Take our poll: Caregivers, what do you find most difficult about caregiving?
Weigh in: What are the best and worst gifts for people with breast cancer?

Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

1…2021232526…139

Comments

  • sunangel27
    sunangel27 Member Posts: 234
    edited April 2011

    Dragonfly......there is that worrying again..... :(      Something came to me tonight......something that someone said to me awhile back...........        MOST of what we worry about doesn't even come to pass....so why do all the worrying? Why go thru upsetting YOURSELF, and then whatever it is that you were worrying about, didn't even happen?????  SO WHY WORRY!???  I HAVE GOT to remember this daily, so I wrote it down and might even plaster it all over my house on little post it notes! heeheee

    Hugs to you sweety.......it will be ok. And always as we all know......if it is meant to be it will be.....if not....then it is for the best. You want MR RIGHT.....not MR RIGHT NOW :)

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    I won't even tell you how much I'm worring now and I'm not supposed to be. He has been working 10-12 hours a day this week roofing since it's nice out. The conversation tonight sucked to be blunt, but he did say 1st off he's beat! It was almost distant so of course you know I'm worrying. I need to step back, breath and get my bearings together. He's just a guy, I was fine before him, would love for it to work, but will be fine either way.

    Great motto Sunangel, today has been so emotional for me, damn lack of ovaries, and then this guy and now tonight the so so convo. Hoping my bad mood didn't rub off on him. I know I asked him one question and he said I thought we already had this conversation... oops lol! BREATH!!! :)

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Dragonfly did you call him last night?   Don't.   It is VERY early dating stage, he should be doing the chasing.   If he called you, I apologize.  

    If you are getting this worked up about it, maybe you need to tell him and get it over with.   It may not matter to him at all.   

    Another thing I think that is important to remember and nothing to do with BC, is that these on-line guys meet  a LOT of women.    Until you are in a committed relationship with him, you would be wise to keep chatting with other guys - are you?

    Oh- what was the question that you asked him?

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    I think I realized last night not much of this has anything to do with the guy. I'm just an emotional mess the last few days. I think I really need to get in to the doc and get something. I had my ovaries taken out a year and a half ago, and it seems every once in awhile I'm just a sobbing mess! hot huh :) Anyway.... his account expired so not sure if he's still chatting with other people. He said he'd only talked to 1 other girl from there and it wasn't a good match. No I do NOT NOT NOT make the 1st attempt at contact, believe me, I know that much. I wait for him to get in touch with me, then I respond. This morning it was nice to get a "good morning sunshine" text from him on my way to work :) I will admit I struggle with the not being easy to get as far as seeming eager and letting him chase me, vs. not being the one to initiate contact or make effort and coming across uninterested. Does that make sense?

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Yes, it makes perfect sense.   But clearly, he is interested, so try to relax.   And of course you are emotional!   It takes our bodies time to adjust to all the hell we have through!   When you tell him, he will have a better understanding of all you have been through.   But remember he is a guy, and may not be too chatty about it.   

  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 199
    edited April 2011

    Funny story,

    I got an email via Match.com from a guy.  Little did he know that we talked 2 years ago on eharmony and had planned to meet but he went AWOL.  Now he's interested again... Sorry but he had his chance (actually, he's not my type).  I was polite and told him that I was dating someone (which is true).

    Hope everyone's weekend is fillied with fun flirtation..

    Karyn

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Karyn, I don't blame you.   The fact that you are now seeing someone should not have mattered.   I don't believe in second chances when someone has stood you up.

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    What happens is they meet other women and when things don't work out, then they look us up again.    Believe me, I learned my lesson from that.

    It is VERY important to remember that no matter how nice some of them may be, on-line dating is a candy store for them.   Until you are in a relationship, you should always keep your options open.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011
    So yesterday was our 3rd date! He came to my house, we went to play putt putt golf, then out to pizza. After that we came back here to hang out and watch tv and visit. Well at some point he noticed one of my scars, way to go on wearing a V neck low cut shirt lol! So he asked what the scar was from, and said something about implants. I said um no, it's a little more involved than that. I explained in very little detail that it was 2 years ago, and about the recon part and the genes etc.. He asked if I had, had a lump I said yes, then he asked if it was malignant, I said yes he asked if everything was good now and I said yes. He said cool. I think he may have been a little caught off guard that I was so worried that he would be freaked out and walk away. I said believe me it happens every day to girls. He said some guys are pricks! I said I had never had to tell anyone before because I was dating a guy through the whole process, and of course all my friends and family know about it. He said didn't I tell you, please feel like you can talk to me about anything or ask me anything. I said I wasn't sure when or how to tell him, but that I didn't want him to feel like I was hiding things from him or keeping secrets. He said this must have been realling weighing on me or worrying me. I said very much so!!
    He said more than once how it was no big deal to him, he did admit it is natural that it's a little worrisome but never anything to walk away from someone over and that it's life and part of me.

    So I think it went good. I was nervous as heck, but we'll see if he is good for what he said as not being bothered and keeps coming around. If so then I feel so much better now!

