INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Oh! Good Morning, and Happy Birthday littleDutch! My Dad's Birthday was today also! And I LOVE Dutch Irises also! I've planted a lot of bulbs!
They are smaller than the average Iris, and the leaves are prettier!
Yes, it's only 8 degrees here right now! And a LOT of snow on the ground....
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Mdn- welcome to the thread. You are getting good care and comfort from those around you, from the sounds of it. Let them help you all you need and get some rest.
The waiting for results is the hardest. I hope your pathology results come quickly so you know the next steps in your treatment. The ladies here seem to talk about everything and lots of owl pictures as many who post are insomniacs (myself too sometimes). Nice supportive group, people will help you here.
Dutchiris- I hope you don't have the flu. I know several who have had the shot this year and got it anyways. It is a really nasty year for the flu and it sounds like the shot is only 70% effective (ugh). There are other things going around too so you may have another bug. So sorry you have to be sick on your birthday, but wishing you a good one just the same!
Chevyboy- morning right back at cha!
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I took this picture a few years ago... Lacee is laying in the yard, with my common Iris...
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Good morning! Thank you for all the warm welcomes! Didn't sleep much last night and woke up with the tears starting once again. This can't be! How can one girl cry so much? I also woke up with a sore throat and cough. No fever, but not feeling so good. I tried to write a few things down last night, which did help...so thank you for that! xo
Didn't even dawn on me that my name would be too long...you can shorten it any way that works best.
Is there a way I can change it on my profile? Jazzygirl...I'm having a very hard time allowing others to help me. I know they care, and I feel very lucky to have such a great family and group of friends, but at the same time...as horrible as this may sound...I don't want to need their help. I have always been the one to care for others. I bake the cookies, send the flowers, wipe the tears, etc. I'm not used to and not really liking being the one who needs help. It's hard for me. I know I am somewhat of a newbie to all this, but why can't I stop crying? Oh dear, I'm not making a very good first impression here, am I? I'm so sorry.
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Morning owls! Have I been around long enought to say that? lolBlessings-I dont know how you do it...sounds like a lot of stuff to put together. But, I love the idea of putting stuff down for people to do. I find that to be very difficult, when people say "let me know if there is anything I can do", do you take them up on it...or is it just a go to that people use when they don't know what else to say? My life group at church as asked me several times, and I just plain don't like asking for help. Cancer has a way of pushing you out of that though
It's gotten very cold here this morning. I should have gone out yesterday to get stuff to make potato soup grrrr. Luvmgoats-got any wintry precip over there yet?
Happy Superbowl Ya'll
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Oh, I almost forgot...Happy Birthday, Dutchiris! There are plenty of parties going on today to help you celebrate!
Chevyboy...I had a double lumpectomy and lymph node dissection on Friday. I can take the bandages off later today or tomorrow, but I don't want to. Okay, that's not true. I do want to, but I'm afraid to what I might see when they do come off. Hubby wants to help me, but I honestly just want to be alone.
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mdnghtdeb3-You do what you are comfortable with, if you want to be alone I'm sure dh will understand. ((hugs))0 -
Oh, I like all irises but those are my favorite colors. I have some common irises in my backyard as well. Lacee looks happy.
Jazzy, I hope whatever I have is short-lived. I'm on call for work today. I'll have to take something in a bit.
Mdn, welcome and sorry you feel down. waiting is hard. We have little to no control over what is happening to us. It's stressful but one step at a time and we will get through it.
Good morning, Alyson. Or is it Good night for you? Raw asparagus, really? I think that may have been another thread. I read several threads and then can't remember where I read this or that.
Blessings, I'm not good with words so I could never write a eulogy our anything like it. What a great thing that there are people like you who can help us honor the memory of our loved ones.
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Mdn- I totally understand where you are coming from. We are very much alike, in that I have always been the one to help others. I came from a family that always expected me to do for them, rarely got much support in return. Therefore, I have become a very self sufficient woman in my adulthood. It too was very hard for me to accept help when my health changed, but I found I really had to. It is okay to let others help you, a sign of strength and not weakness.
