August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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My cancer was found after I noticed a mass in my breast. Unfortunately, I was always "too busy" to get a mammogram, so my first mammogram was the one that diagnosed the cancer, at age 47. I have now become the poster child for routine mammograms. Not sure if my cancer would have been found earlier (the doctors have all led me to believe this lump had been growing for a while), but at least there would have been a chance they would have found it sooner. Oh well, water under the bridge, can't worry about that now.
As for the weight loss, I am overweight, so I have been losing weight throughout this whole thing. I always seem to lose at least 5 lb alone the week after treatment. My docs always question me about it, but never stopped the treatments. As long as you eat three meals a day and explain to them that you have not stopped eating I think it will be okay. Its all that snacking that you don't do and the portion control you exercise, albeit not by choice, that causes the weight loss. Anyway just my experience.
Lizzy-Glad to hear from you again, sorry about the SEs. They get us all to some extent. I just wanted to throw out there to you, that I hope that you don't feel like you have to be our 'fearless leader" all the time. The best part of this board for all of us is that we don't have to pretend. We can be honest here, which is something most of us cannot do with everyone around us. I, for one, have to be "strong" at home because I am a single mom. At work, well don't want to share all the gory details with coworkers, so you just say "fine". Same with most friends. Here, we can be as scared, angry, happy, excited, or miserable as we really are and that is great! So, please don't feel like you have to be anything here that you are not feeling. We have all been there and we all understand, whatever you are feeling. And, if you are not feeling well, the updates can wait, we can just wish everyone good luck who is having treatments this week.
Have great day everyone. The kids and I are going out east to pick some apples today. It is a great day weatherwise here, fall is in the air!
Debbi
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Debbi: I know and thank you! I try to be strong but this stuff is putting me in the human blender! Have fun with the kids today...Fall is in the air! It is beautiful out.
Where is TEXAS?!
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I had told the onc when I was in there on Thursday that I had a bit of a sore throat. They said that people on chemo get colds too. And there has been a rash of colds going around the cast. I think that with the chemo taking down my wbc's, the cold just knocked me for a loop. Now, Neulasta se's have kicked in, so I'm feeling pain in my legs and back, but my throat is better - now I'm sneezing. I never had even a slight temp, so I'm not too worried about it being an infection.
Re: Diagnosis - I went for my 1st routine mammo in June of 2009 at the age of 39, because my mom had bc at the age of 53. The found some microcalcifications in the right breast that they could easily dismiss as benign upon closer inspection. Since then, I had a benign ovarian cyst removed, and a colonoscopy which found 2 benign polyps. So, I went in June 2010 for mammo no. 2, expecting everything to be benign, just like everything else. Nope. Calcifications in the other breast, which couldn't be dismissed, biopsy 2 days later and wham! I have cancer. I will turn 41 on September 30. I was hoping my 40's were going to be even better than my 30's, which were pretty fantastic. Now I don't know what to expect!
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Lisasinglem: I am totally with you on the 40's etc.. I turned 40 and a few day later, on St Pats, I had my ultrasound. I had planned to go to Ireland this year which has obviously been put off. I, much like you, was optimistic for my 40's, and I still am, but what a way to start this decade. My trip to Ireland has been postponed until September 2011 and I was just getting to the point where I felt I could successfully fly to China, another trip I was planning. I sort of feel like this is a bit of a tailspin and I am just hoping by the 1 year mark I am putting this behind me. In the end, however, I totally identify with what you said.
On other issues; does chemo carry an odor with it that stays in clothing etc..? I am about to set up a spare room closet for chemo clothes and that which I will burn when I am done with this. I am even considering buying a new bed when this is over!
Boredom: I am getting so bored. I want to go to work but feel sick, I want to do things but just the other night had to walk out of a grocery store because I just felt too sick to shop; I don't seem to want to read...what to do? I am really wondering what I will do over these next few months and I am completely, and utterly, fed up with tv! After Oct baseball I don't know what I will do.
