's jacket and asked, "So just how flat are ya?": I would have slugged her without giving it a second thought. NO ONE touches me like that, unless it's one of my doctors who must do so because it's part of their job, or my DH who has a right to as my DH. She would be a FORMER friend so fast that her head would spin, bless her little idiotic heart.
As I was reading about Terri's co-workers being so difficult, I remembered some things that were e-mailed to me shortly after my BMX. For background, I had lumpectomies in Aug. '05 and had to go back about a month later for BMX due to larger tumors than expected, not getting clear margins, and DCIS all over both breasts. I had taken off a couple of days for my first surgery and planned to work (I taught high school English) until I started rads and then take a medical leave for the entire 13 weeks (rads would be on both sides). I knew from past experience having rads for non-Hodgkins lymphoma that I would be so fatigued and burned from the rads that taking time off was best for me. My doctors concurred. I went in for a follow-up with the surgeon a week after the first surgery to go over the path report and found out then that they hadn't gotten it all. I had to begin my medical leave earlier than expected - immediately upon finding out I'd need more surgery. My principal and the other admins at my school district were okay with it and very, very supportive. I had a cancer policy that helped us financially, as well as long-term disability insurance that would pick up the slack when my pay ran out. Long-story-short is that I taught a total of five days that school year, due to FOUR surgeries and chemo, along with numerous additional medical tests when they thought I had gynecological cancer too.
Before I'd even been in to see my PS to have my drains removed following BMX and tissue expander placement, I got an e-mail from a teacher down the hall from me. She told me that my students had all but tied up the sub and done a rain dance around her chair. How many had gone to the office and what other teachers had had to leave their classrooms to intervene. And just when was I coming back to work anyway?!?! I wasn't so nice in my response: "So . . . what do you want me to do - come up there and whack them upside the head with my drain bulbs? I am on long-term medical LEAVE. If you have a problem, take it up with the powers-that-be. Don't bother me with it." Yeah. She's under my life bus and still bears the tire marks.
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"under my life bus and bears the tire marks" made me LOL! The picture in my mind is of my least favorite high school teacher walking around with tread marks across her body (giggle, giggle). But that is just EXACTLY where that co-worker should be, and GOOD FOR YOU!
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MrsBee, I have a very stressful job and I look at this thread almost everyday at lunch even if I don't have time to eat lunch. Your comment "under my life bus and bears the tire marks" also made me LOL with tears in my eyes. Great visual image.
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But Mrs Bee, the substitute teacher must not be such an experienced expert as yourself... because...(Sweetly, like you really believe it,) "Well, I'm astonished, You know Those children are NEVER like that with me.....!!!! "0
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LOL! My DH (who is an engineer but disabled and now subs as he is able to do so) prefers to work at middle and high school level because it is easier on him. He is constantly saying how rude kids are now and how he has students who will say "I am not doing my work and I never do my work" and just says "well you can NOT do your work in the teacher's room next door" since he has no authority to do anything about it.
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I laughed so hard at the tire marks from the life bus!! That is great
Olivia
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Yep. I backed it up a couple of times too!
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I know this sounds cynical but I would like to see a study done of every Breast Cancer charity in the USA and see what percentage of the $ actually go to the stated purpose of the charity. I would guess that over all it is less than 60%.
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hhfheidi ~ A letter to the executives of the society is in order. The caller has been VERY poorly trained, and the powers that be need to know what kind of "treatment advice" she is handing out. Plus, she deserves to be reported just for being so dang stupid.
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What is it about this "be positive" crap?? I personally think that other people want you to be positive because it makes THEM feel not so bad. If being positive were the most important thing in survival, well, then we know a lot of women who have died of negativity. there's agood book that was written on this: http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/brightsided.htm
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people also want you to be positive so you're easier to be around
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I work for the VA. This "think positive" crap makes me think--we certainly don't train troops to "think positive" during battle. They must think like we do--what is happening now, what do I need to do to get out of this situation. Think positive crap, as said before is for those who say it to feel better themselves. Very selfish.
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I just recently started volunteering for Susan G Komen. Our local chapter keeps 75% to help women locally in Southern Nevada. The other 25% goes to the national fund. I have worked with other charities (not bc related) that I thought were a little sketchy. I think our local Susan G chapter does a lot of good. They only have 4 people that get paid (and from friends that I know, it isn't anything to write home about). The rest are volunteers. I also volunteer for a local animal charity here in town (Heaven Can Wait). They are incredible people that do good things to prevent pet population. There are others that don't do their due diligence, so I chose to back HCW and help them when I can.
