August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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The weekly poem:
by Emily Dickinson
Hope is the thing...
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.0 -
Texas: so cute! She totally has your eyes!
Adey: I am thinking of you. I am only starting to feel a wee bit better....will be thinking of you tomorrow. Good luck, woman. We are finally 1/2 way.
I failed to give out candy as I was too afraid of being exposed to germs, cold and finally my pillow called my head! Now my boyfriend gets to take 5 lbs of candy home! Good for him...I don't like (this has been edited for Texas = quasi-!!) mediocre chocolate! I like dark Godiva w/raspberry etc.. I don't waste my time with Reese's etc...!
Being approached for money am I the only one? At gas stations, at grocery stores, outside the mall...what the hell? I am so tired of it. I know times are tough but I really snapped at someone tonight. I mean, I don't feel well, I just got a boat load of TAC on Tuesday, I just wanted some Ginger Ale and I went to a convenience store. I am coming out and some woman standing near a car with some loser guy in it says "excuse me, ma'am" and I said "WHAT?" and she quickly recoiled and said "nevermind" and I said "right." I feel like saying 'I have bc, I am on chemo, I am single, I live in CT, I am not feeling well and guess what? Other people are really sick, drug addicts, so get lost.' It is always these gas stations by the highway. People like us did NOTHING to get this sick and others do everything to try to take their freakin lives every day with stupid drugs and I am getting approached for money? It sickens me. There is a 1% chance that was just someone down on their luck tonight and a 99% chance it was addicts looking for a few bucks. I just don't have the patience for it these days and I have to temper my reactions as these people are sick in the head. Ugh...people.
I hope you all had a nice Halloween weekend....I slept mine away...it is the easiest way to ignore chemo!
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GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am very
offended that you called my fav chocolate in the world MEDIOCRE! Dont get me wrong i love belgium chocolate and its PURE taste that smooths over my tounge when its melts, but resses is like my best friend! PB choclate is a combo that i've always loved and american chocolate adds SOOOOOOOOOOOO much sugar its hard to resist!$- i feel the same way, in phoneix it was BAD seemed like there were vagrants on every corner with their hands out- you know they rake in some serious dough! Here in SA they did a news story where they stood on the corner with a sign and raised a few hundered bucks i think they averaged 30 bucks an hour- they donated it to a homeless shelter at the end but it makes you wonder if these people are really in need or found a way to make big bucks quick!
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Texas: I edited my comment for you!!!!!!!!
As for these people asking for money - either they did find a way to make big bucks quick or they need to get off of drugs now that they can't afford to do them without begging at gas stations. I hate to sound cruel but we have all had to cut back in these tough times. I am sure none of us are taking vacations like we used to or dropping money at the casinos or malls like maybe we once could. The times have changed and I am just venting about being asked quite a bit. Texas, thanks for letting me know it is bad elsewhere in this country also. I was wondering what the rest of you might have been experiencing.
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Lizzymak- Glad you're coming out. I leave in a few minutes. Germs huh? My DH is getting over a cold and now DD2 has a whopper and is staying home from school. BTW she slept beside me last night, duh oh! I totally passed out candy and had fun and forgot to take my decadroid until 10 pm, crap, instead of "by 5 pm so you can sleep". I did get a solid 2.5 hours in tho'! Later.
P.S. How did you and Omaz see that photo? When I do the link it says photo removed.
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Just got home from the cancer center. My WTC was 17 -- it's consistently high and I wonder why I even need the neulasta shot...... my RBC counts were all low - not terribly low - the nurse said that was okay, but I've never had all three RBC be low.
Just can't wait for this to be over with. I also gained three pounds which i'm very unhappy about...Taxol seems to be not good for me and weight gain.
I feel totally overwhelmed. I have so many orders to get filled - my house is a disaster--I can't get caught up on ANYTHING between the weekends, appointments and running around.
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Can I complain for a minute? Why do so many call chemo 'doable'? For some reason that bugs me. I don't know why it bugs me. Chemo doesn't feel doable to me, it feels awful.
