Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Well Kiley as the old saying goes, if you're not looking love will find you! Maybe we're trying too hard? I hope you start feeling better soon
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I don't think you're trying too hard. I think finding love is a lot of work and it takes stamina to weed through the bad ones to find a good one. It takes time and it gets frustrating so you want to give up. And sometimes you don't find out the guy isn't so great until a couple of months down the road.
Kudos to anyone who tries to find love and puts themselves out there.
hugs,
Bren
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I agree with Bren. I think you actually have to be pretty proactive to find love. I think you can "stumble" upon it, but for the most, I think you need to actively look (ie. dating sites, blind dates, going out with your friends, just getting out there....)
But you know what? At least all of you (if I am not mistaken) have been married. At least a man at some point has been in love with you enough to want to marry you. I never had anyone feel that way about me. But I guess on the upside, I never have known the pain of divorce.
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It's a no win situation fearless!
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Fearless, I understand what you mean about not having the experience of marriage. But when I look around at my friends who have been married for so many years, the women, at least aren't always happy and find the men to be overly demanding - they are terrified of having the husband retire and having to spend time with them. But I do get what you are saying. I'd say my ex-husband didn't love me for me but rather he wanted someone to take care of him -- so it wasn't a healthy marriage. He just wanted his mother and sex once in a while. You are still young enough to still find THE right one and marry.
DF, you do seem more upbeat now that the drama is over.
Kiley, I didn't realize you now have to take care of a ranch by yourself. Will you stay there?
Bren you are right about men (and women) not showing their true selves until you are several months into the relationship. I noticed you are coming to NOTL in 2 weeks. I look forward to meeting you.
It's a long weekend here in Toronto. Monday is "civic holiday" - don't know what it means but many people have the day off. Enjoy the weekend, ladies.
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I'm trying
I do miss the him I liked so much in the beginning and think about him a lot, but that will fade with time. My daughter has a friend spending the week with us, and we're camping for 4 days next week. So we've been SUPER busy. I wonder what's up with the dating sites. I send probably 5-10 emails a day (not lately) to guys on there and maybe get 1 response? It blows me away, how do you get them to respond?
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A number of years ago, I met a fellow on a dating site and we became friends only. I know he was always active on dating sites. Unfortunately, at the end of May he died very suddenly. But he's still showing on the dating site. So there's one that won't be responding....... Camping sounds like fun. Enjoy. I understand what you mean about missing the person you thought he was ---- that's what makes it so difficult to accept because the person you knew was great ... so how does a guy do such a turnaround? That's the million dollar question.
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A million dollar question that will always go unanswered!! It is hard when you think you have a connection and talk to someone daily for a few months. That void in the heart hurts! Camping is a blast, swimming in the lake too, can't wait
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It is hard when you think you have a connection and talk to someone daily for a few months. That void in the heart hurts!
That is exactly the problem because you build a sense of trust and to be betrayed is beyond hurtful. Some of the anger I think is self directed because we are angry with ourselves for believing we should have picked up the signals earlier - we let our guard down. I think when you come back from your camping trip with the girls you will feel much much better.
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I couldn't agree with you more!! I hope this trip helps, I'm so anxious for the interview!! It will be stringent wear something other than flip flops and a sundress.
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I'm sure you will do well with the interview. Yup - dress for success! After you have the job - that's different. What type of work is it?
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He said dress professional, I would work for the president and he's interviewing me. Thr job ad said professional/business attire or suit. Which I dont have but i have all kinds of business pants and shirts. It's sort of an office manager job, plus travel guru, plus hr sort of duties. Its like my other jobs all wrapped in one!
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It sounds like an interesting job with lots of variety and responsibility. If possible, throw on a structured jacket or blazer with those business pants and maybe a nice white shirt -- that helps a lot with a professional appearance. I've done a lot of interviewing especially for principals and how they dress does have an impact on your first impression .... although fashion was not a criteria for getting the position....LOL. What day is your interview? I thought you said Monday but I'm not sure. Your smile will captivate them. How many people on the selection team?
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There is 2 people on the panel. I don't have a jacket so I'll have to see what I can come up with. It is Monday at 10:30! Thank you I hope between my skills and smile I can win them over
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Do you have a friend who can lend you a jacket? Doesn't have to be fancy but a jacket does give a very professional appearance. But if you can't find a jacket, throw on a nice scarf - just something to give a polished appearance. I know I'm talking from my world and I realize that norms are different in other places so much really depends on the culture of the company and the community. Many years ago, I used to be a consultant for Status of Women so spent a lot of time coaching woman about how to prepare for interviews. And a nice smile is very important because it helps to put the interview team at ease and the conversation flows more smoothly.
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Awesome thanks so much, I'll see what I can come up with
I have to WOW them...0 -
Just be yourself and they will be wowed!
