August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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TexasRose, I am so sorry this happened to you. Distance and peace willl be your friend. You must be hurt and feel betrayed by all of this. Donors can get wierd with thier own agendas emerging as to how and why donations should be used. I worked in Social Services for many years and I htought I had heard it all but this mess takes the cake. . .
I do hope your Doctor gave them a piece of his mind too.
Love and hugs
Ginger
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Good morning girls! I'm a quiet person by nature, plus the kids take up most of my time, but please know I read every post and and am laughing and nodding and commiserating along with the rest of you.
I had TC #2 on Friday. Feeling tired and dealing with the dreaded Neulasta pain now. My WBC was at 13 on Fridy though so apparently it's working at least!
Lizzy - I was the one who saw Jason Mraz last week and it was an amazing show!! He's wonderful live, has a beautiful voice and really knows how to work the crowd. Definitely worth seeing if you get the chance.
Shaved my head right down to the skin last night. I had initially buzzed it to about 1/4 inch but it's been falling out like crazy and my scalp hurt. It was getting patchy and mangy looking too which was freaking me out. Looks crazy but feels better! It's amazing how fast it goes. Last week at this time I still had nearly a full head of hair! My wig came in the mail yesterday too. It looks like clown hair! I think it's going to be scarves and hats for me. I did get a halo of hair from the TLC website that looks very passable with a hat. I've been wearing that when out and about, especially with the kids. I just don't want to deal with the puppy dog eyes I get, being a young Mom of 4 with cancer.
I hope everyone is feeling strong and has a great day. While I'm so sorry anyone has to go through this it's so nice to know we're not alone. Take care all!
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Texas,
I am so so so sorry. I'm almost speechless! But not quite... That sister-in-law of yours clearly has some serious problems, and, no, I am not at the moment the slightest bit sympathetic to that fact! Whatever her problems may be, she is acting like a sociopathic bitch (and I never use that word)! What you must be going through is beyond me. I can't imagine how hurt and angry and betrayed and demoralized you must be feeling. I hope, like Ginger said, that your onc gave them a piece of his mind. Did he? I'm really curious. Have your friends, the ones who really did come to the BBQ to show their love and support for you, reaching out to you? Do they realize what a shit storm this lunatic has dredged up? How is your mother-in-law reacting to this? How is Daniel reacting to this? And how are your poor poor nerves holding up? Is there anything we can do? I would love to be able to get in on this Facebook "conversation" and say a few things myself! My sister and brother-in-law are both cops in Ft. Worth. I'm sure I could think of some spiteful and vengeful way for them to get involved that would really embarrass and scare the shit out of what's her name. But what I'd really love to do is get on a plane and come down there, give you a huge hug, sit with you, and hold you in my arms while you cry, punch, or scream all this toxicity out of you! Then help you hire a lawyer and sue the bitch for slander, among other things! Give me the word, and I'll be there throwin' a little shit around myself! This is beyond cruel, and I can't stand the thought of it happening to someone as kind and wonderful as you, or really, anyone for that matter.
Is there anything we can do to help you through this? Because this is life or death stuff we're talking about, and your whole system, body and spirit need to be nurtured and strengthened now, not compromised because of anyone else's spite or jealousy or whatever is motivating her. Definitely, what everybody has said about keeping your distance is right on, which you know already. But, even though I would want to keep my head and my morality above all this garbage, I can also imagine wanting to expose to everyone who knows her, just how rotten a person she must be to do all this. Sigh.
Again, I am so so sorry, and I sincerely hope you are getting the support you need to remove yourself from all this unhealthy stress and focus on getting better. Please let the people who love you take good care of you through this. And know that we are among them!
