August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
Comments
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Texas-Glad to hear from you again! Congrats on the freebies, sounds like a good day for you.
Ckptry-Glad your meeting went well, hopefully they come through with what they said they would. And if not, I agree....go down without your hat. Personally, I look much scarier with my sparse hair!
Lizzy-The waiting game is the worst! You know its going to come out and you have resigned yourself to that, but not knowing when it will happen is horrible. It does however come out in the shower mostly and I found that vigrous shampooing made more come out. So, if you want to prolong it, shampoo gently! Also, on the Clearisil...be careful. I got acne too and I used Seabreeze (an astringent cleanser). The onco told me not to use it again. She said these products dry your skin and chemo also dries your skin out..so the two together are not good. I don't know if it is the same with Clearisil but you might want to check.
Lisa- You did so much with that show when you felt crappy You have nothing to be ashamed of. That coulda, shoulda, woulda game will only drive you nuts.
As for the beef, not to gross everyone out and make you hate me....but boy do I love a good steak!!!! Irish here, we live on meat and potatoes!
Have a good night all, the one side effect I have is fatigue.....heading off to bed now.
Debbi
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So funny about the chicken- we used to have one named jezabel because she was ALL of the roosters fav, the other chickens would pluck her feathers out! they were so MEAN to her!!! we had a rally bad storm one year and they flew the coop! Roosted in a tree and then by the next day they were gone (coyotes prob)
Fast forward to now, my dad wants farm fresh eggs again and gets this great deal on about 15 chicks... Well he is super excited cuz only 2 died and so we have SO MANY CHICKENS- err roosters lol turns out all the chicks were MALE so no eggs right now!!!! I told him dont buy 'em so young cuz you're not certian but he just couldnt wait! That had happened to me once, i won a chick at a fair and i was super excited for my chicken but then he turned out to be a rooster (sad really he was a leghorn- ya know the white kind from the carton, and he was snatched by a chicken hawk!)
Oh the memories LOL
GLAD THE MEETING WITH YOUR SONS SCHOOL WENT WELL BTW! (cpktry)
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Kimmie: I had a bmx on 6/22 then early August developed an infection and then they thought I had skull mets so I just started chemo. In long, I still have post-operative TE with no fills! The infection did not allow for fills. I have not had any radiation. They talked to me about having it after chemo but I am still not sure. In addition, my PS has to complete the fills and swap out surgery before I can have radiation anyway. You are correct about tissue damage so the PS will do it all before then. I know chemo should scare me more than rads but for me it is the other way around. I would prefer to avoid rads. I know I am going to be on some pill after chemo I guess? Who knows!
Calamtykel: I am so glad you take care of that poor little chickie with the broken beak! That is such a nice story. I am glad she is doing ok and might finally have laid an egg! Only in Manhattan could that chicken have gotten on a bus and rode to Midtown! The Post actually ran that story.
Zenith...you got a dog!!!!!! I am very, very happy for you
During chemo they bring dogs for us to pet. There are 2 dogs that they bring in. They are so cute...both labs...1 is black and the other is light..almost a beige color. They are so cute. In any case, I hope your little puppy brings you joy! I love animals.Sptmm: Thanks for the reminder on clearasil. I use Clinique clarifying lotion every day for 27 years. It is good stuff but this chemo-induced acne is gross. I will talk to the nurse on Tuesday when I get my blood draw about Clearasil. I have to do something...I have like 7 acne spots on my chin! They are mainly under the skin, too. Boy...it is just one thing after another!!!!!
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Texas: Satin pillowcases! They don't produce friction against your head when you move around like cotton. And sateen isn't good enough. Has to be real satin, but it really does help.
Zenith: Congratulations on your new puppy! I'm sure he (she?) will bring you great joy! You'll have to post a picture. What's his name?
Happy weekend everybody!
BTW, have we lost our European chemosabes?