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There are jobs I had to turn down or could not apply for because I could not afford the clothes. If they want you to wear suits, etc, and you don't think you will be able to get them in the near future, you may wish to consider that - clothes are very expensive.
With that being said - if the clothes are not an issue - you are going to nail this interview. You are so smart and so pretty, and you seem so personable - I know you are going to be offered this position..
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Good luck Dragon on the interview. I'm sure you will be fabulous! A couple years ago, I needed a jacket for an interview. I was lucky to find a neutral colored one at an outlet store for $15. Even though I declined the job, I can still wear the jacket with jeans, etc. Since I work at home, I gave away all my corporate America clothes a long time ago. I don't even own a pair of heels now!
Wishing you the best,
Bren
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I could buy the clothes if I needed to for the job itself, just hate to spend the money on a jacket to not wear it again if I didn't get it. I may go check the 2nd hand stores and see what i can come up with. I am SOOOO excited but even more nervous about it
Thanks for the good luck wishes ladies!! 0 -
Oh, I just love going to second hand stores ! Most of the stuff I wear comes from second hand stores esp sinc cancer shutdown my career! I just love a good deal! I know you will find something great! And it is fun looking. This time of year getting kids ready for school can be hard on budget. So happy hunting. Ross is pretty reasonable too. I've found some killer deals there. Hoping and praying for awesome job for you DF!!
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There's also lots of good sales on now as stores are trying to get rid of their summer merchandise. I often go to a Jones factory outlet store near me and at end of season can pick up a jacket for $25 But don't stress over it. A pretty scarf around your shoulders, tied in the front, will also give a finished off look. And if you go in With black pants, a white shirt, nice earrings, maybe a simple chain necklace, and appropriate shoes you will still look like dynamite and well put together. This is very exciting. I'm getting nervous myself
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I agree w hrf a nice scarf esp in this weather would due nicely. Well I sent messages to to men who "flirted" w me and "faved" me. I usually dont reply unless they send actual note but...not knowing how long i'll be on sithe I thought i' throw it out there. NOW, honesty...How much do you tell these guys, I mean about cancer and such. I mean it seems as if you out front w it, would weed out bad eggs from the get go. Like hey Ive been thru divorce and breast cancer so if you cant deal then begone! At least at my age seems better to just lay it out there, and not put up w stress of the "when should I tell him" thing. Will he accept me thing. Really, put it out there before you start something and end up developing feelings then wham get knocked down! Just saying.......
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I don't know that's a huge personal choice, as far as when. The loser I was dating, I told him on our 3rd date. He couldn't grasp why I didn't tell him sooner, maybe I should of, who knows...I think it depends on the person you're talking to, and how much you communicate before you meet, but again it's a pretty individual choice.
I went to the 2nd hand store, and did find a black blazer but not sure if I'll wear it or not. The sleeves are just a tad too long and have to see if it will match my black skirt. I did find a nice button down shirt that's white, purple, black and grey pin striped I could wear with black dress pants or my skirt?
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The shirt sounds lovely. If you feel uncomfotable in the jacket it will affect you so don't do that.....the shirt with a black skirt (no jacket)... nice shoes - small heel (more professional than 6" heels) along with subtle jewellery -- earrings and a simple chain... that will look polished. You will look fine
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don't wear sandals....
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OMG, these men! Yeah, I must say it took a lot of hezpa for him to do that! It was just too funny; lunch at the senior home. Should I bring extra "fixadent"? LOL!
Hugs to you all! I'm still trying......
Joy
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Best of luck on your job interview! Just remember....YOU ARE TERRIFIC! Believe it, feel it, know it, and others will too! As far as these men go and a relationship, I was talking to a guy for two entire weeks on the phone and told him I had BC almost three years ago. Never heard from him again. I understand that guys don't really stop to think about what you've really said, they just hear cancer, figure it's gonna come back, and why should they bother with the hastle. That's what my brother-in-law's opinion was when I talked to him about this. He doesn't think it's right either. But when do you tell someone you are starting to like that you've had such a horrible disease? If you tell them at the beginning, they're scared away; if you tell them in the middle, they want to know why you didn't tell them earlier.......like it would effect they're still liking you or not. It's very bizarre. I don't have a answer but will probably keep looking!
Love to All! Joy
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Kiley - I will tell most on the 2nd or third date but have told some on the first - depends on how the conversation is going. Personally - I like to get it out in the open so it gives them a chance to bail out if needed. I'd rather them know before I get emotionally attached to them. I've only dated one guy who coudln't handle it and told me the next day.
Karyn
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I guess I am old-school; I would never send a guy a message first. I think there is nothing wrong with it at all, if that's what you are comfortable doing, but not something I would ever do.
As for telling them my medical history, that's not going to happen by the 3rd date, I know that much. But I am a little reserved.
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