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The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

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Comments

  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 50
    edited May 2010

    kittycat,

    I had a similar situation. A lady from work sent an email to everyone telling them to send me cards and pray for me. I would never have told the entire department.  I thought she was more discreet but have learned that it was her way of coping. If it had been anyone else I would have been really mad but she just is clueless about personal and professional boundaries. I guess that is why she has never been in management. 

    I am sorry it happened to you.

    Olivia 

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited May 2010

    Rae,

    I compliment him on that all the time :)

  • HeidiToo
    HeidiToo Member Posts: 965
    edited February 2011

    delete

  • goodvibesonly
    goodvibesonly Member Posts: 99
    edited May 2010

    kittycat--I am so sorry that this happened to you. I would have been so upset. You have a right to your privacy and this information should not have been given out to your colleagues. Your medical information if for you to share, not anyone else!

     I was uncomfortable at my work since word like bc travels very quickly in a high school (I am a high school guidance counselor).  So, after talking to my principal, I decide to go public and sent an email to the whole faculty explaining what was going on. BUT, this was my decision!  I had the control to do this OR not. Kittycat--your control was taken over by others, which must have felt like a violation. We all have our comfort level and you should have been allowed to have control over giving information to who you felt comfortable with!  

    Thanks to all for comments about my boss and her sharing her worries about possible breast cancer.

    Have a great Wednesday. 

  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 1,155
    edited May 2010

    I talked to a couple of level headed friends of mine in class.  Both agreed that the email was in poor taste - good intentions, bad delivery.  One of my friends, who is male, said it would be like someone saying, "Hey did everyone hear about Ken and his prostate cancer?" 

    I did talk to my manager about this, who was shocked that this guy sent an email out.   I'm thinking about sending the offender an email and telling him that although his intentions might have been good, he disclosed very personal information about me without my permission (stick to the facts... no emotion). 

    OMG - I just realized what's wrong with the guy who sent the email.....

    HIS NAME IS TONY!!! 

  • flyingdutchess
    flyingdutchess Member Posts: 107
    edited May 2010
    Why don't we establish an on line Tony award for stupidest comment of the week.  The best part is Tony could be a female too.
  • maria38
    maria38 Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2010

    The dumbest thing that people have asked me was "are you okay?"  (LOL)

  • foxyroxy2983
    foxyroxy2983 Member Posts: 7
    edited May 2010

    Hello ladies, 

    I've just been diagnosed again with bc and I'm 27years old. I am angry and terrified at the same time. I love my mom and I know she was trying to make me feel better, but her comment irked me, she told me that I can't die yet because she can't afford to pay for my funeral Cry

  • goodvibesonly
    goodvibesonly Member Posts: 99
    edited May 2010

    Sara--I am so sorry that you have been struck with this terrible disease. You are so YOUNG!  Please know that you have alot of support here.  I am sorry about your mother's comment.  OMG, I am sure that you were shocked that she said that!  She must be in shock herself, and worried so much about you.  She loves you so much, I am sure, and must feel helpless.  I hope she is supporting you in other ways in your time of need.  It does not take away from her insensitivity in saying this, though.  Maybe sometime you can tell her just how that made you feel.  I hope so...

    Jean 

  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 4,744
    edited May 2010

    Sara:  I too am sorry.  Moms are moms and don't always deal with things the way that we would like.  Mom told everyone she knows about my dx and surgeries.  I think it is her sounding board.  She told me they all think I'm "superwoman!"  Yea right....only people here and DH know how I really felt/feel.

  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 1,155
    edited May 2010

    Sara - Wow!  You are so young!!!!!!  I'm so sorry to hear you joined our club twice, esp at such a young age.  So, you had DCIS and it was in a couple of your nodes???    What stage are you at this time?  Are you having surgery?  What kind of treatment? 

    I saw you are triple negative. I am too.  I just had a recurrence 8 months after my bilateral mastectomy for DCIS.  There's a thread for Triple Negatives on here, if you haven't seen it.  Good luck to you and keep us posted!  PM me anytime! 

    Don't let your mom bug you too much.  Mine was totally freaked out when I was dx because my sister also had bc 8 months before me.  I think it was a lot to handle and she was far away from us both.  Now she lives in Vegas (with me until she moves into her new house).  She's been much better this time around.  It helps for her to go to the dr appts with me to better understand what's happening.  Plus, I am not in tears all the time like she might expect - just trying to be normal during these scary times! 

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited May 2010

    Sara,

    I'm so sorry about your dx. Mom was probably trying to get you to laugh. I think those nearest and dearest to us are often in denial. Sometimes that helps (like when you want to be in denial to get a break) but mostly not.

    There are several good threads here to connect with others who understand.

  • HeidiToo
    HeidiToo Member Posts: 965
    edited February 2011

    delete

  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 50
    edited May 2010

    Sara,

    I am sorry, sorry for the second dx and sorry your mom hurt your feelings.  

    I know my mom has hurt mine over the past few  months. I tend to go ease on her because she is 84, but the truth of the situation is that she has always had a knack for hurting my feelings, I am just better at coping with it.   

    I agree with Kittycat, some people just do not know what to say or how to say it, even if they are our mom's.  

    Olivia 

  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 519
    edited May 2010

    I am so irritated I can barely type. Talking about stupid things and idiots. Take a look here, the ones of you who have facebook. For the ones who don't, I'll copy and paste the whole thing.

    http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=377914786011 

     "This is riding off of another idea we just found out about and thought this idea would be totally rad.

