Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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It's ok, I appreciate the advice and help from you awesome ladies. It's so hard for me but I'm not going to make the next move.
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Do you have to have him do the "re-do"??? I don't know that I'd want to, what the heck? Maybe he wasn't focused so much and was too busy being a jerk?
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Dragonfly and others... I just wanted to throw out something that occured to me as I stopped on this thread tonight. Are you aware that BCO threads are open to the public? You have to be a member for the avatars to appear, but anyone might come across any of our posts without the avatars simply by having Googled the words used in a post. (Dating... breast cancer... new relationship... You get the idea.) There was actually an embarrassing and upsetting situation for someone here in the past when her co-workers, who didn't know about her bc, found her posts.
It may not matter to you, but just thought I'd mention it, in case you weren't aware that BCO isn't "closed" or private. Deanna
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I did know that, kind of crazy huh?
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Wow this waiting game is awful, lol... I must have some serious issues
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He just called you last night, right? Or sometime yesterday?
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i know i know i know fearless
I'm not like going crazy and not going to call him... just a waiting game and I'm waiting! I am not normally a needy person, I'm normally pretty independent and once I get my bearings or get comfortable with the fact that he's ok with what I told him, and still interested and making an effort I will relax so much. It's just how my crazy mind functions. 0 -
I understand - I would be wondering, too. What is his typical pattern of contact?
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It's hard, there is no real typical. If I had to say it would be not a lot of communication during the day/work hours. More so after he gets home from work and dinner etc... Some times there is a mesage or 2 during the day. So today is not out of character at all for him. Just me, being a big ball of stress
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Well, I wouldn't write him off unless he goes a few days without contact. I really doubt that will happen. I would be surprised if you didn't hear from him tonight. But NO emailing, texting or calling him.
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I really expect to hear from him tonight, and certainly hope I do! I will not, not, not contact him, period! Let him come to me right? I am the same person he liked before I told him, so we'll see what happens. It's just hard to totally put that worry out of your head.
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I still believe in keeping your options open with these on-line guys - until you are in an exclusive relationship. If your membership is still active, I would try to keep options open. Weren't you on POF, too?
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I look, all the time believe me. No one has made an effort or approached me so I just keep browsing.
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Is there no one else you can go to, this guy sounds like a real prick if you don't mind me saying!
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Thanks hadley, I am so just waiting for him to call and it pisses me off that I'm letting it eat at me like this. I hope he does though too, cause I really like him! I will of course keep you girls posted.
I agree that you've gone through much and deserve the absolute best results. I wouldn't step foot in that guys office again that's for sure. Tell him he can take a flying leap.
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Hadley, is there someone else you can go to? It just seems this guy is not up to par and he also makes you uncomfortable. You don't need that kind of stress. But with that being said, I have read often that the ink does fade.....
Dragonfly, you like him - it's natural to be anxious like this. Plus you confided in him. I do have to say I found it strange he was asking you about nipple sensitivity, etc. I don't know - I know you said he is easy to talk to and all, it just would have made me uncomfortable in such early stages. But maybe I am just more reserved, is all. But I think he should have kept his questions to pertaining to how you were feeling, etc.
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He didn't ask those questions out of the blue. I gave him the green light. I said now that you know I want you to feel like you can ask anything and everything about it, I am very open normally.
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That's good......sounds good - I am sure you will hear from him tonight.
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Crossing my fingers and trying not to just stare at the clock. I am really open with the whole process and procedure. I told him there is a ton of more information I could give him but he got the basic point. He said something about more later if I felt comfortable about it.
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Has he ever gone a day with no contact (text, email, or phone)?
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Nope never, by this time of night or a little later we start talking. So just waiting to see what happens.
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Ok, so he started texting me tonight. You ladies will get a blow by blow.....It's easier that way.
