August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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Prayers and good vibrations G.
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OMG guys, are itchy boobs seriously a warning sign??? My left breast was very itchy actually in the area of the lump for a long time before I finally found the lump, but not the right! I never thought about that before you guys mentioned it.
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My onc and surgeon both say no... but I don't believe it for a minute!
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My prayers are with you Ginger.
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Everyone who is getting chemotherapy in the morning... I wish you the best... I will be thinking about you as I am getting infused...
Everyone else you are in my prayers... We all will persevere...
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I need to thank everyone so much for all their honesty. I had treatment number 4 of TCH on Thursday and have just been feeling horrible. I know that emotionally the days after chemo are hard for me, but this time was bad. The weather was beautiful here (low 70s) and I just wanted to be outside with my kids and husband! I was such a jerk to him, he bought steaks and hotdogs to grill Sunday night for him and the kids, and because of the bad taste in my mouth and the depression and fatigue, I asked him what made him decide he wanted to have a " little picnic" today. I was mean. I am tired of feeling tired the week of treatment (I want to stop at 4), I am tired of wanting my old life back and knowing I will never have it, I am tired of hearing people complain about how busy their lives are and about the small problems I used to have and wish I still had, I am tired of wanting my husband but being afraid of the crap flowing through my veins contaminating him, I am tired of wearing a smile for everyone, so I don't make them feel bad because there is nothing they can say. I am tired of worrying about it coming back and I am tired of feeling that if I make it another 20 years (to 57) I should be sooooooooooo thankful. I will be grateful (I am for everyday I am given), but if that is all I get, I feel like I got shorted. I know others feel the same. Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? My kids need me to be here...I need to be here for them. I want to sit on the rocking chairs with my husband at 80 watching our grandkids...I want to be in the bathtub overlooking a sunset talking about erectile dysfunction. Is that too much to ask? Sorry about the rant. I check in everyday, rarely write, I am always thinking about you all, praying for you all, sending happy thoughts, and I never want anyone to see all this junk that is in my mind because I don't want to be a downer or scary. Thank you all for letting me get all this off my chest. Peace and strength to us all.
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Momimechelle
I am glad you were able to come here to vent. I could feel your tears right through the print.
I understand, we all understand.
Blessings and hugs
GInger
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Hugs Mommichelle!
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Ginger: I hope you are doing well at taxol. I think you deserve a little break today.
IowaSue: that is great that you have so much flexibility at your job. I love working with, through volunteering, the elderly. On the lump, I found a mass, not even a lump, under the breast where I had bc. They checked it and said they felt it was scar tissue. Bottom line is no one has magic fingers so I would like to think it is scar tissue but mine was gross-aggressive. It totally took over my sentinel node and there was no evidence of node left...it was just entirely bc and it "leaked" from the node also. Quite frankly, many, many lumps are benign anyway. Did you have mx, bmx or lump? Sorry, I can't keep track of all of us! I would say if it is the unaffected breast, and y had a bmx, you probably have nothing to worry about. If, however, you had a lumpectomy or mx, then it makes the situation a little different. Mind you, this is no replacement for medical advice as I am NOT a doctor but I am trying to help you sort through this, one bc patient to another. I hope this helps.
Coffee: did anyone give this up during chemo? Everything tastes so gross that I gave it up back in September. Just wondering.
Calamtykel: so glad your onc let you slide on the neulasta shot! Good for you
That is scary that you had trouble with your port. I am glad they got it worked out but that is a shame. Just what we need, right? One more scary thing. I am glad, after an initial scare, it all worked out.Omaz: with the reduced chemo, take a wait-and-see. Perhaps your neuropathy will not worsen and maybe it will even go away a bit. You are going to have to really wait until the next one is over. I am hoping you can get through 6 with the reduction but what I hope and what reality is are often times 2 very different things. I just hope the next one goes well. Let's discuss this more a few days after the next one and see how you are feeling. For now I would take great comfort in the fact they are reducing the amount. This should negate some of the deleterious effects you were experiencing to an extent. Hang in there, woman! Better days are coming
Sptmm and Adey: yes, itchy boobs are a text book sign. The only problem is so, so many things can make our boobs itch, I think drs like to discount the potential for that to be a sign of bc. If you google symptoms of bc, itchy boobs is always on the list. Adey you are right and the docs are wary!