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Hello ladies, I saw the infectious disease doc this morning, and he said I can stop doing the IV antibiotics and get back to my treatments. Hooray! I never thought I'd be wanting to do chemo, but I hate that I've had a month's delay. It's on to my first Taxotere on Thursday. Anybody got any tips for my first treatment on T? They gave me eye drops, said I'd have dry eyes. Anything else I should prepare for ahead of time? Several of you mentioned muscle aches. Are they bad enough that I should ask for a pain med. prescription?
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Landyinbama, if you don't have any narcotic rx in thehouse I would ask for something just in case. Calamity and I have had painful side effects. I don't for sure if it is the TAXOL or the Newlasta combined with it that is causing me such pain this round.
Feeling better so far today. I slept for a long time, about 11 hours! I am feeling less pain and I certainly hope the trend continues. My walking is still tentative and my hips feel all beat up. My feet feel funky but don't hurt a lot. .I hope the doctor has some good solutions for the next round because this has been bad.
It is pouring down rain here in the Pacific Northwest today. It nmostly spits here so being from the midwest this is the first time I have been impressed with the rain. Still not lightening and thunder here, of course that would be bad for the forests.
Hope you are all feeling well today.
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Well, it will be two weeks this Wed. since infusion number three of four. I was so looking forward to this stage being over on Nov.10, but the chemo gods or devils have delivered me another curve ball and have decided that because of high liver enzyme counts last week that I will have my last round of TC in three parts again 1/3 every three weeks ending on the day before Thanksgiving, how appropriate. That's the bad news, it is an overall delay of one month from the original chemo plan. The good news is that the chemo lite schedule is much easier on my body and no roids or neupogen shots are needed. I am told that the three in a row schedule is just as effective as the big dog so I will keep my fingers and toes crossed that this is correct. I am feeling very blue today, don't know why, guess it just goes with the territory. Last night we were planning our family summer vacation to Whistler, BC and realized that such a long term commitment right now is not such a great idea, not because I think I'm going to croak, but who knows what tests, treatments and Doctor crap will be needed at that time. Maybe that's the cause of my poor me state. Suck it up Old Girl and live today for today!!!
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Thanks so much Lizzy! Gotta have me some cheap sugar filled chocolate and appreciate your kind words LOL!!!! (adding quasi lets me sleep at night
)BTW AZ had bit hit hard the last couple of years due to the resession, TX surprisingly faired very well. Thanks in part to Gov rick perry.
Calamity- I figured it out over the weekend (as to my messy house) , its not that i cant clean up anymore- its just i dont clean up as FAST as i once did and the kids are faster than me at making messes! Why dont you declare a "SCHOOL HOLIDAY" have someone take care of the kids, or come over to supervise them while you work on getting your orders together????
LadyinBama- I would ask for the script to be on the safe side, my first few tx were worse painwise than these last few, but who knows if it was the taxotere or the nuelasta shot. If oyu dont need to use the pain meds GREAT but its nice to have them just in case!
Onemonga- Funny cuz you see the end in sight and they strech it out! But hopefully your liver will do well! Yeah everyone is wanting us to visit in the summer and i agree- making long term plans isnt the best idea until we get over this hump of our tx and then we can evaluate where we are... Whoop whoop on the no roid or nupegen! Everyone is entitled to feel blue
I got ahold of my dr (dont remember if i mentioned this but i totally left my appointment last week with being told we need to check into my hip but not clarifiying and setting up an appointment! lol totally chemo brained lol) and i have xrays of my hip tomorrow, just to be safe they want to make sure this pain ISNT the cancer in my femur growing... Which is making me a little nervous cuz lets be real it very well may be the cancer! But i am not letting it dwell in my mind cuz what good is that! Chemo is thursday so i am once again getting everything ready for the week after chemo (making frozen meals, getting my house as clean as it will ever be, packing for my mini vacation away from the family- hey i will take what i can get! 2 days are better than no days!)
