Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Hi Ladies
Sorry to hear that s far as the 60 miles, he is the one that has brought it up a couple of so many of us are in the pits.
You think I would be happy talking to this hunk! I just feel so exhausted. I am sure it is the financial stress that is wearing me down.
As far as the 60 miles, he is the one that brought it up as an issue a couple of times during the conversation. Seems these guys that I have encountered almost want you to live next door!
He also mentioned that he only goes to the synagogue for High Holy Days. He says that he "doesn't have much faith" Right now on keeping this on the back burner because I dont even know if we are going to hit it off.
I do like the sound of him on the phone, his photo of his face is outstanding, seems very intelligent, he is well educated and has money. These are some important characteristics that I look for.
Don't want to jump the gun because I havent even met him yet.
Geez this dating nonsense is alot of work!
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luvmyfamily -- it is very difficult I know and it takes times ... sometimes one step forward, two steps back .... just keep moving forward and you will get there. I think mybee is on the right track .... don't beat yourself up, just learn from the past. All the best and hugs and prayers for you.
paintedlady -- I hate dating -- it is exhausting by itself -- I am on hold -- I have one that I am interested in and he just sits back a bit out of reach -- dealing with his own demons I think so ... patience will hopefully pay off but if not, then I will move on .... take time to deal with everything you are dealing with .... I know you have said financial stress so look after you and then you will be ready again later on.
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lovemyfamily & stanzie - my new strategy for when I find myself slipping into too much thinking about T.: I say the Lord's prayer. Works like a charm. Or I visualize my youngest and his smiling little face dancing in front of me. That works too.
paintedlady - it sounds like you are Jewish. Have you tried J-date? I went out with a guy a couple of times who told me he was on there. He quit it because he said he was culturally jewish but didn't believe in God. The women were too religious for him. Might be a good fit for you??? (not him the site lol)
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mybe333, your ex-husband sounds very much like my ex-boyfriend. He's a very good man, but you worded it perfectly - he has emotional limitations. And, yes, it's heartbreaking. There should be no reason why he should live without the intimacy he craves, but he continues to get in his own way. From what I see, he's become somewhat of a serial monogamist because he keeps hoping that a relationship might heal him of the wounds that only he can address. As his friend, I feel deeply for him and can accept him as he is, but I can't fix it nor do I want to settle. We get in soooo much trouble clinging to a man's potential.0
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CityFi - you have a lot of understanding into him, unfortunately that doesn't change things does it? Clinging to potential is always a bad idea..............sounds good............plays out badly.
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very wise advice for all --- clinging to potential -- so many of us do it .... thanks and I am going to try and pay attention to that.
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Good Evening Ladies
Mybee No, I am not Jewish. I dont know why I am just attracted to jewish men.
Speaking of Jewish men, he hasnt called yet tonight(said he would) also another one (not Jewish) is suppose to call tonight.
Time will tell
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Well Ladies, I heard from both of those guys tonight. I just got off the phone with the Jewish guy. He is driving to my town Friday and taking me out to lunch.
The other guy is suppose to call me again. This other guy seems to have a great sense of humor.
I really liked talking to him on the phone.
They both seem to be financially secure, but the Jewish guy is very, very handsome.
Pray for me Sisters that one of these guys is the "one"
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paintedlady ---- fingers crossed for you ... maybe you have to share your secret of your profile -- you certainly do get the messages .. lol
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Okay - well......here I sounded so wise yesterday. Last night, I know this will sound silly, but I cleaned my bathroom. Really thoroughly. Through all of this, I have of course, cleaned, but in small amounts, one day the counter, another the shower, etc. becuz of the MX/reconstruction. It used to be a half bath until it was gutted, enlarged, updated to gorgeousness, by T. He used his bonus that year, + savings, to remodel my bathroom, just 3 mos into our relationship. I remember planning, picking materials, watching him work, etc. all while I clean and scrub. He remodelled my whole downstairs without ever moving in! And so now he is back on my mind. I am angry today. I guess becuz he turned out not to be the man he pretended that he was and instead was such a jerk! When is this going to end ?!! I want to forget him without finding someone new. Is that too much to ask?!!!
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Ugh Maybee we are on the same dreadful wavelengh. I couldn't stand the last note my ex sent and I responded. Probably so stupid... just couldn't let him slam all the wonderful and heartfelt gifts I gave him and told him so. I wasn't ugly just explained that I had thought we had a furture and had no idea he would resent these gifts so told him why I gave them to him - somehow thought it was obvious. Then just finished the note with that I was sorry things had to end so ugly and with such mean thoughts and that I would rather remember the special and lovely times together. So can I please please be done? I want to Stop thinking about him, thinking about going places together, missing his touch and his laughter and having someone to share my life with.... I want to be able to move on and forget but can't imagine how.... I guess really makes me even more angry as he in his past dumped wives and women left and right for another without any thought to their feelings. So this is the first time he is dumped and I thinking I wish he had dumped me as it would have been easier. Can't imagine how he did this so many times with no thought at all to that other person as I am having a terrible time with it.....
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mybee -- remember the "clinging to potential" - that was wonderful advice.
It takes a long time to get there -- I had one in my life and that was 5 years ago .... I still think of him but not with fondness -- he is part of my memories and during this bc journey I have thought of him but more with "I cannot believe that I .... ". He was good for me in some ways as he brought me out of my shell but the love and fondness is gone even though he never will be.
