The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I think some people are really uncomfortable and don't know what to say. My DH pretends nothing happened -- he doesn't like to dwell... and of course there are some people who are just too self-centered to think of others,
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I think a lot of people last year thought, "oh she's just having plastic surgery" - like I'm just vain and want foobs. Now that I'm going through chemo, it's like "wow- this is serious" Sometimes I feel like daring someone to get a needle put through their chest muscle and have 75-100 cc's filled into a hard "turtle shell" in their chest. Oh yeah, piece of cake! HA!
Breast cancer is serious - no matter what stage or what treatment/surgery is chosen!!!
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kittycat- Maybe we should all walk around with a fill needle and a syringe of saline and offer to do just that!
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squidwitch32 Thanks for validating what I felt. I am doing well. Finished chemo in 2/10. I just had 14th surgery on Tuesday. This one was to begin to fix the skin graft. I am beginning to heal physically and I think more importantly, emotionally. Being able to 'let-loose' some of these experiences in a forum like this has helped
Thanks for your encouragement and prayers. I hope you are doing well too.kate33 I think that must have been so very very hurtful, especially because they are 'friends'. How terrible that they were not there for you when you could have benefited from their caring and support. Sometimes people are soooo dumb!
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brendaskids- Thanks for validating me, too. Just another fall out from BC is having to re-evaluate some of the relationships in your life. It's made me realize it's time to jettison some of them all together.
So sorry you have had to have so many surgeries! I hope the end of treatment is in sight. Sending healing thoughts and gentle (((hugs))).
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Kate33,
You're welcome! Some people should just get it over with and get the lobotomy!
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That's a good rib tickling comment brendaskids. I needed that. (hehehe, I mean I needed the laugh not the lobotomy.)
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brendaskids- Hilarious.......and so true!!! 0
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I wish I could accurately convey what I heard on NPR's Speaking of Faith this morning. The guest had been diagnosed with Parkinson's a year ago and had some poignant comments concerning friends who understand the significance of his diagnosis vs. "friends" who don't. I can only say, Kate, that I've experienced that, too, and tho I don't have a syringe to carry around, I was tempted to lift my shirt to a co-worker Fri to show why I took some sick leave recently.
I was reading these comments yesterday, thinking of people who haven't shown up, when a friend came to the door, and I guess that's the thing to remember---unexpectedly, someone is there in a positive way.
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Retrievermom,
Aww...that's so nice - the unexpected friend. I guess we do have to remember all those who have shown up for us. I know for me there were many people who I expected to hear from and didn't however there were many, many more who I never imagined would be there for me and yet they were. There were many people, that I didn't even know, who prayed, cooked meals, and shared acts of unspeakable kindness. So when I think of my co-worked and her comment that 'next year is my turn...to take time off!?!!!!" I have to remember all of these other kind and generous souls.
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Think of them and smile. And hear the sound of forehead-smacking from this entire group.
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retrievermom- So true! That's the fascinating part. The ones you think will be there aren't always and the ones you would never think would be make such an effort. I have a neighbor who I haven't been very close with. We've probably socialized twice in ten years but then her husband got diagnosed with throat cancer and we made more of an effort to call and try to help out. Well, she has been my biggest supporter. She calls every week, visits frequently, brings over bread, soup and books. She has been amazing and I tell her that every day. But she gets it as her DH had friends that dropped off the face of the earth after his diagnosis, too, so it's not just a BC thing. It's just a illness thing in general. I was upset with my friends for a couple days but now I've let it go. It is what it is. I'm instead trying to focus on the good that has come into my life like my new friend. The woman who has lived next door to me for over a decade!
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I have had all those same feelings-so I agree with Kate - let's all focus on our new friendships or true friendships. Even relatives has been an interesting road for me.....relatives that I thought would make an effort don't....and the one's that I thought wouldn't do.......
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Well, now I've got a great comeback for just about any dumb comment or inappropriate question about my looks: "This is what happens when your cancer surgery takes 19 hours instead of the planned 8 to 10 hours." I just won't tell them it was planned reconstruction surgery!
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Mainer! We was worried silly about you! So glad you're back in the typing world....
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Thanks. My surgery actually went 18 and 3/4 hours. I am thrilled with the results, but still feel like I got hit by a Mac Truck Jr. And am soooooooo tired. How does anyone get soooooo tired from being put to sleep for 19 hours??????
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NM, I'm glad it's over, even though it took so long.
And you just know some bright and shining star will tell you "Why are you cmplaining about how longit took? You were asleep!"
Let us know when someone does say it.
Leah
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Its not the sleeping that's hard work, it's the trying to wake up afterwards! No wonder you're tired.
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When someone does say something dumb - which is common when dealing with cancer - i ignore it and think of the wonderful things that have happened in the past 6 months.
