Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Good afternoon friends- I recently cleaned out a closet and went through a lot of "old purses" to bring to consignment or donate. As part of that process, I found this lovely tooled leather purse that had belonged to my mother and that she bought during one of her visits here to NM. It may even been her last visit before she became ill, and never could travel to visit me here again. I was grateful she got to see my new home after it was built that year and remember how much she loved finding this purse and buying it during her visit here.
That purse was one of those things I held on to because she liked it so much, and yet I have never used it since it came to me after her death in 2012 (six years next month). It held a memory of a visit and a shopping trip, but nothing deeper for me. I did not feel I could just donate it though, something about that did not feel totally right? Then as I was looking at it again, I remembered that I had never given anything to a particular cousin of ours that she was close to. I had given her sister a lovely pin of mom's when she visited here last in 2014, and had it in my mind to give something to the other cousin, but never could figure anything out to pass along or that was easy to mail. So I wrote to this cousin recently, and asked if she might like it and sent a pic too. Her style is also such that I knew she would wear/use it vs. it sitting in a closet as it had been. My cousin loved my offer and graciously said yes, and it is packaged up and going off to her this week.
I have found so many times with things I have of my mothers, it has really taken time to let go of things to only keep that which has the most special memories for me. Stuff really does come with so much memory and emotion, but I continue to be amazed how with time, we can continue to let go of these things that they loved, but did not have any special meaning to us. I am so happy to be sending mom's lovely purse to a new home this week!
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I have my great grandmother's rocking chair. She would sit in it and tell me wonderful stories of growing up on the frontier. It's not very comfortable and not valuable and I'm planning to get rid of it. DS said he wanted it, but without checking with his wife. It's not her style at all, so I think she'll nix it. It's oak and from late 1800's to early 1900's. I'm sure it wasn't expensive in the first place and it's been mended to the point it's only fit to sit on the front porch to rock in. (I don't have such a porch.)
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Jazzy--that purse is going to a special place, and where it was meant to be. Letting go of things is an ongoing process, isn't it?
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Jazz - I think your mom would be pleased that the purse she loved is going to someone who loves it also.
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Thanks ladies. The purse has also opened up more conversation with my cousin and I for the first time in awhile. We live far away from each other and have busy lives, but the purse has also created a re-connection and several e-mails back and forth about life, family, activities and more. Stuff can do cool things too create bonding as you pass it along!
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To cool!
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This article popped up on Pinterest and I thought of yinz. It is an interesting perspective, one I hadn't necessarily come across before:
4 ways decluttering can help when you're stuck in life
August 31, 2016
Yuko Henden, Small business declutterer & organizer
Have you ever felt being lost? Have you felt like you were living someone else's life but didn't know what to do about it? Are you generally happy but there is that nagging feeling that something is not quite right?
Every time I was stuck in life, I've done one thing, and that's decluttering. Examining your clutter can give you an insight into who you are, and that information can help you decide how to proceed. Below, I am going to explain how it works.
Your clutter tells you who you are
At some point, you made the decision to collect what you now consider clutter. Clutter didn't happen on its own. OK, so it was your Aunty Lou who gave you that hideous sweater two Christmases ago, but you kept it because you love her.
As you go through your clutter, you will notice a pattern. You probably have similar or identical items. Maybe you have multiple mugs with silly sayings on them. Maybe you're obsessed with white blouses. Or you have hundreds of books that you haven't read yet.
These patterns tell you what you like and care about. You with the silly mugs like to say funny stuff and make people laugh. You probably enjoy being around people. Miss White Blouses likes being tidy, organized and punctual. You get offended when people show up late. The book collector is fascinated by things they don't know. Pay close attention to these patterns because they are the keys to understanding who you are.
Your clutter chronicles your changes throughout the years
You are always evolving and so the clutter you collect reflects your changes. Perhaps you were into knitting five years ago but not so much now. Maybe you were into hiking when you were with your ex; now the gears are just lying on your garage floor collecting dust. I know several people who kept all their school notes and books since elementary school. These are markers of your past, and who you were.