Whitney
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Lisa- On Neulasta and absent husbands....I've been going through both this week too!:) DH is back but Neulasta is such a weird (and wonderful) drug. I feel like I'm in some kind of a fog and all my bones have been pummeled. I'm sending you all the best wishes possible. It's not fair that you have to fight a cold at the same time, I'm sure it's making everything much, much worse. Take care of yourself. Lots of naps, lots of rest. Lizzy's comment about rest being the road to our recovery hit home with me this morning. I was just lying here feeling like, "okay, I should drag my sorry ass out of the house and go do something..." then I read that and thought, "no...the reason I'm not working right now is to do exactly this. REST." Thanks Lizzy.0
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Lizzy- yes he did ....he is awesome...I went with 6 other girls, and we had a blast, I almost felt like a teenager again lol
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Lizzy- yes he did ....he is awesome...I went with 6 other girls, and we had a blast, I almost felt like a teenager again lol
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Lisa- out of the 6 ladies I went with one brought her niece Ashley 11 years old and Ashley was also my neighbor for 8 years. When got to go backstage I got to take 1 out of our group to go with me, my 1st thought was oh crap how will I choose. Then it hit me Ashley because she had juvenile diabetes just like Bret did (and still does). She was so excited, she had him sign her insulin pump. He even visited with her about it, she went to a camp in the summer and he was there the week after she was.
Lizzy- yes he did ....he is awesome...I went with 6 other girls, and we had a blast, I almost felt like a teenager again lol
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TEXAS-- I'm soooooo sorry. I think I live the closest so if you need back up just holler! We will take her down. 2 bald headed woman..what a sight! Just remember "what goes around comes around"...it just may take some time. That is the craziest thing I think I have ever heard. I thought my family was nuts!
CHEMO--They changed me from FAC to FEC as they were able to get the "E" this time. Which will be better as the "E" is safer with Herceptin. Thankfully, my Mom was here for my chemo this time. I came out of my fog to a CLEAN HOUSE! We did end up at ER on Saturday again with my daughter (contractions) but, her and baby are still hanging in there. If he hasn't come into the world in 4 weeks her Dr is inducing her. Day 5 after 3rd chemo and I'm taking the day off. I'm going to do some sewing projects that I haven't finished.
My husband and I are having our anniversary on Saturday. We are going to try to slip away to Galveston for 1 night...praying for no hurricanes or babies...I just want 1 little night!
ALL--I wish you a SE free week! Hang in there!
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TEXAS - When you have a family member or friend who has a mental illness no amouot of logical advice or reassurance from a friend is adequate to correct their distorting of reality. Loving, common sense advice or ass kicking does not change a person's distortions when mental illness or personality disorders are involved. They need a professional who can communicate to them in a specialized way so as to help them cut through their defenses and look at themselves logically and make appropriate changes. You are only in control of yourself and your behavior. Hope the rest of your journey is smooth and peaceful.
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Texas: last night my eyes were having trouble telling my brain what they reading and my heart was breaking. After all, that was a fundraiser for YOU to get tx for bc. I did not want to say too much as I realized if you were retelling the story to us, you were back in the middle of it. These people are a special cruel and unusual strain of animal. Zenith is 100% correct in that all you can control is your response to their behavior. That is what I really want you to focus on because, and you do seem like you are made of tough stock, getting rid of this insidious disease requires us to avoid toxic foods AND toxic people. Unfortunately people know this about you and, for this reason, you must ward against button-pressing of all kinds as the anger wreaks havoc with your emotional equilibrium which, btw, joker Lizzy is putting herself on BED REST the day before tx so as to not have the roids do what those people did to you this weekend = rattle your cage!
I am Irish and talian which is a good mix for firecracker blood (!) and I think you, too, have some firecracker blood in you. So as to avoid the firecracker in you being lit up, you really need to avoid these situations. As my PS' PA told me when I was whining about not being able to lift etc... "some day you will be able to do everything you want again but just not right now." Those are words to live by for both of us. Don't let people take anything away from you now. You need your strength for you, our friend bc (!), and your family. Forget these people until you are better prepared to deal with them which, based on the turn of events, might be never. I am sorry for what you have gone through and I just don't want them to rob your ability to fight this disease from you as well. They have taken enough already.
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I ditto what Wherria wrote, I could not find the words for Texas. I guess I was typeless( is that a word?) Very well put Wherria thank you !!!!
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Wherria- I love the support on this thread. We are all very good to each other.
Iowa: Consequently a story like that could render a Tolstoy-caliber author TYPELESS!
