Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Denise,
WE are here to listen--I like how you express your feelings--it's not rambling to me--YOU ARE NOT DEFFECTIUVE!!!! Please know that in your heart that is true. Paula M., what's new. Thanks sisters for your support--I feel like a teenager in love--painful--I should be smarter by now. Oh well. xo
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I have some really good days when I can go to the gym, work out for almost 2 hours and then there are days like today when I feel sad and weepy and I just want to crawl into my bed and stay there. I wonder if this is what people who are bi-polar feel like.
This is the only place that I can express my inner feelings without feeling like I have to hold back because what I have to say may make someone else feel uncomfortable.
Thank you all - you are very special ladies.
Denise
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Denise, I feel much the same as you do and it seems our circumstances are similar (age and widowness). I'm trying to take the approach with men as "Que sera sera, whatever wil be wil be) and try to not get my hopes up too high. Just enjoy the moment. I like male companionship alot but have to keep the other parts of my life in the forefront. Yea, my body is a mass of scars from TRAM reconstruction, no nipple but i figure if I'm ever ready to make a move sexually, I'll know the guy was really serious about me, not my body (I hope!!!) And if that time ever comes to move forward sexually, I'll be looking into "Scream Cream" for my dried up old self! There's lots of posts on this site about it.
Dragonfly, since he bailed once on you, I think you're smart to let him make the next move. If he bails again, I think he's playing games and not ready to date. Don't you? good luck and keep us posted!
Lynda
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He just emailed and asked to meet Saturday night!
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Awesome Df, I so hope you have a good time. I think this is a special place for us single ladies to express ourselves, our hopes, our dreams. Thank You All For sharing. Hugs, Kiley
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I don't know if I can go yet. Supposed to do something with my Mom. Not sure if she was staying over?
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DF, I hope Saturday night works out for you to meet him.
lovemyfamily, I think you are playing with fire .... he's already said he didn't think he could fall in love with you...are you ready for this?
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i appreciate the reality check hrf, I don't want to be stupid
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I mean it's up to you but has anything changed? Or is he now saying - if you want to continue it's up to you but I've been honest with you so don't blame me if you get hurt. Unfortunately, men do this sometimes.
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Chiluv1228: my heart hurt reading your post. You have or had bc, its a part of you. Not all of you. It's not your smile, your laugh, the twinkle in your eye when you've found joy in the moment. Your bc history is just a badge of the courage and strength you have. And you have it. Strength so strong many are jealous of. You didn't sit and let it beat you. You did what it took to survive. Just like you would never judge a soldier who lost his leg in battle, no man or woman would look at your battle scars differently. Cry when you need to, as courage isn't the absence of fear, but the ability to keep trying. Please remember when dating, YOU are not trying out, HE is. You are going out for coffee to see if HE is good enough for a second date. You don't know your expiration date. Girl, you have the best years ahead. You've all touched my life without even trying.
Dragonfly, go if you want but remember, he is auditioning to be with you! Enjoy the fact that you're out on a Saturday, and let him show you why he's a catch as we know you are!!0 -
Thanks Klynnz!!! You're right, I have many things I could be doing instead so if I do go out with him, he better be worth it
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So I emailed the guy yesterday, early evening saying Saturday worked. Asked him when and where and he still hasn't answered....
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and were you guys talking about this Saturday? If he gets back to you, say, "Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't hear from you, so I made other plans. I could do next weekend, though." Definitely don't accept a last minute date.
The guy last night was OK. Just OK. He said he wanted to go out again, so we'll see. He had no knowledge about opera, and I mean none. He asked questions so basic that I didn't know how to answer them. Case in point:
Me: (he asked where I had sung in CT) Well, I sang the soprano solo in Mahler's 2nd Symphony last year.
Him: Really? So what did you sing?
Me: (confused pause) The soprano solo.
Him: Yes, but what were you singing?
Me: (patiently) the solo that was written for soprano
Him: What's it called?
Me: The soprano solo in Mahler's 2nd Symphony.
It was a touch painful. Generally, people have at least seen opera on TV, you know?
Meeting a guy for coffee in 20 minutes. He's already e-mailed me to tell me he is going to be late. Not a great start. *sigh* Cast a wide net....
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ha ha that's funny, but I've never seen an opera on tv
You'd think he'd just smile and answer with something even if he was clueless lol...I am going to make other plans if I don't hear in the next hour or so, not waiting all day to hear from him for sure.
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Klynnz - all I can say is thank you. You almost had me in tears.
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Well ladies, the guy that emailed asking for a 2nd chance basically and that he'd still like to meet tonight for a drink.... I wrote him back yesterday at 7 and he has still not responded with where or when tonight. Guess he was really not serious, so screw him, I made plans with friends for tonight.
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DF, if I ever sing in Oregon, you'll have to come! And good for you for making other plans!
Yes, last night had some awkward moments - like when he asked me how much I thought he should tip. I said 20% because I always tip 20% and because we only ordered two things of guacamole, two margaritas (both his), and my cranberry&seltzer. So come'on, dude, tip the poor waitress 20%.
Today's coffee date was much better, much to my surprise. He was really nice and the conversation was fun. Problem is that he is an executive for a wine company, so he is a total foodie and wine buff. Don't know how well my mostly vegan, no sugar, no alcohol lifestyle is going to mesh with that. But whatever, he asked me out for dinner next weekend and I said yes. Now, I'm going to have to reschedule because I am having my exchange on Thursday (IT'S ALMOST HERE!!!), but I will just call and tell him I am sick and move it to the following weekend.
So today was a surprise, which is why I cast a wide net!