To be reacquainted with your past is sometimes useful since it gives you a hint on who you are today. Who were you ten years ago and what changed you? Was it certain people or a decision you made? Did the change happen gradually? Do you like the changes you see in yourself?
Your clutter tells you about your aspirations
I bought tons of self-help books, beauty products, exercising equipment and enrolled in courses hoping to be a better, upgraded version of myself. I'm not sure if I learned anything from the majority of the self-help books, and I still look the same after using various lotions and potions. Only exercising equipment I now own is a yoga mat that gets used maybe twice a week. I don't even remember which courses I took.
If I still owned these items, they would represent my hopes and aspirations. They tell who I want to be, what I value and what I think makes me happy once I get them. But I want to be better is a flip side of I am not happy with who I am today, which leads to my next point....
Your clutter tells you about your unresolved issues—solve it or let it go.
Why am I obsessed with looking in a certain way and being perceived as intelligent? Well, I blame my upbringing. (Great, society and parents always get the blame!) I had a very unhealthy relationship with my parents and that (de)formed my perspective.
So I have two issues to conquer: 1) let go of the damaging attitude that constantly put myself as less than ideal; 2) decide if I want to keep talking to my parents who haven't changed. I've been working on the first issue, pretty much all my life, and it's been so hard! Oh well, such is life. For the second issue, I recently chose to cut ties with my parents. I'm not sure if there is a direct connection or not, but I made that decision a few months after I let go of old family photo albums (13 volumes!).
In summary, as you notice patterns in your clutter, see the changes in things you accumulate over the years, pick on the corpses of your hopes and aspirations, and explore your unresolved issues, you will have a clearer picture of who you are and where you want to go.
Happy decluttering!
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MrsM - very interesting. A compelling argument that I frequently have with my BFF. She and her fore bearers did not chronicle or save any letters or artifacts from family history. Mine saved everything & each piece has a special story. Her position is that it's hereditary. (?) If so, my only son missed the gene.
One of my grandpas wrote in his diary every day from high school until he died at age 90+. We learn from examples - but I'm hoping not to save a much paper as my Mother did. She saved all of the "work" of her children from the time they could first make a finger painting, and then started saving the same from her grandchildren. Not to mention all of our baby teeth. My Dad saved all his tax returns & W-2s from the the 1930s. You can imagine the nightmare trying to clean out their large house in another state. There was just no time to go through things no matter how fascinating it might have been from a historical perspective.
It was most interesting to go back and read my diaries from junior high & high school last year. I did not journal every day or even every week, but enough for me to remember the emotions exactly fifty years later. I'd like to go through them again before I pitch them. Yes, what you save does speak to who you are. I'd like it to point where I'm going.
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MinusTwo, I think it's a generational thing. My mother passed away last summer. She and her DH saved every letter and card they ever received, 30 boxes of correspondence. Additionally, we found miscellaneous newspaper clippings, pizza flyers, ancient tax returns, cancelled checks, pictures, sheet music, sewing patterns, nuts & bolts, and craft supplies mixed in with important papers. Literally, thousands of pounds of this stuff. Much as I hated to do it, I had to get rid of most of it. It was interesting reading some of the letters, a little capsule in time, but realistically, no one has space for all this stuff.
It prompted me to go through my stuff. I have been a journal keeper over the years. I imagined my kids reading through the journals with hearts full of love. What i found was an alarming collection of work documenting my many bouts of mental illness. Some of it relayed my deep unhappiness with my husband and children. Some of It was suicidal ranting. Apparently, I tended not to document the good times. This is decidedly NOT something I want my family to find after I'm gone! I dumped at least 25 boxes of journals and letters.
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Poodles - yup, I agree. I tended to journal when there were problems or I was unhappy. I don't want my son reading my journals either. Or the years of avid correspondence with three or 4 friends over 50+ years. One of those friends decided he wants back all his letters that I saved. After re-reading some, I'm not sure I could send them in good conscience w/o re-reading them all &/or redacting. I doubt his wife would be pleased with him wandering in the past. But then, who am I to censor? The others have said emphatically no - shred the letters, or they have already died, and I sure wouldn't send old letters to their children.
