August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
Comments
-
Calamity, hugs for you.
Lizzy congrats on finishing Chemo.
Texas we are all here for you. Rest well.
Everybody. Thinking about you all and wishing you well.
Me, I am having some weird reactions to Rads. I keep going late, got there one or two times on time in ten! I stayed up all night one night to be on time in the morning and then slept 12 hours the net night and was late once again. I am a zombie whn I am asleep. The darkness here in Washington state doesnt help either. I was stronger in a different way in chemo, this feels stupid and rediculous. They even gad aocial worker talk with me. We took a list of life events and it turns out to be a really long list. I never mentioned here that we will lose our house back where we moved here from. It is worth less than half what we paid for it in December of 07.Our equity is all gone and beyond. It has sat unsold for 8 months now. Add my cancer and family deaths, more, and it adds up and up.I need to get through this and take the A medicine (?) and restart my new nornal life. I did not realize we were going to have this stage too. I am going to pray for these things because I sure cant do it on my own.
Love you all
GInger
0 -
(((((Hugs))))) to you Ginger! Rads is a weird thing. Going everyday, getting buzzed (that's how my machine sounds). I count the duration of each buzz and of course always worry it won't shut off when it's supposed to. It's such a technical treatment, the staff can't even be in the room and I have to talk my brain down from heading out the door with them. All this cancer treatment is so counter intuitive, at least the first part we have to go through, the chemo, rads and anti-hormone part. I grew up in Seattle and those winters can be dreary! Maybe you get there late sometimes - but the important thing is that you are getting there Ginger!!0
-
Omaz--I completely agree with you...sometimes I listen to the buzz and think--"is it going to shut off"..I think to myself, if I had to get up in a rush--would it end up radiating my head or something!!!!
I am finding that rads just wear on you a different way than chemo. With chemo, it wore on you physically but you had break...Rads -- not as tough but wears on you with the amount of time committment involved--yes, the actual buzzing doesn't take long--but the getting there, getting ready and going home -- that takes time.
#18 later today--big snowstorm here so appt moved to later when roads would be ploughed....I can almost see light at end of the tunnel!
0 -
Ginger: ((HUGS)) I've been a victim of the real estate plunge also. I lost around $40,000 on two houses I've sold in the last couple of years. The only good thing about it is you can write the loss off on taxes.
I think we are all just tired of winter, and mostly, tired of cancer! We've had to be strong and keep going through treatment and now that we are nearing the end, we find we are closer to a breaking point than we realized. I pray every day for all of us that we be given the strength to keep going and the grace to conquer this monster.
I got my port out this morning. My husband said by the time he got a cup of coffee and picked out a magazine to read, they were calling to tell him I was finished! All went well.
Everybody, be good to yourself today! You deserve it.
0 -
Lady - I don't get think I get my port out until next Aug. How do they do it?0
-
Bama congrats on port removal. Another step done, finished, overwith. libray lil0
-
Good day chemosabes and radicals:
First, many of us have discussed how the battle with cancer has affected our love lives and I happen to find this article on the American Cancer Society website. It is brief and I thought perhaps some of you would like to see it even though it does not speak directly to us as it is the story of a husband and wife moving beyond prostate cancer. In any case, check it out:
Also, I am so glad many of us have moved beyond critical mass with these struggles with our health and this bc. We collectively seem to be calming down a bit and for this I am thankful. We seem to be taking it all a bit more in stride.
Ginger: we all have lost on equity in homes but what concerns me more is the darkness in Washington at this time of year. I think, and I could be wrong, scheduling an annual trip to an equatorial location could be a very beneficial part of your existence going forward. I do it for my mental health during winter. Can you just imagine being on a beach in the Keys with your daughter and the baby even for 5 days? It would get you going again. I, too, am getting nervous with this dreary weather in CT. I am not used to all of this. I also try to go to FL in late Jan every year but with all this bc infection, hospitalization, finishing chemo etc... it is not possible this year. I do like winter but I also know I need a little time away after a while. Rads may be knocking you out but I am sure the weather is not helping.
