I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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Peddling growth hormone fueled chicken rich in torture and suffering, the kernel made sure he'd hit that skinny mother clucker with his long needle full of growth hormones, It'll soon be time to fill him up with all those tasty chemicals that soon will go into your body. All plump and yummy in no time, hey, it's a value meal, you get what you pay for. Admire that nice pink bucket, they really know how to honor breast cancer survivors, so make sure you buy a big bucket of those very unfortunate chickens who were tortured in several ways but cooked just right for you. After you get poisoned , make sure you get your 50 cents off but first you need to register, go on line, complete a form and then wait for 50 cent coupon through the mail??? Why would The Susun Kormon fund pick KFC? Why didn't they just pick Wendy's' even Burger king, it would have been just as gross and clueless of the fund but why not, shouldv'e just sold raw meat shaped like ribbons in memory of morals lost.
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Wow - nice rant CS. Corbert did a nice one on the same topic tonight on the Corbert Report. We all thought it pretty damn ironic. And funny. And sad. But not nearly as sad as the mess in the Gulf right now. I'm feeling very depressed about everything - my just OK, still healing body, no sex - too sore still, tired out of my mind, stressed out partner, f-d up politics, ditto environment, economy, etc, etc. I used to protest and boycott and write letters and march, and now I just want to be able to go through my daily life without being overwhelmed. And I'm failing. There's too much to do, and not enough people care enough to move out of their comfort zone and do it. And I'm just not capable right now. I'm still trying to get some peace and healing within my own tiny little cosmos. And yet I feel despair and guilt about the larger world. I have managed to get my son into treatment and he's doing much better, so that's one itsy bitsy little dot of healing. Yay! We had planned to hit the Biloxi Mississippi beaches in about two weeks for a well-deserved vacation, but now it looks like they will be covered in oil. I thought about taking us there anyway, and volunteering to help with the cleanup, but my family needs REST and RELAXATION after the past horrendous year. So we will head to Arkansas (from TX) or New Mexico or Oklahoma to a nice un-oily lake and just enjoy ourselves, I hope. Is that too selfish? I'm just too tired to fight it all.
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I agree, awesome rant, CS. Love the bit about raw meat shaped into ribbons.
Bookart, I relate to this so much -
I used to protest and boycott and write letters and march, and now I just want to be able to go through my daily life without being overwhelmed. And I'm failing. There's too much to do, and not enough people care enough to move out of their comfort zone and do it. And I'm just not capable right now. I'm still trying to get some peace and healing within my own tiny little cosmos. And yet I feel despair and guilt about the larger world.
This is a big struggle for me. Pre-dx, I was quite the activist (mainly in the realm of feminism and making the world a better place for children), and having breast cancer take center stage in my life pissed me off because it interrupted this. The day I was dx'd was the day I was planning on applying for a full time job at the Women's Crisis Center...I threw the application in the trash instead, mad that I had suddenly become the 'woman in crisis.' Then, I had to cancel the 8-week girls' empowerment group I had been scheduled to facilitate, because I needed surgery 3 days before the first meeting of it. Then, when I lost so many hours of work/income due to cancer treatments and had to majorly pare down my expenses, I canceled my sponsorship of an 11-year-old girl in Pakistan, whom I'd been sponsoring for 8 years, and cried on the phone while doing so. Last March, I spent most of my time volunteering with a local women's film festival that was benefiting the Women's Crisis Center, working on the publicity committee and doing box office at 7 or 8 shows. This year, I only managed to attend one of the films, because I spent March and April at radiation and under a cloud of depression.
I'm frustrated by the (hopefully temporary) loss of my activist life. On the other hand, I have a feeling that one of the many contributing factors to me getting breast cancer in the first place was me spending 15+ years not sufficiently healing my OWN wounds, or rather, wrongly trying to heal them through healing other people's, and it doesn't quite work that way. I'm now learning the hard way that I need to put on my own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. Back to therapy I go! It's a struggle for me to find the right balance - I want so much to devote my life to helping women & children, but I need to do so in a way that nourishes me instead of drains me, and I need to be able to have enough self-awareness to identify and maintain my own limits.
