The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
you need to continue the rant in a letter...email...whatever!!! ((((((((((((((((NM))))))))))))))))
please continue your health care for YOU, don't let that jerk put you on a path of no care. Some people are just idiots. I am so sorry you had such a bad day!!! We love you on here. Many many hugs to you.
As far as books go, I have a stack too. I do love reading, so I did read a lot of them (especially right after diagnosis) My favorite one by far is crazy sexy cancer- if anyone gave you that book- it is worth a few laughs and is written by a women who has cancer. Many funny antidotes in it.
0 -
My mouth dropped open when I read your post NativeMainer. What a g-d f*-ing b*tch!!! If you can bring yourself to do it, write a letter to the manager, CEO, anyone you can think of. On your health insurance card or their website there should be an address that you can use. She should be kicked out on her *ss for that! Since all calls are noted in their system they can figure out who it was if you don't remember her name (I never remember them...). I hope she thinks about what you said, but she probably has a vacuum between her ears and has since forgotten. And, whatever you do, please don't interrupt your treatment. Not over that idiot. We want you around for a long time!!! Big, loving hugs,
Elizabeth
0 -
I had 2 different experiences with blooming idiots. One was when I was starting to get bills in the mail after my lumpectomy, and my Breast Surgeon's office said that my insurance will cover all hospital bills 100%. It seems like there was another surgeon in the OR that didn't take my insurance, so I would have to pay a bill of $1,500! The initial phone call that I did to the insurance company, the person I spoke to said I should have asked each person in the OR if they took my insurance. WTF! I told them I had cancer surgery, that was the last thing on my mind to ask, especially when my BS told me I had nothing to worry about.
Another one was when I went through my hysterectomy 2 months after I finished rads. For some reason my room was in the maternity ward, a bit hard to handle hearing the crying babies, and never had the pleasure of having my own children. I was going for a walk, and had a fuzzy light blue robe that my 2 nieces gave me as a Christmas present. They wanted me to think of them when I was in the hospital recovering, which it helped! There was a professor/teacher and students there from one of the local colleges (had surgery done at a teaching hospital), and commented on my blue robe, and actually asked if I had a baby boy! Told her no, I'm here for a hysterectomy, and my 2 DN gave it to me as a present. Her mouth dropped a mile, and turned beet red! A few weeks later when I got the survey in the mail on how my stay was, I gave them h*%l. Not sure if anything was done about it, but it made me feel better getting my frustrations down on paper.
0 -
Thank you everyone for the hugs and support. It's a new morning (I slept until just after 9 am, a real rarity for me.) My plan for the day is to work off as much frustration and anger as possible in house work and snow shoveling, setting up the Wii I bought myself as a reward for not tearing anyone's head off yesterday or the day before, Semester break is over Monday and I'm going to call the HR office and talk with someone there about helping me work with Anthem BC/BS to get a case manager, Then I 'm going to schedule a very long discussion with the case manager about all this stuff I've been through, and give them one (1) chance to find the dipshit I spoke with yesterday and have her send me a written apology. After that it's a complaint to the state insurance board. But I'm not going to do anything today, I've got to give myself a little time to calm down a bit more or I'll just end up screaming and crying
0 -
native mariner, I think your plan is a good one. Hugs to you, thats one of the worst stories I've heard.
tweety, is there a patient relations office at the hospital you went to? I'd call and complain about that bill for the other surgeon and see if they will write it off, that is not right.
0 -
Excellent plan about the HR help, Native. When my insurance company started realizing how expensive my treatment was, it started balking at every bill. Initially, I handled it myself, and made good progress, beating back one refusal after another. But eventually, my appeals were refused. Apparently the way it works is that a patient has access only to low-level non-decisionmakers at an insurance company. You have to get your HR rep involved to talk to the higher-level decisionmakers. It was a total farce, but it worked. I would write the problem up and send it to my HR person, who would forward my letter to her contact at the insurance company, who would reply to the HR person, who would forward the reply to me. But I got every penny I was owed. Basically the whole runaround was a form of harassment. Sucks to have that on top of breast cancer.
0 -
NM my jaw dropped when I read your post. It sounds like you have a great plan. Today is take care of you day. After today give them HE!!
0 -
OMG NativeMainer - your story stunned me!! What a bleeping bleep that person was!!! Hopefully yours was a conversation that was taped. I certainly hope there is a recording available so they can boot that be-atch. I have BC/BS and have been pretty lucky. I think Cheri2 is right - you need written documentation.
I'm glad you slept in and are taking a breath. You will LOVE the Wii! It will help release that tension.
0 -
maybe not the dumbest, but certainly dumb:
I was sitting at my first meeting with my oncologist yesterday with my fiance.
Background: I was managing a live music venue/bar and bartending when we met, his band played at my bar, I knew we would be married from the start, and have been told he feels the same. 4 months later I found out I was pregnant, we had a beautiful baby girl and have since bought a ring, a house, and it's 5 years later. I doubt we will ever be able to marry due to insurance issues, but are very secure together, I think, ha ha.
