Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Robin - I think we can all relate so much here. The only difference I see is i'm 34, but still the dating STINKS to put it politely. I have used eharmony in the past but it is so expensive and I didn't really have good results. Like you I've found that most of the matches are over an hour away. Which for me I don't care because if it was the right person I'd be open to a change of location but I think the distance puts them off. Try plentyoffish.com or match.com. Plentyoffish is free, and match.com is about half the price of eharmony.
I'm so thankful for this thread
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My son met DIL on eharmony and have been married almost five years. I met Dh on a website for "cowgirls and cowboys" we are neither, but it was cheaper then Match.com. We have been married almost 6 years. My sister met her hubby on a dating site (I can't remembr the name, but it wasn't one of the big ones) and they have been married almost 11 years. I say this because it is possible to find someone online. It is just dependant on the site.
I put a 50 mile radius on mine, and that is all I got, and plenty of options. My friend (who helped me sign up in the first place) didn't put restrictions and she would drive 3 or 4 hours to get stood up. She is still single, but I think she didn't make her wants as clear as she should have.
There are weirdos on these sites, I found at least one, so be careful ladies.
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That's good to hear Meece
I know it does work!!! I hope if he calls tonight I'm strong enough to not answer. I think I just need to stop this nonsense and look around. It's hard for me but I'm going to!
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Hi Ladies! Thanks for all the support!
Robin .. I am 54 too! It is so different in the dating world ... I pretty much changed my attitude about dating .. just want to meet men that I want to be friends with (of course they have to be single and unattached) and see where it goes from there. I want to find someone that I enjoy being with and just take it one day at a time ... AT the end of the day, we ONLY who we are ... and we need to be around a person long enough to know the 'nature of the beast' ... Friends First is the best way ... then we will either want to see each other more or we will drift apart. Hey, as we get older we are more 'set in our ways' (for lack of better words) ... and as long as I am accepted and respected for the wonderful woman that I am, I will continue to date a person and get to know him more. Laughter is a Huge part of relationship to me ... That seems to be a big thing we have in common! We had so much fun! and we can talk about anything ... Funny, he just emailed me late last night ... and said that he wanted to call but didnt want to interrupt me ... so, he admitted that he is a 'lame stocker' and I would have to get used to that! I was just in stitches! As well, lots of things that would attract me to a man in the past are not part of his persona .. but, I just like being in his company. He is kind, gentle, honest, fun, outgoing and knows himself very well. Good start for me!
Dating Sites: yes, I agree with Dragonfly .. Plenty of Fish is free! Those sights arent worth investing much money into .. Most of us dont know how to date at our age .. so lets just meet, make friends and if we only make a good friend, no loss.
Hugs,
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Meece........after wasting all the time I did on him........I couldn't agree with you more!!!!!
And Meece that is awesome!!!
Robin, I also am 54 and it is hard these days......especially for me now that I have had the masc....and been treated like crapola from the one I was with.......but ya know what.......I am not going to give up hope!!!!!! I can't. I don't want to be by myself for the rest of my life I have alot of love and want to give that love to someone that wants it.....instead of someone that uses it and hurts it. My dil said one day... MOM we gotta change your heart, you are too good hearted, you need to harden it up..... My 6 yr old grand daughter said "NO MOMMIE!! I Love nannie's heart just the way it is!! Out of the mouths of babes!!
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Jainey...... I met a guy like that a few years ago on a site. We became such good firends.......we laughed and had such a good time evewry time we got together. Lost touch for awhile....and last week got back in touch with him. We had a great Sunday evening and laughed so hard together.......but yes, it is still a friendship and know that it won't go anywhere else but there. Just glad that I had a great evening of LAUGHTER!!!!!!
I LOVE to laugh and make people laugh.....it just got hiden by this dam disease for a bit..... 
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Glad you could have a good laughing evening, sunangel, Laughter can go a long way on making us feel better.
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Dragonfly - I like your comment of "stop this nonsense and look around". Since my divorce I have been involved in a relationship that was not good for me. Although there were some wonderful times with him, I found out he was an alcoholic who would probably never change. And the alcohol made him say some very hurtful things to me, and that behavior was escalating. He would alternate between being pretty emotionally abusive to being very apologetic and promising undying love.
I have to keep reminding myself that I do not deserve that treatment and that there will be someone better out there for me. Although the eHarmony site hasn't produced any great matches yet, it has been kind of uplifting to see that there are men who are interested and willing to get to know me. I'm pretty picky so I'll take my time. I also need to get over the notion that I am "damaged goods" since my mastectomy. I had a pretty successful DIEP reconstruction, but you know, the scars are always there, physically and emotionally.
Thanks for listening.
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Yes Meece it sure can........now to have more of them!!!
Gee Robin, that sounds familiar, but the guy I was with never claimed his undying love...would just say sorry hon, and go on.......just to say the horrble things again later. I was in an abusive marriage (my first) for over thirteen years, swore I would never ever let anyone treat me like that or talk to me like that again......but here, I did.......now realizing it and knowing it wont happen!!!! I am worth way more than that.....and so are you
I only had the "partial" mastectomy, so yep, BIG scars, plus three small ones and a "gap" in the boob......so I fully understand where you are coming from......and emotionally too.
There are those guys out there.......they just haven't found US yet
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Funny I think it seems to be easier to do just about anything in life, than finding a good man! It's sure a lot if heartache to let your guard down then get hurt. I hear taking all these chances is a good thing, but I think someone is full of &$@? Ha ha ha
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Dragonfly, I knew he would call :-) but I agree with Meece that it doesn't seem to be progressing. I would keep seeing him, but I think you should start looking to date others at this point.
