Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
Comments
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I honestly think it doesn't matter the guy you find if YOU aren't happy with YOU and just living, then all guys good or bad will leave eventually.
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I know you ladies give the right advice and have positve attitudes. It's just really hard to understand unless you've been alone most of your life and i have. It's hard to be happy with yourself when no one has ever loved you. I know you are supposed to love yourself and all that, but let's face it - if that's all we had to do, no one would ever marry or enter into relationships. We need that - we need someone and it hurts that no guy ever felt that way about me (never was in love with me). I'm just being honest.
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Well I disagree, you have to be happy, you can't count on some guy to make you happy. Just the simple facts. Like that old saying, don't put all your eggs in one basket. To each their own.
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I guess eveyrone is different. It would be nice one day to know what it's like to be in love and have it be mutual. It seems a pretty important part of life to me.
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If you don't see good things in yourself, why should somebody else? It is a lot of work, Believe me, my ex tore down my self esteem for 22 years, but If I acted confident, that is what others saw, and I felt it then. Just an idea.
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I guess it's nothing I can relate to, so I should stop trying. I'm a happy person, I have the most amazing friends, and family and daughter. Now to find a great guy he must ADD to what I already have, if he doesn't have a lot to offer or bring to the table then I don't have time. Meece is right, but it's like a rollercoaster ride this conversation.
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I do see good things in myself. I only said I didn't think I was very physically attractive. I think I have many good qualities. But a guy has to be physically attracted first, so I have trouble meeting people. But I'm not an ogre or anything...
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Fearless-one,
I admire your honesty. I have so many friends that are divorced or their husbands have died and they say they will never date again. They are in the 40's and 50's and I think they are scared and don't want to admit they would like to be in a relationship because if they don't get what they want they will be a failure.
I think you do have to be OK with being alone and happy with yourself to have a good relationship. Don't give up hope on finding someone. No matter how hard it is to have a positive attitude and find the good in yourself....fake it until you belief it. Have you tried therapy. I was in a difficult marriage for 22 years. I spent 5 years getting my life back in order. I was in a great place and met a great man. I agree with you being in a relationship with someone you love is the best, Don't give up hope, there is someone for everyone but it might not be anyone you would expect it to be. Dragonfly is right though....another person can't make you happy but they can enhance your life.
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Yes, I do find most divorced women don't wish to remarry. I don't know all the reasons, never having been there. I do know men seem more attracted to women who don't seem to want a relationship or marriage.
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They say if a spouse dies, and you have had a happy marriage, you are more likely to remarry soon after mourning. I suppose that same goes for divorce, obviously it wasn't a happy marriage so you are less likely to jump into another soon. Usually there are trust issues (not just for fidelity) involved.
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Yes, of course. Totally understandable.
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Here is what he wrote to me in an email word for word. I thought it was really cold, considering we've been off/on for nearly 3 years and 3 weeks before he was telling me he could see himself falling "deeply in love" with me. He is long distance for those that don't know.
Hi L____,
I can't keep giving you hope anymore. I see different women here and there, and its not fair that I am so wishy washy - i just can't decide. And if I saw you again, i would want you (in the romantic sense). We can still be friends if you want, but you deserve so much more. M_____
Was that cold or am I being too sensitive? And shouldn't he at least have done it by phone?
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No, I don't see that as extremely cold. For a man, I find it pretty expressive. But you are right, over the phone would have been best, but he probably wanted to say what he wanted to say without conversation. At least you don't have to wonder any more.
Time to move on.
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Thanks - I can be overly sensitive and I thought it was really cold considering how long I've known him. I definitely have moved on (in the sense that I know it's done), just wondered about this is all.
Glad to have unbiased view....
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I dated a guy who couldn't make up his mind and I let it destroy me when we broke off. I pushed and started back up and nothing changed, so I finally broke it with him. I don't know if that is what made it easier, me being the one to break it off, or I just realized it wasn't going anywhere. Either way it cleared the way for me to move on. You can do it, and be stron.
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Yeah, I think it would have been easier had I ended it. But it's done....
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Plus I have been hormonal (thank you, Arimidex and hysterectomy, lol!) so maybe see things as others don't. Anyways, needless to say, I never responded, so that's it....
An uneventful ending. 0 -
Hormones are sure evil things! I can figure out just about where I am each month just by my emotions. So far no Historectomy, and I won't be getting any hormone therapy ever.
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It sucks that I will never know if it was the pics or whether he met someone, but I realize it doesn't matter.
Meece, glad you don't need hormonals. But it's really not bad, I didn't really notice any mood swings until the Hysterectomy. I was fine with Arimidex.
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Because of my type of BC I cannot have hormones, so I will have to go through the change "naturally".
He said he would still be romantically interested in you if he saw you in person, so I doubt the pictures had anything to do with it.
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Ah, yes, I see now....glad you show 0 nodes, too - that is good!
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Actually - as one last note....now that I think about it, there was no need for him to mention the "other women". You can end something without mentioning other people you are currently seeing. I think that was unkind.
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Yes, that was unkind, but perhaps he thought it would make you take him seriously. I just don't know.
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Well, I have appreciated your input in this saga...
Btw, Meece, you are so very pretty :-) just wanted to comment on your photo. So many pretty ladies here!
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Thank you, Fearless. I am sure you are hard on yourself. Many of us have been where you have, loss of hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, skin tone...and the list goes on. I still stick with the sugestion you do something special for yourself, make your smile radiant!
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I will work on myself. Get more toned, get some color, do my makeup differently, just little things to feel better. I don't think I should attempt to date when I don't feel attractive. I just want to work on myself - and on the inside, too, of course.
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That is the best idea. You should do that.
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My friend set me up with a very nice man whom she has known for a long time. I finally told him that I had cancer a year ago and have not heard from him since then. I guess this is normal until you find the right one.
Agada
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Agada, sadly, I think that is the case more often than not from the experiences I hear about. I think a woman is much more likely to stand by a man if she learned he had/has cancer than a man is. We are wired differently and are the more nurturing and understanding sex, IMO.0
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Fearless - I agree, and the easy way out is to walk away, and not stay by our side.
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