And the oil spill... I'm still in the "shock" stage. I can't comprehend the enormity of it. I read that the oil slick in the ocean is 130 miles long and 70 miles wide. The hospital where I had surgery is 68 miles away, and it takes me about 1.25 hours to drive there. I'm trying to imagine an oil spill that is as wide as the length of that 1.25 hr drive...and then imagine the oil spill twice as large in its other dimension...and it just makes me want to cry. All of the life lost from this...our oceans were hurting so much already, this is the last thing the ocean needed. It makes me feel so small. Like me recycling my meager containers of paper and bottles is a pointless gesture compared to an oil spill that enormous. I was lying in bed last night sending as much love as I could to the ocean, thinking about how strange it is that my life has been taken over lately by dealing with a 1.5 cm wound in my body, whereas the ocean's wound is ONE HUNDRED THIRTY MILES LONG AND SEVENTY MILES WIDE. It seems preposterous that this tiny stupid cancer is taking up so much of my time, energy, and money, when I'd rather be putting my focus elsewhere. But I know I know I know I HAVE to take this time to heal myself in order TO help heal anyone or anything else.
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Like you I am in total shock that the spill has been allowed to go on or even happen at all. Was it really an accident or just more evil greed to drive up prices of oil and food? And our dear president wanted to go ahead with even more offshore drilling! What a nice thing that he has decided to hold off on that now because of the spill. I feel devastated for the environment, animals and people that will be affected by it. This is a total disaster and catastrophic horror! I feel like crying too.
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I pretty much forced myself to stay on long enough to check in on the boards for more than a glance; everything I've been feeling the past few days has been reflected here in your posts, so thank you wonderful ladies for sparing me the energy of putting it all out there. It appears we all have these "hot topics" in common these days. I'm working steady on the recovery. I'm very happy with the first weeks progress. It is a struggle to stay focused on what will create progress and results. Some days the pain would be easier to deal with by taking a pill and sleeping it off, however I know that a true recovery at this point isn't just about the ankle. It's about the mind and spirit, which have also taken such a big hit over the past two years. I was already struggling with the aftermath of the ankle injury when cancer came calling, bringing along the weight gain and further physical injuries and limitations from complications of treatment. So, each day I am tackling one thing at a time. Getting a bit further from where I am and a bit closer to where I want to be. Back out in the world with enough energy, ability and heart to make a difference again.
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OK, change of subject. I get so depressed when I go to PT and catch a side view of myself in the mirror. I look like a pear on legs. The only thing I miss about my breasts is that they helped hide how big my gut has gotten! Too many injuries, getting too old, wearing out my parts. So I eat to make me feel better and just end up feeling worse in the end, especially when I get a good look in the mirror. Too sore to exercise enough to make a difference, too self-indulgent (child inside hurts and wants a treat) to stop eating bad food. This is just a venting - I don't need a response.
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Yeah....I was gonna comment on the other posts, but I am in Arizona and just can't even think about it right now :< Just awful.
As for the weight gain....yep. Living it and feeling all the same things!! I have never worn fake boobies, but thought about it for a second last week cause I thought they might help hide my belly...sheesh!! I know we should be glad to be alive, but it's hard to have your whole being change so much....not just physically, but mentally. Venting with you sister!
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sometimes this is the only place in the world where i truly feel understood. thanks ladies
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Sure glad I can come here and don't have to live in Conservative Corner. Aaargh. I was so sore today that my PT comprised of 20 minute massage (NOT enough!), kinesio taping and 10 minutes on the recumbent step machine. The taping seems to be helping, but otherwise a waste of time and money. Basically, spending most of 7+ weeks sleeping on my back because of my surgery weakened my core muscles so much that my core is mush. I keep hurting myself, so I've got tons of work to do to strengthen it again. It goes away in a hurry, but comes back SO slowly. Frustrating. I want to be well again.