First he said "what's up sexy" then we chatted a bit, and I said something about Saturday. He said are you not disappointed in what you saw so far? I put myself out there, and said no. I am not disappointed in anything I have seen or known of him so far, and that I hope to get to know him more. Then asked how he feels, he said taken back, and I said what does that mean and that I don't want to waste anyone's time, and i know how I feel and I can't change the other thing. He said he's not saying it's a problem, but it was a surprise. I said so what does that mean, what do you want to do now? He said he wants to proceed and see how it goes. he said it's not a problem, and he wants to keep going and that it's all good i said are you absolutely sure. Because I know I like you, and i want to keep seeing you, but i don't want it to be something that's going to keep eating at him or be bothering him. He said he is now, he likes everything so far, and to just see how things progress. I said I'm sure it was a shock and that I apologize for that part of it. But that I've had a long time to get used to ME, and that I am happy and I want him to be too. He said he understands. I said so are we going to see each other again, he said yes, when we can. I said to be honest I'm a little worried that this has changed how you feel about me, and the level of effort you're going to put into it. He said it doesn't change who you are, and it doesn't change what he's liked so far about me. I said good, I am so glad to hear that, and that I will feel much more comfortable around him from now on. I said am normally a pretty open person, that the people that do know me, know every little detail, probably too much sometimes but oh well : ) That's it so far, he hasn't responded yet.
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Okay....if what you told him mattered, you just would not have heard from him again. That's how men are - they drop out of sight, they don't like confrontation or explanations. So seems it's all good so far.....and NEVER apologize. You did nothing wrong, and if someone is going to have issues with it, that's their problem.
Let him bring up the next date......I'm sure he will :-)
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I know he's close with his family also, so I asked if he told them and what their input or response was. They were surprised it hadn't been brought up before. So I asked him if that makes him think about it more, or if makes him not trust me? He said no, he understands it's personal, and that it should be brought up before anything intimate. I told him, I'm feeling really mixed right now. I told him that I am trying to take him at his word that it's all good and doesn't change how he feels about me. But that I also have a feeling it's going to be something that's hanging over us. He said that's not good. I said I guess I'm ok with it, and I'm really kind of tired of talking about "it" and that I feel like he's still kind of on the fence. That I would feel better if we could see each other in person and move forward. He said, one step at a time, all he does know is he's not running from it. So he said maybe this week we can get together, because he has to work this weekend.
I don't know guys, I'm really struggling here and just want toh hide under my pillow and cry. I'm trying to relax and take him for his word but my heart is hurting right now.
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I'm going to try, but I just don't have a good feeling. I feel like he's really put the brakes on, but I guess I've had 2 years to deal with this, he's had 2 days.
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Hi Dragonfly,
I hope that it is okay that I butt inn, I have been following your stories, I'm also single and would love to find someone specialbut I'm not much of a writter. Just wanted to send you a cyber hug
This guy sounds like a nice one, and it seems to me that he is just very honest and wants to share with you how it affected him, and it's natural that it will be a scary thing. Somebody less honest would say that it doesn't matter, it is healthier that he is able to say what he really feels.
I think that you already did your part and told him, now let him deal with that. You are the same great person you were before and make him feel how lucky he is to be able to be with you.
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Thanks so much for butting in, I appreciate it. I know I'm a good person but I just feel so deflated tonight and pissed about having to deal with this at all in my life.
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Yes it totally sucks, like it's not hard enough to date in general. Hope that at least that will help us, eventually, to get the real good ones, the ones that can see us separate from cancer and scars, and that know that they have the strengh to be there for us for whatever the future may bring.
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Amen!!!! I guess you never know like the other ladies have said when is the right time to tell someone about this? Before you even meet, after a couple dates, before you get intimate? Apparently that's the part that he thought I should have done differently. But there is no right or wrong answer, there is no do over!
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I agree with danielaes. He seems like a nice guy. He contacted you even after he knew. If he wanted distance he wouldn't have contacted you again. Just relax and give him time. If you go on and on about "it" then "it" will become a bigger deal for him. He has to see that you feel ok and just go on normally. But unless you have a committed relationship, keep looking.
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