Mommichelle: You are totally justified in what and how you feel. This is a long, arduous process and it does leave us all feeling mugged a bit. Robbed of our longevity, our hair, our emotional balance, our muscle strength and, most importantly, our ability to deal with every day situations in a balanced, healthy way. Of course your DH wanted to give you a break and, as men are always good on the grill, they gravitate to their comfort zone when it comes to whipping up a meal! He meant well, I am sure. He probably just did not want you to cook. It is entirely feasible you will live to 80. We are on the cutting edge of new developments in the treatment of bc and all cancers for that matter. I think all of us have very good chances of long lives. They say a large percentage is your mental state as it affects your ability to heal. I know you are down today but I hope you overcome this and get back to a positive state. I know it is way hard but I urge you to try. Also, you will have your old life back. Life is all about balance and water finds it's own level. Bit by bit, after chemo, you will move back to your normal life as you will return to that balance. It all works out especially if you want it to. There are some things we cannot control so it is important to stay focused on today, what you can control today and forget trying to predict the future because we all suck at that!!!!!! BTW, I have been mean before....they are resilient, they get over it and don't forget, you do have bc...that is sort of carte blanche to be a little mean, to vent and to let it all out
Ladyinbama and Wherria...where are you?! Hope you both are well.
Roids are still working...going to watch House and Dancing with the NON-Stars!!!!!
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Lizzy -
Thank you for your post. Love the water finding it's own level. I may use that sometime if that is alright. I am not always in the dumps, believe it or not, I am usually pretty upbeat. Sunday and Monday post chemo are sometimes hard to see the light. I do know it is out there and I know it should be coming around again tomorrow. We are all so lucky to have each other. I was just moved tonight by the flurry of posts of people feeling fed up and tired. I was feeling so isolated and sad. It is so nice to know we have developed a group of individuals who are all going through similiar situations at the same time. It makes it a lot easier to not feel alone. God bless you all...
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Mommichelle: SEE the light?!??!?!? I want to move TOWARD the light!!!!! Those 7-10 days after each tx, starting about day 3, are horrendous. Just awful. You, and all of us, have every right to feel like "s" and to go tell it on the mountain! I even gave my friends roid/chemo blackout days where it is best not to contact me!!!! Sadly it is one, big pile of crap but is life-saving so we need to put some lipstick on this disaster and be happy! Vent here, let it out because we are the only ones you know that absolutely identify with what you are going through. Not every day is hard but not every day is easy either. We are all coming into the second half of this madness...thankfully! Have a good night 0
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Ginger- Sorry for your ex's loss, i do not miss a spetic tank that is FOR SURE! Prayers for you that your taxol tx goes well!
Lizzy- that is a very real fear that ALL of us share. Not knowing if its spread. Espcially being node positive- I've heard both types of stories stage 1 no node involvment 3 or 4 years mets to the liver or something... Or stage 3b node positive and cancer free for 10+ years. It truly is a gamble- or more like freakin russian roulette! I do pray for you as well as everyone on these boards that they get better,or stay stable and not get worse. ONLY TIME WILL TELL (even for a stage 4 gal like me! who knows if/when it will pop up somewhere else!)
WTG adey! 6 miles!!!! what does the ice help with???
MY NOSE IS RUNNING LIKE A FREAKIN FAUCET AND MY EYES TOO- dont know if its allergies or tx related!
Iowa- i guess its possible to have a lump come about during tx, but i would hope NOT! Update us whe you find out furhter
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Ginger- I will go to sleep chanting a little mantra for you. Big hugs. I'm sure it's nothing but scar tissue or something similar but you shouldn't have to go through this stress and pain. Again all my best thoughts are yours.
