Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Hi Hadley, the expanders hurt and don't look so good - but I hear after the exchange surgery they look much better. I feel like they are going to "poke through"....
Sunangel - Dragonfly is right - SO easy to let our guard down when things are going well. But try not to -
Dragonfly, I am older than you (46), and was already in chemopause when I had mine out, and yes, have loss of libido - but I think a lot of that is just depression from all we go through with our treatments and surgery. I do think once life gets more on an even keel, the libido should come back - especially when you meet a man you are strongly attracted to....
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Thanks fearless, I wondered if I need to go in to the doc for it or if it's just natural. I had stopped my period with chemo as well in April, then had the surgery in September. It's always something.
I did meet a guy, he's super sweet, and a single Dad. He's short like barely as tall as me. So far he's really interested and seems decent. Course talk about wall up, mine is huge and I'm leary.... Take things slow for sure
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Single Dad's are great - the ones I have dated have been very caring and responsible guys - and I always got on well with their kids.
Def take it slow, but not so slow that he thinks you are not interested. It's hard, it's a balancing act sometimes. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but we don't want them to take our apprehension as disinterest, either.
Is he from POF?
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So so true fearless! I have talked with him about it, he's great at communicating and discussing things like this. We talked last night about the kids, and I said I am really interested in him, but that I'd like to spend more time him first before even introducing him to my girl. I told him I'd love to just say come over and hang out with us, but that I need to have more time with just the 2 of us first. Also asked how he feels or would feel about my daughter. He said he knew I had a daughter coming into it, and that it's a complete package. He'd hope to have a relationship with her as well and that he looks forward to it. Which is great to hear, I know not all guys are like that. I've been burned so many times before though so I'm super leary, like waiting for the red flag... Of course I have yet to tell him of my cancer and my "fake boobs"
So not sure how he'll react. I'll tell him soon I think especially before I have him meet my daughter. He was on eharmony actually, I am not impressed with that site at all, other than talking to this guy. I signed up for 3 months for the price of 1. He's the only one I ever talked to, other matches were much out of my 60 mile radius.0 -
I found EH the best of the sites. I didn't meet as many men, but the ones I did meet, I seemed to hit it off better with.
I def would not tell him about your medical history until you have been out with him a few times. It's a personal choice, but I wouldn't. I would want to wait until a few dates, but some women tell them right away.
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I would rather wait longer, but on the other hand I don't want him to meet my daughter and get to know her if he's going to be a jerk and run. Know what I mean, so I feel stuck between a rock.
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Are you able to go on a few dates with him without the children? If those go well, then I would tell him. Sorry I am not the best person to give advice on this as I have no kids. But if I did, that is probably what I would do, if possible.
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That's sort of my plan, but like today I'd like to see him, he's not busy but... no sitter!
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Hmm. Maybe just invite him over for pizza or something? Start casually like that? How old is your daughter?
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she's almost 11, she's cool with people coming over. i tend to have guy friends more often than girl friends so that wouldn't seem odd to her. maybe i'm paranoid, but when do you invite them over? I mean and know they're not a psycho ha ha ha. Just kidding, slightly
He seems so sweet and got his act together and is super funny.0 -
That's a tough call - you just have to go with your gut. I think you should have him over for something casual like a pizza party or grill in the backyard if you have a grill....maybe for next weekend?
He sounds wonderful.....
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Next weekend sounds good, plus my daughter may be at her Dad's so that will work out to do something then. Thanks
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Hey dragonfly, that sounds like it might be a good thing for you. Hope it all works out.
And yes, it is a good thing not to bring the children into it before you have dated a few times. I am really big on that one!! (My kids are both grown, but I do have grandkids. Like my little 5 yr old grand daughter still asks for John, and I haven't been with him in three years, he passed away last year......still haven't been able to tell her that.....she remembers him and so does the 7 yr. old. He is the last person I took around them. My oldest son has met Adrian but no one else has yet. Even after all the time I have been with him, unless I am SURE it is a steady thing, I won't take him around them. And maybe this is a situation he was talking about last week, I'm not sure yet...... I went to the 5yr old's b-day party Saturday and he didn't seem like he believed me, that that was where I was going. We haven't done "family" things together yet. Maybe it might be time and see if that helps with things too. My 7yr old g/d's birthday is in three weeks. I already asked my son if it was ok to bring him, he said yes. so we shall see if Adrian wants to. That might make me think a bit more if he doesn't.........heheeeSO I guess you can see I do still have my guard up. I am just not into trusting much more than I can right now, and that isn't alot.
Also......regarding the overies. I had to have a partial hystorectomy when I was 27! They left one overy. It thru me into menopause.....and have had it again when I was older..... yeah, the sex drive isn't that great at times, and sometimes it is......kinda weird I guess. I did find something that helps naturally......It is called Zestra, and you can get it at Walmart at the area where they sell condoms and such. Hope this isn't TMI........but I have had problems off and on with it for so many years, and this has really helped so much!
Fearless, time will heal them girls, and you will be happy with them I am sure........it just takes time I hear!!