Sweeney: I have jumping beans also and sometimes I, too, have to remind myself I am NOT in work so I can relax and let this stuff WORK!
Try to do something good for yourselves today, girls!
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I'm typeless too - I guess I just cannot fathom somebody kicking someone while they're down - with BC.......GEEZ.......you don't want to wish evil on anyone, but you do want to scream at them "Do you KNOW how I feel?? Do you know what it's LIKE to have cancer???" UGH! People can be so self centered, and that's an understatement!
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I know where you are coming from with relatives. I have a sister that any conversation with her always becomes about her. She actually tells people that she had chemo 10 yrs ago just like I do and she knows all about what I am going through-so if they want to know anything about me to call her. She is unbelieveable because all she ever had was IV iron treatments for anemia. That is so far from chemo I can't even begin to tell her how wrong she is. I try not to talk to her very often but do ask others in family to keep her updated on my progress. I'm not sure why I bother or care but I do. Oh well, just needed to get that our of my system. We all have our crosses and crazy family members to bear. LOL, GINNY IN SC
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Ginny: I should introduce your sister to my sister. She got mad at me a year ago about an issue having to do with my mother's estate (I was executrix), and she hasn't spoken to me since. I emailed her when I was diagnosed to let her know and told her she should be sure she is getting her mammos. That was 3-1/2 months ago, and I haven't heard a word from her. I actually expected her to contact me so that she could get involved in this whole thing. She thrives on anything that gives her the chance to be a drama queen.0
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So I went shopping today but not before I called the onc nurse to explain how my nails are growing like steel knives, I feel like chemo has cleaned up a blockage in my system somewhere like a "gum out" might, that I ate red meat and it is disgusting and do I have to eat it (!), and that now (sorry girls) I suffer from body odor under my good arm without provocation! I also asked for help with the massive chocolate, steroidal-crash craving and she told me not to keep chocolate in the house!!!!!! My health insurance has spent probably $175K at this hospital so far....can we get something better than "don't keep it in the house?!" That chocolate craving makes one feel like a junkie in the street. Oh yea...I also complained about my cycle and how it just seems like I might be on it, much like Lance Armstrong is on his cycle, into perpetuity and she declared she did not understand my analogy!!!!!! GOD HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!! OK...let me break it d-o-w-n: if Lance Armstrong is always on his freakin' cycle that means I AM NOW ALWAYS ON MY FREAKIN' CYCLE!!!!!!! Do I really to do a hooked-on-phonics here?!
So, let me recap: my face hair is going to grow so I need to change my name to Lou because I can't wax on chemo, I am having hot flashes, I hurt myself AGAIN scratching my arm with my new KNIFE nails, my boobs are gone, I now have BO if I don't carry deodorant in my pocket and my beautiful, naturally wavy, highlighted, carmel swirl hair is going to hit the floor soon...did I miss anything?! Oh yea...and nothing tastes good! I keep trying things to see what might taste ok but what I find is the after taste is disgusting so then I want to try something else to get rid of the aftertaste!!!!! Thank God women make their own money and no longer have to be told by the male, gross, dominated fashion industry what they are supposed to look like because I am only pretty sure, post massive nausea, there is going to weight gain (the next time you are hell bent on weight loss ask yourself who told you you had to look like that!!!) !!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!! BC is the gift that just keeps on giving......lucky, lucky us! I just feel like I hit the odor lotto! Oh yeah...my sister always had the LADY smells, NOT ME! All my working out and sweating and running and blading and NEVER did I wreak (no, I am not in denial!)...I think my hormons were jammed somewhere in my body and that is why I got bc.
Ok...I am finished!...for now!