Mommichelle- My word, venting is the best thing ever. VENT AWAY. Hot dogs and steaks on the bbq while you feel sick like a dog? MEN! Always trying to help, but always so very far off base. Keep it coming, that's what we're here for. God knows I've vented a couple of times. That's what girlfriends do. Right?
I don't care if we're in separate parts of the continents, we are friends and we do support eachother. And venting should be part of the handbook....big hugs to all. Sleep well friends.
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mommimichelle- i find myself being "mean" too for no reason. Not constantly but sometimes. I have the same fears and desires! For me even living 10 years will be a blessing- both my kids will still be in highschool
I would absolutly love to see my daughter get married, ya know buy that perfect wedding dress with her. God i cant even finish typing my thoughts because it pisses me off so much! SOmetimes in my deepest depression i think and i know this is incredibly selfish i think why dont i leave so my kids dont have to grow closer to me just to watch me eventually fade away. Of course reason speaks to me- that i cant and they deserve to have me in their lives for as long as i am given.I am mostly a positive person like CANCER POSITIVELY SUCKS!
I do look at hte bright side and my cup is half full, but there are still the days where i find it hard to roll out of bed and my thoughts swirl around things i try to stay away from.
I think lizzy said it well- your attitude does affect the way your body does in treatment. When the mind has given up the body does too!
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Texas: I don't care about this smelly bc and the potential for it to have spread! I really don't. I don't even think about it. I just hate chemo. More to this point, however, if I had to put my money on someone equipped to deal with this, my money is on you, kid! I am serious. As for your kids, they are already in it with you and every minute you spend with them until the day we all leave this planet are cherished moments for them. They love every minute they spend with you and eventually, yes, you are going to fade away, as we all are, and none of us know what is going to take us. Don't ever think your leaving prematurely is best....our entire trip is a TRIP and you have to complete from beginning to end. There are no exits, just challenges; there are no easy ways-out, just a hand we were dealt to be played. You have to give your all every day to them. My father died when I was 29 and it broke my heart. He lived for 3 years battling lung cancer and he was 56. I was very close to my dad and if I had to make a choice between my father fading away and being killed in a car crash, I know this is humongously selfish, but I would choose fade away. I had cherished moments with him in those final years and great times. We got much closer. In fact, I was the last person he even spoke to before going to hospice. I went to the hospital, I fought for him and what he wanted, I even spoke Chinese to a jerk ass dr. that was playing "EASL" I don't know what you are saying but we want to do tracheotomy. OH NO you don't. My father's eyes always lit up when he saw me and I miss him every day and say goodnight to his pic every night. Those were very cherished days for me so all of us have to remember, we are on a journey and we MUST go where the journey takes us and not ever try to control this process- it is completely out of our control. Focus on what you can control and enjoy the ride but never, ever regret every moment you spend with those kids. Every moment is to be cherished- spend them all wisely.
I am going to try to knock myself out now so I can SLEEP before my luscious chemo! Sleep well, Tex
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A neurosurgeon once told me that he thought Cancer was God's way of giving us time to say goodbye. Not a bad thought with good hospice inplace. Somedays I think that I really can't imagine treatment on going and ongoing but perhaps I would adjust to it. I hope I don't need to but I have no idea what the future holds.
I am still at the hospital. They decided to infuse over a three hour period with the Taxol at 376 MGs. I thought it would bew one hour. Now we do not get out of here until 10 PM. I am doing okay. I got really worm at one point and my BP seemed to be up until they used another cuff and it had gone down. So , so far so good. At least we have really good kitchens here to get food and snacks from. All natural food and it is good.
Ginger
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I just wanted to share this in case you haven't seen it. Gave me a good laugh.