HERES TO ALL OF OUR TREATMENTS WRAPPING UP SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE! MAY WE ALL HAVE SE FREE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ladyinbama - I did have very bad muscle, lower back, knee and ankle pain after my first taxotere and took oxycodone every 6 hours for about 6 days. I saw the NP and onc today who both felt that was excessive pain plus I developed red sore feet and yesterday I noticed a blister on the side of my foot. Today the onc thinks it is a se of the chemo and rx'ed an antibiotic. They are reducing my dose for the next infusion too. I know it was the chemo because i got the pain almost immediately - infusion friday, pain friday night sat sun. newlasta on monday so it wasn't the newlasta. i have been running a fever off and on since last tuesday too. The onc said if I couldn't tolerate the lower dose then he would have to stop the chemo. I'm not sure how I feel about that...... I would LOVE to stop chemo but I also don't want to wonder "what if?" down the road should there be recurrence or metastasis.
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zenith - taxotere is one tough chemo I think. I had a dose reduction for round four (TCH) and still my neuropathy has claimed a much larger area of numbness. It has gotten worse with each treatment and started after the very first one, the day after. I have talked about it here before, I just did number 4 of the 6 they want me to do. It is such a tough call about whether to keep going or not when a SE is so strong.0
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Ladyinbama - Ginger and I had Taxol - so taxotere may be different. I haven't had any neuropathy yet --just lots of pain Wednesday through Friday (I had my treatment Monday - tuesday I had enough steroids in my system to keep going.) Some of the pain was neulasta related but some was "new" - shooting pains like nerve pain. For me, it subsided Saturday and was gone by Sunday. Right now my legs feel achy, but I've been going like the energizer bunny all day - I didn't take my little power nap and didn't have coffee this afternoon. And I haven't sat down more than few minutes before I'm up and at the "next thing". So I think I'm just pooped!
I begin thinking about the end and i get scared. Chemo is a crutch in a way - what happens when we're cut loose from it and it's like the "wait and see" game.....UGH! I may need long term anti-anxiety meds!
I got most of my chores done. The bloodwork takes a big chunk of the day. Then I came home and packed and did shipping labels for the orders I had, I cleaned the house (best I could -just vacuuming really - it's still a cluttered mess!) and the kitchen which was a disaster and helped the kids with the schoolwork I left for them, and made dinner.
Texas - yes, I could send the kids off or something, but they are already gone so much on my chemo weeks.....
It's not even that they make messes, but with six people living in a kind of smallish house - you should see our rugs an hour after I vacuum them with kids running in and out even when they take their shoes off ( I can't figure that out....)I'm going to try to force myself to relax tonight. I feel guilty relaxing during the times I feel good. I think being Nov 1 just sort of freaked me into "what do I do for Christmas???" Started thinking about all this stuff.....silly dumb stuff and it got me spinnin' ..................
Ginger I hope you get a good night's sleep and that you're feeling even better tomorrow. This IS finite and we'll get through it.......
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Ladyinbama--I am heading into my 2nd Taxotere and didn't have any painkillers for the first one at the beginning--but boy did I need them (got prescription couple of days into post-chemo). The bone and joint pain is pretty bad--Taxotere by itself is a tough drug and does a number on your blood counts. Make sure you get the ice mittens and ice booties to cover yourself during infusion--that helps your toes and fingers. I didn't notice about my eyes--but have lost most of my eyebrows and eyelashes (lovely). Seems some people have more severe reactions than I did--I met someone who had really horrible pain--mine was horrible but Tylenol 3 took the edge off. I also used some warm bags (those ones that you heat in microwave) to put on my knees etc when they were aching. My Doc said Taxotere is one of the hardest drugs--certainly he was correct. Glad to hear that you are going ahead with treatment. I was also on the "bubble" as to whether or not I would have chemo on Wed due to my chest cold but it looks like I am OK to go ahead as blood cultures, chest xray and blood levels all OK.