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wherria- thankjs you just gave me an excuse to go SHOPPING!!!! i will pick up some satin pillow sheets tonight and let y'all know how it goes!
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Oh my gosh, last night I got hit with some kind of freakish headache/nausea thing on day 11 post chemo 2. Was't expecting it at ALL, felt horrible, none of the meds made me feel much better. That kind of thing just gets my imagination working overtime - ugh. Feel a little better this morning but still not right. Keep moving, keep moving.
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Euros: Wherria-they are gone! I think the fluctuating value of our dollar has petrified them into silence!!!
Omaz: bc is the gift that just keeps on giving! I know, I know...this is no time for jokes and you want to sock me one! At least I made you stop thinking about it for a few seconds, right?!
Sock monkeys: speaking of socks (!), on lovely HGTV I learned how to make these early one morning this past week. They are so cute...I just might try making one. I will make the bc version
Did someone say shopping!??!?! no, no...don't push me out the door with a bag of cash! Really, do I have to go shopping?!?! Texas - enjoy! Satin pillowcases are great in the winter anyway. Very nice on the head under normal circumstances and truly a treat under these devilish circumstances!
Iowa: your boyfriend, Bret Michaels, had his heart surgery put off until January. I guess that is so you two can spend quality time through the holidays!
I hope you all do something good for yourselves today. Treat yourselves to some love....shopping love is very good therapy, Texas!
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Speaking of bret michaels- yesterday i was driving and saw this HUGE window decal of the rock of love on someones car... they either were on the show or are a HUGE FAN!!!! DH and i got a kick out of that!
OMAZ_ me too! i had a killer headache this am and terrible nausea!!!!! it finally went away!
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Lizzy: You're so right! Would that the dollar were stronger! Good one.
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Omaz - could it have been something you ate? I'm finding my food tolerances have gone way down. I had onion the other day and within 10 minutes I had a migraine. It got worse and worse until I went to bed.
I also narrowed the migraines I have been getting recently to blue cheese dressing that I love. I can tolerate these things off chemo, but I think my body just can't handle certain things right now. I'm being REALLY careful because those migraines were nasty - the kind when you bend over and your left eye feels like it's going to pop onto the floor! Interestingly, it went away not so much with the pain killers I too, but the benedryl.
I hope you're feeling better now!
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The Pre Chemo Sprint: Has anyone noticed that 10 or 12 days post chemo you get an energy burst? I have been running on I don't know what for the past couple of days. I think I did more today and had more energy than before I started chemo. I went to garage sales for four hours this morning, came home, took a quick power nap and have been cleaning the house for hours. Made dinner in between. Not sure where all this energy and clarity is coming from!
Maybe it's the psychological knowledge that on Monday I get hit with the big AC again and will be taken down for many days.......
I'm appalled at my house. Been cleaning all day and haven't scratched the surface. No, not talking about scrubbing and polishing and vacuuming - talking about putting stuff AWAY. Every desk, every table top is full of papers and crap! Unreal! I can't even think about getting the kids fall and winter clothes out and putting the summer stuff away.
Much of it belongs to DH but I recruited him today by agreeing to wear my wig (which I hate but he likes.....) and put on this perfume that he likes. ;D So he's been working on getting stuff put away too.
Anyway, it's a strange thing, this energy burst. It makes me dread Monday all the more, but I'm looking at it like it's my LAST AC - so in a way I want to get in there and get it over with!
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LOL @ lizzymack- for years I have been calling him my rocker husband (don't we all have a wonder lust?) seriously never thought I'd be backstage meeting him.
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I deliberated about posting this but I really need to talk about it a little.
Last Friday, a little after 5:00, we ran over our wonderful dog "Pup". It was one of the worst days of my life. He did not die immediately, and when my husband went to move him from beneath the truck, Pup bite him badly. We had our 4 year old grandson with us, and we prayed after it happened and I ended up covering his eyes and walking him about 100 yards to the house. We had to have Pup put down. The vet said his injuries were just too severe.
