The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Good to hear from you NM!
I've mentioned on another thread a long time ago that one of the hardest emotions to handle is the loss of our innocence. YES, it CAN happen to us! Cancer. Quite a blow for anyone to hear. Unless you've heard it in the same sentence as your own name, then you just won't get it.
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I am still overcome by sadness at unexpected times. I about started crying in the grocery store the other day. I think sadness/tiredness go hand in hand with me, and my DH has learned not to try to jolly me out of it. There's a lot to grieve.
Anesthesia makes it hard for me to read, too, NM. Glad to hear you are able to again.
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OOoooo good point about the reading! My one selfish joy is reading. I way prefer it over TV and forgot that I couldn't "keep track" after my surgery. I had put it down to being the hospital environment, but you're right! It was tough at home too...
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I was soo glad to see this thread. Made me feel so much better about my feelings.. I don't post much but love to read all your posts. I've learned so much about this terrible disease, tests, drugs etc from all you ladies and really appreciate it. I too lately feel very down and feel guilty sometimes for those feelings. my story is complicated but started with lumpectomy's (3) plus radiation in 2008 and 10-mos later had a local recurrance that just floored me. I then had a BMX (L-prophylactic w/implant) and diep reconstruction on left (cancer side). I have a wonderful ,supportive husband, 2 great adult children with my son's wedding coming up in Oct. I know I have so much to be thankful for but still have anger and sadness that after taking good care of myself and no family Hx. that this happened to me... I guess we all feel cheated to have to think about the "what if's" for the rest of our lives now...Thanks for you support ladies
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I have a bad case of the "what ifs" right now. Last week I had a pelvic ultrasound and the results, which I saw before talking to my gyno, scared me... complex ovarian cyst... gyno says it's probably nothing and will go away on its own. She does want to biopsy my uterus though
and maybe do a D&C... but "hmmm, there is that cyst which if you didn't already have breast cancer we would just wait and see what it does... hmm maybe we should take a look at that and as long as you are under anesthesia we could just go aahead and do the D&C." I suggested a CA-125 first, but I'll just bet that will lead to more pondering. I feel like the docs think my body is toxic. Oh well, better safe than sorry i guess but I'd just like to forget about cancer for awhile. 0 -
AStorm - I had thyroid cancer 15 years ago....I hated going to the Dr. after that .....if I had hang nail I felt like they were checking for cancer......but now I feel differently....they would not have been as agressive with finding my BC if not for having thyroid cancer.....so now I feel bad all those years hating all the poking and proding....
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I feel sad too. When people ask how I am I cheerfully tell them "Great!" because that's what they really want to hear.
Two weeks ago I had right breast reconstruction of my reconstruction (things are getting redundant!) my PS also removed a lump from my left breast reconstruction. They had my original oncological surgeon come into the operating room to check things out and then sent it to pathology. When they told me in recovery that the onc. surgeon was involved in the surgery I felt like I was having flashbacks from my Mx nightmares. Later in the week my PS called and told me everything was fine, the lump was benign. Thank God.
I told a girl friend about the lump and it being benign and she commented, "You didn't really think it was anything else did you?"
I was really upset by her comment. Sometimes I wonder -- "Am I being overly sensitive?" Or do others really just not get it...at all!
I thought, 'Well, yeah, I did worry that it was cancer' At least I can say the word ... Cancer, cancer, cancer.' Then I question myself ... 'Were my fears really so unusual given the circumstances?'
I have since received the surgeon's report and it stated concerns that the lump may have been a lymph node where cancer had traveled to... so 'did I really thing it was anything else'... Yeah, it crossed my mind, and the surgeons, and it made me really scared.
People do say dumb things and sometimes what they say makes me sad
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People don't "get it" or don't want to think about cancer long enough to understand. When they don't know what to say, they say something stupid. I have said something stupid about other things and I have since learned that when I don't know what to say, it is often best to say I'm sad for you or I'm glad for you or say nothing. Sometimes a touch on the hand is worth more than words.
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Someone said to me "I'm so sorry you had to go through that." That was the best thing I'd heard, so I use that now.
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Hi Barbe,
I agree with you 100%. This is what I try to say or some variation thereof. It's hard to take that comment the wrong way and quite frankly it really say it all.
Take care,
Sandy
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The latest most stupid thing said to me--happened on the phone a few minutes ago. Call was from the insurance company. "Hi. I'm your Case Manager." My response: "I'm confused, Are you sure you have the right person? I tried and tried to get a case manager when I was going through hell 2 years ago and couldn't ever talk with an RN. Now I get a Case Manager when everything is almost all over? What's the point of that?"
To give the woman credit, she did apologize for mynot being able to get through to anyone 2 years ago, and then took detailed notes about my entire bc history. She's going to call again tomorrow to finish "getting the intake information." But what on earth can she do to be of any help to me now?