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Sorry book...I know your pain. It seems wrong that it can be gone in 3 months but take 3 years to come back! I used to haul a 103lb carpet machine up flights of stairs doing carpet cleaning for a living (tough economy calls for tough jobs) now I have trouble walking on crutches!!! It's just so wrong. I'm going to keep working on it though...
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Just had to come here and vent for a moment -
I'm also a member at a bulletin board for women under 40 who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, and in theory, I love the idea of having a community of women close to my age to talk with. But that involves wading through multiple threads about sex and husbands, and I just can't take it anymore.
There's a thread with 122 posts entitled "Who's giving BJs instead of having sex?", and, EW. There's a lesbian forum, but I'm the only one who has posted in it since like 2008, other than people announcing a need for lesbians to participate in the such-and-such study. Ugh!! 0 -
LOL and EwwwWWW, too! Do you ever feel like the token? I wonder sometimes if my posts on other threads get ignored because they KNOW I'm not like them. I talk about my partner, not my DH, etc. And everyone isn't christian or even religious - but there's a lot of talk about it. I am religious, but not christian, so it's weird for me there, too. I guess I'm not that amazed; it always used to bug me that straight people assumed that all gay people thought alike and had similar political views and life experiences. NOT true, as we all know - so I'm not surprised that BC survivors run the gamut, too. I just wish more lesbians would weigh in openly, no matter what their views.
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Hey all,
I think the post do get ignored cause were gay (Oh yes, there are some gems out there that do not judge) but I think someone do go back and look at our prior post, then when they see that were gay eeeew! That's it, all done, I just hate that, it's so sad, because we are all going through the same scary thing called breast cancer, who cares who we date, live with, sleep with, love?
I just utterly gave up looking for other queer women in New England going through the same thing. It's just a waste of time. It's too bad, but a harsh reality. Why is it that everyone thinks everyone has an agenda? There needs to be more support for queer women going through this.
It's a crappy feeling to open up to someone, and you feel as though you found other people going through the same thing only to be judge on your sexuality, unbelievable. Just venting, hope everyone is well.
Did everyone see Betty White on SNL, God I love her, the whole thing had such a gay theme, I even blushed a couple of times. That shows me that even someone who is almost 89 years old can be open, diverse and welcoming. I WISH SHE WAS MY GRANDMA
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well I'm a straight mom (DCIS/BMX/implants) with a gay son and I haven't told anyone on these boards about him. so I guess it's time. I'm very open about him in my real life here in the Bay Area, but I guess I got spooked by some of the more conservative and religious posts. I didn't even champion the passage of health care reform on this site, wimp that I am...! My best wishes to all of you, and I hope your thread stays active.
Bookart, I've noticed a few women posting about their partners elsewhere, and I don't think anyone gives it a second thought. I have a feeling that our shared experience of breast cancer is more powerful than the religious/political differences we may have. At least that is what I'm hoping for!
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I"m often on the thread Exchange City (for women with mastectomies and reconstruction) and I really don't think the women there would shun anyone, lesbian or not. Cancersucks, I'm sorry that you felt shunned. I didn't see Betty White, but my son told me how brilliant she was, so I'll watch it on Hulu...
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It makes me sad some of you feel shunned and that people like Kristinka feel like they can't be open about people in their lives.....I am sorry there are some small minded people out there. In my journey, If people ignore me I just keep keepin' on because I don't have time in my life to waste with those people. I think over time, they have been able to see I am just a person who breathes air just like them....if not, then oh well....their effing loss, not mine...LOL!!!
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Hi, Some know me. I just wanna say, cancersucks I am sorry you can't find support in New England. That is rotten! When my partner Chris was dx last April I came to this site. She was stage 4. I went to the stage 4 board. I have never really been too open. I know, my loss, so stupid. I didn't give a rats azz anymore what people thought. I found all the women there to be very nice and helpful. I did not feel like they ever judged me. I learned so much from them. I am sorry you have to be running into these women that seem to think they need to judge who you are by who you love. Please if you ever need to talk, I am there.