Pup was an abused, neglected dog when we adopted him. He was a red border collie, and had spent most of his youth in a cage. It took time to win his trust, and after two years he was happy and becoming confident in all people. We had spent that afternoon on our farm. He had ran madly and jumped and romped in our ponds, much to our laughing delight, and had chased the cattle. We were coming through a gate in our truck. I think he nipped at the tires. I don't really know what happened. But the results were horrific and I am having a lot of trouble with flashbacks and all. My poor husband and I have cried more than I can ever remember. I had to explain to a four year old what had happened and ended up having to tell him Pup was in heaven.
The other thing about this is, I got mad at God............I have tried so hard not to question "why" about my own illness. I felt sure when I was diagnosed that God had a plan for me, and that we would walk this path together. But as soon as this happened, I got mad. I can't understand why such a mean thing had to happen.......I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but it really infuriated me, and I still am having a problem with it. My emotions are all out of hand. But you would think getting Cancer would be enough for any of us. My dog, my husband ( had a Tetanus shot and wound clean) and my grandson really didn't deserve this.........thanks for letting me vent.
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DebJ - I'm so, so sorry to hear about your dog. That sounds just horrific! I'm sending as many comforting thoughts your way as I can. I can completely understand why this would hit you even harder than the cancer diagnosis. For one thing, it comes as you are in a very vulnerable moment, dealing with cancer and chemo - and the people you love are vulnerable too. But, it is also the accumulation of shocking events that can leave you reeling.
I don't know what kind of religious belief you have, but I believe that god is large enough and strong enough to understand when you are angry with him. Vent all you need to - to us, to god. Cry as much as you can. The only thing that will start to heal this wound is time and love. I wish you lots of love with your husband and your son. Thinking of you!
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DebJ - Your story is so very heartbreaking. It was 15 years ago that I lost a dog to a car. He got out the wrong door and in to the street. Death deprives us of love. You never get over it you just keep going day by day until living without the loved one becomes habit. I have been putting off getting another dog with one excuse or another until finally last week I decided it doesn't make sense that I couldn't spare some time, energy and money to rescue some needy dog. aSorry that you had to lose your loved in in such a horrific way. You are definately dealing with PTSD. I'm sure you know professionals are available if needed. Anger is natural and one of the grief stages which you will experience in the coming days. Healing thoughts.....Zenith
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Deb,
I can't even say how sorry I am. You loved Pup very much, and you rescued him, and gave him a chance at life and happiness he wouldn't have had without you. As you probably remember, I recently lost my dog too, and it was also horrific, sudden, and traumatic. I know exactly what you mean about the flashbacks. I had them for weeks, and still do sometimes. You WILL get through them and eventually your mind will be filled with happy memories. It will take time, of course, but try, even now as much as you can to replace those horrible pictures in your mind with good ones. I think it helps heal from the trauma a little faster. You didn't mention guilt in your post, but I know, even though my Bixby was going to die no matter what I did, I still felt guilty. It's because we feel so responsible for our pets, and if anything goes wrong we, or I, couldn't help but go back and "woulda" "shoulda" myself into craziness. I hope you are not struggling with this, or your husband. And as Lisa said, it is perfectly normal to be angry at God. It is in fact, psychologically speaking, one of the first steps in the grieving process. It doesn't mean your faith is weakened, or that there's anything wrong with your relationship with God. It just means your hurting and angry. It's natural. My faith is different than yours, but even so, just think of all the biblical stories of God's people crying out in anger and desperation, shaking their fists at God. You will come to peace with God again, but, and I don't mean to be presumptious about your belief system, but I'm guessing that it is part of your faith to be honest with God, and now is one of those times.
