Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Thank you for the response DivineMrsM! I will try to follow your suggestions... I think you’re onto something by subtly making it his project. I’ve never thrown any of his stuff away but boy am I tempted!!
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Yes Mrs M - I find it works so much better when my DH thinks his idea.
edited to add: I am going to the library to look for that book.
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Hope it helps, Juniper. The other way to phrase it is by saying, "what would you think if I moved all the music equipment to one side of the room (or put it in boxes, or moved it do a different spare room or whatever start of a solution you have)."
You have to be prepared for answers like "no, I dont want you doing that, that will never do." and other things along those lines. And just accept it, but thats when to say, "well, I was wondering what you think would solve some straightening or thinning out this excess equipment crowding the room ?
Sometimes our hubbys have better or simpler plans than our own approach! And I freely admit, there've been plenty of times when dh has wanted to make some household change and he'll say, "what would you think...." and I will be like, no, no, no, never never. And then maybe later we compromise. Ha ha. Gotta love these relationship ties with our spouses!!!
misty, it is a great book, maybe my favorite about decluttering.
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Juniper, If your dh doesnt do anything with his stuff, move on and just take care of your stuff. You might go weeks and months clearing things, and maybe he eventually sees it has a nice effect around the house and will clear some stuff out. My own dh sometimes takes note after awhile and tosses old stuff out or puts it in the Goodwill pile. But he holds on to lots more stuff than me, and even with mentioning to him numerous times something like "all the clothes in the spare bedroom closet are yours; I got rid of my old clothes out of there." he doesn't get the hint that he could go thru it and purge. I can only do so much and move on to my own miscellany.
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Hi ladies- I wanted to share with all of you I made it to my five year anniversary this past week being cancer free!
I am continuing to take too big clothing to consignment or donations, and letting go of more things stored in my garage. Every time I look at things, I ask if they still serve a purpose, if I enjoy them or want to use them further. Does it add value to my life or take up space? Where does it need to go if I don't want to hang on to it?
Beyond that, I am doing some de-cluttering of friendships in my life again too. A lot of my relationships have changed since cancer; some were deepened, others went away, some remained the same. Some things that need to just go, others I need to reframe.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/is-it-time-...
Wishing you all a good spring cleaning!
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Jazzygirl, what a great post!
I send congratulations on your five year cancer-free anniversary! It is a terrific milestone.
The questions you ask yourself about your stuff are good ones, does it bring value to my life? Serve a purpose? I am learning to pay attention to how I feel around stuff. In re-doing our bathrooom, I picked a certain blue color rug because it felt cheerful and calming. A metal medallion for the wall gave me a joyful feeling. I fell in love with a small, narrow table just right for a long wall in the room. I didn't feel guilty buying any of these items because of how I knew I'd feel each time I saw them.
Dh and I viewed a wonderful collection of artwork on display at a local gallery. It was all different artist's renditions of the old steel mill town where dh once worked, oil paintings, watercolor, acrylic, mixed media. Fabulous, fabulous. Brought so much of what is no longer there back to life. We could have purchased a print of any picture we liked. But for us, there is a melancholy of days gone by attached to this artwork. Those vibrant hey days of our community living large because of thousands of steel mill jobs are gone, never to return. I don't want a sad reminder of that in my house. We have moved on.
The article you shared about decluttering friendships was excellent. It's true, sometimes it is better to move on. I liked that it mentiond being kind about it. We all change over the years as life brings us so many changes. Some times people are only in our lives for a season or two. Learning to let go of unnecessary relationships opens up room for the new. Since mbc, I have learned to do more of what I like and want to do with people I want to spend time with and do less out of obligation.
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Jazzy--CONGRATULATIONS!!!Great article.
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MrsM- I went to the library and got Marie Kondo's book, I went through and took out of it what helps me. I did redo the clothes in my dresser and I love it! And a lot of little things in the book got me re-thinking a lot of what I hang on to.
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mistyeyes, that’s great to hear her tips have benefitted you! She has a follow up book, Spark Joy, that is also helpful. I get my books from the library, too!