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I emailed the Doc yesterday describing exactly what was hurting and how much. She called in an Rx for a Vocodin pain killer, and a muscle relaxant. I would have gotten percocet but it can't be called in. The two meds worked quite a lot on the pain leaving me with some knee and foot pain as well as weird itching on my toes. The shooting pains are gone, that is the very biggest difference. I love not having the shooting pains. Now that I have an rx, and not just some leftovers, I can take the meds on schedule and maybe not have to wait for the pain to roll in before taking the meds. My feet feel so numb on the bottom athat I wonder if it will get better. It is also still hard to step down.
I am glad the pain meds didnt knock me out, I don't feel at all woozy.
DD went to pick up themeds and so I got to hold cute baby again. She is all smiles and so snuggly. I put up her photo on the "older women" thread. She was a chicken for Halloween.
I envy all of your energy to clean house. Go you! I home schooled my DD 5th through 8th grade. It was so much fun.
Laters Ginger
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Ginger's Grandchild. Isn't she ithe cutest ever. 11 weeks old.
Cute little chickie.
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Awwww, sweetness.
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Ginger, you made my morning. What joy. You can just see it in her eyes. Thank you for posting.
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Beautiful Baby!!
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Cuddly indeed! May I borrow her???
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Holy Cuteness!! That is some serious joy. And I know that costume, both my kids were chickens....I think I bought it at Old Navy. Best place for little ones costumes.
Taxotere- worst drug ever. Actually, let me amend that, BEST drug ever. Because it gets the job done. BUT in the process manages to knock one on one's ass. So many SEs and all so icky and awful. But here's the outlook afterwards, now 5 weeks past my last infusion- I feel remarkably well. My memory is coming back, my energy level is higher, my hair is growing a little bit, etc. I know it's a toxic nightmare while you're in it, but it does seem to fade relatively quickly. I do think that sessions 5 and 6 (which I didn't do) would be pretty tough, as the accumulated levels are hard. I know #4 was the worst for memory loss and fatigue. Anyway, to all of you that are battling through Taxotere right now, I'm pulling for you. Just envision how it's killing all of those sneaky cancer cells.
On Radiation- So far so good. It's more of a pain in the behind than anything else. All those parking issues, grouchy technicians, etc. But today was Day Two and I was in and out of there in under 30 min including parking! For those of you that are going to be doing Rads too here's the general rundown.
Step 1. Arrive and fight for parking.
Step 2. Take your patient card barcode and swipe yourself in. You're just a number and a boob.
Step 3. Take off your shirt. Don baggy and demoralizing blue smock and sit in waiting room with other people in baggy and demoralizing outfits. Try not to make eye contact.
Step 4. Get in there. Lie down. Expose boobs to technicians. (Please note. Room will be EXCEEDINGLY cold. This is intended to ramp up your embarrasment levels).
Step 5. Techs spend 15 minutes telling you, "Don't move, WE'LL MOVE YOU". Get poked, pushed, prodded and nudged until the green laser is running down the middle of your face.
Step 6. Techs LEAVE b/c, of course, the radiation in the room is beyond safe levels for human consumption. COMFORTING.
Step 7. Repeat daily. Until spririt is crushed.;)
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Sweeney - You should write little proverbs on your boob each time, just to throw um.0
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Sweeney - did you have any numbness with the taxotere?0
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Thanks for the step by step Sweeny! Now i know what to look forward to.... I am worried that taxotere isnt working very well- i have no where as many SE or severity of SE as a lot of y'all... i told my dr this at the last visit along with my conspiracy theory that i might be getting a placebo- he laughed... I agree with OMAZ you should write a little note- like "smile you're on camera" lol
Ginger the cutest chicken EVER!!!! glad you got the pain meds now
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I am thrilled that the Giants won the World Series last night, and watched the game which was fun and exciting. I'm also going out to vote today. I like going to vote on polling day - it makes it special for me. However, I can't stand to hear any more negative and crazy and dramatic politics. At the risk of sounding like Rodney King, can't we all just get along? I know that politics brings out disagreements, but does it really have to descend to name-calling and threats? Can't we disagree about ideas without degrading the people we disagree with?
