Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Dragonfly1976

I am... I appreciate that, I didn't respond though.

kiley56

Oh Df,  I'm sorry, but don't let it discourage you.  I know, it's hard, this dateing is tuff stuff.  But it's good you get out there.  How's the pup?  Glad you got out of house with foot of water in it !  Yes we've had rain, little flooding in valley, got to make atrip up north today.  Seems as if rain is slowing down this a.m. .   Hopefully, will have uneventful trip to Portland.    Hugs, Kiley

sweetbean

Huh.  Interesting.  Yes, definitely don't respond.  I have learned if the conversation is good, everyone gets a second date even if there is no chemistry on the first date.  I think chemistry can be a little hard to get on the first date when you are literally just meeting him for the first time.  

OK, then...Next!  Are you corresponding with anyone else? 

Dragonfly1976

Darn Kiley youre going to Portland, that's only 40 minutes from me Portland seems to be ok for the most part, do you come through the gorge an 84? Its bad up thy way, the valley got the majority of the flooding though !!



Unfortunately I am feeling really discouraged.... I think I may take a break from the dating. Guys just don't seem interested in me... This guy of course ended his email with we could be friends. Sweet but we all know what means I don't think I want to keep putting myself out there, out of the 6 dates I've went on in the last couple months not 1 was interested....Must be a good reason. Maybe they need to read the article about going on 6 dates before deciding if there is a connection or not.



The pup is great He's trying his hand at digging, and is going a little stir crazy too! So much rain we haven't been able to get him out for walks as often. Going to get him signed up for obedience training. How is the one you had from the rescue?

kiley56

Well the first pup I had to take back....She just was'nt up for country life LOL.  I have a 3 year old that seems to be working out better, she's great, just one bad habit, rolling in pooh !  Yuck ! Yuck!   But I follow her around and clean up after her so hopefully can clean her "Act" up LOL.  Been takeing her everywhere with me.  Going today with rescue gal to deliver a dog up in Portland, did not want her driving up there by herself.  She's Been down to Riverside, Ca up to Prinville this week in this horrible weather and then has to go up to Portland, Whew what dedication she has to her mission.  Could not let her go by herself !   I hear ya on the stir crazy.  It will hopefully be a good trip.  I've been stareing at my computer most the week with D. to get it back up and running. Now he's sick, proably sick of me and my ancient electronics LOL !  I think its very hard dateing DF, but you are a beautiful woman, the right man will come along.  It's just a difficult process.  And I do believe it's really hard in Oregon, don't know why that is, but it is.    Kiley

twoputter

DR...I am not of fan of evaluating the chemistry thing on the first date anymore.  Guys are a little slower to catch on.  Having fun and great conversation is a wonderful start and will last longer than the "zing" you feel in your stomach. 

 Of the two guys I met last night...one was very analytical and a lot more interested in his faith than I am.  The other made me laugh but seemed a bit out there with his politics.  I'm probably being a little picky but don't think I'll continue with either of them. Having a second date to watch MU basketball today with the guy I met Thursday night..  He's a little country and lives the simple life, but maybe that's okay. 

Dragonfly1976

Well try telling it to this guy, apparently 1 date is all a guy needs to decide if they are a good match or interested. Oh well... none of that is something we can control.

Politics and religion, 2 tough / grey areas lol... Sounds like a fun night tonight for you on the 2nd date! Good luck  

That's great Kiley you're going with her, she's an amazing lady helping with the animals this way! Be safe. Yes dating is hard, and I think I may not be cut out for it. I got to thinking this morning that I really didn't date much. None in high school, I was too picky, my 2 best friends in the world were guys and both would of wanted more in a heart beat but I was 2 picky then They've turned out well, oops! Then after that I met a guy at a club and we dated for a while, then 1 at work and we dated for a while, then I was married for 10 years. The guy after that I met at work and we dated off and on for a couple years. So I guess I got spoiled with meeting someone and it working out right away... Remember that report that came out a couple months ago, it said Oregon was the worst state for me to find a match! Interesting isn't it?

kiley56

Yes, it is sad but true, I've found.  Not sure why that is DF, but I've got some thoughts on it.  We'llgot to go.  Have a good day ladies, I'm off to Portland.  Take Care All, Kiley

hrf

Well, DF, at least he had the courtesy to let you know. But I agree that 1 date is too soon to tell. But that does seem to be the way the world works. I haven't tried eHarmony but is that any better?  There are now even professional matchmakers but I think they are very expensive. Any speed dating events in your area? 

Dragonfly1976

Ive tried eharmony, and had even worse luck. A lot of people make profiles on the free communication weekends. So you get a lot of matches that never respond, or way out of your age and location.

twoputter

I had NO LUCK at all on eharmony.  Few matches and those weren't any better as far as compatibility/personality.  PlentyofFish and Match have worked the best for me.  But then again, I'm still looking.  At least for now.

hrf

In that case, I will never try eHarmony .... no point in wasting my time.

sweetbean

Yes, I didn't have luck on eHarmony. However, my best friend has been with a guy for 1.5 that she met on e-harmony and another friend is married to someone she met there.  I think you never know - cast a wide net!  