So, my young, attractive oncologist says: "So, how long have you been married?"
I, not wanting to realy go into it say: "We're not, we've decided to be engaged for life."
He says: "All i know is my band played at her bar, 2 weeks later she was pregnant, and now here I am."
Maybe I'm just sensitive right now???
0 -
NM - came here to check up on you! I completely agree with your plan of action. I mulled it over for a few days (when the idiot NP made the comment to me) and then decided that I really needed to tell the practice what happened. I too waited until I was calm, cool and collected when I spoke to them, explained the situation, told them what she said to me, and told them how it made me feel. I was actually surprised by how seriously they took it. They apologized profusely (I didn't wish to speak to her or get a personal apology from her) and the doctor also followed up with me by phone to make sure I had no additional medical questions for her.
I really think they took it much more seriously because I was able to hold it together when I was discussing it. So shovel, clean and Wii away today, and know that we are all right here with you cheering you on when you have the conversation with the case manager.
0 -
toxic is great word.. i'm going to keep that in my arsenal.
i love my sis.. i really do love her but she is the bluntest thing. She insisted on accompanying me to my surgery (against my will) and hung around the hospital the next day, doting on the cute surgeon.
He was talking to me, hours after my surgery and she said "Does she (me) need to go to the bathroom?" My surgeon looked at me and asked "Can we get send her out for hamburgers or something?"
She left in a huff. I love her but geeeez. I tricked her into coming in late the next day.
0 -
NativeMainer: I am totally shocked at what that woman said to you!!! Totally inappropriate. Sounds like you have got a great plan on how to deal with the situation. Her supervisor and the "higher ups" definitely need to know about this.
We love our wii
. Unfortunately I haven't been able to use it much lately because of surgery recovery but I am looking forward to getting clearance for regular activity/exercise again. My daughter loves the boxing game--you can try it out an imagine that your opponent is that awful woman!!!!TCK
0 -
kmmd,
You read my mind with calling the hospital. I worked everything out with them, it took a year of multiple phone calls and letters, but the doctor/hospital did end up writing off the charges. I thought it was kind of ironic that each time I got a bill in the mail was right around the time I was seeing my breast surgeon for follow up appointments.
0 -
this may not be the dumbest thing someone has said, and it wasn't hurtful, but I thought it was weird. After telling them my diagnosis several people asked me "Which breast?". Uh, why do you need to know that?
0 -
My friends have been terrific. Two of my sisters need a lesson in sensitivity. When I told one sister she said: "I'm a little jealous. Why couldn't it have been me? I'm ready to check out." Another sister, when she found out I was buying a wig since I was starting chemo soon said: "I've wanted a wig for years. I can't believe you're getting one before me! So can I have it when you're done with it?"
NM: Good for you for sticking up for yourself. Don't let it overwhelm you. Be objective and write everything down.
1vamom: Did you ask your BF what he meant by it? He may have been dealing with this poorly and pretty much taking it out on you. But it's surely something to discuss.
0 -
I've been dwelling on the "those people with breast cancer are always really freaking out" part of NM's story. Well there are a lot of us- it's a really damn common cancer 1 in 8 women and all that, people die from it , our self image is attacked on so many levels, the treatments themselves mess with our emotions. ANY person going through any cancer treatment has the right to be freaking out- I don't understand why folks at all levels of the medical treatment aren't trained to be sensitive to that?
My first appt with an onc shortly after being diagnosed was really traumatic for me- enough so I never saw the onc again. I know now from experience, the consult with her at the early stage in the process was fairly pointless until they knew more after surgery and all that. I went in there and she was just - here's the chemo you'll take (NO presentation of options like the chemo will give you this much survival advantage), then she did a breast exam and felt a spot she thought was the lump- um no- over here by the nipple dumb ass- DID YOU READ THE CHART? do you know what sub areola means? Then- examining the lump, nonchalantly- will they be able to save the nipple? WHAT!!!!!! at that point I had no idea the nipple would have to go despite its proximity. It was just a traumatic way to find that out. I switched to a different onc in the same practice, I don't know that he was any better and I have heard other good things about the first onc- she just seemed clueless to how things she said (or didn't say) affected me. I walked out of there just freaking the hell out- I took that freaking out as my body telling me NO CHEMO and stuck with that until I had a node come back positive.I did the chemo and everything else too- I got a lot of the "you look great!" comments - I just wanted to say- WTF- I do not. I don't have eyebrows and my skin is pasty and puffy, don't lie to me just cause you don't know what else to say!
0 -
1vamom: you've been happy for 5 yrs? We probably would all agree we're hypersensitive at your stage. Heck DH tells me I'm even more hypersensitive a year down the road. He's always trying to get me to remember what pre-BC life and attitudes are since that's the world I need to deal with. If you've been happy for 5 yrs I'd probably tell him how much it hurt and even though you know he was kidding the Onc might not and you need more support right now.