I get tired of people TELLING me I'm going to be okay (yes, I think that it is more to help them than me). However, I have tried to remain positive. My sister and I joke that going to the "dark side" can be overwhelming and can start your mind to go a little crazy!!! I'm trying to focus on the things that make me happy, like spending time with SUPPORTIVE friends and family, playing with my pets and making plans to do fun things (even if it's just sitting outside or going for a drive with my hubby).
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I got a call from I think what was called the Breast Cancer Society. I asked them before I donated I would like to know how much $ goes to helping people with or research of breast cancer. The manager got on the phone and said 20% !! The rest is for administrative fees!!!! I was surprised of course at the answer, but also that she was so honest with me. Glad to hear about Komen!
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Reading this post is scary. It confirms my decision of not telling but three people my diagnosis and treatment. That's it, three. And , absolutely NO ONE at work. I took my leave of absence, had my surgery, am back at work and look the same. I just could not deal with all of the stuff many of you write about. I am naturally very independent and also very private. I didn't want others feeling sorry for me and did not want to hear about someone's aunt, mother, father, brother, sister, neighbor, having whatever kind of cancer. My dear SIL wrote and told me that if I didn't tell others than I would be missing out on all the support too. Well, I have support from my DH and the few I have told and I am totally ok with that. And, I walk around now with a different outlook on life and still am very happy I did not tell too many people.
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Maybe there is something to this 'think positive' idea... We weren't thinking positive and we got BC. If you think positive you don't get a mammogram or an exam ever - what would be the point? Up until the moment I was diagnosed, DH refused to believe I might have BC someday even though my mother had it and there have been other women in our lives with BC. He is still thinking positive but now he is positive I won't have a recurrence because stressing about it certainly doesn't help.
There are some good charities out there but a lot of corporations have snagged on the BC cause to promote their products. Only a very small contribution goes to charity for many of the products that use the charity for marketing appeal. And what is with Yoplait asking us to send in the foil caps? Can't they just make a contribution because you bought the product? It is probably only pennies but you have to go through the trouble of mailing in the caps and most people won't bother. I think there should be a minimum % pledged to the charity when it is used for marketing products, and that % or amount should be clearly disclosed. Whenever I am tempted to purchase something pink, I consider making a direct contribution to a reputable charity instead (there are many such organizations, like Komen, as kittycat mentioned).
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The breast cancer society called me too. Wanted my credit card number so I could pay the pledge. I don't ever give my credit card # for phone solicitations and told them to send literature and I'd sent a check. I got the info in the mail and 4 days later got a call to send a check which was "overdue" or give them the credit card #. I tore up the solicitation and send nothing.
Re:Susan Komen walks. I couldn't walk more than around the block before BC. How do all those people do it after? I know its not fake as I have seen the walks but I have been wondering.
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Duchess, most of the people doing the walks aren't the survivors. I'd be behind you in the block!
As for % of donations. Komen says they give 75% local, 25% nationally. 75% of what??? Profits, donations? what's left after they pay management and put on the walks and funding and advertising and goody-bags? I don't get excited until I hear an actual number.
When I was selling mattresses before my BC (how ironic), Serta had a bc promo mattress. They'd match the sales with a minimum $200,000 donation. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!
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One thing that bothers me the most is that there are uncountable groups raising money to "cure cancer." They have been raising money for decades, some raising very large amounts of money. And yet the "cure" rate for bc and most cancers hasn't really changed significantly in all this time. Radiation hasn't really changed since it was started being used to treat (and cause) cancer. Herceptin, Taxol, tamoxifen and the AI's have all come about in the last couple decades but bc is still not considered "cured" even when a woman has been NED for 15 to 20 years, and most of these drugs are still very expensive--the pharmaceutical companies are still "recouping the costs of research and development." Where, exactly, is all this money going? The doctor's office's where I've gone have all said they don't get any of this money. The social workers at the various cancer centers I've contacted have all said they don't get any of the money. The American Cancer Society and Komen Foundation both told me that they don't know whose research funds raised in their name are supporting. Can anyone give me the name of one researcher who has gotten some of this money and what his/her research has given us?
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I agree. The money really flows in and around cancer. There is no one watching where this money goes. Pink ribbons are now big tax free businesses. AstraZeneca doesn't need donations from cancer charities. It is one of the biggest pharma in the world.
The doctors who give chemo in their offices can charge insurance companies what ever they can get a way with because there is no price restriction if the doctors give the meds in their offices or clinic. Organizations that do radiation are usually doctor owned and they make lots of money. We pay between $40,000-$60,000 for 33 treatments.
Who exactly is getting the charity dollars? How can we find out?