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Definitely, you should try and book something out here that would be great to see
I know, I was hoping to hear back from him, the few times we had talked he seemed really nice. It's odd that he approached me to ask me out then just didn't respond when I asked where/when. I'm not going to message him again though.
That's odd... does the dude never go out, tipping is pretty standard geeze! What a goober.
Sounds like the coffee date went great, who cares if your food lifestyle will differ, if that's the biggest obstacle that's a cake walk
Maybe you'll enjoy some new things and he'll learn some things too!That's so awesome about your exchange, I bet you will be so happy to have it over with. What's the surgery, hospital stay and recovery like for that?
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Surgery is about 2 hours, not including anesthesia time. Then you go home - I'll be checking into a hotel, because it will probably be too late to drive from NYC to CT. Recovery is not too bad - most people are back to normal life after a week. Luckily, I work from home, so I'll probably be back to my desk by Monday. And to have smooshy boobs again - oh, I can't wait!
You know, on one hand, food lifestyle is not a big deal and on the other hand, food is such a huge part of life that you kind of do want someone who shares your views on it. I used to argue about it with an ex - he was totally unhealthy and I'm a health nut. (Flash forward 10 years and I'm the one with cancer.) Anyway, it used to bug him A TON when I would choose a salad instead of pizza. However, I'm putting the cart before the horse - I'll definitely go out with this guy again.
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Hey sisters--trying to stay strong here, missing him, ugh
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This guy I have been seeing on and off since October doesn't want to see me anymore because I quit taking the Femara! Can you believe it?! He needs to lose like 100 lbs and eats more crap and less good food than anybody I have ever met and he is worried about losing me and having his 10 year old son's life upended again.
He says it's not an excuse to break up with me but if it isn't, he's a major control freak. You know what I have to say about that!
EFF YOU Joe!
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Hi Ladies
Sweetbean best wishes to you on your upcoming surgery.
Dragonfly I agree with Sweetbean to not accept a last minute date. Let him do the waiting!
Lovemyfamily Sorry that you are hurting. These Sisters here are very supportive if you need to talk.
As for me, I am spending the evening at home. I did go to the movies and dinner with my son.
Take care ladies
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Well I never did hear from the guy.... Odd
Stayed busy, did some shopping and went to dinner with my Mom.0 -
I Lost my love to asbestos related cancer after 16 1/2 years together approximately but I have never found love since and now I am palliative re my original breast cancer 2004 I would not want to break some ones heart. Though my darling mum she lost a breast and found love and it will be 18-19 years that they have been together this year, so it can happen!
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lovemyfamily, sorry you are hurting. I'm a little confused ... you were with him, then he broke up, then you were back with him and now did you break up again?
DF, does seem strange.
Sweetbean - I have to admit I also know absolutely nothing about opera and might have asked the same questions as that guy....sorry
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Dating vicariously thru you guys - it's all such drama isn't it, but kinda gets the heart racing again! Df, had a guy do that to me too but he actually called the 2nd time but still couldn't commit to a time to meet, blah, blah, blah so I just told him I wasn't going to play that game, goodbye. It pissed me off and made me feel bad that night but the next day was happy to not have gotten involved with such a scatterbrain. I'm scattered enough!!! Going to the Gem and Mineral show on Monday with a great guy I've meet a few times but can't let myself fall for him - he'll be gone to Alaska all summer
!!! So easy to say "can't fall for him" when we have no control over that "falling" thing. Geez. Got a new e-mail from an interesting guy but he lives 70 miles away. Answered that general statement they always post "tell me more about yourself" so let's see if he answers....... sweetbean, I couldn't help but chuckle over that conversation you posted, made me wonder if the guy was really listening to what you were saying! Good luck with your surgery and to those new squishy boobs.
pminxy, I am pallative too, husband died last year of lymphoma but I've decided to live every moment as long as I'm feeling good enough to get out there. But then, each of us has to what feels right for us.
Awaiting the next episode from all of you!
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love to all my bc sisters! hrf, still broken up. Now friends. ugh. We went for a walk and it got heated physically. I should let it go. Sorry to ramble sisters, I am just working out my feelings. BUT, if it were one of my friends doing what I am doing I would advise to let him go. Sucks. I need to grow up.
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It does suck, and it's so hard to let them go, we've ALL been there. Want to make it work, and we sacrifice what we really want and get hurt in the end. I've done it recently myself, and sometimes that's what you have to do to finally heal and get closure!
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I still read your thread regularly...but I rarely post anything here, because I have no dates to talk about. I guess I keep reading here hoping to read the "fairy-tale" story one day. My walls are so high and so strong that it would take "superman" to come flying over the wall to get to me. And I am open to that idea...but what do you think the chances are of that??? I have real trust issues...and I don't want to hurt again like lovemyfamilysomuch is hurting right now. I toy with the "idea" of dating, but I do nothing to make it a reality. I have never done the online dating/hook up thing...now with UMX no reconstruction, can't even believe anyone would get/be/stay interested in me. My defense is staying single then I don't have to worry about it, but truthfully, I am getting damn tired of being alone! I am affraid of the hurt and I would really struggle to give up my freedom. As much as I would like too...I am too broke to create a busy life full of sports/hobbies and outings. Have any of you had/have trust issues that keep you from wanting to date? How did you get past it?
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Fl Warrior - I had trust issues when I started to date after I found out my husband of 14 years was having an affair (started before and continued during tx - I left him after my second A/C chemo)... After meeting a great guy online when my hair was 1/2 inch and chest lopsided - I quickly took the approach - I trust people until they give me a reason not to. Just because a guy in the past betrayed me doesn't mean the next one will.
Good luck
Karyn
PS things with the fire fighter are going very well. He's crazy about me and we are taking a trip to alaska this summer to visit his cousins.
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