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Hi Lizzie---I was a big reader before chemo and now, I have ZERO attention span for books (although many friends have purchased me books--probably have about 10 to read) so I spend my time glancing through magazines (starting to become gossip mag junkie). Sorry to hear that you have had some bad SE--it does get better---for me, it is waves ---- not feeling great after chemo, then have a couple week or so and then back to chemo. Just when you get back up, feel pretty great--knocks you back down.
I spent the whole weekend watching my kids play in a hockey tournament and actually feel pretty good except for the fact that my left arm (where I have chemo) is sore--not sure if it was from the Yoga last week (because I have become so lazy--gentle yoga made me tired!) or someone in my support group mentioned vein problems that can cause the pain----I have chemo again this coming friday so will find out. Anybody else have something similar?
Just came from a beautiful 5km walk with my youngest son--trying to get these bones moving. I have a team in our local run for cure on October 3rd--have to try to walk the 5km in a decent time without paramedics standing by
Best wishes to all.
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Lizzie: I too felt like I'd never make it through this after the first tx. Heck, I've felt it this 2nd time too. On those days where we feel so bad, it brings us down emotionally. But you'll turn a corner and start to feel better and you'll get your UMPH back to you. I was actually excited (??) to go to the 2nd one because it was one more down. Just let yourself rest now and you'll start to feel up to doing more once you get past these icky days.
Rachel: I too am getting chemo in my left arm. Mine has been achy since about 2 weeks ago when the nurse had trouble doing the blood test and she had to stick me twice. But then they used a different vein for chemo this week so it is almost 100% again. Maybe you can point out where it hurts so they can choose another vein?
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Rachel: I've had the vein pain too, especially the first time. They don't have a lot of options about where to stick me because my veins are very scarred from a lot of IV's in the past. They have to go pretty far up my arm. The last two times, they went in two different, deep veins inside my arm, and I've had less soreness with those -- just bigger veins with more blood flow, I think, so probably less sensitive to the chemicals. But the soreness is normal.
I've had problems with reading too, and I'm usually voracious. Just don't have the attention span, and with chemo brain, I find I'll pick up a book I've been reading, and not remember what I've already read. I think magazines are a good, if less fulfilling, solution. They can be so expensive though, if you buy very many, so I go to my library out check out past issues of magazines that I like, and take home stacks! Also, that way, I can indulge in magazines that I don't subscribe to, but kind of like.
Good day to everyone!
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Lizzy- interested about chemo smells. Are you actually smelling it on your skin and clothes? My nose has been picking up all sorts of weird scents, so I was interested to hear you talk about this. Sorry round 1 has sucked. But honestly, I found Round 1 the hardest so far..(now I should admit that I'm only on day two after round 3). I also found that the majority of my SEs happen in the first 8 days. After that I feel much, much better.
On Reading- me too. I am an avid reader and cannot for the life of me pay attention to a book right now. This has been since my diagnosis. I find it very unsettling. What I have done that's been really good is download an Audiobooks app for my iphone so that i can listen to books. That seems to be working somewhat. Also there are so many free books in the public domain that I have been meaning to read that are widely available as audiobooks. I'm starting Jane Austen's Emma right now. My daughter has been listening to Beatrix Potter.
Took Neulasta about 4 hours ago, so I may be off in SE land for awhile. Just in case I go awol!
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Oh wait. Forgot about how I found my lump. No routine mammogram for me. Just saw an indentation high up on left pectoral one morning coming out of the shower. I'd never had a mammo, don't have any history in my family whatsoever, and probably wouldn't have had a mammo for another 5 yrs or so. It really, really wasn't on my radar.
Considering all this, I feel miraculously blessed to have found this thing so early on and to have it located in such a way that I could actually SEE it. Otherwise I'd be in a very different boat several years from now.