Dragonfly1976

I would totally try eharmony, match and pof, but... eharmony is insanely expensive I think for not getting crap out of it?

sweetbean

Yes, I don't want to do it.  If Match doesn't work out, I'm doing Plenty of Fish.  Or just getting out there and meeting people.  I joined Meetup, so maybe that will yield something.  At least I would make some friends.

twoputter

Of the two guys I met this weekend, neither will work out.  One was WAY too spiritual for me; and very serious.  The other made me laugh but WAY out there with political views.  Yes I know you shouldn't discuss politics on a first date.  But I'm very tuned into politics, and someone with such extreme views just wouldn't work out with me.  Meeting Richard tonight; he's a golfer so at least we have that in common.  And I did like the guy (Dwayne) who lives nearby and lives a simple country life. 

klynnz

Dragonfly,

I didn't read that article about dating in Oregon, but I'm inclined to believe it. I haven't had any real luck dating since I moved back 10 years ago. I've tried match, plenty of fish, what have you. The last guy I dated is the father of my 11 month son. He hasn't seen his son ever nor asked about him. He married some girl in September. I told myself I wouldnt date until my son was at least a year, he deserves all my attention. Now, I know that as much as I would like a relationship, I'm not ready. I am glad there was that article, because it makes me feel like maybe there isn't something horribly wrong with me, its just the state I live in. I know that the rejection hurts, which is why I'm not ready, not sure I can even try until reconstruction is done, but dragonfly, please don't become like me. I'm fear I'm turning into one of those bitter old women with no self esteem. I'm going to keep working on me, try and undo some of this damage. Just remember that you are a special and unique woman. Any man would be lucky to have such a strong woman in their corner.

lovehertons

Hello All,

I can't read all the messages on this thread, Its getting late.  I am a DH to a special person.  We met on Match.com 5 years ago.  She had this picture with her 2 year old.  She was trying to put his boots on to go out in the snow.  You could see the frustration in her eyes as he was wiggling away.  It dawned on me that she was the one I wanted to meet as it was so real, not some glamour shot or a picture of a woman bent over in a revealing shirt.  I still have that picture.  We met for coffee and hit it off.   Long story short we were married last Jan 1st.  She was DX'd in april with stage 1a IDC, now it is Stage IV.  I wouldn't trade the past 5 years for anything.  She has enlightened me in so many ways. 

I guess what I am saying is that there is someone out there for all of us.  Breast Cancer has made Di even more beautiful to me.  It has made us both aware that each day must be relished.  I agree that any guy who sees the scars, the "new" breasts as anything other than than the medals of honor that they are is an idiot.  I also understand that so many people are shallow, superficial $@$es.  I went bald when I was 18 and didn't get much of a look from girls til I was about 27(Kinda ironic, I guess the saying that spouses start looking like each other is all to true).

I rattle on, hang in there and by all means try the sites.  You must go through a pile of rotten eggs before you find that "guy/gal".  The ones that don't see you for the strong person you all are is not worth it.  Always love yourself, and keep your head high.  Luck to all, and a big (hug) to you all.

Dragonfly1976

klynnz, I couldn't agree with you more! I know it's not just me honestly, I have quite a few friends, and almost all of them are single and have really had some awful experiences with guys and live in Oregon. Not sure what the common demoninator is but I'm thinking it's the great NW?

Thanks lovehertons for sharing your amazing story! You sound like a great person and your wife is very lucky especially through this battle to have a solid rock by her side! XO

So I pulled a guy move today... I had this guy that I've been texting back and forth for a couple weeks or so ago. We talked on the phone a few times, and he slightly annoyed me because he seemed to know it all. Then too many times his texts would have little sexual innuendos and hidden messages. Then he invited me to dinner tonight and I was supposed to go. He text me this morning and I was trying to get out of the house to run errands, and didn't answer him, he then text 3 more times within the next hour. I didn't have any intentions of ignoring him but he really started creeping me out by texting so much. I was out running errands, having lunch with my Mom etc. So needless to say I did NOT go to dinner with him. I think after my last 3 or 4 first dates, I lost my desire to really keep looking. It's too discouraging, and I need to work on me. I am going to work on losing some weight and just not even bother with dating.

hrf

DF, the guys sounds a little unusual ..... probably not the right one so best to forget him. Seems somewhat controlling/demanding to be texting so many times......

lovehertons, you sound like an amazing husband. You said many great things but the truth is that there is not necessarily someone for everyone....that is the reality. I hope your wife stays strong and that you have many beautiful years together. 

rakulynda

Can I jump in here?  Many of your stories sound similar to mine.  I'm 54 and just entered the dating scene 6 months after my husband of 19 years passed away.  I know this is very soon to start dating again but after his death I found out lota things about him that were lies/deception and that helped tempered the grief. 

