The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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My husband and I have been having marital problems. When I told him I had cancer he replied, "You picked a great time to alienate me". I couldn't believe it. The next day at work, I told some friends, Yeah that was my master plan, to alienate my husband and get breast cancer! My friend starting singing, " You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille." It made me laugh, I love her! I think he should change his name to Tony.
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Chita - yes your husband deserves the Tony award for sure! That's a dumb comment for sure.
People really say some of the dumbest comments. You have to laugh at some of them. I got the whole "eat healthy" talk when I went to California to visit friends. One of their friends (who I barely know) told me I needed to be positive. Her mom had BC, too. She went on and on about it. Yeah, well if you really knew me, you would know what state of mind I'm in! Geez!!!
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Kittycat, I'm positive.
I'm positive my attitude won't cure me.
Leah
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Leah...I love your comment!!! And I hope you will use to people when they tell you to "be positive" Hugs, Karen
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@ Leah_S
"...I'm positive my attitude won't cure me."
LOL!
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I wonder if I would have grown a new breast if I only thought positively enough?
Yeah, right.
God line, Leah!
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I am reaally sick of friends and family telling me I'm not lopsided! It isn't quite the same as having a bad hair cut, is it? "Oh you look fine" as they squint and tip their heads. Maybe I can move my implants with my mind. If being positive changed the outcome we would never have met many of my friends here.
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Cat08: So the day after the mastectomy, one of my Aunts calls me up and says, "God, that took long enough." You see, I had had 3 lumpectomies before the mastectomy and they kept finding more cancer. It was the worst, darkest, scary time of my life bar none.
Cat, Sorry not to reply sooner, and sorry it was such an awful day for you. That Aunt is being truly stupid here, and clearly has no idea about surgery; it takes as long as it takes, to get the cancer out right? Or does she want your surgeon to do a rush job and leave tumour cells behind, leave you oozing blood, not do all the pre-closure checks and counts, not close you up properly and have it all fall apart? Would she choose Walmart value-label economy for her major op?
But i might be wrong, your aunt might be have seen your poor surgeon coming out exhausted at the end of the op and felt sorry for him/her. Why am I not believing that myself?
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A-Storm, I'm feeling quite vulnerable about the whole "lopsided" thing at the moment, but my sleep-brain has come up with a good return for any crude comments - "Sure it doesn't match, but it's better than cancer - Do you think it would look better totally flat on that side? I'm doing a survey, Should i take this out altogether? (fishes out fooby to demonstrate)
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hymil - hahahah! I had camisoles with "fluff" inserts before I got implants but I never put the fluff in because A. it looked stupid, and B. I was afraid I might lose control and pitch a foob! I'm picturing a Desperate Housewife moment... oh, Lynette should have had breast cancer instead of whatever it was! I think ABC owes us a breast cancer survivor -- heck we could even help the writers! Which DHW needs to get a backbone?
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Love your couch potato avatar, Gail!
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I had to go lopsisded for almost 2 months after my mastectomy--my surgeon wouldn't allow me to wear a bra until after the drain came out (4 weeks) and the scar was totally healed.Being DDD on the right and --A on the left made me look pretty obviously lopsided. Since the mast was 2 weeks before going back to work (teaching at a university) I knew I was in for some comments. Some of my "favorite" comments:
"Couldn't you find a specialist to do the surgery?" (Um, the surgeon WAS a specialist)
"Why didn't you have the other one taken off at the same time? You'd look a lot better."(I'll have to think about doing that over Christmas break.)
While staring pointedly at my chest: "What happened to you?" (I had a one sided breast enlargement)
"You really should be using a fake boob. Looking like that makes people uncomfortable." (Do you want to see the drain and half-healed scar?)
All that time I wished I had a prosthesis I could whip out and throw at certain people. I can understand the feeling--and I hope someone actually does some day!
"
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After being diagnosed, I was visiting my husband's older cousins. They expressed their concern (that head shaking, "tsk, tsk, you're so young" sort of concern). Then one of them brightened up and said I should get myself on a plane to Mexico and buy that Laetrile drug. Their good friend, Earl had prostate cancer and he took it and did great. Then the other proceeded to tell me: "Well, Earl's dead now but he really thought Laetrile helped him a lot." Great, I'll book my flight right away.
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Here in the southern U.S., some people use the phrase "pitch a fit" when someone gets really upset and has an emotional outburst.
We have something even better: "pitch a foob." I'm lovin' it.
otter
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Regarding flinging the foob . . . my mom was a pro at it. More than once she flung her prosthesis at my brother. And our dad said more than once that he'd be sitting in the den, watching TV and minding his own business and get pelted upside the head with that foob. It was rather heavy, and Mom could pitch like Nolan Ryan. My mom rocked!!!
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I have a couple of silicone "falsies" that I wear in a mastectomy bra when I want to dress up and look girlie. I've had reconstruction but my "new girls" are rather small and misshapen in proportion to the rest of me. Hence, the falsies. I've wanted to fling those but they are so danged hard to get out of the pockets!
