Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Oh I'm not believe me, I didn't iinitiate any of the contact the last few days. It's odd since we were talking back and forth and it so abruptly stopped. Hopefully everything is ok, but I will NOT contact him. I've been telling myself all day long, I deserve to be treated good and with respect and that I will not tolerate BS. Trying to psych myself up for not hearing from him again
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I wonder if he is on a dating site - seems like every guy these days is. I would log in as a guest on Match.com and see if he is on there. But I'm nosey.
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I haven't seen him on there
lol... But he's not to computer savy really either so who knows. I'm nosey to believe me! My ex was a pathological liar too so that doesn't help matters.0 -
Well, to give him the benefit of the doubt, he is just coming out of a divorce. What vibe did you get when you were out? Did it seem like he was into it?
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Yeah we had a lot of fun, we always do! I know we talked a few weeks ago and he said he liked me a lot and we are supposed to just be taking it slow. because he's not quite ready for the physical part of it, and meeting each others kids etc..
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I would not only not contact him, when he contacts you, if you have caller ID, don't pick up the phone and if he texts, don't answer and if later when you talk to him, if you do and he asks, didn't you get my text or my message?, just say, Oh I have been really busy lately, sorry and then act like all is well with the world....let him wonder for a change. I know this is playing games, but sometimes you have to resort to it and men can't stand not being in the driver's seat. I may be old and unhappily married now, but I was single for 58 years and dated a lot and I played a very good game. I would be worried by the fact that he hasn't even tried to kiss you....does he hold your hand or anything?
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Marybe, that is exactly my plan. If and when he does text or call I will not be answering. I'm at the point now that I'm done being available, I like him, and would love to see where it could go, but I won't be put on a back burner taking it slow or not. I agree sometimes a game of playing hard to get will work. If not then he's not worth my time, effort and heart!
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I have to agree with Marybe on this. I know I don't have a bf, but I do have experience in these things. It's sad we have to play games every now and then, but sadly, it's because men are responsive to them.
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It is sadly, my friend posted on my fb wall that she has a guy friend she wants me to meet
So I may just have to take her up on it. I know the guy I've been telling you guys about saw the post but that was just this morning. 0 -
If he saw it, maybe it will light a fire under his a**....
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Well who knows, I think his head is too far up there at the moment
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I guess I am more aggressive, but I would go for it.
Believe it or not, guys have insecurities too. Main Squeeze held off telling me he loved me, as he was afraid he would lose me.
I have called him many times....
And yes, he was there for me when it counted.
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Claire, I may feel more comfortable making a move if we hadn't had the talk that he wasn't ready for that, just yet. I'd feel pretty insensitive and foolish if I did. So I'm keeping my eyes open for now
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You don't have to be obvious. That never works anyway. But a lot of attention, and being there for him could do wonders.
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I've been doing that, but then when he stops communication I don't know what to think.
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I think you have been very deomonstrative. He knows you are interested.
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Yeah so now it's time to let him think he blew it with me, or that he better do at least show he's still interested, right? Like I said we're "friends" on facebook, which is a good and bad thing for modern technology. I can see he posted on there recently, but yet doesn't have 1 minute to spare to text me in the last 24 hours. Especially considering we were in the middle of a conversation when he just stopped.
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What were you discussing when he stopped?
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Oh just stuff in general, talking about the basketball game, and the guy i got the tickets from. If he had any more available and what games etc... Then we were talking about me going out with my friends last night, I was supposed to but had a headache so I just went to dinner and came home. Last time I went out I called him on the way home, probably shouldn't have because I had a couple drinks but it was a fun chat, and I said last night how I hope it doesn't bother him that I don't call him but that I just know he's super busy and that I don't want to bother him, he said no it doesn't really and that he understands my reasons etc... and I don't remember my last text but it was something along those lines. So just a general, good chat.
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Well, certainly nothing wrong with any of that.....
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I don't think so either, like I said we had been going back and forth, good conversation, he text I responded and never heard from him again
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MEN!!
IS all I can say right now........... The guy that I told y'all about.......txtd me last night.......trying to get back in again!!! I sent him a txt....what now, why now...why are you keeping this up? His "phone" called me three times, so I tried to call back, he didn't answer......so a bit later he txtd... "what"..... I txtd.... "you called me three times, said nothing, what do you want"? He txtd..."my phone is messing up".... that was it......later I called him with a song playing loud on the radio........ WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??? He called pissed that I did that, and I asked him again........What do you want, why are you continually calling, txting me.......it's over...... he hung up without saying a word. and I am thankful ! Even tho it hurts.......he wasn't there for me during all my surgery, or the healing process, or anything but when he wanted sex, and maybe a dinner once every two weeks........so no, I am not putting myself back in that!! I feel so much more at peace this last week, and calmer, not waiting on the phone to ring, not wondering who he is with when he isn't with me and YES I found out for sure he was with someone else besides me....... A few other guys have been talking to me but I am in a "waiting" mode right now.......see where it goes.......I am so tired of men and their wanting one night stands and crap like that,,, so I will hold out till that one right guy comes along.......and if he doesn't .......then I will enjoy my life!! It's too friggin' short to worry about such things!! and have that as such a stress.