Don't beat yourself up --- just learn from it.
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Thanks Joanne - doing better. Realizing so much of the remodelling - but really everything - the gifts, the verbal abuse, the rushing to a new GF was all rooted in his own insecurity. I don't really remember him with fondness, altho' I'm sure one day I might. I don't like feeling angry. Sometimes for me, it's that I'm angry I wasted time I now know is precious. So much I could say to him.......but it would be a waste of time and bad for me. At least I have perspective now and that is good.
Stanzie - Be glad you are the one that ended it. It shows you have the gifts of wisdom and dignity. He was able to dump people and move on becuz he was shallow; You are not. You are beautifully and wonderfully deep. And deserving.
Joanne - How is it that you have thought of him during your BC journey?
Yes - there are some past rel. that had their plusses or contributed to our growth, but the pain of going there is just too much. I try to just block those old romances. I can look back to my marriage with comfort, so many family times, but not the others. (Except for one who is a great FB friend and has been a support for me through all of this. A good egg he is).
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mybee - I think I thought of him during this journey because I had time to reflect on many things --- it took me a long time to get past the fact that I allowed myself to be manipulated and used and stop making excuses for him. I never want to be that dependant on someone again. Yes you have to work on a relationship but it should not be painful (between the good times) and that is what mine was. Funnily enough, those good friends that were there for me through that break-up have been there for me for this journey -- I am so lucky to have the BEST friends in the world.
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So much wisdom for my bc sisters! Thank you all. I love the idea of saying the Lord's Prayer and focusing on the face of one of my kids. But that damn handsome face of his keeps getting in the way, and his kisses--see what happens to me? Stern note to self--Give it up already!! STOP xo
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lovemyfamily --- maybe when you get all sentimental then you have to remember one of the bad things -- that will help you out!!!
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Make a list of all the mean things he did to you.......
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Just got a call from the real good looking Jewish guy. At first, we were going to meet at Perkins Restaurant for lunch tomorrow. He now wants to take me to this very upscale french restaurant. Wooohoo! I never went in there. I heard from friends that the food is very good but it is very expensive. I did not tell him, but I am flattered. He is also driving an hour and a half to see me. I hope there is chemistry!
I will try and post after it is over. Gosh I am getting nervous!
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So excited for you, paintedlady! Do come back and dish. This man sounds like a contender because he's pulling out all the stops to court a lady as you deserve!
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Oh Painted Lady I'm so excited and thrilled for you.... we will all be waiting on your bed ready to hear all about it!
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Boy, oh boy, where do you find all these guys?? I've met 3 men on Christian Mingle since I joined last October. Joe turned out to be a jerk, one was very nice but in a wheelchair from childhood polio, just couldn't deal with another guy who couldn't participate in activities and then Antonio.
Antonio spent the day here by the pool. We barbequed steaks and just had a nice, uneventful day. The kind of day you would spend together if you were married a long time. I'm so falling in love with him.
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Denise - I am so happy for you !!!
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Denise - I am so happy for you too! Wonderful.
Paintedlady- I am so sorry to be a wet blanket here and perhaps it is the distance and nothing more that motivates him. I have learned through therapy that men who 'pull out the stops' and 'fast forward' as in - skip the coffee and casual dates and move to $$ and impressing you - may not be seeing you, but rather - what HE can benefit from with you. And it is not just always sex. A man with a big heart and a big wallet, guards both. I hope this turns out wonderfully for you but be careful and proceed cautiously.
Also - See where he sits on the Jewish/shiksa thing. He may be modern and liberated. After all, he is beyond the years of bringing children into the world and he may be more than okay with the differences. You want to be with with a man who respects those differences.
Time is a terrible thing to waste....................and that's what the wrong relationship does. A 'right' relationship makes you feel that you have all the time in the world....................or if you're really lucky, that time stands still.
Peace sistas.
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How fun and exciting for you! What to wear? What to wear? Change clothes a million times. . . he he he. The anticipation is sometimes just as fun as the actual event. Can't wait to hear how it goes!
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Ok, so got an email that e-harmony has free communication weekend so I actually uploaded a picture and sent some emails..... of course when the free trial ends I guess it all quits unless someone is actually interesting.... can't belive I actually did this much! I must be nuts or you all are a good influence - lol! I'll take the latter....
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Hi Ladies
I am leaving my house in a few minutes to go meet him. I cant understand why I am so nervous! After all, he is only a guy!
Pray for me please! Thanks in advance
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I hope you have lots of fun and it is wonderful!!
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Can't wait to hear how it goes!
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Hi Ladies
Sorry it took me so long to post, but I had to do something after I met the jewish guy.
The guy is very, very good looking. He seems very nice and I enjoyed my time with him over dinner. He mentioned he wanted to see me again a couple of times but he did not ask for a specific date. The distance turned out to be 75 miles; not 60.
Any way when he was about to leave, he asked if he could hug me. The hug turned into 3 mutual kisses. Honestly, I could have kissed him all afternoon! I hope I hear from him again.
Tomorrow, I am going to meet someone else for dinner: He also lives over an hour away from. I have talked to him on the phone a couple of times. He seems okay. We will see.
With these men, it seems to be either feast or famine.
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Wow!! You go girl!!
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