I am a life-long Democrat, but I see it on both sides. It is making me really unhappy today, and my parents are here, who love to watch politics and get all worked up and yell and scream at the TV. I just want to go do my civic duty by voting, and be done with it. And then relax and live my life.
Sorry for the off-topic rant. After 3 months of painful constipation, I woke up this morning with diarrhea. So, that set me off.
Ginger - the baby is just adorable! Congratulations!
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BTW its my 28th Bday and i feel great (well besides having to have my hip in the most uncomfortabvle positions ever for the xray today!)
WE GOT A COLD FRONT! YIPEE FEELING MORE LIKE IT SHOULD!!! i think we hit the 90s yesterday but today is prob gonna cap in the 60s- i was in a tank and shorts yesterday, today jeans and a turtleneck!
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HOW TOTALLY CUTE!!! What a great picture!
I'm so glad you are finding something that's working. I'm going to talk to my doctor too, next treatment. I can't do the percocet and it doesn't seem like it was helping you much anyway. I'm wondering about a muscle relaxant - that makes sense since the jabbing pains are sort of spasms in a way.
By the way, this morning a customer wrote me and asked if I had a certain thing for sale -she has bought from me in the past. I gave her a list- told her between the chemo and the "good weeks" that I was behind on getting stuff listed on the websites. She said "Chemo? I did chemo for breast cancer 12 years ago......"
One more survivor.......
Well, we drove out to the farm to get milk today -- hit the apple farm for the last of the apples for the season, and some squash and then took my daughter to the nutritionist, and packed up and shipped off five orders. And oddly I'm not tired? Tried to force myself to relax, but then our pastor stopped by - of course the house looked like a bomb hit it since we were out all day. Cleaned up the kitchen and the girls decided they wanted to make cookies - they're doing it themselves - I'm done with baking. Now it's time to start dinner but I'm watching Little House. I'm LOVIN" that it's on between 3 and 6 at night -- I leave it on to listen to in the kitchen too. What great memories! I grew up desperately wanting to be Laura!
hope everyone continues to improve until they knock us down again. They won't knock us down for good!
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Happy Birthday Texas. You are just a baby! My doctor was adamant that side effects in no way correlate to efficacy of the drug. I had wondered too if it was working for me since I had a pretty easy time with FEC. I am NOT looking forward to Taxotere, but I'm trying not to project too much.
Ginger, love the chicken costume. It looks so soft, you just want to pick that baby up and squeeze her to pieces.
Sweeney: Write on your boob: If you can read this, you are too close.
Lisa: Amen on the politics. My brother called me this morning ranting about some political junk and I listened for about 10 minutes and told him I had an appointment and had to go (which was true, but I didn't have to go for about 30 minutes
I voted - end of story - that's all I can do, I can't cure all the ills of the country.Rachel and others: Thanks for the tips. I'll ask for a prescription for pain meds in case I need them. I asked a friend who just finished TAC if our center offers the ice mitts for fingers/toes, and she said no. I've also heard that just keeping your nails polished through treatment helps you keep your nails, so I guess I'll do my nails tomorrow.
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WE GOT THE APARTMENT!!!!!!! SO FREAKIN EXCITED! WE GET TO TOUR THE COMMUNITY TOMORROW AND SHE SAID IT SHOULD BE READY TO MOVE IN IN ABOUT 2 WEEKS SO THAT GIVES ME JUST ENOUGH TIME TO PACK AND GIVE NOTICE TO WHERE I AM LIVING NOW!!!! (one of the big pluses is there is a playground there!)
just had to share
thanks lady- dont stress the taxotere, chances are you'll have worried for nothing. I honestly feel like a baby in the cancer world
during chemo i love talking to people that are honestly my grandparents age sitting next to me getting infused with whatever it is they're on.0
