August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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Rachel: Great game, wasn't it. Very exciting, lots of goals! We love hockey, it is one of our favorite sports. We watch our beloved NY Islanders religiously, even though they are, shall we say, underperforming this season.
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texas, thinking of you. Make em laugh!
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Texas - Thinking of you and saying an extra prayer this morning. Hope all goes VERY well!
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Texas- big ((((HUG))))) and lots of prayers !!!We will be waiting to hear from you.
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Good day chemosabes and radicals-
I totally forget to tell you guys that at my last day at chemo there was a professional painter in the infusion room. He had a portfolio of pictures and we were able to pick one and he would paint it using water colors. In no less than 30 minutes he created such a beautiful, New England icy waters, fishing boat ocean scene. It is so beautiful...but it reminds me of chemo!!!!!!! In any case, it was such a nice treat.
Sweeney: happy back to work day....is that something to celebrate?!??! I was rather hoping you would become so terribly successful with your venture you would not be going back to traditional employ...unless you wanted to?!
Iowa: hope you enjoyed your days in a warmer climate.
Texas: thinking of you all day. Big hugs and positive thoughts heading your way.
Sptmm: I got a little spring reminder as I watched some of those icicles melt this weekend! Glad you had a nice hockey weekend. Homemade minestrone...good stuff, woman! I am going to the store shortly as, of course, we have to stock up for another 3 days of snow and ice, and I will be getting the 5 ingredients for my favorite Rachael Ray "under 5 ingredients" soup = spinach, broth, tortellini, lemon (for zest) and parmesan areggiano (absolutely key!). You put the broth and spinach into a stock pot, let it cook down, add tortellini, grate lemon zest and cheese over top and you have one very easy, delicious soup!
Rachel: may you absolutely NOT have a bladder infection!
Well, getting ready for the VNA, who was trying to schedule my weekly visit for Weds (the massive ice/snow storm), decided today might be better (sunny!) and I need her to look at my wound.
Good day, girls-
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Yeah, my husbands trip was cancelled due to impending ice storm in that city! This has only happened maybe once before in his nearly 30 years of travel. He will still be in the office here but it is just nice to know he will be home. I know it didn't cause the cancer but he was traveled all week, every week, the year preceeding my diagnosis. That is a difficult schedule.
This storm does sound terrible for the midwest and east, I am sorry for you. Get some powder milk, foods you don't need to cook and maybe a generator. This is my first full winter away from the cold, ice and snow.
I feel okay and hope the breast infection is gone for good! Rad # 9 out of 35 today.
Stay warm everybody, Texas you are on my mind, Lizzy no more giant icicles for you.
Ginger
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Sweeney: So sorry, I totally forgot today was first day back at work. I hope it went well!
Lizzy: That soup sounds good, what kind of broth..chicken. I love soup, especially in the very SNOWY winter! A two day storm this time....now that is fun! And did you see it is coming again Friday and Saturday....good stuff.. I think I am going to join Rachel and Sweeney in Canada, I think they have less snow.
Ginger: Glad the infection is gone.
Texas: Thinking of you! Sending positive vibes your way!
Have a great day all!
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Sptmm: I use College Inn chicken broth. This is the easiest, and perhaps healthiest, soup ever. You must use fresh spinach and the ratios are 1 bag of fresh spinach to 2 boxes of low sodium College Inn chicken broth. For tortelini, I use the dry Barilla found in the pasta aisle. I think it works best. Then just grate some lemon zest into the pan before serving and, of course, top it off with that fantastic cheese and it is just wonderful. Bon appetit!
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Went to the dentist for the first time since last June. I have had a lot of dental work over the years and unfortunately I have two cavities, both under other fillings/onlays. Bummer, oh well, what can I say?0
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I think I'm having your soup today Lizzymak!
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Question for you all who've had your ports out: It's not that big a deal is it? I went for my gyn appt. today and didn't get to see the dr. because he had to go delivery a baby. So I rescheduled it for Thurs., forgetting I get my port out Wed. morning. But I should be good to go Thursday, shouldn't I? I don't remember any problems when I had it put in, so I'm hoping the same goes for getting it taken out.