I first tried Match and met a guy who just wanted a roll in the hay.  Many others contacted me from that site but after I responded and said "let's meet", never heard from them again.  Are they keeping a scorecard or something???  Then tried pof and had 2 more dates.  Guy #2 was nice but I really felt no chemistry there and he wanted an exclusive relationship right off the bat when all I really wanted with him was someone to occasionally go out to dinner, etc. with.  Guy #3 spent the entire 2 hours of our first meeting telling me all about himself and never once asked one question about me.  Boring.  Move on to OKCupid and again lots of initial contacts but no response after I'd respond but did have a couple of meetings with one guy who I really liked.  Alas, he travels alot and haven't heard from him for two weeks   Since I made the last contact, I'm done there.  Another guy contacted me, we chatted awhile on line and then he wanted to meet.  Two hours before we were to meet, he bailed saying he had overscheduled himself and to call him to see when we could try again to meet.  Huh?  Contact a guy who just bailed on me?  NOT!!!!!!  He called a few days later to see if we might try again and would call in a few hours to set it up.  So when he calls he says he's still running around, blah, blah, blah so I told him I wasn't going to play that game anymore and if he wanted to meet then to commit to a time and be there.  His innuendos about bringing my toothbrush for our first meeting was a big turnoff too so I'm done with this guy too.

So through all this in just 6 months, I'm frustrated with men and this on-line dating thing.  Think I'll just stay off the dating sites awhile until I simmer down and start feeling better about myself!

 Hugs to all of you out there trying to find that special someone.  I know there is someone for all of us but why does it have to be so darned hard and filled with so much game-playing?

Lynda

sweetbean

Eeeeeewwwwww....bring your toothbrush?  Dear Lord.  Good for you for blowing him off!  What a loser.  I have found that a lot of guys really like being on the dating sites and e-mailing, but they chicken out when it actually comes to a date.  I'll e-mail someone 3-5 times, but if they don't ask me out by then, I'm done.  

I'm supposed to have several first dates when I get home this week, but we'll see.  That's gonna be a lot of coffee!!!   I don't have high hopes for a few of them, but I'm giving them a chance anyway.  We'll see...

rakulynda

sweetbean, keep us informed on those first dates.  Maybe for awhile I'll live vicasiously thru others! 

Dragonfly1976

I think we'll all love through Sweetbean lol

Figured all the time I spent searching pof, match and stressing over dating I'd spend more wisely. So last night I took Zorro for a walk, then I got up early this morning and went for another walk, then again tonight. So far I've done a 1 1/2 miles a day, not much, but it's better than nothing. Plus my friend has had great success with these shakes, to promote healthy living and weight loss. She's lost 30 pounds strictly with the shakes so I bought some and they are so tasty. I figure this is a much better use of my time.Anyway that's my new plan!!!

klynnz

I'm agreeing with dragon and Raku, I'm living through sweetnean!! I used pof and match as I work in a small company (22 employees, all women) I meet so many. A lot who had no intention for a real relationship, some who were so opposite of me, others who wanted a relationship so bad that it wasn't me they wanted just a woman. And I met many who didn't find me attractive. I am going to be honest, I would love to meet someone in real life. Don't know if that will happen.



Like dragon. I've decided to work on me. I got a personal trainer today who has training in dealing with cancer patients. Even though I didn't have cancer my mastectomies were done for prevention due to high risk.



I know there are good men out there who don't care about foobs. I'm going to keep hope while I work on me. And I will make sure to always have make-up on while I'm in the produce section!!

sweetbean

OK, folks, I've set up the first date for Friday night 9:30, after my BIL's birthday party.  We are meeting for guacamole, which makes it a win even if the guy's a dud.  This guy looks cool, though, and I appreciate that he asked me out so fast.  Now, to set up the rest....

Dragonfly1976

awesome, way to go sweetbean

rakulynda

We'll be waiting to see how Fri. night goes, sweetbean.  Wouldn't it be nice to meet guys the old-fashioned way instead of this cyber-space stuff?  It always feels so contrived and pressure-filled.  Taking a little poll:  Do you guys tell the guy about BC at the start or a little later?  I've done it both ways and don't see much of a difference either way.

Dragonfly1976

I've only date one new guy since BC, the other guy I was dating when I was diagnosed he didn't care and was there for all of it. I chose to end it with him, then I met a guy on match and supposedly he didn't care, I didn't tell until our 3rd date or time together hanging out. He seemed shocked that I hadn't told him sooner, he tried to make it sound like I tell everyone I'm only 5'7" up front why wouldn't you say this? I don't feel comfortable saying it up front, I want to wait and see if at least after the 1st date it's going anywhere. I've been on 5 first dates and none of them were a match, so glad I didn't go out of my way to tell them! Others will do it before they meet or on the 1st date, you do what's comfortable for YOU!

sweetbean

I'm not telling anyone up front - it's none of the their business.  DF, that guy was totally out of line to expect you to tell him early on.  If there is a connection and potential and I think it is moving in an intimate direction, then I will tell the guy, but I don't owe them crap in the beginning, including personal information.

Edited for grammar.  Oof.