When my BFF died, I was the one to clean out her house. She had one grown son who lived in HI. She had meticulously prepared scrap books & MANY photo albums for 40 years & he wasn't interested. I made him sit down with me and skim through the photos but he kept fewer than 20 pictures. Honestly I expect he did that to appease me & threw away 18 the minute I wasn't looking. He didn't want his grandma's china & didn't even care about the tools.
While I was frustrated with all the stuff my parents kept, I was hurt for my dead friend that her son didn't want his mom's stuff or memories. Maybe it's a "girl thing"? I agree much of it is generational in this disposable economy.
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MrsM - The article was very thought provoking. I seen myself in some of the categories. And seeing who I was and how I felt at that time with that person, I can move to be who I want to be....or just be comfortable and content with who I am. BUT so much more organized and uncluttered!!! lol
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Minus Two, I think it's a generational thing. I invited my children, 24 & 31, to take what they wanted from both my house and my mother's. They wanted very little. Just a couple of lamps from my mom's and a couple pieces of furniture from us. They didn't want the knick-knacks, souvenirs, or pictures of people they barely know. I kept my mother-in-laws china because I think my DD will eventually want it. DS asked me to keep the piano for him until he gets a home (can't really have it in his apt.) So i have a bunch of stuff in a 10 x 10 storage unit, for now (we are living in an RV, so we don't have room for anything!)
But it doesnt really bother me too much. I understand. I'm not a collector of things. I didn't want much of my mother's stuff and my sister did. I was happy to have it off my hands. Had no one wanted the stuff, I would have given it ALL away. In fact, much of mother's stuff AND mine went to the thrift store to be loved by a new family.
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Interesting about the journals. I have about six or seven from the past thirty years or so. I, too, tended to write when I was frustrated or upset with life. I don't know that I want to part with the journals just yet, but I don't see my ds reading them, either.
I haven't journaled much in the past seven yrs.
I have four photo boxes filled with pictures and they stack neatly inside a small cabinet. Many pictures I have taken a photo of and posted on FB. I named my son as the person who has access to my FB account when I'm gone. It's called a legacy page then. He'll continue to have access to the photos on my FB page, there are tons. He's more likely to look at them on an electronic device rather than a hard copy. One thing, tho, we don't know how long Fb would even be around in the future. Technology moves at such a fast pace now, it's hard to say where it will lead us.
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I have kept two large containers of pictires. My plan was to take them out and organize them periodically. Unfortunately, they are stuck behind a wall of large furniture in the storage unit, along with a few other things that I meant to leave accessible. Oops!
It would kill me to know that my husband and children had accidentally read my darkest inner thoughts. Those journals would probably inflict a lot of unnecessary pain on everyone. I'm really glad I took care to dispose of my writings while I'm still able to do so.
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Poodles, I shredded all my old journals for the same reason you did yours. Turns out I only wrote when in a major depressive episode, so no one else ever needs to see that.
My mother died when I was 4. Her mother and brother saved her letters and gave them to me when I became an adult. I typed them up in date order and printed a copy for me and one for each of my children. It's fascinating from a history point of view. She was a single mother during WWII with all the rationing and shortages. She wrote letters to men in the service so they would get mail from the US. Some were brothers of friends, and some were part of a campaign to make sure all servicemen received mail from home.
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You know, George Washington left his wife, Martha, strict instructions to destroy his letters upon his death. This, she did. I use to think how horribly sad it was to have lost this body of work. Now that I'm in my 60s I think i understand.
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Dh and I are finishing up a bathroom renovation, we've been at it about six weeks. It's our upstairs bathroom, now used mostly by just us two, and was severely outdated not to mention how much dirtier we realized it was once we started the demo part of it. The process has been stressful, tho the effort's been well worth the trouble. I pitched a bunch of stuff from the closet and it just feels good to get rid of all those old fixtures which haven't seen a good day since sometime back in the 1980's! Since we used the first floor bathroom to shower during the reno, I also cleared junk out of the cupboards in there. We can't wait to finally get things back to normal, but right after the holidays and in the winter was just the right time to attack the project.