I am sorry for what you are going through with the old house, however. That can't be remedied with an equatorial trip.
Rachel: when I looked at the rads machine I thought the same thing about getting up in a hurry and having it radiate my eye or something! Great minds, sister! The rads people did say that it was a cumulative effect with the fatigue but then again they said that about chemo also.
Lady: glad the port out was such a snooze! Good for you....god knows we need something to be easy once in a while! You be good to yourself today as you also deserve it.
Finally, I don't think there are any other New Englanders on this thread. If so, PM me and I am going to let you in on a fitness challenge for us New England bc girls.
0 -
Lady: Congrats on getting the port out, you must be so relieved!
Ginger: I understand you totally. I really struggled with radiation. It was not a physical challenge, although I did get tired and sunburned at the end. It was a mental battle. Everything is so clinical and I just couldn't get past the feelings of being some object on the table. I hated radiation and struggled mightily with the daily grind. The good news is, that because it is everyday, it seems to go by quicker. So, it will be over before you know it! Stay strong and just keep showing up.
I hope everyone is having a great day.
Debbi
0 -
Omaz: The same surgeon took out the port as put it in, and he's great, I totally trust him, so I really didn't ask any questions! It was at a surgery center, not the hospital, and although they didn't give me general anesth., whatever they gave me made me go to sleep, so I don't remember a thing. I've got a bandage over the surgical spot, so not sure, but think he just went in the same place he put it in and cut it out. I'm sore, but nothing bad. I was there for a total of about 2 hours, it was very quick.
0 -
My port removal, unlike the port placement (for me) was a non event. They did knock me out, under general, but it was very easy. I didn't get sick afterwards and wasn't even really tired from the anesthesia. It's finally healed over now.
I'm not doing so well today. I thought I was pulling out of this anxiety yesterday but I've had it all day today. The ativan is working better than xanax so I'm going to try that tomorrow. I really hate this - I feel like I have bubbles in my head and like there's a tight band around my head part of the time. I feel like I can't get a deep breath and my stomach is just not good. I meet with the oncololgist on Monday and meanwhile I wish the antidepressent they put me on would kick in. I felt great yesterday - I really thought that was the end of this and then I woke up with it again today. UGH! "
Having never suffered from anxiety or depression, I totally get now how debiltating it can be......
0 -
Cal - I feel for you having a rough patch. You will get through this! You have come through so much and been so strong. You will get this sorted out. (((Hug))) and some nice warm fresh bread with tea.0
-
Omaz: I meant to tell you about the port being in that long and perhaps you might want to ask them to remove it sooner. You can ask. The body adopts the port after a while and, although conventional wisdom wanted them in for a year from insertion, the prevailing wisdom wants them out sooner due to muscles incorporating it as one of their own etc... There is more to it than that. You might want to reach out and ask the question.
Calamtykel: that is an awful feeling you described and you are going to feel a lot better once you come up on the meds *and* your dose is correct. I feel for you...I so feel for you. I hate that on top of all of this "s" you have been through, now the end result is not awful but it is forcing you to go on meds that you do not covet. Don't worry about going on meds, in fact many of the antidepressants have ancillary benefits for ER+ bc patients that a lot of bc patients should be on them and the antidepressant part is an added perk. In any event, don't worry about anything right now- you are doing the right thing. Don't worry about addiction...forget about that. You have a lot more going on right now and you will NEVER let addiction be a part of your life so just let all of that go. Take what you need now to get better and you will feel so good. There is help on hand and it is there for you so wholeheartedly accept it and start feeling better soon. I really wish I was there to give a great big hug so tell one of the kids to hug you for me
Sptmm: how is it going over there in "iceville?!" I really feel like we dodged a big bullet with this one. I am luckily in the southern 1/2 of the state so we benefited, at least in part, from some ice and rain.
I made the best baked ziti tonight! After chemo etc... I am finding I don't anything too salty and I don't like anything too sweet. I was never much for salt and sugar is ok in a dessert but ...I don't know...I guess I just find myself, for the first time ever, mentioning that things are too rich for me or sweet etc... and, on that note, I must say it is all good! It is a little benefit of chemo I think!