Hope everybody is doing well.
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Good to go LadyinBama!
Lizzy- YUM! Easy and delicious, my whole family loved it, thanks.
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Omaz: thankfully, during chemo, none of those got infected. That is the very good news. The decay/further erosion was sponsored by chemo but I have heard horror stories, none of which I shared here, of people winding up with infected teeth while on chemo and there is really nothing that can be done. Even though it does not seem so, you might have lucked out!
Lady: Yale makes me get a ride on port insertion day but I really could have easily driven myself. I have not had it out yet but I think the same negligible/twilight anesthestitization is it. Don't ask permission, ask forgiveness!
Adey: isn't it a good soup? So easy and a real crowd pleaser. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Just found this on the site about the benefits of Pom juice in helping avoid mets:
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Hi All,
So back to work today...it went really well. But I found I gave all my best energy at work, came home and fell to pieces. Tomorrow I will try to balance things a little more so that I have more to give the family at the end of the day and am not a weepy, crabby mess.:) (DH said it wasn't THAT bad....but it felt that way).
Tex- I was thinking of you today. And sending all my best thoughts down to sunny Texas.
Lizzy- congrats on being done. that's a BIG deal. And I'm so sorry that you're getting all of our snow! We've got NOTHING! Only like 18 inches. We're usually at 6 feet by this time of year.
JSW- You're almost done!!! Just a few more days!! Hang in there....
Rachel- WW is great, I'm using the online tool not the actual mtgs. It's better for me. It's kind of like on here, you have it when you need it 24/7. I lost 5.6 lbs in my first week!
LadyinBama- I'll try to do another hair shot soon. I actually got a haircut last week! (I think you saw that on Facebook....)
On hair- my sister in law, who was going through bc at the same time as me, and finished chemo within 4 weeks of me has almost no hair growth yet. Her onco told her that she and I are the opposite ends of the spectrum and that any range in between is normal. Why can't they nail these things down a little more clearly for us???
Cal- your shirley temple doll was soooo COOL. I showed my daughter!
Tamoxifen- my onco told me something that i've been meaning to mention- she said that if you don't have SE on tamox right away you're unlikely to have them at all. Conversely, some people react really quickly (Cal!). I found it interesting that it wasn't an accumulation of drug in the system that could cause side effects.
On Radiation- just wanted to mention don't underestimate how tired, groggy and overwhelming the last couple of weeks of radiation can be. I felt like hell. While I was going through it I wasn't seeing it so clearly, but now looking back I see it clearly. So if you're in those final weeks, take care of yourself. Sleep lots, say no to the stupid stuff. You deserve it.:)
And finally back to Tex- hope you're resting well tonight friend. And that you're comfy.
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p.s. Ooops forgot! LISA- HOLY MOLY!! what a string of fantastic things, congrats you deserve all that good stuff. Send the good luck fairy on her way to the rest of us too.:)0
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Tex...Hope you are feeling pretty good and getting lots of rest.
4th week of rads started today and feeling more fatigued for sure. Met with family doc--no bladder infection! She also mentioned that some may get reaction to Tamoxifen immediately. I seem to be handling fine.
I have my checkup for my 1st cancer (cervical) next week. I have to go for PAP every 4 months....The joy never ends! Hoping for clean results! I dont go back to see med onco for breast cancer until July. Could be the first time in two years that I haven't visited Doc almost every week/two weeks. Fingers crossed.0 -
Lizzy: Can't remember if I've told you this already ... CONGRATS on finishing chemo.0
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Sweeny I go back to work Monday, 7th. Am toying with the idea of just going commando with my hair as is or adding a darker color like yours. I added a little very light brown (temp color) a couple of weeks ago to disguise the gray).I know if I wear a hat, when I finally take it off it will be a big deal and I will have to talk. If I just go in on Monday with it short, the kids and staff will see it and it will be over. At least the school year is now concentrating on testing so the teachers will not be so needy. Libraylil0
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lil - I have been going without since I started work early Jan. There are thin spots but everyone says it looks great short. Probably just saying that but I figure what the heck, it's no secret what I just did (chemo!).