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Good morning weather girls (quite appropriate for so many of us as tremendous storms grip large portions of our country):
My sleep was so choppy that I had a little time to do some research. I wanted to find a governmental research link on breast cancer and mortality over the past 20 years. We all talk about how far they have come in curing us of breast cancer and how 5+ year survival rates are very much on the rise for all of us. I am going to provide the link and I hope you all take a few minutes to realize we are all in very positive territory. For most of us the survival rate is 5+ yr survival rate is 85-96%. The potential for anything to happen any day is evident but I wanted us to have something to looks at to gain perspective that we are in a very good country with a very good medical system that is making huge strides with this disease. We are also all in treatment to eradicate ourselves of this mess. As much as bc might be a way to say a long goodbye, it might also be a way to say a long hello to a revised life where for those of us petrified of the animal protein sources and hormone use under the aegis of egregious capitalism makes us carb-seekers so we need to find appropriate amino acid producing catalysts as replacements (really non-existent...animal protein is the most comprehensive amino acid producer available to us) to just little changes that might give us long-term benefit. The bottom line is we are all TRYING to get by this so let's look at the numbers our government has up to 2007 and gain some confidence on how positive we can be about our collective position. Cancer patients are becoming non-cancer survivors and living longer and longer each year. Let's take some solace in that.
http://seer.cancer.gov/statfacts/html/breast.html
Have to pack my bag for chemo now!!!!!! Good day to all and best of luck to all of us in chemoland today!
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Lisasinglem: that was HYSTERICAL!!!!! did you read the caption: they are trying to gain national exposure by examining Jessica Alba!!!!!!! The world just got rid of Bob Guccione and it looks like we might be growing 2 proteges in Whitehall NY!!!!!!0
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ginger - your infusion was faster than mine. Mine takes five hours for taxol. Next time I'm told it will take three since they start me at full speed next time since I haven't had an allergic reaction either time.
I didn't sleep at all last night. I was awake until almost 4:00am. I finally drifted off and woke up around 6:45. I'm not even tired now. The decadron is KILLER! I know I should be tired and sleeping - that crash is coming at some point.
Today is the neulasta shot and and nine orders that I have to ship out. I hope my mind (and body) hold out in order to get it all done. I have to try to keep up with it all - UGH! I really admire any of you who have been able to work outside the home during chemo.
The steroids made me starving yesterday - I ate everything not nailed down - this is not good - UGH!
Coffee: No, I didn't give it up. Chemo hasn't affected my taste at all, yet. I do drink organic coffee , mixing half caf with half decaf (also organic and naturally decaf so no chemicals) with just stevia for sweetener and milk.
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Good luck on number 3 Liz and may you get a great parking place and kind parking attendant!
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mommichelle-- I have felt the same way and just try to not stay in that place. I'm not eloquent like many ladies here but I do understand. When I talk to DH he listens but then tries to "fix" things, it can't be fixed I just need to say it sometimes. Enough rambling!
texasrose-- Thanks! The ice is for the nail thing and neuropothy from Taxotere and I think maybe the Adriamaycin too, TAC gives you everything at once. (c: L-Glutamine is for the same. Below is a quote from lizzymak that I found hilarious;
"TAC which I think stands for taxoterrible adriamyacardialinfarction cytoimgonnashitmyassoff!!!"
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Steroids - I am into my pre-chemo steroids (40mg so far by pill, 10mg more at infusion). Last night I swear I was one big hot flash and I think the steroids made them bigger and more impressive! Thanks so much for that!
Adey - I too am so impressed with the eloquence of our group! I am a 'just the facts' kindof person and have a hard time expressing my feelings. I *so* appreciate being part of this group, I don't know what I would do without all of you!!
Getting ready to head off for my cocktail - !
Good luck to everyone today and this week!
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Texas: From what I have read on this board, you are extremely strong-willed, determined, and have a very positive attitude. In my opinion, cancer doesn't stand a chance against you!! I have no doubt we will all be there to pick out our daughter's (or daughter-in-law's) wedding gowns and your daughter's will no doubt be gorgeous!!!
To everyone "showing up" today...good luck!