Yes, I will be polite to her. I'll answer her questions. But I am going to ask what I'm going to get out of having a case manager now, and she better be able to give a GOOD reason.
Thanks for letting me rant and rave a little.
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Oh she was your case manager all along! But no one would want to talk to someone in active treatment and deny them the things they really needed asap. I bet your "interview" is really an exit interview and she'll be able to close your file by saying she talked to you and everything is fine.
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NM, I got a call from my insurance company's casemanager several months back--yes, when I was almost done with everything. Truthfully, I did not want to talk to her or anyone from my insurance company. This is pretty much what I do for a living and I was quite suspect about why they were calling me now. I cost them a pretty penny for awhile and I really don't want them nosing around in any of my business. Still fearful it would somehow go against me later.
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Diagnosed @ 40. Bilateral mastectomies 1 year ago. New "lumps" felt 2 days ago. A person responsed: What did you do to deserve all this?
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I found out yesterday that a friend I hadn't seen in years was diagnosed 3 mos ago and passed away over the weekend. I told someone else who wanted to know if her death was related to the BC. Duh.
AStorm: Sorry too hear that. Sometimes those cysts do go away on their own, but you will feel much better when you hear B9. Thinking of you.
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2 weeks after my breast cancer surgery (large lumpectomy/quadrectomy). My breasts and arm were hurting alot and I had not left the house for 2 weeks. The first time I went anywhere, I took my dog for a walk at 6 AM Sunday morning at a local mini-mall, not expecting to encounter anyone. A nicely dressed, coiffed woman started shouting at me from almost 100 yards away, saying I was disgusting and should be ashamed. I suppose she was referring to my large breast and 2/3 that bounced slightly, braless, under my loose sweatshirt. I shouted back that I had just had breast cancer surgery. I had expected an apology or at least contriteness. But no, she shouted back "I don't care. Go home and put a bra on. You are disgusting". People are cruel.
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The woman shouted at you because she was taught to be ashamed of her body. She just wanted you to be overcome with shame as well. How sad for her.
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I'd certainly rather be a slob than be rude, nasty, and cruel (all of which she was).
Leah
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So nicely turned out, so early on a Sunday morning and nothing better to do with the rest of the day than abuse strangers... That's sad.
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Janice......that lady is not a lady at all.....no lady is that cruel...sorry you had to endure that......
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karen1956
You bring up a good point. That woman was no lady since a lady would never make such a comment especially in a voice that could be heard from 100 yds away. It appears that at that mini-mall not all the trash is in the cans.
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She was probably just counting her tricks for the night..
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notself and barbe1958 you are both so very very bad.
Janicealive, you posted this awful incident on another board here on BCO, don't the responses on the two boards reflect very different attitudes!? haha I like it here better.
I think being thrown under Janicealive's Life Bus would not be adequate for this woman. I think Janice needs to rev up her steamroller and flatten this self-righteous twit like a pancake, then roll her up and only then, throw her in the trash.
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Janice,
I'm thinking... mentally ill? Seriously, what kind of person would say such things to another human being?
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When I was young, my parents would tell my sisters and I to "act like a lady"- meaning polite, well-mannered, etc. Take my word for it, she was no lady.
Leah
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I think I would have just shouted back at that woman "and that is your business.... how?" or even more simple "shove it, lady, I dont' have time for idiots today". Yea. I'm mean like that lol
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from my "fiance' yesterday- you know you look really weird with no eyebrows, well, not weird, but strange. the hair wasn't so bad, but you look really strange without eyebrows.
Thanks, hon, I hadn't noticed.
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Tell your boyfriend that you have become a Buddhist nun (they shave their eyebrows) and have taken a vow of celibacy.
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Nothing really dumb was said today, but I flew to San Antonio today out of Tampa. Tampa, for some reason, is now using that device which can see everything. I was stopped and asked, you you have something around your waist? Mind you, my new implants are agre appropriately placed, but not around my waist. I said, you are seeing my implants, I've had both breasts cut off because of cancer and have implants in. Didn't matter, I was completely felt off and up (it was a woman doing it). I continued to loudly saw "it's not bad enough to be dehumanized by having my breasts cut off due to cancer, now you have to humilate me right here in front of everyone?" I made her feel about as bad as I could. She apologized. I told her, "wait til you or someone you love has to go through this, then come back and apologize. You have no idea how much this humiliates me." She said it was for our safety and protection. I asked her where she was when I was going through surgery and chemo to give me some safety and protection. I looked at the devices being used here in San Antonio when I fly back later this weekend. They don't have one of those devices, thank God.
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MB,
May I ask what airline you were on? Was it Southwest at Pier C? I am just wondering if this is in my future at TPA.
I have already decided if someone wants to pat me down because of my implants, I will pull my top up and expose my scarred chest and tell them to go for it right there. I don't regard my implants as breasts and have no modesty issues about exposing them in public. If I am feeling real feisty (which is usually 90% of the time), I will throw in some tears and loud ouches as they touch me.
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