Anyway, I'm sorry to go on. I know when this happened to me and my husband, the wound was just too deep for a while for any words of consolation to do much good. It just hurt. Period. But know that I am thinking about you, your husband, and your grandson, and that I am so so sorry you had to go through this especially now. Take what comfort you can from knowing that you were a good mommy to Pup, and even though his death was unfair and untimely, you gave him the best gifts any dog can ever receive, you love and companionship, your devotion and protection.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Whitney
Oh, and if you would like to talk more in depth about this, please post as much as you want. Everybody was very understanding about my need to talk about it when it happened to me. And please feel free to PM me if you'd like.
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DebJ - I am so sorry for your loss. Accidents suck. My thoughts to you and your family. Take care.0
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Debj - I'm very sorry. What a horrible thing to have happen during this time. I don't know why, in the course of things, that bad things seem to come in bunches. Whatever happened that day is not your fault, nor your husband's fault -- allow yourself to grieve without having "guilt" on top of that.
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I have a question. I am afraid to ask it because I'm afraid of scaring anyone into having some of the fears and questions that I'm having.
I read so many posts about recurrance - people who have had "good" hormone status tumors, who went the rounds of chemo and tamox, etc. Yet they present a few years later with stage four.
I just keep questioning - what is this all for? Does recurrance always happen when there is LN involvement? I'm even reading some people who had recurrence elsewhere without ln involvement.
I'm so sorry if I'm making anyone scared or bringing anyone down. I just am trying to process this - I know there is always a "chance" of recurrence years down the road, but it seems like from what I read that it is "common" and that scares the pants off me!
I read here on BC.org that chances of recurrence with LN involvement is 30-60% at some point in the future?? I guess that is a broad broom, sweeping in all the different tumor sizes, statuses and grades and hormone status, but those statistics are just too scary for me. We hear about all these women "surviving" cancer, but what is survival? Does it mean three years - five years, or can it be forever?This is just something I've been thinking about last night and today and it's bothering me a lot. I know it's wrong to think along these lines, but I can't seem to help it. I need to put it behind me, I know -- I guess any one of us could be in a car accident and taken out tomorrow - life itself is uncertain. I just feel (key word being "feel" - I'm not saying it's reality) that maybe we're not being told the "truth" --does this make sense? Does anyone have any input?
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Calamtykel - I know this is a pretty dry way of looking at it and you may have already seen it but it helped me to play around with the numbers and treatments. This link is to the 'mortality risk' though not risk of recurrence.
http://www.lifemath.net/cancer/breastcancer/therapy/index.php
I think many doctors use Adjuvant Online as a way of assessing recurrence. I think you need to be a doc to use it. It can show you what the risk of recurrence is without treatment and then with the addition of chemotherapy, hormone therapy how that risk decreases.
These are all numbers though and I agree with you that I don't have a real grasp of how they apply to me and my risk of recurrence. You are for sure not alone in thinking about these things!!
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Yes, and I apologize if I have brought a damper onto the board. I'm not trying to say I feel that BC is alwasy a death sentence, for sure! I'm just trying to understand what "survival" means. All the women who say they are "survivors" --I talk to SO SO many who have had this awful disease in the past 3 to 5 years. But most bc is slow growing - they say recurrences can happen after 10 years or even more! I don't understand that. If our cells are constantly regenerating, how can stray cells hang around for 10 years!?? Especially after chemo and tamox??
I guess maybe I need to speak to my oncologist tomorrow. I feel she has been truthful with me thus far.
OH - I did the lifemath thing a few weeks ago. I came up a very low risk, but I wasn't sure how accurate it was, since everyone is different - and everyone's tumors are different? I've seen people who have had grade 1 with no LN and they end up having mets years later -- I guess that's what's confusing to me.
I do know that they did tests on my tumor itself, and I don't know what this number is - it's not an oncotype, but something else - it was a recurrence risk and it came up at 11%. I remember the first onc telling me that was very good. But I don't know where they get that number from - it was before I started chemo and I don't know if that was calculated with the chemo or without. Again - I guess I need to talk to my ONC again. They give you so much info in those first meetings that your head is spinning!