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Good day chemosabes and radicals:
Does anyone use :Kanoi rice? I was watching Wolfgang Puck on HSN (never watch this but his pans do look fab!) and they were talking about black rice being the best nutritional value for us in the rice family and that :kanoi, an Asian rice that apparently has several amino acid properties that animal protein does, to be a wonder food that we all should add to our diet. Anyone know about :kanoi (sp?) ?
TEXAS checked in and said she is doing just fine! She has a smile on her face and is recovering from surgery and wanted you all to know
Looking forward to having you back here, Tex.Calamtykel: We have not heard from you in a while and I am getting concerned. I know we have all reached the point in this journey where we have to put some normalcy back in our lives but I should would like to hear from you again and to know how you are. I know with your teaching schedule and stores etc... you are busy but I am not the only one concerned about you. Looking forward to an update soon.
Sptmm: You said it, woman-let's move to Canada where the weather is better!
Libraylil: go commando...get it over with. The Spring, so some say, is going to come and you will want to have everyone adjusted to your short hairstyle. I think it is easier to just do it and get it over with.
Rachel: so glad no bladder infection...last thing anyone needs. Fourth week of rads already? Time is flying. The fatigue will go in time. That is what I tell myself anyway!
Lady: thanks to you (and all) who commemorated my chemo commencement with kinds words....I appreciate it. So glad that is done....now about that 3" open wound in my chest that also precludes me from rads even with a 2nd opinion....!
Sweeney: over time clearly you will build up energy stores to get through the day and do something more than crash when you get home. That is cool about WW online also. Between education, this site, banking etc..... I am so glad Al Gore gave us the www!!!!!!!!!! Also, I probably said this before, I love your avatar. I like the way the photos are in a collage format. Very cool.
I am watching more snow fall....this winter could be the one that sends me packing for a warmer climate and a cheaper way of life so I can go back to school for nursing and *just* got to school. I don't want to work through school. One thing about a capitalistic educational system is you can always find it cheaper. Right now San Diego is starting to sound good!
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Hi all -
sorry I have been MIA. I went off the tamox and have basically have been having horrendous anxiety attacks. They last all day. I can't think straight and panic when they happen. I went to the doctor and he put me on xanax for now but I'm also on an antidepressant/anti-anxiety that will take a couple of weeks to kick in. I powered through BC and chemo powered through a lot of things in my life - and have never felt like this. It's like "welcome to your nervous breakdown, Kel". I haven't felt myself for a couple of weeks but last week was the worse. I don't want to relive it - let's just say I almost passed out in the doctor's office.
I think after seven months of the adrenelin and all kinds of stress chemicals being released, I guess my body just can't get normal now, even though it WAS normal during that time. This is a horrible feeling - I just want to run out of my own body when it happens. And it goes on all day sometimes.
I can't cry - and I'm not angry or anything - I'm just terrified. Of something I cannot even put my finger on or talk myself out of. I think having found this last lump really did me in. Plus my recovery from it has been difficult - the lump was right on the muscle that runs from the collarbone up to the ear. So I'm wondering if that has been a cause of my vertigo. I haven't taken any anti-vert today and I've been okay. I'm just so done with it all.
I'm taking ativan also - I'm terrified of becoming addicted to drugs. But when I take them it's because I'm really TOTALLY unable to function. As in I'm lying in bed totally frozen and paralyzed with fear and nothing's happening to make me afraid!
I will be seeing my doctor next week and we'll discuss the tamoxifen again, but at this point I can't imagine adding that back into the mix. I never had these issues ever in my life before this....I'd rather have my ovaries out than live like this.
I've also lost about 8 pounds since I started the tamox at the end of December. It ruined my appetite almost right away and I thought maybe that was a good thing, and it also made me jittery, which I didn't mind, because I figured it was extra energy. But it finally built to the point of overload for me I guess.
I find it difficult to eat and I'm nauseous with the panic. today I'm having a good day.