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Hi,
Here's my story, sorry if it's long.... I'd been screened since age 30. My mom had breast ca at 49. I was a gyn surgical oncology nurse. My GYN had just lost her sister to breast ca at 35 and said lets get a baseline at 30, then 35. Unfortunately they saw calcifications they could only get to surgically so I had a surgical biopsy at 30 and that put me into the high risk surveillance program at work. Luckily path was benign. One of the perks is that I knew one of the breast surgeons pretty well and she waived my preadmission testing and operated the next day! I worked with a renowned surgeon in ovarian cancer who was very busy and I really had a new compassion for the women waiting weeks for surgery. I was like get it out now!!!
Anyway a million sonograms (lots of cysts) and 14 years worth of mammos later and here I am. Mammo 4/27 ; note in the mail a week later, repeat films 5/11 told suspicious by idiot radiologist who did not think I would be capable of reading a report ("fine, it'll say birads 4 suspicious"- me:" so, should I write that on my hand to show someone b/c I sure as heck won't be seeing you!" )luckily made me realize I was headed right back to MSKCC and my old surgeon. I began to feel a mass that felt like it was growing rapidly and I would email my surgeon who tried to reasure me. Made poor dh feel and could see in his face it was growing. Sonogram assisted biopsy 5/21 and radiologist poked me about a dozen times. Saw 2.1 cm mass. By surgery 6/9 it was 3.7 cm, but DCIS mixed with a rare benign condition called adenosing scleroses ; hard fixed lumpy tissue often mistaken for breast cancer. Final path was this mixed with DCIS and 1.2mm IDC. However after told node negative post op they found micromets in 2 nodes. They believe they put it there with all the needle biopsies. I don't know whether to be mad or not, she kept taking biopsies of the benign mass and when she didn't see calcium would go back in, so while she most likely knocked it into my nodes she also found the IDC that may not have been treated. So I have to get chemo because doesn't matter how it got there, it's there. My surgeon did seem unhappy about the number of biopsies but I have to let it go.
They always wrote dense breast tissue but I didn't realize with all this screening that meant they couldn't see things , and I couldn't feel them until I was stage 2 and had to lose both breasts! My poor younger sisters now qualify for yearly MRI's because with two first degree relatives in their 40's they cross the 30% lifetime risk. It was hard to tell them that. We also do melanoma screening (me since 31) b/c of my dad. Hope they cure this sh*t before my little ones grow up.
On a happier note, I did the lubricating drops religiously and the rodent eyes have gone away, just in case someone else gets the itchy puffy eyes!
BTW, 3rd A/C is knocking me for a loop. I feel so wiped and now have a cold. DH back at work tomorrow hope I get a second wind this week!
Take care, and sending hugs to all those dealing with SE's!!!
Carolyn
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Wow I missed a lot in a day! I hope every one is on the way back up after the downs......
My dx....I found a lump, went for mammo, mammo showed nothing. Sonno showed nothing. Lump was very close to skin tho' so ended up with a biospsy. No one ever acted like it might be anything serious. I didn't think it was either. Till the results came back! Though I still just feel lucky, since I might have just skipped any of the tests, or not followed up at a few different points.
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My diagnosis: Routine mammogram, age 52. No lump, no symptoms,no family history. Complete shock when they found "something." I was in a new city, had moved here about 6 months prior, and am really surprised that I didn't put off my routine stuff for that year since I had to hunt down new doctors, etc. It would have been so easy to let it slide. I believe God (providence, higher power, fate, whatever you want to call it) was looking out for me.
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ladyinbama notice there's a hairier guy in your new avatar, lol , what's the story?
Carolyn
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GOOD EVENING CHEMO PALS!
Reading: I am so glad you all concur. I am having trouble focusing on SPIDER SOLITAIRE!