0 -
Thanks Lizzy and Omaz and Lady In Bama, I am struggling with this far more than I ever thought I would. Our equity was our life savings and it is entirely gone.
When I was in the throes of deprression I was like the living dead. I didn't answer the phone, or door. didn't open envelopes, didn't brush my teeth or bathe. My doc said I had it as bad as it gets. Had it been the time of electroconvulsive shock I am sure I would have been a candidate. Depression is incredibly serious. The first med I was on for it was welbutrin and I had very bad reaction within a few days and had to come off of it. I had most of the symprtoms that Calamitykel describes. The deep internal shaking was awful, headache, nausea, constipation, dizzyness, I was in a hotel when it really hit and I had to crawl to the bathroom. Doc took me directly off of it. Later did Paxil and then added Effexor. Now I am just on Effexor. For me the Effexor is the best and I continue on now because I was told that seniors have a 90 or 95% chance of recurrance of depression, even though I only had one major depression. I was looking forward to being totally off but the BC convinced me to just go with it.
Lizzy, sun! I volunteer for a mission in Haiti. When I am in Haiti I automatically go to sleep at 10 PM and awaken about 6 AM. Like clockwork! It is really amazing how automatic that is for me there. I feel better there, the humidity makes me feel alive, my hair curls into ringlets my skin is alive. My husband loves the climate in WA and I am grateful it is not 14 below zero tonight.I really need to get out my light box and use the thing.
Has anyone heard from Texas?
Calamity the doc I saw was a psychiatrist and they really do know the fine points of the various medicines and reactions to them. That was the only reason I saw a shrink so I would get properly medicated. I hope you feel better really soon. And affirming Lizzy, you will not get addicted, you need the meds.
0 -
Lizzy: We dodged a major bullet!! Things got really slippery here but the biggest nuisance was the flooding because of the rain and the melting snow. I have a bonafide lake now at the end of my driveway. I certainly hope it drains before it freezes otherwise I might not be able to get the traction on my tires to get out one day! And I made bake ziti last night too...like you said...great minds think alike!
Rachel: More than half way done with rads, right. The end is near, yay!!
Sweeney: Hope you are having an easier time adjusting to working and taking care of the family. I worked throughout treatment, so at this point my kids are pretty good at reading when I am shot physically and mentally, but it took them a little while. You have been done a little longer than me, but not much. Do you still find yourself tired in the afternoon? I keep waiting to get all my energy back and I am getting a little impatient. By 9:00 at night, I am shot and there are so many more things to do still. It is getting frustrating.
Calam: Hope today is a better day for you! I am sending all my positive vibes your way!
Ginger: Sorry for your troubles, that sounds really difficult. Maybe you should take a trip down there to the mission after radiation. That would probably be a great recharge for your system.
So, I joined a gym yesterday. I decided that I probably wouldn't work out at home, I would find other things to do. There was a great special at Lucille Roberts, so I joined. Just walked yesterday on the treadmill. I think I will try one of those Zumba classes over the weekend, hope I don't kill myself. But it felt nice to do something.
Okay I have to get back to work now. Have a great day everyone!
0 -
Cal hope you are better soon. It almost sounds like a sort of Post Traumatic Stress reaction. You have been through a lot and have been "stand up" the entire time. Now with the scary lump you found, it was just the final straw. All of the stress, emotions, depression is crashing in on you at once. You are a strong person and will get through this. cyber hugs coming your way. Zoloft is my friend.
all When I return to work Monday I have decided to go commando: no wig, scarf, hat. Let everyone see the "kitty fur" and get it over with. Hopefully no children will be scarred by this:) Made an attempt at introducing some color, but it is really just kind of blonde. (I was a brunette in another day) I'm more excited about the eyebrows.
Libray lil
0 -
Cal.... Don't worry about addiction. When I needed sleeping pill to get a good night sleep, I was so worried about getting addicted. Doc said sleep is one of the most important things for recovery so if you need help, that is OK. Take care of yourself and perhaps ask to see or talk to someone else?