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i am gonna be off line for a little while, i am have a very hard time emotionally with this:
Ashlee Randall Durham kelly dont you think that she will need the money for at least a year to come. Having cancer is not an easy thing. My ex husband has colon cancer and their is always something you have to pay for yourself. Insurance does not pay for everything. How could family be acting like this towards her. They need the help and the money. Its more than just the chemo! Are you jealous that they raised so much money? So sad.....they will need it. 16 minutes ago ·LikeUnlike · 
Kelly Belmares Yes, so I thought, but I thought the Arizona peeps were doing that kind of fundraising. I offered to make that easy by donating it to the chipin link so that it could get to her fast but I DID NOT FUNDRAISE FOR THAT. The doctor told me NOT ...TO SAY THIS TO HER, AS IT WOULD DESTROY HER SPIRIT. But you all leave me no other choice. She doesn't have long to live. Her cancer is extreme. She will not be cured. She has maybe 2-3 years. She didn't need to scheme to get help. Instead she lied and said she might need a masectomy. The doc confirmed that was NEVER THE CASE. It's pointless, her cancer is everywhere and extremely aggressive. A full masectomy would have only taken her womanhood and not saved her. Why take that when so much is being taken already. I think she would have raised MORE money with the truth. Instead she lied, stole, and now her husband is harassing me and my family and ringleading the others that are too.See More 2 minutes ago ·LikeUnlike · 0 -
Texas: you have got to stop reading this garbage. My BIL, 14 years ago, they said would be dead in 2 years. No one knows anything about cancer. Why do you continue to read this stuff? Get off of FB, cancel your account and discipline yourself not to read it anymore. Stay away from all of that. They are continuing to knock you down. You need to disengage.0
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Texasrose I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this nonsense and terrible behavior. You do whatever you need to do to feel emotionally ok and we are all here for you whenever you feel like talking. Honestly no one knows how much time you have left or how much time they have left for that matter. Even if we all had unlimited years to live we should not have to spend our time dealing with insensitive, hurtful people.
Has anyone tried marinol or medical marijuana? Marinol is a derivative of marijuana that is legally prescribable in most (maybe all?) states and my onc has been suggesting it to me because I've been having a rough time with nausea and loss of appetite. Medical marijuana is not available here in Florida so marinol is the option he is recommending. Anyway it makes me a little nervous to try it but I am just continuing to feel so crappy that I cannot face doing more rounds of this without something that will help more than what I've already got. And another question, today it finally seems like my nausea is gone and I actually feel hungry but when I try to eat I just can't seem to eat very much. Part of the problem is dry mouth and I'm not really sure what the rest of it is, tastes are ok for the most part. I was trying to explain it to my husband, I said that somehow the physical act of eating is a challenge. He didn't really understand but maybe some of you ladies are experiencing this too? And I am back to having trouble sleeping again from the steroids. I am not sure if my reaction to the steroids is delayed or something, they only give it to me in the IV on treatment day (Friday) and then I start having sleep problems and feel all jittery starting on Sunday night, last time it seemed to last until Thursday but this time they decreased the dose so I'm hoping it will end sooner. It is so strange how we all react differently to the same medications.
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Yesterday was number one of TAC, 5 to go! Only SE so far, hiccups, go figure. Just gave myself the Nueslasta shot, easy peesey. Now the effects we'll see. Supposed to go to Oprah tomorrow, hope I don't get slammed by bone pain. Doing the Claritin and will take Tylonol before bed. We'll see. Peace all, A
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(((Texas))),
Listen to Lizzy and get off that site!!!! This nut will do whatever she needs to keep herself in the spotlight and is in no way shape or form looking out for your interests. When the dust settles from this she'll have a new drama waiting. Just hug those sweet children and let this poison out of your life. Who is she to talk anyway, maybe she'll be hit by a Mack truck tomorrow.
Carolyn
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ADEY: chemoland finally! Here's to hoping the SE stay away
CKPTRY: You said it, sister! Tex, my friend, you need to stay away.
JSW: glad you are feeling a (little?) better? OH..on the physical act of eating, sometimes jaw pain is an SE. Are you feeling any of this? Also, the roids bring us up just high enough above the rip tide coursing through our veins. Your stomach might just be sending you a "hold off" message. Underneath it all, if you don't put anything in...etc....!
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Congrats to Adey on starting and finally joining our parade!
Lizzy I am feeling a bit better today, thanks. I am not having jaw pain but I am having some heartburn today so perhaps that is why eating is not very appealing. I am on a prescription med for heartburn but I guess the chemo is just that powerful! My stomach has been cramping up on and off yesterday and today so that is also making eating hard. Blargh! Last time it seemed to take me a whole week to get back to feeling normal, I was hoping that it would go quicker this time even though everyone says it is cumulative... wishful thinking on my part I guess!