1. The cleaning service that came into my home for free once a month while I was undergoing chemo.
2. The hairdresser who cut off my beautiful long hair into the cutest short hair cut you ever did see - all for free.
3. My neighbors who brought numerous meals and good wishes.
4. My kitten who didnt leave my side except to eat and poo during the week after my mx.
5. My children who cried with me when I told them, but have since that day have only had positive thoughts and smiles.
6. My 20 month old granddaughter who learned to say I love you Nana.
7. My coworkers who sent hundreds of cards and emails. Imagine waking up every morning to see them on your vanity.
8.My BS, Onc, PS and most of all my physical therapist who saved my life.
9.My principal whose support I couldn't lived without.
10. the wig lady, the bra lady etc etc i cant name them all
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Claire, that was lovely. And a good reminder to also find the postives in this situation. Thank you.
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Alrighty, here is mine.
My sister is not one for hospitals, procedures etc... So the day of my Bi-lateral mastectomy, I didn't know what was waiting for my behind the door in nuclear medicine. At my hospital they do the dye injection for the sential node biopsy before you go into the pre-op area. The nurse was practically begging my sister to go in with me when they injected the dye, knowing I was about to go through utter hell, without sedation or a local.
well, thank God, my best friend showed up, and he held my hand as I had tears streaming down my face and instead of screams I just yelled, "why? why?"
But I made it through, and would compare it to sliding down the roof of a house covered in sandpaper without your shirt on... while ripping your nipples off..
and I came out, my best friend holding me, and I told my sister how bad it was...and she said...
"I still don't think your strong enough to get a tattoo...."
and I decided not to discuss my desire for a tattoo with her anymore.
traci
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(((traci))) Can you imagine, I went back and had that procedure done for the other breast a month later!? My DH didn't feel he could take the day off so my 16 YO daughter took me to the clinic for the dye and then to the hospital. I couldn't cry in front of her and I didn't want her to be in the room and see me go through this.
I was afraid to tell my sister about my diagnosis cuz I just thougt she would say something weird or hurt my feelings. When I did tell her, she reminded me about a serious illness I had when we were kids and told me she thought I had already paid my dues... and she said how much she has always admired my strength. This is the sister who didn't flinch when she got her ears pierced so that I would do it too. I guess we both grew up.
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NM, it's no wonder you feel tired after that lengthy surgery. It's my understanding that they kind of fling us around like rag dolls in the OR. Lean on you. Etc.
Here's wishing you a speedy recovery!
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People can say dumb and hurtful things and their silence can be even more hurtful and this can really get you down, whereas focusing on the positive is even more important when you are faced with caner.
So thank you so much for your list Claire82, it has made me think of mine again and count my blessings!
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How about this one: I have a very self-centered cousin. I am on Facebook with limited family-only friends and after a recent BC update, among the "you can do it" comments, there is my cousin going on about her "scare" last year and the gory details of her biopsy...on my Facebook page. I un-friended her.
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NM, it takes a while for that anesthesia drug and it's effects to leave your system. Normally the anesthesia drugs (the injected ones) are metabolized and cleared by the liver/kidneys. In surgeries that take a longer time, the anesthesia drugs pass through the circulatory system and are stored in the fat cells, and that makes them harder to metabolize and excrete. It also depends on the type of drugs they used. If you had Propofol in the cocktail, for example, that one takes quite a while to get the body rid of, it can be found in urine 10 days after the surgery. I know I heard a nurse saying "count one day for each hour you were under".
My (initial) surgery was only 10 1/2 hours, and it took me close to 1 month to shake off the effects entirely. I had some vision problems (like seeing a bright yellow flowery-like pattern on white surfaces), and "spotty" memory. I have pieces missing of what happened in the 2-3 days after the surgery. But then it was anesthesia after-effect combined with pain meds every 4 hours - and later every 6 hours. After my revision (that took 1 1/2 hours) I woke up hungry and had a bowl of chicken soup as soon as they got me in the room from the ICU, and I was totally fine the day after.
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I heard tell that it takes a MONTH for every hour you were under for your body to purge the chemicals from your system.
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astorm,
I don't know how you made it back in a month later...and we do modify our responses to keep our loved ones from having to go through our deepest trials because we love them. I must say at the end of the day, I was proud my sister even made it into the hospital. We did have a laugh after I was tatted up at Radiation. She heard me when I said I got the old school tat and it didn't hurt a bit
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Claire,
such a sweet sweet mental image of your kitten. My mom (who watches over me from afar) used to say to me..if you have any doubts about the existance of a God, look at your dog/cat etc...and it is so true. I have a beautiful dog, and see about 15 a day in my travels. I always stop to get extra dog love
anyhoo, enjoyed your post
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brendaskids,
checking in with you post surg. How are you?
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