    This is an awesome to touch some totally awesome boobs and recognize them for their pure zen like superbiness. LoL If you are a prude or a perv, get outta here!

    This is also an attempt to raise breast cancer awareness and both Men and women should get themselves checked. Gasp... betcha didn't know dudes can get breast cancer... they can.

    Lastly only touch anyone with their permission otherwise its just creepy and well... kinda fucked up.

    Good grabbles everyone!

    OH YEA AND PLEEAASSEE INVITE EVERYONE YOU KNOW. Well... at least people you know won't be an ass. SO Invite AWAY and lets make this an amazing week!!!!"

    I'm sorry, but as I'm now right in the middle of chemo, it just hit the totally wrong spot with me. This is what I commented:

     "WTF? What idiot started this thing? "Raising cancer awareness" and then "touch superb boobs"? Tell that to the hundreds of thousands of women who had theirs removed because of breast cancer! This is one of the things of the poorest taste I've seen lately! If you want to be kinky at least have the guts to come out kinky..., don't use the breast cancer thing when you have no freaking idea what it's like! You make me puke."

  • nativemainer
    nativemainer Member Posts: 7,920
    edited May 2010

    AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Yell

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited May 2010

    Good for you to tell them off. Well said! I am stunned by that.

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited May 2010

    Eww!

  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 1,155
    edited May 2010

    Day - they would have loved to touch my rock hard tissue expanders that were square in shape.  Talk about an amazing set of foobs!  LOL!!!  People just want to jump on the bc bandwagon.  This is over the top for sure!!!

    I emailed Tony today and told him that although his intentions were probably good, the information he shared was inappropriate (it was longer and more specific).  Anyway, he apologized and then re-read his email (realized he include prior emails with my personal info).  I felt much better about it. 

  • raeinnz
    raeinnz Member Posts: 553
    edited May 2010

    Kittycat

    Way to go girl!  I'm not surprised you feel better about it all - things like that gnaw away at you until you do something about it.  Hopefully he has learnt a valuable lesson about forwarding emails and privacy but he is a Tony .....?!

    Rae

  • foxyroxy2983
    foxyroxy2983 Member Posts: 7
    edited May 2010

    Thanks everyone for listening to me gripe about this evil disease and thanks for the support. All of this that is happening to me is just too soon and happening too fast. Only you guys can really understand exactly how I'm feeling. Your friends and family can try to help you and understand you but it is not exactly the same.

    ((((HUGS))))

    Sara

  • nativemainer
    nativemainer Member Posts: 7,920
    edited May 2010

    Hey, Sara, that's a big part of what these boards are all about!  All of us have griped at one time or another (or many times).  We all know what it feels like and how it helps to be able to 'say' it and be understood. 

  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 4,744
    edited May 2010

    I think with mothers you never stop being a mom.  Mine still tells me when it is cold outside and I need to wear a coat!  Ok, I'm almost 50 now, I think I can dress myself!

  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 885
    edited May 2010

    Just a quick note to add-on to the question regarding research dollars - not only do we need someone to watch over the charity groups but the government as well.  They hand out hundreds of thousands of dollars for "fluff" research.  I know, I worked for government contractors!

  • retrievermom
    retrievermom Member Posts: 321
    edited May 2010

    Kittycat:  Glad to hear you followed up with him.  Sounds like you took the right tone in your communication, and he learned something.

    Sara:  I don't know your mom or her intentions.  I just know my DH's family, especially his mom, throws out comments like that which are hurtful.  Snarky.  And the TN aspect is hard enough without the comments.

  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 279
    edited May 2010

    I just walked in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure this past Saturday... I carried a sign that read "Find the Cause and we'll Find the Cure"......And i put a few names from BCO on it and our website for people to come check it out....This one young lady looked at my sign, read and said, ."Oh, that's cute!".....CUTE??????>.......BC is Not CUTE!........How naive!.........I hope fervently that that young lady never knows exactly how uncute BC really is!.......

  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 499
    edited May 2010

    Way to go HollyAnn!  That is excellent.  I hope you whacked the young lady with your placard. 

  • HeidiToo
    HeidiToo Member Posts: 965
    edited February 2011

    delete

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited May 2010

    Little boys and their boobie needs. honestly.

  • daisylego
    daisylego Member Posts: 7
    edited May 2010

    I'm 26 and I was VERY recently diagnosed as stage 4. (They confirmed liver mets last week.)

    The ABSOLUTE stupidest thing anyone has said (and I have heard it at LEAST half a dozen times)  "at least you caught it early" WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY does EVERYONE assume that because I found a lump in my breast, I caught it early??? Staqge 4 is NOT ^%(%&^%*& EARLY!!!! By ANY definition!!!

    In other stupididty: A woman in a boutique for survivors today asked the same dumb questions I always get "How old are you" "26" "Well is it in your family?" "Nope" "oh..." Everyone is shocked by how young I am, and then assume it must be in my family. I don't know what stupididty would follow if I said yes to that, but the fact remains that I have no significant family history. There is no reason for this to have struck me, and at such a young age. Stop looking for a reason for my cancer so YOU can feel better!!! Yes it has happened to a 26 year old with no family history and no warning. No risk factors other than having breasts. Worry now.

    Then she asked if I'm going to get radiation, I said no. She said "Oh well that is nice!" I said "Well actually no it isn't. The reason I'm not getting radiation is that I'm already at stage 4" she didn't have anything to say to that.

    Needless to say, I will be getting my post surgical & lymphedema supplies elsewhere!

    Why do the most random people always assume they know more about your situation than they do?

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