Sweeney: when my father had chemo I remember his wife always saying his clothes smelled from chemo etc.. and I just started to wonder if that was still a "thing" with chemo or not. I am going to play it safe and set up the spare room closet with disposable clothes I will wear and then BURN at the end of this 2 months. I use Tide and Downy all of the time and I even noticed my jeans smelled funny coming out of the washer. It might be in my head with 12 mil other things but I thought I would ask you all if you know anything about it/have a similar experience. I am convinced I am getting a new bed when this is over. I am going to toss bedding, sheets and the whole shabang as soon as I am done! I already *think* I get a funny odor in my bedroom...not happy! Thanks for the news also that your round 1 was the hardest. I hope this is the case. I just think for me knowing the 5 or 6 days after tx are going to be hard, fine, but I hated walking in blind and having to find out how long the "yuck" was going to last. Although TAC is an accumulated effect also..yeah!
Ann97: thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it. It is just after these past few days it seems interminable to go through this another 5 times. Thanks for the encouragement...I totally need it.
Speaking of odors, these antibacterial agents they want us to use (Purell etc..) make me sick also! I must have spent $30 this weekend trying to find one that does not make me sick. I think I am going to skip that part of it. I can't stomach the smells of this junk!
I feel like I might have turned a little bit of a corner tonight. It felt good, like all of the sudden my switch was turned back on. I made dinner for my friend and I and thankfully he is one of the few people that does not get on my nerves lately! Geez...roids...they do rattle us up, don't they!?
Rachel: there is nothing like a nice walk! Good for you. I am glad you are involved in the walk. The support is good for all of us. It must be nice to be in an ice rink! I seem to want to gravitate toward cooler temps or the ac.
Ckptry: hope you are feeling better. Just think, #3 is over!
I have a healthy, healthy respect for all of you now that I have joined you as a fellow chemosabe. This is a challenge but I always have to remember I am lucky it was found early enough.
What still surprises me was how sick I was and did not know it. I cannot believe that bc was so stealthy, trying to claim my life and I had no clue how sick I could have become. I have to say this is a scary disease. It is just plain unnerving.
I hope you all have a lovely evening-
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I found the lump in my breast by accident. I was watching TV and felt I had an itch and went to scratch it. I felt something hard under my fingertips through my bra. The tumor was just under the skin.
Smell o Vision I noticed a hightened sense of smell right after I started chemo. I can smell things like my husband using a spray bottle on the second floor and complain about tasting tthe scent in the air. I hope I don't smell funny and not know it?
I have chemo #4 AC is tomorrow Monday My husband is traveling all week so I hope I have manageable SE and NO food poisoning. I am being really careful what I eat, possibly wasting food, but I am so scared of getting so sick again. I wonder if being on chemo made me sicker with the food poisoning? My husband did not get sick at all.
Hydration I have two twelve packs of Gatorade! My pledge: I WILL BE, AND WILL REMAIN HYDRATED!
For all of you who are able to respond by name I am proud of you. Me, I read every word and have thoughts and then I forget them by the time I am writing. Argh
Night all,
Ginger
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Ginger: best of luck today. I know it is not easy because of your DH travel schedule, not to mention the 10K lb gorilla, so I hope today goes excellent for you. Please don't listen to me about odors! I am all pumped on chemo toxins and residual roids! I just think, after all is done, if you took chemo clothes and put them in a tote in the basement and 1 month after chemo opened that tote, you might pick up on some odor that the body develops during chemo. I could be wrong. It has been over a decade since my father had chemo and perhaps during the refining process over the past decade they have been able to deal with odors associated with it. On the food poisoning, you might have gotten chemo-induced poisoning meaning your defenses are naturally much weaker than your DH now and your body just rejected anything that was less than perfect because it knows it cannot fight off the potential deliterious effects of that. Don't you love Gatorade? I am so grateful that stuff is on earth!
I wish you the best today.
Please, the last thing I wanted was anyone thinking they might smell! We, after all and so collectively, have so much else to worry about. I am sure I am just getting a little too concerned about nothing.
Hand sanitizers, on the other hand, even the unscented are tough to deal with!
I am publishing the weekly poem late and this one is from a yoga pulbication about breathing and goes out to Rachel
Breathing in, I know I'm breathing in.
Breathing out, I know
As the in-breath grows deep,
The out-breath grows slow.
Breathing in makes me calm.