Dragonfly......date others......go out, enjoy yourself. If he wants you and you aren't there, then guess he lost out, not you!!!
Fearless hope you are doing good tonight.
Marybe good advice!!
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Hi All .. Just found this thread .. I like it! I can relate to so many of you. I have been single for close to 10 years, a couple of boyfriends - one lasted a year or so, but I wasnt rich enough for him! and the other passed away suddently (we were just getting really close). It took me a few years to move (small town and mostly retired seniors) and the day I moved here - Voila! I found out I had cancer. I was so looking forward to dating and being in a small city and getting a great job ... etc. BMX November 30th and January 2011 I went on the POF dating site .. and started dating! I have my TEs in and they are filled to 175cc (final) and have had 6 dates to boot. Met this guy Andy and we went out yesterday ... and spent the whole day together and then he took me out for dinner and I finally got home at 9:30! A most wonderful man .. he drove one hour to date me .. anyhow, his wife passed away in 2007 of lung cancer and we talked on that a bit. We just laughed and had so much fun! and went hiking and walking along the beach (minus 10 and snowing) ... I phoned to make sure he got home OK (he doesnt have my number) and we talked for another 2 hours! I told him about my cancer as it seemed right. Hardly anything was said and he wants to take me out again. What a wonderful man ... his daughter got him all set up on the dating site, as he buried himself in his work for the two years after she died. He nursed her for the last year .. I am glad I am out there dating:-) I have been alone and lonely for waaay too long .. and I am me and nothing more and nothing less. I cant wait to go out with him again ... Funny, he said right up front, ' If you are here because you want sex then you are with the wrong guy, it just confuses love and lust' ... Wow! music to my ears, guess the last one he dated just wanted him for sex ... hmmm, he almost made me feel like he thought I was going to rape him or something! Now that is funny! I promised him I wouldnt. I am 54 and he is 57. Cheers!
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At least you ladies have active dating lives. I never heard from my guy again - I think that is worse than when they start calling again, because it's like was I THAT easy for him to forget?
Haven't been on a date since. I took some pics, I was going to try on-line dating again, but the pics came out bad so I have to take new ones.
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Sunangel - I agree, what is up with these boys? I dont get it it, I would never treat someone this way. I love that you called him and played that song, that's pretty awesome I think
Jainey, I heard good things about the POF site so we'll see. Sadly all the guys I see live an hour away and most of them won't even entertain a date because of that. The town I am in doesn't have a lot of options.
Fearless - have someone else take the pics??? I agree sooooo much. I'm a black and white person, and if they just instantly stop communicating and wanting to see me then I'm hurt and I want to know WHY!!!! Get this, he called this morning like he always does. Nope I just let that phone ring.
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I am still probably over analyzing, but if a guy doesn't want anything but friendship because of his divorce, it seems to me he isn't over his ex and may think he's cheating on her if he has a relationship. I'm not saying that he doesn't value his friendship, but perhaps it will never go past that. And, it may last indefinitely, even if you get another man in your life. I say you need to stop investing all of your "relationship time" on him, and see who else may be out there. I am not saying shut him out completely, but open up to other options.
JMHO
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Jainey.......how awesome for you!!!!! That is excellent news
He seems like he would be a great guy! and so glad you had such a great time!!Fearless........NO!!!!!!! IT is NOT good for me to hear from him.......he wanted sex only.......yes, he said so in a txt...and nothing more.......I don't want that and don't need it.....so he can stop calling. I WANT him to forget me!!!!!!!!
Dragonfly.......good for you for letting it ring!
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I agree meece, I've been wondering the exact same thing lately. If he's over her or not? It stinks that he can't be honest and we have to guess and over analyze the situation. I'm also thinking too that it's a friend thing and nothing more and the chance of it being more are pretty slim. I'm not investing all my time, I've been browsing a few internet dating sites. Not sure how else to see who is out there. I work full time, no real candidates that I've noticed yet there, and then the rest of the time i'm with my daughter. So if the powers that be up above have someone for me, I'm getting a clear sign this guy is NOT it. I feel foolish for thinking it could have been more, and putting effort into it. But moving on...
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Jainey, That sounds like one nice man to me.
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Hi - I'm new to this thread too. 54 years old, recently divorced after a marriage of 30+ years. Mastectomy and DIEP 6 years ago. Trying to get into the dating thing is difficult. Have signed up for eHarmony, but so many of the matches are coming from out of state, even though I specified a 60 mile radius. Apparently there's not much of a local pool of guys signing up on there. And now with gas prices skyrocketing the thought of driving long distances to meet someone is even more daunting.
I don't mind being alone, have friends and family nearby for support, but sometimes it does get to me. I wonder if the trouble of dating is worth it. And then there is the issue of when to bring up the whole bc history. I know it shouldn't be the first topic of discussion!
Do any of you have really good recommendations for any of the other dating websites? After being "out of circulation" for so long, it feels strange to be putting myself out there again.
At any rate, it's always good to find people at this site who are dealing with exactly the same problems, questions and concerns that I have.
You are a great bunch of girls!
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