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Dragonfly, he sounded very understanding.    How did the evening end?   Did he mention getting together again?   I definitely think he will want to see you again.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    It ended great, he actually stayed pretty late! We plan on seeing each other again soon!!

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited April 2011

    Dragonfly!!!!   I am sooo glad it went well.  It sounds as if you have found a winner! 

  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 199
    edited April 2011

    I'm off for date #3 with a guy from Match.  He's 10 years older than me but there is something about him that I really like.  He already knows about my BC and we seem to have chemistry.  I'm at the point where I don't want to date other guys and see what happens with him.

    Good luck with all the dates.

    Karyn

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011
    Sounds like you ladies have boyfriends....Cool     I do feel most people (men and women) know by the first three dates whether they want to pursue a relationship with that person.   
  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    Thanks ladies, I feel so much better after telling him. So I think over time and when we go out again and again I'll relax and stop worrying so much! :)

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Hadley, I see nothing morally wrong with that at all.   However, it is my opinion that if you are 31 and looking to settle down and maybe get married, that you will be wasting your time dating a 25 year old.   I think you would have a better chance at something serious with a man perhaps a few years older than you.  

    But if you are just looking to have fun, go for it.....:-)

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Yes, everyone is different.    But if you are looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage, I would not bother dating the 25 year old.    Sure, young men that age marry - but they tend to marry women younger than them.    That's just the way it is.    Occassionally you will see the exception, but I wouldn't waste my time.   Unless I was just looking for a fling.

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited April 2011

      I have dated quite a few men who were younger than I was....one by 11 years, the others not such a big gap....one 5 yrs and I was actually engaged to him, another 6 yrs younger.  It was never planned, but happened and it always bothered me more than it did them....I remember when I found out that the one was 11 yrs my junior I freaked, but to tell the truth we did not look like there was that much of a gap...think he had had a hard life or something and that was pre-chemo for me so I didn't look or feel my age then.   I think it all depends on the guy...some guys at 25 are more mature than ones who are 35....so if there is an attraction there and if he's interested and you are interested, why not at least go out and see if you even get along. And so far as thinking you would be wasting your time if you are looking for a serious relationship or someone to marry.....how would you know if you would even consider something like that with someone unless you get to know them first.  6 yrs is not that big of a deal...if you were 25 and he was 18 yes, but at least this guy is working and earning a living. 

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    To each her own.   I think it's a collosal waste of time (assuming you are looking for a serious relationship).    I guess we will agree to disagree on this one :-)

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    To each their own is the exact words in my head when I read the post about online dating. It's not for everyone, niether is dating people with an age difference. What works for one doesn't always work for the other.

    So the guy I told you ladies about, we were talking today. The night before I was pretty basic about it, today I told him to feel free asking me anything and that I'll be totally open. He did ask a couple questions. Such as if I lost ALL sensitivity, or if I have nipples still, etc... So I hope that's a good sign. I'm patiently (HA HA HA) waiting for him to ask me out again :) 

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    I am looking for something serious leading to marriage.   I would not even contemplate dating a younger man unless I was looking for a fling.    

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Dragonfly, I am sure he will ask you out again.   If he was going to jet, he would have done so already and you probably just would not have heard from him again.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    I don't know that age really always determines their readiness for marriage. I did date a guy during chemo, and all the other surgeries that was 26 and I'm 34 but I knew from the beginning it was just a dating/friend thing. Because he told me he had no interest in anything more. But at that time in my life it worked, he was there for me when I needed it. Now I'm at the point of wanting the full package, marriage and all. I myself tend to shy away from guys that are much more than 2 or 3 years younger than me but don't know that I'd pass up an opportunity if it presented itself. I would make it clear from the beginning though what each person is looking for in life.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    I know ladies, I'm a worrier by nature and I'm trying to do like you've all said and let him chase me. Especially now. Giving him time to adjust to things and go from there.

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Hadley, we just have a difference of opinion on the matter.   I am so sorry If you took it to mean anything else.   *HUGS*

    I also agree with Hadley that I have gotten discouraged in the past from guys I met on-line, so it is nice to hear Dragonfly's success story! 

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Dragonfly, you MUST let him initiate the next date.  It is the only way to know that what you told him did not matter to him (which I am sure it didn't).

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    Hadley, I PM'd you....

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    Lets not get ahead of ourselves and say a success story ;) HA HA!!! He is a great guy, so we'll just have to see what happens if he is THE great guy for me. I am not chasing him, and I will not ask about another date as much as it bugs me. I couldn't agree with you more. He is very open, and honest and blunt (not rudely) but just so easy to talk to. I imagine if he was done after last night he'd say so.

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited April 2011

    No, he would not have said so (they rarely do).   You just would not have heard from him again.    I have a good feeling about him....

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited April 2011

    Thanks fearless :)

Categories

Join Us on Zoom: Upcoming virtual meetups. Read more...
Give your account some personality! Add a profile photo.