On another note, here's a screenshot of a page from the book I recently mentioned, "what is your clutter trying to tell you?" It offers good advice about setting boundaries so we don't get overwhelmed with life in general. I used to tolerate too much, dread talking to certain people and do stuff out of obligatin rather than do what really mattered to me. I've since learned to do right by myself, and it went a long way to helping me lose the cutter!
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Divine- I love the copy from the book about boundaries. I have been working on those my whole life, but especially since breast cancer. Those are great questions to ask and decluttering is way more than cleaning off counter tops and taking bags to donations. It is decluttering your life of things that just don't enhance your life. Thank you for this!
Your bathroom project is really pushing you with de-cluttering activities! I found it to be the same a few years ago when I had the house repainted and flooring redone. I am going to focus on some long overdue paperwork things this week.
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Mrs. M--thanks for sharing the info from the book. It's something I need to think about right now
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Teka- working on that here too, glad DH is doing his part.
I am working on de-cluttering my phone and related service expenses. I happened to notice my bills for telephone, internet, and TV are going up, Up, UP and looking for some ways to reduce expenses. I started with my home phone line company and noticed my voice mail service cost is now up to almost $40 a month. My home phone is not a primary number anymore, but now just a back up to my cell which I use for business as well as all other important calls. I keep my home phone number for a resource for my business, it's tied to my alarm system, as well as have an extra line for a biz fax.
When I set up my home phone 14 years ago when I built this house, the voice mail featured costed like $10 a month. Now it is close to 4X that amount in that period of time. Not like anything great has changed with that either to justify the cost increase? So I bought an answering machine and set that up and tested it today, and cancelled the VM which will be done by end of business today. Going in shortly to remove any old message info from that VM before it shuts down and goes away. That change alone will save me close to $500 a year.
Next is my cable and DSL bill. That has gone very high too and need to determine if I can save money there as well. I am debating about removing my HBO/Cinemax to see if I miss it. That is another one that started out with a special deal at $9.99 a month and is now up to $25 a month. I told myself if I shut it off and want to turn it on later, I can. I have yet to use Netflix but think that may be a better option (cheaper too). I worked to get my Verizon bill for my phone and tablet (also for business) down last year and that has been much better and saved myself a bunch of money in the process.
These phone, internet and TV companies tend to do this, jack up the prices through time, plus there are a thousand taxes that get added on for these services (my home phone lines alone have $20 in taxes and fees) and don't have control over that, but can decide if it is time to let go of some of the services.
Check your bills when you can and you may find you can de-clutter some things that are not bringing you value and costing you $$$$ you can use for other things.
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Jazzygirl, congratulations on the big $500 savings eliminating something you will never miss! That is quite a yearly savings!
A couple of summers ago, dh and I dropped our extended cable service @ $75 and went with basic service @ $25 monthly, saving us $600 yearly. You are right, Jazzy, the companies increase rates often. Most of the extended cable channels we never even watched, and the ones we did were often continuos repeats of progams we already saw. Why pay for that. We have Netfix, which I love, and also Amazon Prime which offers some free viewing.
We have Android smartphones with TracFone service and for both of us combined, that costs us at the most $225 for the entire year. The phones came with a years worth of minutes, texts and data, so they were basically free. Cell phones sure come in handy, but I'm not married to mine, so why shell out hard earned money for the status? We keep a landline which is $35 monthly. Very doable.
For awhile dh belonged to a shave club, six bucks a month and they mailed you razor blades. After a couple years, I tossed all the surplus razors in a zip lock bag and told him, "we can shave for at least 3 years without ever having to buy more blades!" ! So he cancelled the subscription. We aren't that hairy, anyway!