I don't know. Again, I didn't mean the post to sound negative - I'm just trying to sort out how this all works once we finish the chemo. I think I have PMS. I think I got my period this morning but not totally sure. So that would explain this crazy obsessive thought pattern that I'm in. I need to just put it behind me and work on having a good day - today before my last AC chemo!
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Calametykel, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have spent a lot of time looking at that. With no LN involvement, the chance of mets is 2% (for the rest of your life). I think what happens is that the majority of women who get this disease, find this site, post, an finish treatment, rarely come back to post. We are seeing the minority who have had recurrances, who have had mets, etc. AND continue to post.
It is scarey, but if you think it through, just as people with more side efects have more to post about, the more complications--the more posts. I was convinced (based on the posts) that I would be deathly sick and etc during chemo. While some women are, I am not. How many posts are there of people saying, "well, I went for chemo, and I am kind of tired, but I am feeling fine." The BCO boards would be closed in a minute--there would be no point!
Another thing to keep in mind is that we really don't know the backgrounds. I notice plenty of posts that say things that don't match the signatures, so--is the poster unsure of what she has? Or does not understand what she has? I have seen several posts where the poster talks about not being able to get diagnosed or treated. Certainly this could happen, and does, but surely it is not that common.
It is similar I think to the skewing (yikes! math!) of the ages. If you see the thread about 'how old when dx', and as we have said about this thread before, the ages are significantly younger than the "average". Why? Because it is online? Probably.
I know I read (in posts-not an article) that having BC once makes us more likely to have it again. I asked my onc, and he said not unless you had a genetic component.
Like you I think about it anyway, and the increased chance of getting lukemia in 10 years, and the colonoscopy that I get to go for earlier and more often than I would have if I had not had BC, and so on........
But then I think, if I had not been diagnosed, no one would be checking me for any of this stuff. And I might have it, or get it. And so might anyone else who never had BC.
So the choice I made for myself is that I will be aware of the things that I am at risk for, or at greater risk for, and I will do what I can to minimize my risk, and I will do all the screenings and check ups that I should, and that is all I can do. I emphasize that I say this is a choice. I could choose to just believe blindly in my doctors. I could choose to say it is in (G)(g)od's hands, nothing I can do. I could just succumb to the fear and never be able to function again (I do lean this way at times). So, I will do the best I can, and that is all I can do. That is all any of us can do.
Regarding the treatment-Even the Stage IV ladies get treatment, and some of them have been on these boards for a VERY long time. So I guess there is a point to getting treatment.
I saw in one of the articles that BC can be cured, the only problem is that they can't tell if a particular woman was cured until she dies of something else.
It is really hard when these thoughts stay with you and the actual people around you don't quite get it. Probably some one more eloquent will come along, but until then I hope I gave you something to hang on to. If you think it will bring oher people down and you don't want to post it, feel free to pm me. I promise not to sink under the weight of the possibilities! (Statistic say I should not even have BC, so there!)