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Twelve pair of shoes went to my trunk yesterday to go to the battered woman's home. Most have only been worn a few times. And I haven't done the sandals yet. I still have hope that my big toenails will eventually recover from the detachment of chemo & resultant fungus & severe cutting off by the podiatrist. Six more months before I find out if i can ever wear sandals in public again. Also pulled out 6 pair of pants. I lost 60 lbs with chemo so have various sizes in the closet. More to come.
In the mean time, lots of kitchen stuff going. The compressor on my garage freezer blew out last week & the only new freezer that would fit in the space was about 1/2 the size. While searching for cupboard space, I've set out a number of things to donate - a crock pot, a kitchen aid chopper, 4 sets of glasses, and more. Since the entire kitchen & garage is up-ended anyway, I hope to continue this week.
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Minus--good to take advantage of having the kitchen and garage in disarray to declutter.
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I agree!
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MinusTwo- that is a lot of weight you lost through treatment. I lost 40 during treatment (but had it to loose too) and another surgery I had around the same time, gained 30 back (on the aromatase inhibitors, ugh), but have lost that and going down further to a better weight. I am still getting my too-big clothing out of my closet as well. I hope you are at a comfortable weight now.
Sorry to hear about the freezer compressor going out, but you took good advantage of that to get rid of more stuff.
I have learned about a few more places to donate stuff. I end up with a lot of rubber bands from the daily newspaper (still old school with that) and read on line that the post office or schools can always use those. Old bedding stuff (old blankets, sheets, etc. that may not be in great shape) are great for animal shelters or you can take them to your local vet. It helps the animals to have comfortable bedding in their cages while they await adoption or through vet care.
Also, I have a couple old phones and going to take them to a charity I love called Cell Phone for Soliders. They used to take them by mail but trickier with the batteries you can no longer remove with some of the newer cell phones. I just discovered most cities have drop off locations. I plan to take mine over this week.
https://www.cellphonesforsoldiers.com/
The de-cluttering continues. Have a good week ladies!
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Jazzy - I was happy to loose the 1st 20 lbs. The next 40 made me look anoreoric. Unfortunately even tho I'm hormone negative and didn't take Als, much of the weight has returned over 3 years. Even eating one meal a day and exercising 3-5x a week - it keeps creeping back. So the clothes I'm getting rid of now are the small sizes I had to buy as I shrank. Went from a 14/16 to a 6. Back at my usual 12 now.
I like the cell phone idea. And I have some eye glasses I'm going to dig out too assuming the Lions still collect those.
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Congratulations, JazzyGirl!
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MinusTwo- I was worried you might have gone underweight. That happens to many women. I am a size 12 now too (down from a 14 pushing into a 16). Always been comfortable at a size 12.
VLH- thank you!
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LOL!
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Jazzy, You're right about animal shelters needing towels and bedding. Our shelter has a service that brings fresh towels but we still need the donations. Each animal gets fresh bedding every morning. We have 2 washers and dryers that go full time. We also have a donated supply of small fleece pieces. Those stay with the same cat throughout their stay and go home with them when adopted.
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Wren, sounds like such a nice, caring animal shelter!
Today dh and I went through his jeans and socks to see “what he should keep". That's how I presented it to him, rather than “give some of this crap away or pitch it!" (What I was thinking!). He keeps most of his clothes in a narrow room across from our bedroom.
He had 17 pair of jeans. (Eye roll). He willingly donated four pair to the Goodwill pile and agreed to throw out five pair that were too worn or too big (a couple years ago he lost 50 lbs but still had jeans from that time). He also willingly donated a couple pair of dress pants that he said “did nothing for him."
At Christmas, I bought him Duluth work sox, they are like the Cadillac of socks. He loved them so much, I bought another package two weeks ago. He has gone through countless other brand socks over the years as they get holes in them quickly. Not the Duluth! So he kept the Duluth sox in the narrow room dresser, and we got rid of any old socks with holes (he had a “hole"drawer full). Ones in good shape filled an empty drawer in our bedroom dresser, and I said in a year, any he has not worn from that drawer we would donate.
I had him put all jeans on our bed first and go thru and sort. Then did the same withh the socks. This took less than 45 minutes.
Empty dresser drawer was from my Marie Kondo purge last year!
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Wow! I am impressed! It's one thing to toss our own stuff, but to get a DH to do so is miraculous.