0 -
Oh!! I almost forgot this one!!!
My MIL has never really liked me much...blames me for us not going to visit more (don't know why she doesn't blame her own son?)...never happy with the gifts I buy them for Christmas and such and tells me so...just really a pain...my husband called and spoke with his own parents about what was happening with me when I was diagnosed and told them when my surgery was, ect.., the week of my BMX I got a present from my in laws and opened it to find 2 prosthetic shirts...I just burst out crying....thanks for reminding me I am getting my boobs removed Friday...I did get TE's in so didn't need the shirts....just really a terrible, cruel gift in my opinion! (and they didn't offer to come and care for our kids during any of this)
My mom on the other hand...sent me some cute PJ's!
0 -
Been an interesting day. I've started I don't know how many housework chores, not sure I've finished any of them. Ranted and raved and yelled and threw things. Thank goodness I live alone. My poor German Shepherd ran out side and stayed there most of the day, just watching me through the door. As it stands now the medication has been ordered by the local pharmacy, should be in early next week. Got at appointment at my PCPs office Friday to get the shot. Anthem confirmed it's covered through the local pharmacy for the "intermediate" co-pay of $40. Both office nurses have the names of all the people they've talked to at the pharmacy. IF the mediation actually comes it as planned, IF it actually costs what it's advertised to, then all that I'll have left to do is find someone to drive me to the appointment so I can take a xanax before hand. As long as I don't see the needle I think I'll be ok, If HR can help me get a case manager on Monday this will be my first test of her/him--to see if she can make the insurance end of things work correctly and timely.
I'm sorry for the total meltdown the other day. I was so totally upset, angry and frustrated that I couldn't think straight. I felt like I couldn't get anybody to listen to me. It's one of those times that being on my own is a real handicap.Thanks for listening and not telling me that I was over-reacting. It's just so hard for me to ask for help and then to get a virtual slap in the face when I do, well, it's discouraging and makes the next time even harder.
0 -
I had someone say to me after all my surgeries and what not that I must be cured and over it by now.....Yes it is 3 years since my diagnosis but I don't think I will EVER get "over" it........As for being cured......I WISH!.........*SIGH*......
0 -
I was admitted into the hospital during chemo (not the hospital where I work). I was in for 3 days and received fluids plus blood transfusions. Needless to say, I was scared and thought only the worse.
When I was settled in my room, a nurse assistant came in to take my vitals. She proceeded to tell me about her friend who had bc and small children at home. I asked her how the friend was doing to which she replied, "She died." Why in the world did she tell me that when I thought and felt like I was dying?
In reading through some of these posts, I am saddened how insensitive some people are.
0 -
NM -- never apologize for a melt-down. We're all equiped with mops and hugs to help each other along. I can empathize with the being alone crap on top of all the other crap. I love my cat but sometimes it would be so nice of have someone's arms to flop into on one of those days. Well, for what it's worth please flop into my virtual arms -- hugggggg.
Elizabeth
xoxoxoxo
0 -
NM, that was no meltdown! You were very concise as I said in my previous post, you weren't a blubbering idiot and you were certainly justified in your anger and frustration! Being with someone isn't all it's cracked up to be either. I actually have to open my DH's arms and put my head on his chest and tell him to hug me! Doi! I get more compassion from my last cat!
0 -
Thanks all, for the hugs, sponges and mops. This meltdown is over, and I am soooooo tired that I'm going to bed early tonight. Got an appointment for a massage tomorrow am,then dinner and a movie with a freind after. I'm planning to have a nice lunch, but no more non-stop comfort food eating like I've been doing the last couple of days. Got some equilibrium back, and am feeling very grateful for a place where I can come and say what I need to say and be understood.
Good night and pleasant dreams to everyone, and a fun and happy weekend to all!
0 -
Good for you! I'm more than a bit envious of your day tomorrow, sounds wonderful....sigh. And comfort foods are just for that, so don't knock them...they work!
0 -
(((((((NM))))))) I'm thinking about you!
0 -
NM:
I can come and say what I need to say and be understood.
Hear, hear! I am SOOO sorry you went through this. No one should go through what you did. (I'm a pharmacist.)
0 -
Thanks to all for your support and understanding this last week. You have no idea how much it meant to me! Going to have a very nice day today, and start a new week tomorrow.
Love you all!!
0 -
Have a blast today NM!! We love you too!
0 -
BF2099,
This is the first time I've seen this forum and wow I was glad to read your comment regarding what your husband had said about needing to feel sorry for him. My husband-in-training [finance] is saying the same thing..... plus trying to compare breast cancer with prostate cancer to which I asked him "and what type of prosthestic will you be wearing?" He just doesn't understand how emotional breast cancer has been.
I recently returned back to work full time last week, my energy level is still very low, and my boss has been blaming me for her and her Assistant for not being able to complete their tasks in a timely manner because I had been out for 2.5 months. Believe me, I would like to trade places with her.
0