And I Just wanted to check in. I haven't been on the boards in a week or so - I am just trying to distance myself from the whole BC experience just temporarily until I can get back on my feet again. This whole thing is just so unlike me. I am just praying that the medication kicks in. I don't like being on xanax and ativan but right now I need to do what I need to in order to function............I hope everyone is doing well!
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((((((BIG HUG))))) Cal !!! We are here for you!!
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I will be keeping you in my prayers Kelly.
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thanks -- it's sort of two steps forward, one step back. Today is the first day I really am starting to feel normal. My ativan wore off hours ago and I've been a-okay!
First night I felt like cooking dinner, etc. I realize it may come and go - it's been about nine days since I stopped the tamox and i know that takes about 2 weeks to leave the system. Going to meet with the doctor on Monday and we'll discuss. I'm afraid, but I'm more afraid of my reaction to the medication. The one thing I did notice is that as soon as I went off it, within just a couple of days, the deep shaking that I had constantly when lying down or sitting, disappeared. That hasn't even returned with the anxiety attacks.
I don't mean to scare anyone - I know this drug helps so many women. My reaction is probably extremely rare. I have a big sensitivity to many different drugs that other people don't seem to have.
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Cal - I had a strange reaction to the herceptin infusion I had last week, it made all my neuropathy worse, and it has stayed worse. Not supposed to be a side effect of herceptin as far as I know! Makes me worried because I have 9 more to go!!0
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Kel= I'm so sorry you're going through this. It just sucks. You've been such a trooper, (we all have), and I think you're right....at a certain point the body and mind just say "ENOUGH!". Panic, anxiety those are all of our "flight" responses. But I'm still so sorry you're having to go through it. I know that terror, I've had anxiety once in my life before and it's awful and completely overwhelming.
You know you can come and go from here as you need it. We all know that. But just remember, we're always pulling for you.
A very big hug,
Sweeney
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Good evening chemosabes and radicals:
Correction on the soup: I use 2 of the "large" College Inn low sodium boxes and 1 bag of spinach! I totally forgot to tell you all I never buy the standard size box of broth because I use it a lot.
Kel: in the years following 9/11 I tried "powering through" and it just finally caught up with me and the same things I used to do to get myself going like exercise etc... did not work any longer. I remember being in therapy and telling him how I felt about my workouts and being able to jump start myself and he said the catastrophic things you have been through as of late are not going to respond to your old methods. Good, bad or indifferent, you are in unchartered territory and you have to respond differently. He told me I was going to need additional support to get through this time and he was right.
Finding that lump was a terrible scare and I think that may have pushed you into this new territory. Don't forget, when your body moves into "new territory" it is just helping you because it can't stay where you are at *and* deal with the situation at hand. The newness of the "new frontier" is scary but it is your body's coping mechanism. You really need to take the meds before you become paralyzed with fear so you don't go *there.*
Don't worry about scaring us with your tamox stories....don't forget there is a very long thread devoted to the good, and not-so-good, about the tamoxifen experience. It is NOT for everyone but do you think being on tamox and finding that lump was just a very bad confluence of events and you might be pinning some of the dreaded anxiety over the lump on tamoxifen? Just wondering and I am sure you have thought about that.
I think we have all dealt with this journey pretty well and it has been terrifying at times for us all. Just be glad you had enough of a mental, physical and emotional reserve to get you through this type of challenge that can break many, many people. You made it through. To be honest, I think one of the hardest parts is post-chemo and post-trauma when you try to put your life back together....that is a big challenge. May you find some peace and may you accept the help on hand. Let it get you through.
I have to start tamox at the end of this month....not looking forward to it and I am totally not looking forward to a perpetuation of the hormone rollercoaster but alas I can't deal with the alternative.
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Adey: your new moniker is "Sister Snow!" Remember that old 70's disco hit...I think it was Sister Soul?! Chi town is getting whacked this time....CT will be in a state of ice for days..!0
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Kel--Sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. Take care of yourself. I was also so worried about becoming "addicted" to some of these drugs but Doc said that it is so important for your body to heal with rest that if you need something to help you rest--then that is OK. One hurdle at a time. Thinking of you, Rachel
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