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Adey- I am so jealous that you get to go to OPRAH! I've always wanted to see her live but never managed it. Can you give us te full run down when you get back? All the juicy details!:)
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Do you think it is bad if we send poison thoughts to Texas's nutcases? I thought in the South there were roving guys in pick up trucks to take care of stuff like this. Texas, hope you stay with us here. It is ludicrious to think a doctor would discuss a patient with other people. I hope any readers of this realize how crazy it is and how crazy she is.
Lizzy, maybe the plan is to ANNOY the cancer until it leaves! And of course your hormones are broken loose.......
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Lizzy-You should be a writer, you have such a way with words and your words and descriptions are absolutely hysterical. Seriously, I hope you are feeling better and only having "annoying side effects" like facial hair to deal with now.
Adey-- Congrats on joining us in chemoland (is that really something we should be congratulating about????). Hope your side effects continue to be minimal. I too am jealous, I would love to go to Oprah. I agree with Sweeney, we want ALL the details!
Texas--Please do your self and you husband and children a favor and back away from the whole situation. Stop reading, stop listening, and don't respond. It is over. From what I understand you have the money. Go hug your husband and your kids, fight your fight, and enjoy your life. Someday, someway karma will kick your SIL in the ass, and you will be around to laugh at her when it happens!
I got my referral for the radiation oncologist today. One more treatment to go and then on to rads! Hope everyone is feeling well and wishing everyone a great tomorrow!
Debbi
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Texas--I cannot believe what you are going through--distance yourself from that mess.
Lizzie--Sorry to hear you are having bad side effects--I have my chemo on Friday and am hoping for an OK time. My left arm is hurting so much--hopefully not my veins individually crashing! FYI--I was told NO to Listerine etc due to the alcohol content and how it dries out your mouth. That being said---if it works for you, go for it. Biotene tastes like crap but I use it everyday and so far (fingers crossed) no sores.
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Sptmm: Thanks for the compliment. I do comedy write! I think everything is funny....everything! I made jokes standing in line, waiting to "check-in" to the Yale New Haven Hospital ER, standing in line behind a gun shot wound, last summer! Little did I know it would become my home this year! Radiation oncologist?! Well, aren't you Ms. Fancy Pants with all your fancy, shmancy doctors!!!!!!!!
Rachel: I honestly am joking with all of my complaining! I think it is hysterical! I will entertain my mother with some of this over the weekend! She will be hysterical! I find a lot of things funny and most of my writing is from a comedic standpoint. Thanks for the info on Listerine...I am like an addict, though! Flossing is another addiction of mine. I love Ellen DeGeneres and a few months ago she was remarking on her show how she went to purchase floss and found out it was like $7 so she gave floss to the entire audience because she felt it was too pricey and perhaps people might like to eat dinner rather than buy floss...in this econ, that is!
Justin Bieber {{{{THANKS CANADA!!!!!}}}}}}}}}}} that cute, little joker was just on TV singing Happy Birthday to all of us cancer survivors!!!!! What a treat! He might be the best thing to come out of Canada since...well, forever so, yeah...the best thing to come out of Canada!!!!!!!!!!!! he he he he! Are all the Canucks fired up!??!?! Fire away Canucks...you don't scare me!
SE and days 4-6: that was like an exorcism! It was awful. By day 7 I was ok but now I just whine in general lamenting the soon-to-be-gone passing of the fur on my head and the fact that I can't wax and get my skull highlighted! I am just whining!!!!!!
Alright, girlies! Time for some tv!
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Lizzy, my fearless leader!
Hope you remember your fellow June Mastectomy sister. Haven't been here too much but I was happy to read some of your posts on this forum: aaahhh you bring me hope woman! and a good laugh too!
Next Monday I'll get to know when my c-section is scheduled, meaning that 3 weeks after my baby's birth I'll start my FEC chemo treatment. So looking forward to it... NOT!