I am more than halfway done rads and starting to feel it. Boob is sore but skin looks good. After this week, one more week of full rads then boosters!!0 -
I don't know if you all will appreciate this but my daughter, who will be 15 Saturday, got out of school early because our 24 degree weather broke water pipes and damaged gas lines so her school had no heat or water. tomorrow school is canceled! But what I wanted to say is that when I got home from work she had straightened up the house and was watching one of my favorite movies - The Blues Brothers! It was a proud moment.
0 -
Hello ladies, I am reporting live from my LAST chemo! My blood counts are good and I'm getting my premeds right now. I am so happy to be finishing this part of my treatment even though I still have a lot left (year of herceptin, rads, tamox). I would like to take this occasion to say a very big thank you to all of you ladies for helping me through this. Big hugs to everyone! I think I am the last one to finish chemo so our August chemo parade can finally end but I hope our little community of support here will continue.
Cal and Ginger my thoughts are with you as you have both been struggling this week. I hope today is a better day for both of you.0 -
jsw Hooray! Love those reports live from the chemo room. Just think after this one, you will brave the side effects and it will get better each day with no TX looming like a gremlin. Hope you will post on the TRIPLE POSITIVE board started by Tonlee so we can keep up with one another over the long haul. The group is growing. So bizarre that with a 1cm tumor you had 8 positive nodes. There seems to be no correlation to tumor size and node involvement. I ended up with 3 and obssess constantly about them. The oncologist says that is not anything to worry about. I keep telling myself...they caught it before it escaped. I hate the surgeons phrase "The cat was out of the bag from day one".
all Well I did it yesterday...went out commando: no chapeaux, no wig, no scarf. I almost wimped out at the last minute. Went to the thrift/junk store, craft store, and grocery store. Only a few glances from a large bald man at the thrift store. Maybe he thought we were related. However, the junk gods were smiling upon me as I found a great nightstand (to replace the one dd claimed) almost new for 9.99 and a Patricia Cornwell novel. The drawer was broken, but some gorilla glue took care of that. I'm definitely going nekkid for work Monday.
Does this mean we are all done with chemo?
libray lil
0 -
YAY for last chemos!!!! Hope everyone is good and staying warm. It is 4 here right now but we are supose to get to 32 wow that's a huge warm up . Have a great wkend everyone.
0 -
Good day chemosabes and radicals-
First, and I know some of you have asked, Texas sent a PM presumably from the hospital the day after surgery and said she was doing well and had a smile on her face! I posted her message, as she wanted me to let you all know she was ok, the day I received her PM. I have not heard from her since but I am only pretty sure our friend Tex is probably doing ok and enjoying the kids and having some help for a few weeks.
Additionally, yesterday I felt ok so I went out and did some things. Well, last night I was up feverish and with the chills for most of the night. Because I am done with chemo, to be honest, I would prefer it be the flu than another infection! I feel ok today but a bit rundown. It felt so good yesterday to do some things and not feel winded and tired out and have to take a nap in the afternoon....I was rather hoping I could hang onto that feeling. Oh well. The weekend will tell if the fevers were due to another infection in that open wound of which I am no antibiotics for OR if it is the flu.
Omaz: that was so sweet that your daughter was so helpful! I loved that story and if I was not so sick last night, I would have responded then.
Ginger: I think as long as you live in Washington, I would plan to work on the Haiti project certainly in the first 2 months of the year or just get to a warmer climate. It sounds like you thrive closer to the sun! Honestly, though, and my brother lives in Houston, people all over this country are fed up with this outrageous winter we all are having. It is tough to deal with. Get with lisasinglem and head to Rio with her!
Sptmm: yes, we did dodge a bullet the other day....but now tomorrow...ugh. I am having my ROOF RAKED today! I never thought I would see the day. Plus, at night I am hearing little noises which I like to think are the gutters because of all the ice but one never knows. So tired of the news regaling us with stories of the plethora of roof collapses in our area...tired of the reports of this haunting reality.