Here is what might be helpful. You are probably used to being pretty independent and suddenly now you are not. For those helping me, I asked for help with the things I knew I could not do on my own. Rides to places when I needed them, someone to take me out to do grocery shopping or run other errands. My sister set up a cleaning service for me because I live alone and could not do that much for awhile. It allowed me to feel a bit better about things. I took care of my finances, bill paying, etc. The things I could do that did not require much moving around!
Your tears are a very normal part of this process. From the moment you get diagnosed to the time you get into surgery, things move very quickly. There is no time to think, react, or cope. That was my experience, I just become numb and then just got through it. But the tears come later and they still come from for me time to time too. I think we all go through a sort of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with this.
You are not alone. But if you feel it is too much and does not get better in awhile, tell your doctors during follow up so they can help you. Sometime we need sleeping aids, anti-depressants, etc. for awhile as we go through treatment.
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Lots of nice folks here to help and listen.
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Mdn- I also had a double lumpectomy. Things will look a bit scary at first, but if you saw my breasts now 14 months post surgery, you would hardly know anything about what I have been through. PM me if you need a friend to talk about things with privately too, since we have had a similar surgery.
If you are nervous about your husband being there as you take the bandages off, is there a close and trusted woman friend or family member around to help you? Women are just a bit better with this stuff. We are just used to the hard stuff between childbirth, elder care, and the rest that goes on in life.
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Good Morning to all...it's been busy, I like that !
mdmghtdeb, I hit the wall last Nov. this crazy bunch of women, picked me up, dusted me off, and I have been laughing ever since. We all need to be able to speak truthfully about all this crap that is happening to us, and family & friends are wonderful, but they don't get it, because they are not living through it. None of the treatments are easy but we do muddle through it. Welcome to the best support group !
I am forcing myself to join my Sunday morning walking group...brrr... I have a really sore boob, the skin does not itch as much but deep pain in the tissue...Normal right ? 28 zaps.....
Be back later....
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It's just me, four pages late as usual. I'm a lot of things and one of the biggest is how predictable that I will be late here. Hope you all have a great Super Bowl Sunday
Lilli
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Happy Groundhog Day! Are we in for six more weeks of winter? This is the 4th anniv of bmx. Welcome midnightDeb to a great group you never wanted to join. It does get easier with tincture of time.
Surgery and chemo may have been harder for DH to watch me get through, than it was for me to get through it. Not that it was easy! But he's been a rock through the whole thing and is so grateful to have me here, it warms my heart. He called me last month when NPR had a program about the Scar Project. He was nearly in tears and said some lovely things I won't forget. http://www.thescarproject.org/
Blessings, it was exactly that oh boy Christmas morning look! He should've sent the doc flowers.
Chevy, thanks for video, always like to see a live version. What a fun job Jimmy Buffett has.
Happy Birthday Sharon! One of the best things about living in WI is watching it green up in the spring. I also love iris (and tulips, and peonies, and lilies, and lilacs ...) and can't wait for the snow crocus to come up 'cuz then the spring flower fashion show will begin.
L&H&P's to all ♥
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Badger- wow that is one powerful link. The reality of breast cancer and what remains. I had not heard about that site (although I am huge fan of NPR), so thanks for sharing that. I also like the motto "breast cancer is not a pink ribbon."
I still take many days one day at a time and don't sweat the small stuff anymore.
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OMG there is so many things going on her--mostly nothing important, bu a few are
It's Dutches BD right-or someones BD well a very Happy Birthday to you.
Chevy I'm up but not awake yet--went to sleep late last nite for no reason except I couldn't sleep, I told u I'm still being gentle with u so I'm not starting nythin up with u.
Welcome Deb, so sorry u'r here but this is a great group, and so helpful u will never be sorry for being here. Please don't think u'r odd, cuz everything sounds about right and waiting to find out exactly what's going on is so difficult so however u feel just go with it, it will get better in time. And Jazzy is really great to tlk to, in fact she just great. And ask away, u know who u can really ask for help and learn how to do it, it's time and u'r husband sounds great, but u do whatever is comfortable it's not so bad--U'll be glad u'r here, not cuz u have cancer but cuz of this horrid disease needs lots of help.
So it's cold her again, we had more snow and less going out.--Oh it's pain med time--My excitement for the day--and I already took a phone call for work--this 7 days a week is just plain unsettling for me--I've never been a 7 day aweek person for anything (shut up Chevy) OK I'll
BBL xxxoooxxx
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Omg! Jazzygirl...you hit it right on the button! I think I feel like needing others is a sign of weakness (hope I'm not offending anyone...I don't mean to) I realize in my head it's not, but for me, it's hard to allow others in to see that side of me. I really have always been the one they all turn to for just about everything. Feeling like they no longer see me that way is hard. Yes, I am very independent...kinda take pride in doing things myself. I will try and take your advice and let them do little things like shopping, etc. How nice of your sister to set up a cleaning service! That's awesome!
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone and that these tears are a normal part of the process. I do wish they would stop though.
Can I ask you something...is it normal for me to be nervous about my husband being there with me when the bandages come off? I mean, we have been married a very long time. He tells me he doesn't love me for my breasts, but it's still scary. Yes, I do have a close friend who has offered to come by tomorrow and help me if I want her to. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but you are right...women just get it!
Thank you for offering to let me PM you...I will have to look around on here to see how to do that!
I'm sorry again for sounding so down and as if I am having this little pity party, but these emotions are all so new to me.
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Thank you all.
Badger, last spring I was post was just post op from the right lung wedge resection for a lung nodule that turned out to be benign. I had chemo all through the spring. BMX last June and radiation from mid July until early September. I worked full time through all that except 5 weeks off after each of the two surgeries and one day off after each chemo treatment. I feel like I missed spring and summer last year.
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Badger, you are so right...I never did want to join this group. I'm sure none of you did, but thank you for the warm welcome and making me feel as if I have a ton of friends with lots of love and hugs to offer a complete stranger.
It's overwhelming yet comforting to know how many wonderful women are here to help a newbie get through the beginning stages of acceptance and understanding. Honestly, I have never joined a discussion group/forum of any sort. So again, please forgive me if I make mistakes. I will get the hang of this. (oh dear...here come the tears...again!)
I do appreciate all of warm welcomes, advice and hugs! Thanks everyone! xo
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Jazzy, click on the Images tab and there's a slide show that gets me every time. There are new images since last time I visited, including one with a woman wearing an LE sleve.
edit to add link for new page: http://www.thescarproject.org/
midnightDeb, it's perfectly normal to be nervous for your DH to be there when the bandages come off. I wanted mine there so there was no mystery. He's kind of a weenie when it comes to medical stuff so he thought holy chit my wife is amazing, and it brought out his compassion and fear. People told me later, he got really quiet at work and didn't talk about it at all. That said, it's always a comfort having a friend there, and yes women get it. ♥
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Sharon, it was like that for me the spring of 2010. Makes me appreciate spring all the more.
OK gotta go do some prelim work on Jan books then start on supper. Making meatloaf with organic local grass-fed beef, with bits of sauteed crimini mushrooms, scallions & garlic. Sure would like some fresh tomato but not in season so will do without. Mashed yukon gold potatoes, roasted brussels sprouts, and kale salad. mmm
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MidnightDeb I don't come here as much as I probably should and am chiming in fairly late, but was reading your post entries. Made me think.....if you can't or don't feel a little PITY for yourself ( richly deserved I might add ) no one else will either. Not to sound harsh and un-caring either, but this is one time to let our personal abilities for heroics in caring for everyone else, plus ourselves fly right out the window for awhile. I ( most of the time anyway ) put on my stiff upper lip and didn't dream of asking for help. I deeply regret it. My house still suffers from the almost two years of mostly neglect.
Since life tends to keep a few lemons coming ( though hopefully interspersed well ) I'm still not where I think I ought to be, and don't know when I will be and this all started back in 2007 ( very late that yr. ) I'm less concerned now about it all but this is like nothing else so if someone offers a helping hand....take it. If there are things you "feel" you could fairly easily accept some help with...please let it be known. This is a time to take time out for you. If someone will help you do that --- please let them. You need to conserve your strength and grit for a fairly big fight. I'm rooting for you. Hang in there.....and CRY when YOU need to as it will wash away some cobwebs and help you feel a bit more in charge of the job ahead.
Blessings,
Lilli
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Ohmygosh - you guys are gonna make me late for church!!!!
BBL...
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Mdn- ladies here are giving you some additional good advice. I am not with a man at this time in my life, so I did not have to deal with showing anything to the opposite sex, but do understand your anxiety there. Some 14 months later, I would be very self conscious if and when I am intimate with someone again. I also realize I can get past it though with the right person!
My female friends saw a lot of my incisions after both breast surgery and abdominal surgery the same year. At one point, I had five incisions on my body and looked like I ran into Jack the Ripper. I had a very hard time looking at myself in the mirror for a long time. But none of them reacted, and none of the ones that saw those incisions ran away. Your women friends will help you for sure, women are just good like that!
Badger- I did look at the slide show. How brave those women are to share that with the world. I think it will help people to better understand all we deal with going through this. It is hard to understand when things are covered up. I like it because it is the truth and reality of breast cancer, not some of the other propaganda people put out there to feel better about the whole thing.
I think the whole pink ribbon thing, breast cancer walks, etc. are fine, but think people need to be more educated so they don't run away from us or just expect us to go back to the way we were before all this began.
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Badger - I think you made the right choice having your DH there to help with the bandages, especially if he is like you said, "a weenie when it comes to medical stuff." I am sure he is amazed by your strength. My DH happens to be a FF/Paramedic, so he is used to seeing just about everything. Although, my best guess...when it comes to me, his training and experience will go right out the window.
Lilli - You don't sound harsh at all. I appreciate all the input and plan to take bits and pieces of everyone's suggestions and experiences. I don't quite remember how I found this site, but with each passing moment, I am so glad I did! xo
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mdmghtdeb, I think of this group as being my hideaway, it's unconditional. We don't always say the "perfect" thing, we sometimes are needy, or too personal...sex, drugs & rock n' roll...lol..but we support other.
We have 2, maybe more retired nurses...they are a wealth of knowledge.. We all have had to face this bitch of a disease. I am like you, very hard for me to accept help. My DH did not like it when people brought food over, during chemo, I struggled to eat & food & nutrition became an issue. Did not see that coming...but my point being is that it is not easy for us and it is hard on your family also. My poor son took it the hardest, he is 30. I was stoic and tough through surgery & chemo, it all came crashing down during radiation. Finally asked for some happy pills, 6 months into it. I'm slow...lol...
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Deb I ditto Lilly--she always is our level headed one.
Oh I think u'r right tho u'r DH (Dear Husband) has seen it all---this is u now so it might be a mixed bag of emotions. I'm sure u've talked about it with him and can get a real feel on how he can handle all of this.This is the time u open up, this is the time u admit u'r not superwoman and accept whatever can help u. Anrest when u need to and always drink lots of water. And remember and never forget I am the worst typist here and I've been typing for more yrs than I can count. So just don't forget that.
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Sassie...you need to take care of yourself, you are so helpful to us, let us be helpful to you...!!!
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Cami, are you watching the game with Joey?
Sas is going to a neighborhood party, anyone else? I am happy to be party-less, see Cami, I can make up words too...wait maybe that is a real word...
I walked 5 miles (round trip) to Sunday breakfast, my walking group of 9 years...started to support my friend with bc. She is also a nurse.
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