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I heard about that Zestra - I think it is all natural, too? What is in it?
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Dragon, What does "course talk wall up" mean?
I had 4 dates this weekend (3 FIRST AND 1 second). I've narrowed it down to two guys and have dates planned with them this week. They both know about my BC - one works for a hospital in IT and mentioned oncology treatment, so I used that to seguay into my history. The other guy and I went on a hike and he found a golfball that was pink. I mentioned that it was a ladies ball and he commented "or someone who is in suppport of bc", so again, I used that opportunity to explain my situation. I'll see both again and it is nice that they know upfront, so if we get intimate there wont be a problem.
Karyn
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I don't know what's in it..........it is a topical oil, so you don't have to "take it orally".
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Wowee Karyn , you was busy!!! heheeeee Glad you narrowed it down, might help a little to keep things straight!! Lmbo! I never could date more than one at a time, maybe that has been my problem!!!!! heheee
That is neat that both of them are ok with the bc news!! Glad you had to opening to share about it. Good luck
Paula
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sunangel sounds like you're doing all the right things, I hope this guy realizes what he's got with you and doesn't screw it up! Thanks for the tip on the zestra, I'll have to check it out if it comes to that point. Supposed to see him again this Wednesday, maybe, and if not for sure this weekend.
kward70, what I meant by the wall comment was that I was telling sunangel good luck and to not let her guard/wall down totally yet. I was saying of course my wall is up and bigger than ever.I think I just worded it funky.
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I sure hope so Dragonfly. I do love him, and have.......just hard to deal with sometimes.......he has been so hurt by a woman that it is taking a long time to get to where I am with him even at this point!! hehee He told me I am the first one that he has "cared" about since 1998. The other women that have been in his life have just been dates. Nothing more. As soon as they started to get close a little he would dump them.
Yesterday evening I called him to see if he wanted to come over for supper. He said......well, that's a thought, haven't given it much thought, been busy. It hit me a ltitle hard since I had thought we had talked the other day about him coming for supper last night. My feelings got hurt so I sent him a not nice tx a bit later. He sent me one and then I sent him another saying "I just feel like most of the time I am at the bottom of your list, and I don't like being there"!! He called about an hour later apologizing and saying that he did know he had stuff to do tonight but hopefully tomorrow night when my friend comes in that he would take us both out to supper.
He always has so much going on. I know he is busy, I knew that all along. He does alot to his house, his yard, he has 3 vehicles that he keeps really nice and clean, he works 6 days a week, 10 hour days...........so I know I need to be a little patient with him, I just get a little bit antsy at times. And our schedules with me working nights on the weekends sucks!!!
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sunangel - man I can so relate to your post. I feel like I'm always the one putting forth the effort and making that person a priority. I have a hard time either doing that, or putting in no effort at all and cutting it off. I try to keep things black and white. I'm not good at the whole dating, relationship thing. Like last night for example... we were texting, I said I had thought about him today, of course he asks what. I said I had thought about how I've enjoyed getting to know him, and looking forward to seeing him again. His reponse, oh those are good thoughts
.... so why should that annoy me? Only because I guess I hoped he'd say he'd been thinking about me too but oh well. Later on in our conversation we did talk more, and said he can't wait to see me again and hopefully Wednesday will work out, if not for sure this weekend. Then again like you said the schedules make it so hard without bringing my daughter into the picture especially. He has his boys almost every weekend. Works as a roofer so if it's nice out he's working late and doesn't really know if he can do anything during the week til that day. All of this should be fine and dandy, he's so great at communicating and being honest so I should be ok with it. I think it's the past relationships that make me ponder things and question how serious are his intentions? Man writing it out I sound like a mess!!!0 -
Dragonfly, have you guys actually been out yet?
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yes we went out on thursday, and are tentatively going out tomorrow night, not sure yet how late he'll have to work. Then getting together this weekend.
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Okay, so technically only one date so far. I would try to hold back a bit as far as telling him you are thinking about him, until he starts telling you that. Sounds like things are going well, though :-)
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Oh he's told me it plenty of times before, he's told me how attracted to me he is, etc...
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Oh - well then there is absolutely nothing wrong with anything you said.....
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I'm such a worrier or maybe it's low confidence when it comes to dating, it's not a great habit and probably tends to scare guys away.
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OK, chica, Fearless is right. No bringing up the "emotions-or-where-is-this-going-or-i-have-been-thinking-about-you" until he does. I know it's hard, but hold off. Make him ask YOU for a committment. If he doesn't ask you for a commitment, then he probably doesn't want one. Just keep dating casually (no sex until there is a commitment), being your fabulous self, until he is the one saying "I don't want us to date other people."
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You have been through a major life change. It would be odd if you didn't have some confidence issues after all you have been through.
Sounds like things are going just fine, though ....
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And actually, just because he doesn't want one right now is not a bad sign. You've only had one date and you are still getting to know each other. Just keep him guessing until you KNOW you have him hooked.
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I agree with Sweetbean.....always keep 'em guessing....at least until they are hooked, lol!
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