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Divine Mrs.M- I bet you both felt so free after that. That's how I feel when I declutter....free.
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Mrs. M--what a great way to engage DH in the decluttering process! Sometimes presentation of an idea is half the battle to acceptance. As to the Duluth sox, when you find something that works and holds up, I say go for it. Love the idea of parking stuff for a year and then re-evaluating.
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Boy can I relate to the need to de-clutter DH’s stuff. My husband is a pack rat too. He’s always gonna use it some day. He’s a great handyman so he has accumulated a zillion nails, etc stored in cabinets in our garage. I don’t throw tools away of course but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve cleaned out and organized the garage. Some things H.D. hoards make zero sense so I take the bull by the horns and get rid of them. He won’t even notice - at least for now.
Ditto with the inside. His socks are a nightmare. I’ve already cleaned out all the closets and donated to Vietnam vets. I am probably OC about neatness but having clothes you will never wear is crazy and just takes up space which we don’t have a lot of.
It’s such a good feeling to get it organized and it will stay that way at least for now.
More Spring cleaning next week.
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edwards, my husband is so similar! Sometimes I have to say, “No keeping this 'just in case'!" Because that is one of his hang-ups, fear of tossing something only to need it a week/month/five years later!0
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Hubby is so much better at decluttering than I am. He's almost a Spartan, whereas I am a sentimental saver.
We went through the shed one Saturday morning. So much stuff we hadn't used since the kids were smaller. There was a lot of chalk sticks and bubble bottles; beach toys; lots of soccer balls and other balls; an old inflatable pool; paddles and life jackets for canoeing; helmets and pads for bikes and scooters; and two Razer scooters. We also tossed a hand-me-down kitchen island that was too heavy and falling apart and some leftover wood from a construction project.
We also advantage of big trash day to help us declutter. We put the stuff out a few days early. People came by our house and picked things over. The Razer scooters disappeared within a few minutes and the canoe paddles within the hour. I was sad for the scooters that my kids didn't want them, but obviously someone else did!
I was working during the actual pickup time, so I don't know what was taken by others and what was eventually trashed. That was good. I like to think that much of it found a home. Next time, I'll also not be home during pickup time.
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Mominator, you did good. Our kids also didn't want our stuff. They are 25 & 31, so I guess they know what they want and don't want. Neither plans to have children. It hurt my heart to get rid of the rocking horse and the Batman toys. I gave them to a neighbor with two little boys. No doubt, they will enjoy them for many years to come.
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My only son is 47. They are still adamant about not having children and don't want anything. I'm gradually taking some of his favorite toys to neighbors & friends small ones, but I haven't been able to part with the Playskool Blocks or the Skaneateles wooden train. And I certainly haven't been able to toss the much loved children's books.
Today my trunk & back seat are loaded to the top with things that I'll drop off at the battered women's thrift shop on the way to the Med Center. 13% of their expenses are covered by sales of the used donations. In addition there is a collection of new soaps, shampoos, toothpastes etc. from hotel stays to go directly for the women's use.
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I'm in the process of going through my things, and I find it stressful at the time but then liberating when I'm done with the task or amount of time I've set to do de-cluttering. It feels great to get stuff out of the house, I feel lighter even though I haven't lost any weight in the process!
My mother is a bona finde hoarder, so I feel both guilty about throwing things away (vestiges of how I was raised) and terrified to become her. It's tough!
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My mother was also a hoarder. When she passed it took 7 of us over 6 weeks to go through her stuff, weed out the immense amount of trash, and divide the rest between relatives and the thrift store. When I got home from that ordeal I immediately started on my own stuff. I'm not a "collector", but we still had a lot of extra stuff. My kids took a few things and the rest went to the thrift store. We put the remaining bare minimum into storage and moved into our camper. Thats working out very well. The big thing about RV living is storage space, or lack of. It forces us to make decisions on possessions on the front end--where is this or that item going to go and does it have a dual purpose? It's amazing how little we need to live a satisfying life.
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Sweet Pea, Very interesting. DIL's mother is a hoarder and she really doesn't want to be one. But she keeps clothing that's worn out or has holes. DS goes thru her closet and tosses these items. He says she never says anything about it. DS accused us of being hoarders until he met his M-I-L. Now he's downgraded us to pack rats.
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