Libraylil: I just got a reminder in my blackberry to order another wig from the place I got one before b/c that one is a little shabby. I dismissed the reminder and have decided no more wigs...when the weather warms up, short hair it is. I can't stand those bedraggled wigs! COMMANDO it is...good choice. Congratulations on the test run yesterday also. I am getting more used to my peach fuzz. I also think I just don't care anymore because hair is the last thing I am worried about after this bc battle.
Rachel: more than ½ way done with rads = YAY! I bet you are so happy. Just think by summer we will have a little hair and less fatigue! So looking forward to that!
JSW: FINISHING CHEMO!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT! Good for you and very nice that you are reporting live!
Iowa: it was 1 degree here last night! Hope you are warm as well. Also, nice new avatar.
Ok...where are my back scratchers! My fevers last night, I think, left my back itchy. Oh well....have to get out and do a few things. Here's to hoping my fever was mild hypothermia (from heading outside in 1 degree weather with a sweat jacket) and not another infection.
Take care today, girls, and smile at people who look sad as they will feel comforted by your generosity.
0 -
JSW....congrats on the last chemo. I think that is it for our group? Can you believe it....after all these months! Now onto bigger and better things. This group was/is great for me. Hoping it will continue!
4th week of rads done...one more week of full rads and then boosts. I am def feeling some fatigue. Boob is a little sore...Nurse said it looks great. Almost there!0 -
JSW - Hooray! Glad you are on the very last beast. This time, when you start to feel better, you know if will continue!
Lizzy - Here's hoping for the flu!!! (Never thought I would say that, but it is definitely better than yet another infection.)
Rachel (and anyone else on rads) - Just like chemo, rads was cumulative for me. I didn't actually have a lot of fatigue, although I was just out of chemo, so I think anything was better than that. But I did find that the boosters were the hardest on my skin and that was when I started to experience some discomfort, itching and stinging on my skin. They gave me a prescription steroid cream first and then something called "Biafine" which helped some. But it took at least a week after the very last boost for the skin to hurt less and to start peeling. I'm 2 weeks out now and it is just fine - though still peeling a lot. You'll get through it, just know that there is some recovery time after it is over.
0 -
thanks for the hugs! Doing great today. It's amazing to have a "normal" day. I took two ativan at 2 am because I woke up panicked and the longer i was awake the more anxiety symptoms I had. But I've been fine since then. It started again this morning when the ativan wore off and I used what my naturopath gave me yesterday for anxiety and it really helped. It knocked me out for a bit (it's called "calmz" and contains tryptophan--won't conflict with my meds.) and when I woke up, all my anxiety symtoms were gone and I've been okay since then! He also has me using an essential oil blend -it's used sort of like perfume. It's wonderful stuff! I'm hoping with these things I can avoid the ativan except for in the middle of the night.
But I really feel like I'm pulling out of the fog and getting "me" back.
0 -
Yay Cal, great to hear it!0
-
Calamity, you sound so good today. I recall having that feeling you describe. I would love to have it again myself. Your Naturopath sounds really helpful.
0 -
JSW: Congrats on the last chemo!!!! So great that we can ALL now close the book on that chapter. It is onward and upward from here, everyday feeling a little better than the previous day.
Libralil: Kudos to you for going "topless". It takes a lot of guts, but in a couple of days you won't even notice it anymore. I am sure the kids will be fine with you sparse hair. Kids are funny that way, they don't seem to really notice some of the things that really freak out the adults. I could see if you were bald, that might be scary, but you just look like a boy....no big deal. As for the adults, I am sure everyone knows what has been going on, so it will be no surprise, I agree that it is better to just get it over with on the first day.
Rachel: Rads will be over before you know it....hang in there!
Cal: So glad to hear you are feeling better!!
Lizzy: Sending healing vibes across the sound!! Hope you are feeling better at this point.
Texas: Thinking of you!!! Sending some healing vibes your way too!