Breathing out makes me ease.
With the in-breath, I smile.
With the out-breath, I release.
Breathing in, there is only the present moment.
Breathing out, it is a wonderful moment.
-Thich Nhat HanhGood day all-
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Hi Lizzy et al.,
First let me say again, I LOVE this group! You are a remarkable group of women, caring, smart and brave. Now that I have buttered you up, may I ask ot become an official member? I have posted occasionally and followed every post. I'll leave it up to your fearless leader.
It is interesting what you say about the newbies being afraid and then most people shifting to wanting to get it over with ASAP. I think that I am some where in between. my chemo teaching nurse had led me to believe that my side effects wouldn't be too bad and then I was really slammed the first time. I had every SE in the book and more. I went back to work after a week worrying that I should have been wearing Depends just in case! I now have TC #2 on Wed and am both extremely apprehensive but also eager to be half way through. Sound familiar to anyone?
I think that I have been weird about hair too. My onc had said that was the most traumatic part. From my perspective it was creepy but not nearly as bad as the SEs. I got the last remnants buzzed off on Friday and it was a relief as it was coming out so fast. The weird part is that I have yet to look in the mirror. I just go from one head covering to another. Btw- I hate the wig. it itches. Guess I will use it for work and go to scarves for home.
I had a weird "discovery" too. My tumor was picked up on regular mammogram but was 2.7cm. BS said that it had been there for years, but my old films look "fine". Reading all of your stories, it really strikes me how many stealth tumors there are out there. Makes me want to get on my soap box about the importance of regular mammograms. If they had switched to every other year as the study recommended, many of us would be in much deeper but also the need for even more refined imaging techniques. These tumors are tricky.
So, best to all of you for a SE free day. Hope that you will take me into your group. With affection and respect.
Elizabeth
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Speakin for all of us August Chemo Starters I say, Elizabeth, Come on down!!!!!
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welcom e elizabeth! so sorry you have so may se's. hope the rest of your tx is not so bad. i have been told taxol (my next tx) is "easy" compared to the ac i'm finishing up but i used to be from the "show me" state so i'll believe it when i see it. Lizzy thanks for hanging in there and the poems. Ginger good luck today. I have my last ac tx on thursday if my wbc are good. Went to the ER again saturday night - waiting room full of sick/drunk college students. but they took care of me and isolated me right away. I'm on cipro with a slight sore throat and hoping those wbc's get busy! LIZZY - my dh suggested we leave the bedroom door open last night to get some fresh air in there. I asked him if it had a weird chemo lady smell and he denied it but I have noticed something too so will air it out all day today, change sheets, etc. I decided to look into getting a dog. i haven't had one for years and really miss having one. i'm going to look into a company that installs the electric fences and trains the dogs as we have no fence. advice? i know now is probably not a good time but if not now when? it will be easier to convince dh by playing the cancer card too! Rachel i too have having trouble reading due to concentration and dry eyes. luck to all having treatments this week!
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Leaving in a few minutes for tx x 1 of TAC x 6... ew.
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Elizabeth27: COME ON DOWN! You are the next contestant on "chemo is a drag but we will support each other until the very end!" OF course you are welcome. BTW, tx #2 is a huge milestone called 50% completed! Be excited!
Zenith: you are back!!! Good to hear from you. My windows are open every day and today down come the curtains and I will be flipping my mattress...with help! I really think it is my heightened awareness of smell that has me, and now sadly some of you, concerned about odors.
Reading: I was so aggravated with this tv watching last night, I just shut it off and picked up "Jack: Straight from the Gut" which is Jack Welch's autobiography. He was the long-time CEO of GE and, although I have been able to read a bit of the book here and there, I thought why not do a cover-to-cover now that you have time so I am going to give this a whirl. I was able to get through 3 chapters and quizzed myself at the end and it seems I retained what I read!!!!! Yeah!
As always, I remain cautiously optimistic!