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A longtime lurker checking in…
Jazzy, I call my cable provider periodically when rates increase & they typically offer some kind of concession. I'll sometimes have a competitor's ad and ask, "Can you help me so I can stay with your company?" A pleasant inquiry is much more welcome to the customer service rep than the usual grumpy complaints. Also, my provider (ATT Uverse) offers free HBO weekends periodically. It means some binge watching if you follow a series, but you can usually record movies since they air on multiple HBO channels. I did that with "Wonder Woman" with the free promo this past weekend. Free is my favorite price. :-)
Lyn
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VLH- yes, going to do that before I choose to drop HBO. A friend of mine told me they use YouTube TV and it is like $20 a month. Looking in to that too. I am not a big TV person, but love my movies.
Divine- I love your ideas too!
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Jazzy--I went through something similar, ended up dropping the home phone and cable/satellite TV entirely. I do use Netflix and Hulu, as well as Amazon Prime video services, bought an HD antenna and get the local channels over the air for free now. My phone, internet and cable was bundled, which saved me a bunch of money several years ago, and was over $200 a month. Now I'm paying $25 for internet, $45 for the cell phone, Amazon Prime, Netflix and Hulu come to less than $20 per month, less than half what it was before. It really does make sense to look at these things from time to time. Savings will change as circumstances and billing patterns change.
Mrs. M--Ah, the monthly clubs, that's an area I need to look at!
VLH--good advice!
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Our hot water heater died of old age and DH had to move a ton of stuff so the repair people could get to it. I'm going to sneak downstairs and see what's there I could confiscate. I know there are magazines. I think there's a warm coat that someone else could use. We'll see.
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Happy hunting, Wren! 😀
Lyn
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I love reading this thread, I get so many ideas. Now I need the time and energy to do all the things spinning in my head. My first project I want to do is my bedroom, I want to unclutter it and make it more Zen like, just a peaceful area to be in. That may have to wait a bit, I told my DH that I would work out in the yard with him this weekend before it gets too hot to be out there.
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misty, glad you are inspired! I find it helps to make a list. Just a short one. It helps to focus my thoughts. You are smart to get the yard work done while weather permits. You could put that tops on your list, then put "declutter bedroom" next. That way, when yard work starts wrapping up, you know where to direct your energy next, so there is a flow to the process. When you get around to the bedroom, Remember to take frequent breaks. Its easiest for most people to start with decluttering clothes. Keep only what you love.
Marie Kondo's book The Magic of Tidying Up gives excellent tips and I've adapted many to help me. For example, I pulled all my clothes out of the closet and drawers in my room and put them on the bed. Then I went item by item. A lot did not go back in the closet and drawers. I watched TV while I did this and treated myself to Diet Coke thru the process. No need to make it a grueling effort. Some days I did this for 30 minutes. Other days I spent an hour or two. Even cleaning out one drawer of miscellaneous clutter before bedtime moved the process along.
Dh and I are finishing the bathroom renovating, and I was going for a more zen feel, too. It turned out nice, a bit bare bones just yet but we wil add wall decor as we find what speaks to both of us, rather than fill the space with anything. Right now it is so clean, I am loving it.
Best wishes to you!
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What do you suggest when ones DH doesn't want to part with one single thing? Our dining room is currently unusable because it is full of musical equipment, extension cords, small broken tables, wires, clamp lamps, speakers, amplifiers, etc.
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Juniper, you really can't get rid of someone else's stuff. Is it possible to move those things to another room in the house or create a space for the equipment by cleaning another area of house, basement or garage? Would your dh allow you to at least put some of the things in boxes that you could stack or store in the corner of the room? And you could always promise him something like a month of Sunday dinners of his favorite foods at the dining room table if he would clean out the place.
I've recently learned to phrase questions this way: "Do you think we could find a way to clean up this area (room)? " "What do you think is the best way to do that?" "How do you think we can go about using this room more often for meals? Asking my dh what he thinks, rather than tell him what to do really seems to get better results. And everything may not go exactly how I want, but there is usually progress and it becomes more of a joint effort rather than one sided.
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