Cyn
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P.S. Betty was cool!!!!!
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Check out the thread Exchange City in the Forum Breast Reconstruction - you'll see a lot of support there. Many of us have gay relatives and friends and wouldn't dream of shunning lesbians on BCO.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/728266?page=457 (middle of page)
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/728266?page=458
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Fortunately, I haven't found it to be much of an issue on the threads I participate on but I do know it's out there. Just like in the general population at large, even amongst people we consider to be our friends there is still a certain level of discrimination. I know I have dear friends who love me to death, know my partner and love her...but would never support gay marriage. It makes no sense to me how they can both adore us, and deny us. I think part of the problem is how the dialogue has been presented and perceived. I must say, I don't miss one of the BCO members (Amy's) 'stand on a soap box and shout about her injustice of the day' approach on here - although I suspect that's just her personality and she's probably very vocal in person as well. sometimes her posts were just too off putting. I think you can be open and honest about who you are, without making people feel like you are rubbing it in their face with a "too bad if you don't like it" attitude. It wouldn't surprise me to find out if certain people ignored my posts because I'm gay,it makes me inconsequential to them and anything I have to say is negated because of the homosexuality. As far as I'm concerned, that's fine, there are some hard right people I don't respond to for the same reason. I saw one poster, who should remain anonymous, put that it just grossed her out to think about us -in response to a comment about this thread being started. To her I would have no response, because really what's the point? Once someone puts "Ewwww" in response to the fact that gay people even exist, it's pretty much been said. It amazes me how judge mental people are about something that affects their life not one iota. It all goes back to being respectful of others views/lifestyles/religion/politcal views etc.
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p.s Betty is cool and it's good to see you still around cindoe!
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No your not the only one honey....... and no need to go back in. I have been out for years.....
katt
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I'm feeling so sad right now that there is such homophobia in this breast cancer world, where you'd think people would understand the need to be supportive. Yes, I know there ARE supportive straight people around - thanks, Kristinka, for your kind words - but just from reading all of our stories on this thread, it's seeming to me that the homophobia outweighs the support, and it's really freakin sad. It surprises me, too, because I live in a wonderful town with a large LGBT population. Here in my town, being a lesbian is just as normal as being straight - it's beyond mere "tolerance," or having a token "dear friend who's gay" - it's really just as normal as the sky being blue. We have gay and lesbian preschool teachers, a youth theater that writes gay and lesbian characters into its plays, GLBT film festivals, lesbian-owned-and-run businesses, ETC. So I've become really used to this. I've never experienced homophobia in my hometown and I feel so blessed.
And that's partly why I get SO surprised and saddened by the homophobia I come across elsewhere, feeling like, really? REALLY?! Homophobic people still exist? and In breast cancer support forums, no less?! If you do a search for the word "lesbian" on this site and discount the threads here in the lesbian forum, it's depressing. You'll find posts by women freaking out because their short hair makes them "look like a fat lesbian" and they're scared dykes will hit on them in Walmart. Another woman uses "you gays" as an insult when she's mad at a thread-full of women, and no one calls her out on it. Then there's a woman who started an entirely new cancer website, in large part so that she and her conservative friends can talk without the lesbians getting in the way. She says flat out, "I do not like the idea of discussing lesbians or atheism around here, but I do not go to those threads and report their comments, nor do I care to read what they say." Sadly, I didn't KNOW she was a homophobe when I "met" her online, nor did she know I was a lesbian, so we actually had some great conversations until that point.
I posted on another BC message board, "Am I the only lesbian here?", and ONE person wrote back to say, "No, there are plenty of others," and the topic's been viewed 56 times, but no one else said anything.
If I knew more about web design, I WOULD create a new website JUST for lesbians with breast cancer to talk with each other, so we wouldn't have to be relegated to our little corner in an otherwise hostile environment.
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Thanks navygirl!