As for the pics, I did have someone take them, they came out bad because I didn't look good in them, lol! I think I need to maybe get some more sunshine and start experimenting with my hair and makeup a little more. I want to look my very best If I am going to be doing on-line dating.
Robin, anyone I know who met anyone serious on-line met them on Eharmony, which is the site I will join, too.
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Yes he called and I didn't answer, I don't plan to any time soon either. I'm mad and friends or more than friends his communication skills stink and thats one of my biggest pet peeves. It isn't progressing and it won't with this bs.
Pictures never turn out good, not for me anyway keep trying!!0 -
Ya know dragonfly.... I just have to give you cudo's right now.......You seem to have hit the nail on the head.. IF something is one of your biggest pet peeves, it is something that you should pay attention to and getting into a relationship with someone that shows that pet peeve so much so soon.........isn't gonna work......I don't think... I am still learning!!! heheeee
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Fearless! YOU CAN DO IT!!
We all can!! I just joined plenty of fish.......guess I decided to get on out there and have that hope! One guy keeps emailing me and wants to meet soon........we shall see. I don't wanna go that fast!! heheee
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Thanks sunangel!! I truly don't like the lack of communication. I even game him a nudge the other day with a text. He did great for a couple days and now this. I have 1 kid I don't need another. I'm trying to be strong and walk away for a bit to get my head on straight again.
Let me know what you think of plenty of fish?
It's funny, I either get no response or they do respond and really want to move fast.0 -
Ok ladies, you'd be proud.... he just tried calling me and I did NOT answer it! I feel mean but I know it's necessary to either get my point across, or to help me walk away from any hopes of more.
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Dragonfly: Good for you! He does not deserve you or your caring person ... The guy I dated is a most wonderful man .. he could care less if I have my breasts removed or replaced .. he said he really enjoys my company and my positive attitude .. I am taking him shopping on Friday (he is driving one hour to pick me up and take me to his city and help him find a gym and clothes to wear) ... he wants to learn how to do this .. this is what I do for a living (before I moved here anyhow) and that is what friends do ... what a wonderful man! He is so active with climbing and stuff .. but not in the gym and he wants me to help him .. what the heck .. a very fun day! checking out the gyms and helping him find the right equipment and clothing .. wow! I have been way to lonely for way to long ... he is so much fun!
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Thanks Jainey, I know you're right but it's hard. I dont think he means to hurt me but he is.
Sounds like you have maybe found a keeper! So happy for you0 -
Dragonfly ... that would be nice (if he was a keeper) .. I just like him and want to get to know him more ... good place to start. Be careful with 'making excuses' for him like, 'I dont think he means to hurt me but he does' ... hmmmm, that is who he is ... probably will never change much .. and say it right to his face ... what have you got to lose? He has probably gotten away with it all the time and now it is just his nature. If you dont like it, tell him and then look in other directions .. it will find its level! All the best ... I feel for you ... I have been there!
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Oh i know, I've made excuses before by saying oh he's just busy. But I really don't think he means to hurt me, but like I said he is. Period. Which I can't put up with. I think you're right,sadly he's this way and it won't work for me.
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Dragonfly, he most definitely doesn't mean to hurt you. Maybe that is what he is afraid of? I mean, just getting divorced, maybe he wants to sow wild oats, you know? And you are more girlfriend material than oat-sowing material.....
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Fearless ... interesting concept ... basically he is not ready for what Dragonfly is ready for ... he needs to heal and learn and take responsibility for HIS part in the failed previous relationship. Does Drangonfly want do all of that for him??? Drangonfly you seem to know who you are .. what you want ... he does not appear to be on the same level and he may never get there. Just an outside looking in point of view. I know how painful it can be ... but, YOU must come first:-) It is your turn.
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Good description fearless! I know I sound like a broken record.Since we reconnected he started running after work, had a roommate move in who has his kids there a lot, started a 2nd job. Plus he has his daughter every other week. However he made a big effort before to call and text more often, surprise me, i was ok with going slow. I am not ok with being ignored for a couple days then him acting like it's no big deal. Really with all this modern technology how hard is it to take 5 minutes out of your day to call or text someone and let them at least know you're thinking of them or say hi? Especially after he told me he likes me a lot?
By the way he just called again this morning.0 -
Jainey we had that talk a couple weeks ago. The end result was we both like each other a lot but he needs to take it slow. I said taking it slow is fine but what does that mean? He said everything should stay the same talking, texting, seeing each other but he couldn't be physical yet. Well I was ok with that but since then his communication or contacting me efforts seemed to have really decreased. That's the part that I'm upset with.
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So, what will you say when you answer? Do you ever plan on answering?
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I don't know Meece, hadnt thought that far yet
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I would probably answer later today. If he asks why you didn't answer, just say you had other things going on. Or, you could say the truth, you are trying to not need his communication so when he doesn't communicate you won't get hurt.0
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BTW, neither is a lie. The other things you had going on were trying to concentrate on not picking up the phone, and thinking about what he might want.
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I'm so torn, I mean I like him a lot but he's obviously not ready for more. Which like I said I thought I was ok with, but that's when he said nothing would change. Well it has. Before we text a lot and talked every day no matter what, even if it was only for 5 or 10 minutes. That's stopped, and now I feel like I'm just a routine "friend" he calls at night when he has time. I was just talking with a friend of mine and I asked her, should I just tell him that? Or does it make me sound like a crazy controlling %itch or should I just walk away completely? He's such a nice guy and we have so much fun together but I'm apparently high maintenance and expect respect and find 2 days of no contact after we were in the middle of a conversation unacceptable, especially because if I recall it happened last Sunday too? I just don't want to be an after thought.
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I'm afraid if I just say I was busy or had things going on, then he'll figure oh ok, no big deal and continue down this path. If I do that, then going forward just not answer his every call or what? Hmmm..
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