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Flyingdutchess,
Thank you for taking the time to explain that for me. At the time it just seemed so cold and insensitive. Perhaps the lady simply chose the wrong phrase to explain herself. I will let my mom know in order for her to put that conversation behind her.
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Hoolianama I think the problem is that when you know something and say it a gazillions times day in and day out, you forget that people not in your profession or with your expertise don't have your prospective or knowledge. This was brought sharply to my attention when I was teaching one of my sons how to drive. He asked what you do first, release the brake or turn on the ignition. I had been driving for at least 20 years at that time and had no idea. I did it so automatically it was no longer a conscious action. Your mom might tell the billing person that she was very taken aback by her words until she had it explained more clearly by someone else in the profession. That it "might be a good idea to use a simpler explanation to other people as it would make collecting debts easier for her". This way instead of repremanding her it will look like you are striving to make her job easier. No one likes criticism (I hope my explanation wasn't too hard on you) but everyone likes to be given tips that make their life easier. Good luck!
Kat
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When I was first dx'd (just 2 mos ago.) One of my co-workers said, "I wish they would cut my boobs off, at least I could get a good nights sleep on my stomach." As if that wasn't enough she said, "I wish I could wear scarves and hats, I just love them! I will take you shopping when you lose your hair." I just smiled and accepted it, but thought to myself...are you serious???? I am having major surgery...I will gladly trade places with you. I know people mean well, but for heavens sake, THINK for a minute. I am usually the person who makes jokes to lighten the mood when things go bad, but I think I would be a bit more sensitive. Take Care everyone......Allison
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NativeMainer: While staring pointedly at my chest: "What happened to you?" (I had a one sided breast enlargement)
"The other balloon burst"
I love the flying boob stories, you have really brightened my evening girls. Thank-you! I'm a bit more ready now to face my colleagues in the changing room tomorrow!
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@ MissSophieGrey:
"Well, Earl's dead now but he really thought Laetrile helped him a lot."
OMG this cracks me up!
LOL!
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Well there is a point there, because we're all going to die eventually, whatever the doctors do to us, so maybe we should focus more on living life and doing what we feel helps us....
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I sit here with tears rolling down my face with laughter, because of foobs and foob pitching and uncles doing great on laetrile and co-workers longing to sleep on their stomachs and what not.
Thank you all so much, you are such a comfort!
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Otter - my mom was Southern so I have a lot of sayings that my kids laugh about!0
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I was dx in 9/09. Since then I have had 14 surgeries (there were many complications related to my reconstruction. I required transfusions, ventilators and life support). I got a staph infection and was in the hospital sick as a dog for 3 weeks. I finally had a successful skin graft to cover the gaping hole in my breast so I could start chemo (TC X 4) within 3 months of my initial surgery. I had to take a lot of time off from teaching but still worked when I could. I started back full time in April. One of my co-workers said "Next year it's my turn!" I said to her "To get breast cancer?" Like are you nuts?!? "No." she replied "To take time off." !#@## OMG did she just say that #^%&??? I quickly replied, "You should watch what you wish for" I was so deeply hurt and I still can't believe this was said. OMG!!!0
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brendaskids,
I cannot print what I am thinking regarding "Miss Thing." I can say I really dislike her from afar.
and what a difficult journey you have had...I had come cellulitis issues (hospitalized as well.) Nothing like what you went through...I pray you are through chemo and well on the road to recovery.
Traci
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Last week at church of all places a few of the "ladies" after finding out I had BC - well you don't look so BAD! Like what was I suppose to look when you have BC. I am in the reconstruction process - have not had chemo so hair is the same.
So last week we were asked to be godparents so we were with my husband's side of the family (large)..... I hear a lot of people whispering that is the lady with BC! Could they not have waited until I left the room. I felt like a freak!
Thank you for this thread. It has helped me....
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Hope - "Yeah, I'm, fine but you should see the OTHER guy!" ... at least I think that is what NM would say.0
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How about the things people don't say? Just went out for dinner for my birthday with two of what I thought were my BF's before BC. I haven't seen either one of them since a quick visit from them a week after my MX. (Part of the reason they are no longer considered BF's after being abandoned the last 4 months.) They both know I have my exchange surgery this Tuesday. So what didn't they say? Never asked me a single frickin' question or even brought up BC the entire night. Talked about kids, bitched about husbands, moaned about annoying relatives and griped about how much weight they've put on, lately. No, "Wow, you're looking good!" or "Do you need anything next week?" or "Tell me what you've been going through." or ANYTHING! So sometimes what they don't say hurts as much as what they do!
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Kate I couldn't agree more...when we were at the relatives for the baptism for an entire weekend. Not one of my sister/brother in-laws said a word to me about it. Never asked my hubby if they could help with our 4 children 11, 8, 3, and 2. But wow could they whisper she has BC to the other relatives.
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