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DebJ: I feel so bad for you. That was a total accident and you can't blame yourself. I adopted an abused pet and every now and again, even a 1 ½ years later, every now and again I see the abused cat again. She does something really weird: when I ride my recumbent bike, she gets dangerously close to athe pedals. I do believe she wants me to stop riding and I do have to slow down. He probably just thought you all could see him and wanted you to stop the truck. It was just an accident. I just feel so bad for you and Wherria, who had to experience the loss of a beloved pet, while already going through such a tough time. Just don't beat yourself up over this. You gave a poor, abused animal a nice, loving home and a good life. You did everything you could and the last thing you ever wanted to do was hurt your pup. I wish you some peace on this matter. It was not your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Calamtykel: I don't think you put a damper on the thread. I was just being lazy, laying on the couch reading the paper and watching Titanic! Kel, if you make a list of the 1000's upon 1000's of things you can die from, bc is only 1. The only things guaranteed are taxes and death. If you focus too much on trying to figure out what will claim you, and getting prepared for that end, it is like a dress rehearsal, into perpetuity, for a part you will never get to play. The chances are equally as good that you will live into your 80's. The problem with people who post is they are normally telling the bad stories. Unfortunately, during a nerve-wracking time going through cancer tx, those stories will stick with you. You are getting tx for your kids, your grandkids, your DH, your life, your love, your pursuit of happiness and ultimately because of hope. You can die a 1000 deaths but only one will kill you. We were not promised an eternal trip here. We are all going to expire. Focus on today and live in the present. Tomorrow may bring excellent news, a winning lottery ticket, a beautiful day and, if you are not prepared to let such good things into your life, you just might miss them. Focus on today and the fact that our cancer is treatable and that we will be ok. Emotional health is a big factor, however, and I think you have to caution against going through worst-case scenario odds. I'd would really feel like I wasted my time if I prepared myself to die from bc and start doing the countdown now only to live into my 80's and die of a heart attack
I think you get the idea! Also, on the LN involvement, don't forget they are filters designed to trap and retain things in our system that don't belong. I know a lot of people look upon LN involvement like it has definitely spread but I don't really agree. I think the LNs were doing their job in catching it to begin with. They are pretty efficient and because they caught it bodes well. It will be ok if you allow it all to be ok. 0 -
Thank you ladies! I agree with everything you said. Like I said - just feeling sort of melancholy and over analyzing everything right now (PMS causes me to obsess on things!) And I kind of got all this in my head and spiraled with it.
Lizzy - you are right. I think our chances of dying of something else are just as great. Oddly, it's not the "dying" I'm afraid of - every person on this planet is terminal
It's the unknown - I guess the horror of being diagnosed and the waiting game are still all fresh in my mind and that is what I fear and dread. Getting "that" news again. If I could remove the anxiety of all of that and the anxiety of the treatment and such, I think I'd be okay! Does that make sense? I've always hated doctors and hospital and now it's like baptism by fire! Okay - going to take both of your words today and apply them and not worry and going to do something fun. Yesterday was my crazy busy day - finished cleaning the house today ( as good as it will be before chemo) and now maybe i'll take a nap and do some baking this afternoon!
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Good day chemosabes! I hope you all are having a nice weekend.
Our poem this week is on meditation, as follows:
MeditationBy Gil SaenzA description of how it feels in a meditative state.
Moments of peace have more meaning.
Times of stillness give us a gleaning.
A glimpse of fullness,
And the colors of feelings.
Blue, green and gold thoughts gently streaming
Without any effort for you to hold.
Conscious of everything and of nothing
At the same time.More and more learning about the other side
Of yourself and of being;
A gentle flowing of all your senses
Which are sensing your foreverness
For a little while.I hope you all enjoyed it
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I think what happens is that the majority of women who get this disease, find this site, post, an finish treatment, rarely come back to post. "
Absolutely! I've said that before and I think I knew it in the back of the head - (where fear pushed it into a corner).
My cousin had bc 21 years ago - LN and chemo and she's been fine. Back to positive thinking and believing!
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calamtykel: I am totally with you on the "hearing the news" again part. This morning I was just thinking that if they told me I had a recurrence, I am not convinced I would go for all the treatment again. I really don't know. Don't forget, though, there is *nothing* you did to cause yourself bc and there is *nothing* you can do to avoid a recurrence. Our control over this beast is zero. My friend who has uterine cancer had to stay overnight and get liters and liters of chemo. I did not realize, until I spoke with some of the nurses in the chemo unit, the area she was being treated in is called "end of life." That is horrifying.
I do agree also that Lisattheshore hit the nail on the head about not coming back to the site. It is reminiscent of a time people want to put behind them. I have also met people who have bc and have never gone to any boards for one reason or another. We are in a microcosm. I just hope we all come back and post. Perhaps we should consider the name of our new thread, when we are 1 year out, where we all commit to come back and post, even once a month. It is good for the others yet to join us. Perhaps we will call it "Good Times!"