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Yay Elizabeth for finally coming out of the newbie closet! Biggest welcome. Sorry to hear you got slammed. Sucks, huh?
This makes me wonder though, how many other newbie lurkers are out there? Come on out, if you're there. I have a blog and my parents refused to post comments for the longest time b/c they were so freaked out about the permanancy of their comments. I wonder if this is true for others as well.
In any case, Elizabeth, you are most welcome and look forward to charting this course with you!:)
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Adey,
Good luck, hope all goes welll!!! Let su know how you are doing.
Carolyn
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Vein pain: Yes, I have had vein pain even though they used my port for the last chemo. I still have pain in my arm where we had a chemo "leak" (which meant I had to get the port.......) It scares me, but it's not red or inflamed or anything - it just hurts if I bump it or press on it. Maybe it takes time to heal. Chemo is really caustic - if you get it on your skin, it will burn, so I imagine it takes time to heal when it's going into veins.
I start Taxol in October. Can anyone give me their experience? I'm told it's "not as bad" as the AC, but it seems so dangerous too! The oncolgolist gave a sheet - I will need to take steroids and benedryl and prilosec before and after. I'm nervous.............
Went to the church picnic yesterday. It's nice to have "normal" days. This past chemo, and healing from the port has taken a lot out of me. I was nausous until Saturday this last time, with chemo Mondays. I've also been struggling with migraines this round - last night was terrible. I had dark chocolate (my weakness - but someone at church made us some "dark bark" that is AMAZING) and dark chocolate is a major migraine trigger for me. I hope that's all it was. It's gone today and I've sworn off chocolate now until chemo is done.
Going for my bloodwork in a couple of hours - a friend who was just diagnosed with BC is coming with me. Fortunately, she will not need chemo since hers is early stage.
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Not to be indelicate - I haven't noticed a smell from me, but have noticed that my "bathroom excretions" (is that a good way to put it) smell awful!!
Carolyn: My new avatar is my "roaming" Auburn University gnome. My brother & sis-in-law gave him to me a couple of years ago for my bday along with a photo album of his trips. They had pictures of him in front of Mt. Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, all sorts of places. This pic is him in front of the Devil's Tower (the mountain where the aliens landed in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Most of us are old enough to remember that movie, I think.) Bernie (the gnome) now sits by my TV as a good luck charm when my Auburn Tigers are playing.
I'm feeling good today, about to go for a walk. I swear, I feel so totally normal most of the time that I wonder if I'm getting the meds I'm supposed to be getting. I'm just lucky so far, not complaining. Hope everybody who's having treatments this week does well.
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I found my tumor just like Gingerbrew, watching TV, went for an itch and felt it.
And, holy cow - chemo farts STINK!!!!!I think the paint was starting to peel off the bedroom walls last night!
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I second the fart comment. (But then again, I would second almost any comment about farts....just because they're funny.)
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Thanks for the poem Lizzie.
I will be at half way point this Friday---3rd and final FEC treatment will be done. On to the Taxotere---which I have heard lots of horror stories about so hopefully things will go well.
Off to Yoga this morning--joined a class with my support group in town and actually loving it--feels good to be somewhat active---I was a few days away from turning into a slug.
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Rachel- I'm on taxotere and I can truly say that the SE for me on it have been minimal. Just tiredness, none of the horror stories. No numb hands and feet, no nausea, a little bit of short term memory loss, muscle soreness. But truly, I was scared by what others have said about taxotere and have found it pretty easy overall.
Hope you do too.
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Well I had AC #2 on Friday and I feel like crap. Nausea started almost immediately this time so I took Emend, Zofran, and Compazine. I started getting severe headaches and muscle spasms that were probably from the Compazine so I stopped that yesterday. Also had last Emend yesterday so now just on Zofran. Horrible dry mouth so eating is hard and having bad stomach cramps today. Also feeling kinda dizzy but that may be due to not enough food? Have been drinking vitamin water, regular water, boost, and instant breakfast drinks. Hoping that I will start the upswing today.
Hope everyone does well today
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