Sweeney: Hope your first week at work went well. Its a balancing act that is difficult to begin with and when you add in in the physical toll that you have taken on the past couple of months, it is even more difficult. As I sit here right now, it is 8:45 and I am absolutely exhausted. The past two days I swear if I had a pillow at my desk I could easily have napped the day away. So...I feel your pain.
And on that note, I am going to drag my exhausted self to bed. Good night everyone!
Debbi
0 -
sptmm thanks for the positives about my head fur. Also went out today with oldest dau and did not wear chapeaux, wig, or scarf. I totally forgot I had BC for as long as 30 minutes. It feels liberating.You are right about kids, they pretty much accept you as is. libray lil0
-
JSW: Hooray for last chemo!!!
Cal: Glad you're feeling better today.
Lizzy:
I hope you don't have an infection.It's been a busy week for me. Port out on Wednesday, Thursday saw the new gyn and scheduled surgery for Monday and today I went for another lymphedema therapy appt., but when I got there the therapist had someone with her. I waited 45 minutes and left! I don't know if she'd booked two people at the same time or what, but I've had it with waiting for doctors and others. My limit is about 30 minutes and then I'm out of there. My time is just as important as their time and I have little patience for waiting these days.
I liked the new gyn doc. He said to check with my onc about taking black cohosh in addition to my effexor for the hot flashes. Anybody else taking that and does it help? My ooph surgery is Monday morning at 7 a.m. I'm anxious and ready to get it over with at the same time. After that, all I've got left is my exchange surgery at the end of March and maybe I will be done being cut on for a while!
0 -
Good evening chemosabes and radicals:
I spoke to my aprn tonight (she is so lovely) and told her about the fevers and she said if it happens again this weekend, call the o/c onc and then I will be expected to report to the ER
Although, so far I have not even hit 100 so I hope it stays like that. Ladyinbama: I don't blame you for walking the hell out of there. Recently when I was made to wait I told the doctors office I will be sending them a bill for my time (this was not one of my cancer/bc docs btw!) and if they don't pay it, I will see them in small claims! The only one I wait for is my GP and the reason I wait is b/c I know he is super busy because he cares about his patients and he has a heart of gold. Oh yeah...and he also saved my life by (strongly) encouraging me to get the ultrasound and the mammo!
Your ooph surgery is Monday at 7? Was that established recently or did I miss something? Best of luck to you. I will be thinking of you and sending happy thoughts your way on Monday morning.
Also, thanks as you inadvertently reminded me on the gyn....I have to find a new one and get an appt. Oh joy...March is shaping up to be scans, port removal and doc appts.
Calamtykel: I am so glad you are doing good. Take all the help on hand and make your life better. Just march on into the future knowing you did what you had to, when you had to, to make your life a lot better. Good for you! It is so good to hear that you are doing well today. I was thinking about you.
Omaz: I was hoping for another DD story...what happened?!
Lisasinglem: I know you just finished rads (congratulations) so I pose this question to you: did they tell you your skin, and if you had any burning etc.., would get better in time? I was just wondering. I know no one really talks about the healing expectations after radiation.
Well I went for a 2nd opinion on rads and was told unequivocally I should have it and the reason I cannot is because of the open wound. Unfortunately, as you all know they like to do it right after chemo, I would not be able to get it until the end of the summer. I am going for 1 more opinion. As much as I like the RO I saw, and my onc also said her word should be the last, I cannot help but wonder why 3 other IIbs with similar tumors, placements and bmxs would be getting rads and not me. To tell you the truth, I am kind of afraid not to get it which is what caused me to go for the additional opinions. Well, and sadly, I really don't know what good it is going to do me in 6 months anyway. If I have a chance to council other women who have bc, I will definitely tell them to take the additional surgery at a later date (if they are doing mx/bmx) for recon and just deal with the mx/bmx surgery and find out after surgery if you need chemo and then go from there. I feel putting off recon until you know if you need chemo and/or rads is a much, much better choice. Oh well....and there I go Monday morning quarterbacking!!!!
This evening I feel like a truck hit me and I am wiped out. Good night all-
0