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Lizzy thanks for the link. Good luck to all having infusions this week and dealing with se's. My pain is a little less today and i'm hoping to feel better by friday. Yea for oxycodone! DH has a cold and we are trying to stay apart but I think when my wbc's go low i may get it too. NP said wbc's go low around day 9 or 10 which would be this saturday for me. I am bored and can't pick up even a washcloth with my left hand (port side) without pain. DH slept in the living room last nite which can't be good for his cold but he insisted. My new rescued dog is working out better than I expected. He is really sweet and I just had to learn that he only wants 3 things: food, outside for elimination, and up in my lap or attention. Much easier than a baby. He is only 8 lbs (chihuahua + pug = chug) but it still hurts to pick him up sometimes. Everything tastes bad - even bottled water. I have to force myself to drink. I do try to keep up with everyone's posts and enjoy reading the good and the bad.
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Z-- I know everyone is different but for what it's worth I live on red and green grapes and watermelon all very cold when I have mega chemo mouth. Hang in there. I'll be doing it next week cuz number 3 is Monday.
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Hello Ladies, just to let you know that I had my 3 of 4 TC last Wed. The next day I went back to the office to learn how to give myself the neupogen shot that I will inject every night until I go in tomorrow to check blood counts. I find that this is one more thing I never thought I would do and find it very degrading in so many ways. I am not going to vent much today but I can relate to almost everything stated here and find this journey the most difficult thing I have ever done. DH didn't feel very well over the weekend and that is when I was at my worst in terms of SEs, I couldn't help thinking that he was cutting into my poor pathetic I feel like crap time. Hopefully, this stage of treatment will be over 3 weeks from tomorrow and at some point move on to rads and anti estrogen therapy. Life will never be quite the same, it will be different, not sure how it will be different but I know that living will change. Living being the key word here.
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Hi all---I have a question and hopefully someone will have a similar experience. I am heading into my 5th chemo--my surgery was on my right side therefore, they started chemo on my left. My left veins were not very cooperative--it took almost 10 times to get the IV on the first chemo. Chemo went fine but the next couple of days, my left arm was uncomfortable. The 2nd chemo--they went back in on the left arm -- took only 1 try--however, a couple of days later--the "uncomfortable" pain came back and sort of resonates up my left side into my armpit and left breast. Doc checked it out and didn't find anything wrong but suggested the 3rd/4th chemo would go in the right arm instead. I haven't had any issue on the right side and no indication of lymphedema--however, my left side is still bothering me. Again, they checked it last chemo---did breast exam, checked lymph nodes under armpit etc.....nothing. It is a strange sort of fullness, achy feeling (kind of like when you are breastfeeding and are too full--for those Mom's out there!).
Doc said it could be vein collapse. They are checking it out again this week....of course, everything gets you worried....arrrgghhh. If it wasn't for this, I would actually feel pretty good between chemos--even with a slight chest cold (back again--had chest xray today so those results will come tomorrow).
Any insight? Doc will order bunch of tests this week...just really strange.
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Hi ,
I just joined today and am amazed at all the support I am reading. I had a masectomy on Aug 24, with removal of a 5 cm tumor, triple negative, with 1/10 lymph nodes affected. I stfarted my first Adrio/ cytoxin treatment 4 wks ago getting them every 2 weeks. I am slated to start taxol or taxere following this treatment for 12 . How are you doing? After 2 treatments I am o.k. comsidering. My question to you is I amstill unsure of my exact staging? When I ask myoncologist his answer is IIB or III A O.K. which is it? Maybe you could shed some light please?
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Rachel, I haven't had that experience, I have a port that gets sore. I'm not sure how far out you are from your first treatment, but if they tried 10 times I imgaine you had some bruising of your veins and that could have caused the soreness. You know how when you get a flu shot there is trauma to the muscle and it's sometimes sore for a few days...I'd imagine trying that many times may have just left the whole area sore. Sorry you had to go through that.
Carolyn
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk