INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Good Afternoon Ladies,
I thought I'd only missed posting for a day and a half, but maybe longer, because I found I was 4 pages behind when I logged on today.
Holinone & Mags - So sorry to hear of your progression. I hope your doctors will come up with Tx's that will slow/stop those nasty cancer cells.
Wenchie - I know what you mean when you say how wonderful that first shower is. Don't be in too much of a hurry to get back to the mowing, that grass will keep growing and your mower will be waiting for you when you're ready. In the mean time, at least you have a nice husband who is willing to fill in until you get back to it. Bless him!
Tomorrow I go for my nearly 6 week post-op appt. Taking the train at 1:00 p.m.
I've been craving my chili recipe for awhile, so I cooked it yesterday. It has ground beef, ground pork, applewood smoked bacon, bell peppers, onions, and some other things. In the process I had measured out the 4 tblsp. of chili powder out, dumped that into pot, but when it came to the oregano I accidently grabbed the tablespoon again instead of the teaspoon. When I realize this I'm thinking, YIKES! now what. I decided to add an extra pound of ground beef and then adjusted the other seaonings. It is still tasty, but not quite what it would have been if I'd not made that mistake. I had used my 12 qt. stock pot and ended up with about 9 qts. of chili. Fortunately a couple of my neighbors like chili, so I shared some with them. Now I think I'm down to 5 qts. Freezer is full, so I'll be eating chili for at least the next week. There are worse things I know.
I know I've shared in the past how my Mother has a VERY narcissistic personality and has always (I think) gotten great pleasure out of saying/doing things to cause me great emotional pain. Well just when I think I am beyond it all, she manages to yank my chain AGAIN. Two days ago she let it slip (yeah right) that she is selling her condo and buying a house. Well that isn't the issue. The issue is that she has been friends with a particular woman for approx. 10 years that takes her out to lunch/dinner, etc., goes berry picking each year, and so on, and is apparently going to be half owner of the new house. My Mother also informed me that that woman will inherit the house and all of the furniture when my Mother dies. My Mother and I have never had a normal/good, Mother/daughter relationship, but this is especially hurtful. For pete's sake she cut off all communication with me for 5.5 years because I tried to find info. about my biological Father. I guess I shouldn't be at all surprised. The only reason she has even started talking to me again was because the woman she's buying the house with hid the fact that she was so close to my Mother when I told her about my Dx, and she proceeded to tell my Mother about it rather than waiting to let me decide to do it myself. I GREATLY despise deceitful people.
I truely don't need this added stress and wish we had just left things the way they were for the previous 5.5 years.
In speaking with my sister, it turns out her Mother is just like mine and we have very similar stories. Ironic that our Father would marry the same type of woman twice.
I want so badly to move somewhere way far away from here, but won't give up my MO & Orthopedic Oncologist (less than 50 O.O.'s in the whole U.S.).
Well guess that is all for now. Will check back later. Thank you for allowing me to vent to you. Hope everyone has a good Sunday afternoon.
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Put some Solarcaine that had aloe in it on this morning before I got dressed. Hubby would only let me clean my fish tank today and then he made me lay down for a bit because I had overdone things yesterday and my right hip was hurting. Before that we had to fix my recliner for the second time in a month as a couple of rivets busted thanks to when my friend from Tennessee was here a couple of years ago. She plopped down hard in my chair and sprawled out in it which caused the initial damage. Foot rest is completely broken and won't go down to close at all, even with the repairs my hubby and I have done. Trying to hang on to the recliner for as long as I can. Would love to get a new one but with having to have put in a new hot water heater in while hubby was laid up, we just can't swing the cost of a new one right now. So right now where the damage occurred, it's being held together by bolts, nuts and washers. Dang awkward to get in and out of the recliner.
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Jazzy, sorry that your Mum hurt you with that announcement, cannot blame you in the slightest for feeling hurt.
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Chevy I want to shop were YOU shop 😜
Patty ~ I nodded off several times mid sentence while I was typing last night. Finally put myself to bed and was wide awake again! FFH and I sleep in different rooms - he snores and I move around to much changing positions, re-arraigning pillows, flipping covers off and on, turning the fan off and on..... ugh.
Will you sleep better tonight after being awake for long? I listen to my "sleep" playlist to help me drift off. It usually works...if I hear one of the songs from my list during the day it always makes me tired 💤
HiHo ~ In your pocket tomorrow. I'll have to bounce in and out though. Tomorrow is my day o'scanning. My hospital is a long drive away....I'll have to be up at 4:30 to get ready. That's my usual bedtime! Hope you get to sleep in a bit before your day 🙂
Feline ~ So sorry for your neighbor. Damned cancer. It just seems to be everywhere. (sigh) You are a sweet friend to look after her dog. Prayers for comfort and peace.....
Mags ~ Your baby kitty is a witty bitty fuzzy-wuzzy wittle wovie! 😻 (nope, no crazy cat lady here!) What have you named that little angel? Ohhh that little tummy and teeny feetsies I am sure if everyone had enough baby kitties all the time there would be an end to all the ills in the world. No more war, sickness nor sorrows. Not sure about an end to poverty as we would be buying enormous quantities of kitty toys and such..... Oh, yes, and we would need lots and lots of those pretty cowboys to help wrangle our kittens!
Wenchie ~ A girl's feelings for her tractors run deep, I know it must be hard to see them out without you. I'm sure DH will be good to them. Gentle ((hugs)) to you!
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JazzyBug.... Well honey, your Mom has a lot of balls to act the way she does, and then TELL you the stupid things she does. She has no filter, right? You don't need to be around this type of behavior, whether it is from a neighbor, or a "mother".... and I use that term loosely. Just move on. Don't expect anything more from that person. Neither she nor her life-long friend are worth your good nature!
But you know, that is what makes you the way you are! We need people in our lives that constantly hurt us, and try and make us feel inferior. We all have those.... until we learn to realize we are only accountable to ourselves. It is our only job in life, to keep ourselves happy, and not to let hurtful things come into our hearts. We've all been around people like this.... We gotta let them go. Then we can go on being proud, and responsible for ourselves....Hold your head high, and just take care of yourself!
Sometimes we let them go from our loved ones lives! If they are constantly hurting someone we love or care about, we have to figure out how we can shelter these jabs and barbs to our loved ones..... because it not only brings them down, but us too. Oh man, I can't count the times my in-laws were plain old B-tards not only to me, but to their SON! He was not the favorite... But we had each other, and that's all we needed or wanted.
When we look back on terrible behavior from someone we have trusted or cared about, we should think.... "I don't need this in my life...." Why did I/we put up with it so long? We are always trying to protect somebody, or "fix" someone.... just stay as sweet as you are..... that's all that counts.
Maybe someday things will change, but not likely....
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JunieB~ WOW.....words fail me. You are a strong, caring, capable GOOD person. You have been the best daughter you could be. Your mother has chosen her path in life long ago. Let her continue on her journey of negativity on her own. You don't need her and she doesn't deserve you. I'm so sorry for all the hurt she's caused you. I think your sister has come into your life at just the right time. So wonderful you are continuing to get to know each other and are getting along so well. A "new" family, new beginnings, new happiness 😇
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Good post Shep!
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Jazzy, so sorry that your mom has hurt you like that so many
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JazzyJune- sorry about your mom and the way she is treating you. Going to PM you some thoughts on this.
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Junie - your Mom must be a very unhappy person to be so toxic , unfortunately she probably is not going to change. Step back from her , she is not adding anything positive to your relationship . You have found your sister and it sounds like you are forming a bond with her
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Junie, I'm so sorry your Mom treats you that way. Do you suppose she and the 'friend' are actually a couple? And she's afraid to come out to you? Naw, she would do it if she thought she could hurt you. I'm not surprised your sister's mother was similar. They say you marry the parent you had problems with and try to make it come out differently. In any case, you are a shining light and can be proud of yourself for not retaliating. Must be tempting though.
Shepkitty, My son played Norah Jones' first album for nap time when GS was a baby. To this day it makes me sleepy too.
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OMG! Jazzy! YOU have a narcissistic mother TOO??!! My mother is horrible! She treated me so badly when I was diagnosed in 2005. I haven't even told her about my recurrence. Not to protect her, but to protect ME! She's 92 and still kicking. I am so sorry your mother hs treated you so badly, as well.
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Thank you so very much ladies for your support. Reading your kind words feels so foreign to me, since they are not words I've ever heard from my own mother. But, despite all of her cruelty over the years I've tried and tried to somehow gain her approval if not motherly love. Never will happen, yet the thought of actually walking away from the one person who brought you into the world seems so unnatural.
I do have to admit though, at that time during this latest conversation I wanted very badly to blurt out "Good news Mother, the man you've hated for 50 some years is dead so you can give up the hate." and "Oh by the way I have found my Sister." But I know it wouldn't give me the solace I'm hoping for, it would only lower me to her level.
I have another friend who told me on Friday that when my mother heard about my recurrence, she was genuinely upset about it. I told my friend that I don't believe it. You don't treat a person the way she does if you have actual genuine love for them. Personally, I believe my mother would be really pissed off if I had the audacity to die before her. However, she could certainly milk it for all the sympathy she could get as the victim (in her mind). She's nearly 81, so who knows how long she will be around. The other woman who apparently is the daughter (in my mothers' mind) that I'm not, does have medical power of attorney & is the emergency contact for my mother. So if my mother becomes unable to live independently, I hope that woman is prepared to deal with all of that too.
Guess that's all for now, I am emotionally drained and am gonna go lay down. I'll be thinking and praying for you Shep and Holeinone tonight and tomorrow.
Sleep well & sweet dreams to all!
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I have an appt. on the 21st with Palliative Care and will discuss this situation with them as it relates to my Quality of Life.
Again, Good Night to all!
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Have a good week all
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Jazzy June. Vent on. So sorry your mom has treated you this way. She is supposed to be the one person you can count on for love and support. Darn. Really glad you can talk about it. Wish we could pick our family but no deal.
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I doing some better. Still no hip pain or nausea . Vomiting woohoo. Back pain is still either extreme or I am asleep from pain meds. Feeling hopeful for a continued change for the positive. I got an hour nap today and them fell asleep about 11 pm until 3am. Now wide awake. Guess it's thd opposite of the exhaustion I have been feeling for so long. Yea. I even floated in the pool about an hour today. It was perfect ! With the right mat I could lay comfortably with no pressure on back. That's impossible anywhere but the pool. By the time I get out , get dried, comb hair and get dressed the back pain is back full force but I enjoyed thd break while I had it.
Hugs all around. Hootie hoo
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Woke up to day 4 of a heat wave. Temps are going to be 90+. May see some rain tonight which will break the heat for a few days before temps of 90 or better will come back
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JunieB ~ Prayers for you for safe travels and good news from your Doc today. I'll peep in your pocket to check on you. Just to be clear - PEEP NOT PEE - Gaw! I don't want encourage you naughty thing 😋
Remember......
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That's funny!
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Sensi - Yikes! I am surely awake now!
For all the Owlies ~ Here's the view outside my living room window. A bright and rosey beginning to the new week💟
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M0mmy NO it is not 😲 Hope you stay cool today and that your sun burn is better!
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Lover, I am pretty sure my Vit. D. level was 38
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Sun burn is much better and so far the heat hasn't ramped up yet. Sure by 11 I'll be putting on the air conditioner
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heat is definitely here under a heat advisory today and tomorrow - triple digit temps. Boo. Gonna stay inside or in pool.
Hootie hoo
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Stay cool Patty!
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It is cool here today. You ladies east of us, you are probably getting our heat from last week. It can drain you. Stay cool.
Thanks, Hiho. Mine was still low (32) the last time we checked. One of my docs wants my level near 60. I am taking 5000u daily on most days. Can't seem to remember to take it daily. Wish your doc figure out soon how to attack the bone and lungs(?)mets.
Feline, hugs. So close to home again. I'm really sorry. As if our scars and complications from meds is not enough to remind us...
JuniieB, gosh your mum!! I can't imagine your pain. No mother is perfect, but wow! It's not natural also to treat your child the way your mom has been treating you. Mothers are supposed to protect, care for, encourage, and love her children . She has no love of God in her. Remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the One who loves you. It's amazing you turn out the opposite of your mum. Focus on your new relationship with your sister. Btw, like your green blanket. Hugs
ShepK, I saw that! Don't try to corrupt the newbie.
Ms. Chevy, did you notice that one of the firemen in the back does not have pants on. And you read my mind about seeing them in the stores.
Oops, got to go and make $. BBL
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Lover- not venturing out unless I have to. Sitting here in air conditioning
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Ha Ha Ha! Shep. You're so funny.
Today is just a post-op exam with ex-rays. Hip feels great. I've been behaving my self, well with the exception of the blue Pee thingy. Have a great day.What pretty roses!
Patty it must have been bliss to have the pain subside while floating in the pool. So grateful that you are not having the nausea. When I woke up from surgery I got hit with nausea and I remember telling the nurse that I'd rather have pain, than pain & nausea. So Yucky!
Sensi, I hope your Monday and the rest of the week go well for you. Say Hi to Chance please.
Good morning Miss Sassy, Chevy, Wren, Jazzygirl, Smaarty & JudyRN!
M0mmy, it is only in the 60's to 70's here, but quite humid. I was ironing a top this morning and still had the windows open, but started sweating, so closed the widows and turned A/C on.
Ok, off to the shower. Catch you ladies later.
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