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please know u are not.lolI had breast cancer that is now in remission. I really dont think much about it. I have the most wonderful dr in the world. I love her. She tells me the same jokes over and over again.I had no bad sign effect from the chemo other than my hair fell out. no nausea or vomiting,just a little fatigfue ,i basically just went on with life.I am 58 years young very energetic. I havea positive outlook on life. I have a long shelf life no expiration date from cancer. I eat well and excerise,one good thing came from this cancer i lost weight but now that i am not on it anymore the weight came back. we only live once but once is enough if we live it rite. I am on arimidex no side effect at all, i wish everyone great health and will keep in in prayers. much love to all. i live in maryland
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I keep on checking back to see if any of you have seen my words of support. If any of you have had a mx and are planning on or have had a reconstruction, please visit Exchange City. When I posted about acceptance of and friendship for lesbians with cancer at least 20 women chimed right in with their support, even some of the women I had thought to be on the conservative side.
Railie, I'm so sorry you have come across anti-gay slurs on this website. I haven't seen them on the threads I post on, or I would have gone ballistic in a very vocal way. (I kept my No on Prop 8 sign up in my yard for 6 mos after the election and I still have a sign in my office and on my car)
If any of you have questions or concerns about DCIS, mx or reconstruciton, please PM me or visit Exchange City under Breast Reconstruction.
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Thank you, Kristinka... I had a lumpectomy and radiation. Hopefully I'll never need a mx, but even if I do, I don't plan on having reconstruction. But thanks for your kind words and support!
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Kristinka...thank you for your support...I saw your posts....you rock. After reading Raili's post I decided to do a search my self. Wow....it seems like that sometimes when straight women are feeling bad about their appearance (fat, short hair), they are comparing their appearances to lesbians with the disclaimer of "of course there's nothing wrong with that, why my fifth cousin once removed was a lesbian" type of comment. They apparently don't get the fact that they are making generalizations about the appearance of lesbians and disrespecting an entire group all at the same time. I have to laugh. I have met a great many lesbians who are "knock outs", including my sweet sweet wife. BTW, I'm 5'8" and weigh 150 pounds....translation...not fat. My hair is a great deal shorter than it used to be thanks to chemo...but it's growing. And, even with longer hair and being thin, I still will get pegged by another gay person a mile away and I got called "Sir" when I had f'ng boobs. And another BTW, I have been hit on by men countless times....so f'ng sad for you that one lesbian hits on you. Could be worse things, hmmm, like dying of this f'ng disease. And I can't remember who wrote it but you are so right that many heterosexual people will love you but not believe you have the right to marry. Now that the rant is done and I will say this: I try to surround myself with accepting people and discount the fact that many are not. I try to appreciate the people I have in my life that are accepting instead of focusing on those that don't.....except when I go looking for it in a search and get pissed off all over again. I have posted many times on other areas and I'll continue to do so when needed. But I must say, I definitely prefer this forum. Thanks for listening to my rant.
GML
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I have very mixed feelings about sex right now. My body is still healing; my partner is having her own physical problems. We're both having so much hormonal fun that I want to kick holes in the walls or move out. So I feel like we're in a holding pattern - waiting until we are both better but both itching to do something. Anyone have any suggestions? I can't physically do massages, can't afford a night at a hotel or a day at the spa. I just want her to know that I still want it, but I'm not capable right now. You can PM me if the suggestions are too risque for the board.
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Hi I've been with my partner for 9 years.. my cancer turned our world upside down in 2008, but I had my last treatment a month ago. we too havent had much physical contact, 1, because of the chemo made me to sick, 2, my partner finds it hard to look at the scar which has replaced my left boob. 3, we both are going through the change of life so every time we try to hug it gets so hot and clammy. and yesterday she admiited to me that the port in my chest makes her cringe.(does me too I cant touch it). hopefully I will be having the port removed in a couple of months. she is finding it easier to look at my scar, and hopefully we will be able to get intermate later down the line. I know things will get better I just have to be patient and let her get comfiy with my new look. we go through a lot but so do our partners.
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