But on the bright side, can't wait to hold my baby in my arms and hopefully to have a Christmas with some hair. Anyway, reading your posts here and the posts from others already in treatment, gives me a better idea of what to expect, some tips as well.
For you and all the girls on this thread, hang on! You all are amazing and really inspire me in so many ways, those ones with your beautiful pics of your head commando... respect! Not sure if I will go for this or if I'll be a wig fan. We'll see. Only time will tell.
Until then, keep brighting us up with your sassy and powerful comments Lizzy!
Big big hugs!
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Good morning Chemosabes! Hope you're all waking up to a beautiful sunrise and a SE-free day! (Well, one can hope, right?)
Adey: Welcome to chemoland! I'm wishing you few side effects and lost of humor. I totally agree with Lizzy that there is a lot of humor to be found here. Last night, I was sitting in the kitchen with dh, and did one of those big, arms over your head stretches, and my dh just started chuckling. I looked down, with my arms still over my head, and saw my one little boob (and I do mean little!) on the right side and my boobless (that's what we call it, the "boobless") on the left, and we both just broke out laughing. He said, "Well, there's one little boob there!" I know, it sounds like nothing, but it was funny. I didn't bother with reconstruction because I am so small-chested anyway. I don't wear a prosthesis of any kind either, and, to be honest, with my sports bra on, you can barely tell a difference between one side and the other. But we've always joked about my "little boobies" anyway. I might opt for reconstruction at some point, but I just don't really care that much now. Then there's the pharmacy of prescription mouth rinses on my bathroom counter, each with their little measuring spoons. I gave up trying to fit them all in my medicine cabinet long ago. And then, of course, there's the baldness. We've taken a bunch of pictures and sent them to friends and family, and I'll tell you what, I've never gotten this many compliments about any haircut I've ever had! Everyone seems to like me bald. My husband can't stop telling me how adorable he thinks I look. He also says it's hot! So maybe I'll just stay bald. Besides, it's soooo much easier! And it makes hot flashes pass much quicker when you can just rip off your hat or scarf and feel cool air on your head! (God, men have it so easy!) Hot flashes and nightsweats are less funny, I have to admit, especially when you're having a deep, meaningful conversation with someone, or in some professional setting, and all the sudden you're aware that your face is on fire, and you're sweating, and the person you're talking to is probably either thinking you're having a heart attack, or that you're really embarrassed about something. Then thinking that, you do become embarrassed, and that just makes your face turn redder. Also very little is funny when you're up three times a night ripping off your pajamas and sitting in the middle of the room under the ceiling fan to cool down enough to go back to sleep. But things are funny. As much as I hate having these problems, we even joke about the diarrhea and constipation!
I'm like you too Lizzy, always making conversation and joking with the people at the hospital. I made my surgeon laugh when I told her that if I do ever do reconstruction, I will ot want a regular areola tattoo. I want a tattoo front and center of a yellow smily face with sunglasses giving a thumbs-up sign. I mean it too! You gotta have a little fun with this. You might think this is a little gross, but my dh is due for a baseline colonoscopy, and we've decided the night before he goes in, we're going to magic marker a big bulls-eye to mark the spot. We'll do it too!
Anyway, enough about that. Yesterday I had to go see my doc because the condition of the inside of my mouth just keeps getting worse. Turns out, it's infected, so now I have another bottle of prescription, this time antibiotic, mouth rinse to add to my growing collection. I have to swallow it too, because it's in my throat as well. I HATE MOUTH SORES!! Before I started chemo, and was reading about possible side effects, I wasn't too alarmed, but the one thing I kept saying to everyone was, "I really hope I don't get the mouth sores." And lo and behold, I've had them every time! Oh well, I least I've learned I can handle it.
Joystars: I smiled reading your post, thinking about you holding your little baby!
Texas: I hope you're still with us, and that you will stay with us. I know this is "just" an online community, but it is a real community of friends -- good friends. And our love and concern for you is real!
{{{{HUGS}}}} to everybody. Let's laugh today! Through our nausea and constipation and acne and weight gain and mouth sores and stinky pits and heartburn and headaches, LET"S LAUGH!!!
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