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Today, again, I received the think positive message; it(cancer) is not so bad-my mom went through it; boy, I would like to get rid of these (big breasts) and oh, my mom got a new one (breast!)
I just looked at this woman (an acquaintance) and said, "No, cancer and chemo are yucky, I am positive, and no, you do not want cancer so you can get new ones! (She would miss the old ones!!!!!)
I think people are so uncomfortable that you have cancer and they feel sorry for you. This makes their brains go dumb and they say silliest things!
One fun thing; I was wearing my short and sassy Raquel Welch wig to the eye doctor's office and the nice office lady said, "I love your hair. May I ask you who does your hair?" I told her it was a Raquel wig and that she could have her hair look like mine too.
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If I were more awake, I could tell you what I learned from the meetings I've been at Komen! LOL! I do know that they fund programs to get women mammograms who don't have insurance or money to pay for it. I know they also fund some R&D programs on a national level. Their focus is on spreading the word to get yourself checked, since we all know that early detection is key. Although sometimes even a mammogram doesn't pick up bc (mine was found on an ultrasound) and the 2nd time I found it myself! This cancer thing is like a bad movie with an even worse sequel for me!!!
As far as the walk is concerned, I did the walk this year as a survivor (just the 5k, not the 3 day walk). There are several survivors that walk, but most of the walkers are people there to support bc. We had 15 on our team (3 that contributed, but didn't walk). I was the only survivor.
Promoting bc has been a big phenomenom lately, even with the NFL. The celebs are coming out more and more and admitting to having bc, too. It may be the PC or cool thing to do, but I don't care as long as they keep funding research and finding advances. I remember hearing about Christina Applegate's diagnosis. When I was dx, I asked about the gene test and got it. Thank goodness because I am BRCA1+. I made the same decision she did and had the bmx. If I hadn't heard her story, I honestly would not have known to ask about it. Now, I think it's a crime that Myriad charges so much for the test, but they just lost a lawsuit with the ACLU that they cannot patent genes. I just hope that it breaks down the barriers so more info can be found to help us to be cured or to prevent others from getting BC (or finding it early).
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Kittycat
I too asked about the BRAC test when dx but in NZ it is paid for by the state system and we can't self refer and pay for it. We have to convince our surgeon to endorse our application then it is a 2 year wait to hear if our application has been accepted and then it is another year or so before results come through. I have no sisters, but I got it, and there has been no history on my mothers side but my father's sister died in her early 40s in the early 1960s of ovarian cancer (I wonder if it was mets from ILC like me and it wasn't picked up) and his maternal aunt died of BC but as an older lady. It is not a very strong history and it is on my fathers side so the surgeon doesn't think it will get accepted so he won't endorse my applicaton so no test for me. I have 3 daughters, one of my brothers has three daughters and the other one two daughters so we would dearly like to know if we have the bad gene so they can be warned but it's not going to happen - very frustrating!
Rae
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Re: Horrified that my very first post may have been offensive for typing it in bold (ie: "yelling"): typing in capital letters is SHOUTING, typing in bold probably means I am new to this posting business and I didn't know the bold feature was on. Guilty as charged, sorry to offend and extremely embarrassed as I am a breast cancer English major patient. P.S. Thankfully this newbie managed to fix original offending bold post.
Diagnosis: 10/2009, ILC, 2cm, Stage IIa, Grade 1, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-0 -
So Christina Applegate informed some of the BRCA gene, wonderful. Did she get paid to speak? Did she donate it to the "Cause"? We don't need awareness as much as we need a cure! I don't know a single woman over the age of 10 that doesn't realize she has breasts! As breasts are the number one risk for breast cancer it's a no-brainer!! TEACH IT IN SCHOOL and save the millions used for "awareness" to go to a CURE! They talk about AIDS and STD's in schools...hey, I'm just saying.
As for the gene testing, a company in the US is holding the rest of the world by the balls (or should I say breasts?) and making is too expensive and too long of a wait time to be effective! We'll have to wait the 25 years before the patent runs out so other facilities can do the testing in a timely fashion.
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Here the BRAC test is available if there are three people (including me) on one side of the family who have had breast cancer and if the cancer is invasive. When I had DCIS, there was no test. This time there is but the wait for results is about a year.
What do you say to facebook friends who are posting a pink ribbon on their site?
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LOL Miss SG, you are forgiven!! (I have a gray Sophie that looks like yours!). May this be the 2nd of many posts for you!
I had the BRAC test done. It isn't the end all, I believe there must be more genetic info yet to be discovered. My brother was dx'd with prostate c a few years ago, my sister dx with bc this fall, twice for me, yet my BRAC test was negative! Of course the test should be more available, but we need so much more research!
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