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calamtykel
Thank you for putting out there what I think abot ALL the time. I'm embarrassed to admit I've gone to the Stage IV board several times and tried to figure out how they got there. Some percentage was diagnosed like that from the get go. Some are triple negatives. Some had many, many nodes, some were treated many years ago before they had the chemo I'm doing. But then, yes - I'm left with some group that seems like they were in my shoes a few years ago and got mets. I've talked to my onc about it and she keeps telling me my risk of recurrence is really, really low (I had 6mm in my sentinel node but all 14 axillaries were clear), ER/PR+ and HER2-. But still, it is so hard not to obsess. Glad I'm not the only one.
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Lisaattheshore - I just want to thank you for your post. I thought it was beautifully and eloquently put.
Zachsmom - I stay away from the Stage IV forum for exactly that reason. I know that I would start to see myself in many of the women there, and I don't think it would be good for me to read.
Calamtykel - I think we all have those thoughts from time to time, and I'm glad you had the courage to post it and share it. Glad to hear you are feeling a little more upbeat.
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calamtykel,
I'm sick today so I haven't caught up on all the responses but wanted to respond. I know I've mentioned I was an oncology nurse at Sloan Kettering in NY. I can't decide if that's good or bad. When I got my stage from the breast surgeon I asked the oncologist if she agreed. She said I don't really like to get into stages b/c it really should be more about the aggressiveness of the tumor. I thought great, mine is poorly differentiated and her2 90% +. All that said she said my prognosis is good. They told me several times that 10 years ago my nodes would have been considered negative, but now they were able to see individual cancer cells. I can't decide if that's good or bad either.
I can tell you the conversations I have with myself. When I started working inpatient with women with ovarian cancer in the early 90's the 5 year survival was very poor. I would see people come in for surgery, then back in for chemo (we did it in the hospital then ) then back for recurrences and end of life. Within a few years most of the women I had gotten to know were gone. We had to have monthly staff meetings with a psychologist to help prevent burn out. I remember one of the things the psychologist reminded us was that we didn't get to see the patients who had surgery, went home and never had to come back in. After a while they created a women's cancer floor, so we combined with the breast cancer service which had previously been on a different floor. We started seeing 20 somethings with breast cancer. The surgeons said if you are 20 something with cancer and it's an option you are going to go to one of the top cancer centers. So again we got a skewed view. I also remind myself that within 10 years the prognosis for those women with ovarian cancer (and with the discovery of the hpv vaccine prevention for women at risk for cervical cancer) changed. Instead of a terminal illness it was more a chronic disease (and that was almost 6 years ago now). These are things I try to keep in mind when I see some of the stories on these boards. If it comes back you probably stay here to give and get support; if it doesn't you probably move on at some point.
I have seen both sides of the coin. Someone with a good prognosis gets hit again, while someone else is cured against all odds. I know that probably doesn't help, but for myself I just try to remember how much strength and resiliency I've seen in people. How if it comes back and comes back again people adjust. And how if it doesn't people are able to move on; to actually forget to schedule follow up appointments (can you imagine;-) I think you've voiced fears alot of us have and right now I'm still struggling to find the best way of dealing with it. Sometimes I feel so guilty for putting my family through this and my dh gets upset. He'll say this isn't my fault; that I didn't cause or ask for it and wouldn't I be upset if he was mad at himself for being sick. I think it's just so difficult because it impacts every area of your life and everyone around you, or at least for me it does. It's so raw right now that it's natural for us to feel down and as a result get caught up in worst case scenarios. I just know down the road there will come a point where it's easier, where we have more time and perspective to deal with and adjust. I hope you are feeling better soon, wish there was more I could say to make it better.
Carolyn
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